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yeah so i took a chance and met with him in a public place for an hour or so. It was very uncomfortable and he kept making mean comments to me. So I think its time for more space.
you are right, of course. I do struggle with what to do. My brain tells me to run run run. But there are parts of me that really miss the fun times. I just dont know if it is worth it. I just really dont know.
We texted a bit tonight. He said he reall missed hanging out with me, and was trying to talk me into driving 4 hours to go to a concert tomorrow. I told him I didnt think that hanging out for the first time for 8 hours in the car sounded like a great idea. I told him I missed our good times, and that we had a great summer. he agreed and said that he still had all of the pictures on his phone.
Id like to believe that he is sincere, but it is super hard for me to trust people in general and he messed that up already once. So. Baby steps. we will see how it goes.
So I am still around – I’m just chilling and waiting. pretty much all i can do with most of my life right now. After the initial contact, I went out with my friends, he had his new lady over until late – I know this unfortunately because I had to drive by his house. Normally I take a different route but there was stupid construction. Anyway, I didnt care that much that she was there, although I did still care some – I wont deny that. The next day he texted me “holy hangover!” And I kept my response short with “that will happen.” Then he sent me something about how breakfast helped, and then a little while later a dumb meme. I sent a laughy face. Then the next day I sent him a picture of something that reminded me of him and his son, and told him so. He replied that he loved it. Nothing since from either of us.
I am still working on my own issues, so I am not pushing this super hard. Especially since he is seeing someone else – I have more self worth than all that. I did run across some of his things that he probably will want, so at some point I have a reason to make contact. I just dont know if I will do that soon, or just wait to see if I hear from him again.
Every day gets easier, and I am 100% certain I can live with him, and 90% sure I am actually better off. Now if I can just kick that remaining 10%….
Oh it’s a group of us celebrating a guys birthday. Although mom taxi is totally getting in the way of that! I appreciate your input. And I will take it into consideration!
So I kept it light, lots of time between answers. In response to his question about how I am, I said “super busy at work. Remember in the spring when I had lots of time to visit?” His response was that his work was slow. I said maybe it will pick up after election. He said he hoped so. Then an hour later he asked what I was doing tonight. I have plans, the first part is being a mom taxi. I was busy doing that when he apparently got tired of waiting for a response and told me where he would be and what he would be doing. I just rolled my eyes as I typed that.
Anyway, I explained that I was busy driving (nicely) and that I had plans with a friend later (which I do) and he said ok, have fun. I said “you too.” and I am leaving it at that for the time being.
Side note… I had just blocked him on fb two days ago. To help me not think about everything.
I’d really like to believe that rather than what I’ve been thinking as if late. Because two of the things I love about myself is that I think positive and see good in everyone. I did respond that I was glad to hear it and that hopefully things will be better for everyone now. He know wants to know how I am.
Sorry for the play by play…. This is just difficult!
I’m glad he is happy, I don’t know why he is compelled to tell me after treating me so badly and then a month of silence. (Thankful for the month, btw … It’s been good for me)
I can’t help but question his motives. But I will probably respond something. I don’t think I am in a place to rekindle this thing but I feel I ought to at least be kind. Because that’s who I am.
Thank you for checking in. I am doing ok… I know I have to let go because my brain tells me to pursue the relationship is a horrible idea. I have been working pretty hard on realizing again that I am a good person. Sure, I have issues but I am willing to recognize them and work on them. I think the other half in this equation is not as willing. So I am doing my best to forget about him and just work in me. Not so easy some days, but I am getting there.
The important part for me to remember is that his lack of remorse and disregard for my feelings are not a reflection on my character.
do you know what sucks? that despite all the stupid crap, i love the guy .. the guy he was before everything went down. and in the last two weeks have had six.. six dudes throw themselves at me, So i know i am worthy. what is it about this one dude that made me all wonky eyed?
How are you doing, Malinda?
And Yeah, I guess I loved him too. Not sure what he felt was real love – maybe in his own weird way, as much as he is capable of feeling. I think he is just like a racoon… chasing after something shiny all of the time.oh no, it was perfect. I can understand your confusion! I wonder if he is going through a thing. What that thing might be, I couldnt guess. I wish I had better advice for you – all I can say is to use the time to understand yourself better – see if you can figure out why you react the way he didnt like – was it really out of line? If it was, what in you caused you to react that way? I know I sometimes do things without even knowing I do them until someone points them out. and I am absolutely willing to make an effort to change. But change takes love and support most of the time. And a LOT of self reflection.
