Am I wasting my time?

I just remembered, when it was me, my ex posted a short video clip of her with a new hair color. She is a brunette and suddenly went blonde. She looked so happy and sounded so cheerful in the video that I just knew it was an attempt to get my attention and make me say something. I knew that because it was so out of character for her. I didn’t say anything and a couple weeks later she contacted me. If you see something that just doesn’t fit, you should recognize it for what it is, an attempt to get your attention and to get you chasing again.

That is right. We can’t reason our way out of a breakup. We have all tried and it failed every time. Any attempts will only set you back. Whereas no attempts to contact her show security and confidence in you. That is very attractive.

It will take time for any hurt, anger and mostly determination to stick with her decision to change. You are on the right track. Keep focusing on yourself and remember if she does something drastic out of the blue, like block you, don’t read into it too much. It’s just her really struggling to stick with her decision and trying to remove all temptations. It can actually be a good sign if she does that for no reason.

Remember what I said about rebound relationships? They will actually bring her back to you. She is only going to compare him to you and he won’t measure up. But, this is another reason why you should unfriend her before things like that happen or she unfriends you first.

Don’t worry about the event. If she is going to get into a rebound, she doesn’t need an event for that. And, no you should not be there, so don’t go for any reason. The fact that you won’t be there is also good. She is going to be thinking about that and wishing you were there. You want her to feel your absence.

She is still very much feeling that connection to you too. Rebound relationships, ignoring you and other behavior are simply attempts to try to cover up her real feelings and avoid the consequences of breaking up with you. If you stay no contact and keep that air of mystery and confidence around you, she is going to miss you and will struggle to stick with it. She is watching your profile every day. She is thinking about you all the time. Yes I am sure. She would have to be unless she is a sociopath. You were together for 3 years.

First, I am not sure, but it kind of sounds like you said you wished her luck for her event today. I hope you didn’t do that. It’s not the most damaging if you did, but it means you broke no contact and gave her the message that you are still on her hook and still thinking of her.

All of our Exes mentally leave the relationship before they physically leave it. Like I said before, nobody just wakes up one day and decides to break up. It took time for them to first get to that frame of mind and then more time to mentally checkout. Then a little more time to decide life will be better without you, before actually experiencing life without you.

This is why we go no contact and let them experience life without us. If we keep our presence in the background, we are not fully letting them experience that. They will never get a chance to miss us and therefore can slowly ween themselves off us without ever really feeling the consequences of the breakup. When they ween themselves off us, they are gone for good. That is why full no contact, living our lives and portraying a happy image of ourselves is the best way if not only way to get our ex back.

You are doing very good and the strength and confidence you are displaying is noticeable. You should be proud of yourself. What you are doing is not easy. Our emotions try to overpower our rational mind and convince us to do something different. It takes a strong person to ignore the powerful emotions and stay on track.

You are right, there are other girls out there. That is the real point of no contact, so you can find yourself again and start feeling like yourself again. So you are not just attractive to your ex, but to other women as well (bonus, that will drive your ex crazy and make her chase you. The competition, whether real or imagined)

Right now you are in a state of grief and one of the stages of grief is negotiation. So you will likely go back and forth on different positions. Like today you said you don’t think she is coming back, tomorrow you might think something different. You will be on an emotional roller coaster for awhile. Sometimes you will be mad at her and want to contact her just to yell at her. Sometimes you will feel sympathy for her and want to comfort her. Sometimes you might blame yourself and want to apologize. No contact helps you get past this emotional roller coaster phase and to a more balanced state of mind.

Anytime you are feeling that overwhelming urge to contact her, whether to express your anger, sadness, sympathy or guilt, it might help to remind yourself that you will probably feel differently tomorrow and anything you say now you will regret then.

There were times when I would be thinking about my ex and just start fuming. I would decide I am just going to text her right now and tell her that I am done with her, GOODBYE! But I had to stop myself and remind myself that tomorrow I am going to wish I could take that back. Staying no contact got her to eventually reach out to me. When that happens to you, you might decide you don’t want her back anymore, but at least you have the option to decide.