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It sure does. I am struggling a bit this morning myself. Even though I feel that my breakup is for the better, I still have moments where I am incredibly sad for the loss, mad at the way I was treated, etc. We had such good times in the beginning. I wish it were different.
But I just keep reminding me that I am a good person. That although I am not perfect, I was always willing to accept my parts and try to work on them given the chance. He made the choice to give up, and that has no reflection on my character. It is a weakness on his part. I tried… So did you.
Don’t give up hope just yet. Unless your relationship was abusive and dysfunctional,therr is always a chance.
Do you want to share what kind of problems you had before the breakup? Like how did he treat you, what things were said and done? Any past problems over the years?
It wont be useless if you use the tie wisely. Take some time to learn things about yourself. Meditate, exercise… all the things they say to do actually DO help! Since I stopped talking to mine, I started writing all of the things down that I would say… everything. Even the honest things about him, and myself. It has been very helpful.
trust me, she wont forget about you – ever! when the two weeks is up, just contact her, tell her you did some thinking and can understand where she is coming from . Let her know that you support her and would like stay in contact because even when she was your girlfriend, she was also your friend. And let her know how much her friendship means to you.
FishingTheSky: I am friends with my exhusband, but we were together for a very long time and had a fairly easy divorce. Although it is getting a little complicated now, but we will still stay friends. Not close friends, but able to converse and handle the things that need handled. We have two children, and property and a few other shared assets that we cant quite get wrapped up. But the point is, in this situation, being friends is a MUST.
MrsWB – oh yeah he did. But I wasn’t having it because 99% of his friends are girls who I suspect are also exs. I’m not being part of that harem. No, no. NO.
I’ll have to tell you about the one before this guy and how I ended up getting arrested for him. It is a horrible, embarrassing story! I am a silly woman, for sure. Time to learn how not to do this anymore.
You are about at the same point I was when I first started posting here. I think it is to soon to make any decision on the future of your relationship right now. Way too soon to say cut your losses and run, I think.
If you can, take a step back and just reflect. I know I had to do a lot of thinking about what I did to fuel the fire, and how his actions contributed. I really had a hard time wrapping my brain around how what I viewed as a pretty fun, rewarding relationship suddenly fell apart. I kept a document of all my thoughts – ALL of them. There are things I would do differently, but in my situation I think the outcome would have ultimately been the same.
The thing is, you cant think clearly until you remove yourself from the situation a little. Emotions get in the way.
It will be ok! Actually it will help your cause because it is one more thing for him to miss about you – to distance himself from whatever bad things he has in his mind about the relationship. The steps say that the less interaction you have, the more they miss you. So instead of looking at it as a loss, maybe look at it as an opportunity for him to clear his head?
Actually, MrsWB,I think we have very similar opinions! I chose not to be friendzoned in two situations because I felt that it wouldnt allow me to move on, AND they had a safety net. They get to keep me in their life for every day wonderfulness but they have the freedom to date other people while I watch. Then when everything falls apart, I am still there – waiting. Naw, I will pass.
But I really don’t think it is always like this. I think for some people, it probably works!
It could be that she cares so much for you that she wants to do everything she can to make sure things work out… And changing the current status of the relationship is her way of doing that. Maybe don’t view it as over, but as a new definition of your relationship. In some cases, I think friend zone is a bad idea. But in your case, it may actually be worth the risk in the long run.
haha yeah, it does seem fast. But there is so much evidence of weird things that I just have to trust my instincts.
I should have the very first date… it went horribly and I left saying “no way, there is too much drama there.” ha! Silly me!
Oh, in case you haven’t figured it out, I am not planning on rekindling this relationship. Funny how a few days of distance can clear the mind. I still have to get through next saturday, however.
well, I feel less angry right now – oddly at peace. I listened to a bunch of podcasts today about narcissism that rang totally true. I am not saying he is for sure one, but… pretty sure. My father is one, but one of the ugly kind and I cut him off years ago. My ex husband may have been one too in an odd sort of way – so based on my history it would make sense that this guy would be too since they tend to gravitate towards people like me who only have self worth when making someone else feel good (that is not all true actually, I do have a lot of self worth)
Also, found out this new (previous?) girl has 4 kids without fathers as they are in prison or some such thing and she has been arrested several times for meth and having her kids around it.
SO! I don’t know what the deal is, but this is so completely opposite of me – little me who has hardly ever been in trouble, doesn’t do any drugs and barely speeds. I have several degrees and a job working for the state. (record store is my weekend job). I guess I didn’t know what type of women he was into when we started dating and really not sure why he was with me in the first place. I must have been SO BORING!!!
I am not sad about being boring, by the way. I like having a job, paying my bills, staying out of jail, etc.
Hi Malinda,
I understand where you are coming from. I initially came here with the intention of working the 30 day no contact and then trying to get back together. However, I am now in a different place and it has only been a short time of NC. I am 99.9% sure I do not want him back now.At any rate, I hope posting helps you through the moving on process – I will try to check in with you from time to time!
