Finntoga

Cantsun what can I do?

I mean he does not know what he wants right now at all. And you do not know what he is going through at the moment so don’t make assumptions about that. If your behavior was escalating prior the time of break email it could be simply that he was feeling fed up. Because if I was recipient of that kind of treatment I would cool it off because it is invasive and maybe bit scary too if someone bombards you constantly with messages so therefore I would have not told either. When he send his email he was at work right. Both of you are right now in a situation that you absolutely should not be together like dragongirl said you need to concentrate on YOU and not him.Right now essential is not does he really want the break up or not. What he needs is space and to see that you are not clingy and needy that you can be strong and manage on your own. If you instead contact him you show the opposite and he will run a mile at this moment. You talk about not liking to lose control but in relationships you cannot ever control the other person if you do that is not a healthy relationship. The only thing you can ever control is you and your own actions.

You can do what you want but then you take responsibility as well if that pushes him further away. It is very bad idea to contact him but you are the master of your own life so decision is all yours. We all have bad days but you need to stay strong if you seriously want this relationship to work long term.

I dont believe he knows anything right now just like you don’t. You are smart and all you need is to just focus your thoughts differently and forgive yourself too not just others. We all mess up. I am glad you said he wants to be strong and I think that is just the problem. He wants to protect you by being strong and keeping his worries to himself and you want him to share and when he does not jump into a wrong conclusion.it is good you said to him that you want him to share but you cannot force it and it is slow process for him to learn to trust you as well. I mean he is not used to it so it is not so easy and you want him to comfort you and hold you when things are rough and that is what you need to communicate to each other but after a while once you see how things are when the nc is over. If you try to push it now he is not ready to hear things like that and neither are you ready to act on that way. Nothing is hopeless yet so hold on to some hope and to fact that he loved your awesome sides which you have many and no one is perfect and can be perfect but you can work on the things that are an issue like self doubt, confidence and listening to other person and communicating with them instead of building worst case scenarios in your head. Because those are sometimes bit like proclaim and leas you to do the things that will lead to the worst case scenario. So instead thinking all the worst things try little little thinking of some positive options as well.

Read what you are saying I want to know does he miss me, does he want me, do we have a chance? Where is the part of how is he doing? Is he hurt?Did I hurt him? Remember time is needed for both he propably cannot answer those questions at the moment for many reasons so to be honest time is only thing for both of you and will show if you get back together those answers are not here now nor will they be Your friends cannot say that I cannot say that if we did we would be lying because none of us knows. I know it is not what you want to hear but I am not going to lie to you.This is the situation and you re the one who chooses the next steps for you.

maybe his email masked some of the anger because he does not want to hurt you intentionally which would speak volumes about his feelings but think about it your expectations are too much is dome would text me like 10-15 times every day and I have one full time job, one part time and I am balancing a child and relationship etc. Last thing you need is to get bombarded. He was with you because he wanted and you are worth being loved like all of us. You are no better nor worse than anyone else. You are good enough and you working on stuff which is great. But really? 50 messages and hen followed by 10-15 per day?? People cannot always answer immediately and you should not expect that.It does not mean he is getting ready to leave you. maybe he was going to tell you about his phone breaking but after the messaging or emails I would not have either because I would have been angry too if I am honest. It seems you are very impulsive and jump on the first feeling you get and then act without thinking it through and not putting yourself in his position. I can say something I work full time and study part time and that is rough and I equal having two jobs to that so did you ever ask him is he tired? How long will he work two jobs? Does he have money issues? Etc.I mean he has student loan and I am assuming he also pays some maintenance for his child so money could be tight why else would he work two jobs? You need to work on issues one at the time this is not a race that you need to finish by end of this week or next. You mentioned therapist have you spoken to her/him about self esteem issues and trust issues? Maybe that would help seeing a professional who can provide tools and steps you could take? I dont know I am not really an expert.

You are reading things into a situation you don’t know about. Maybe he was just busy with work and since he was also short on money as he was only able to pay student loan and not sort the phone, money stuff and lack of it to pay bills is stressful and people are not always comfortable talking about money even with their girlfriend sometimes people just need to stew and think about stuff and they will talk when they are ready but you did not give him the chance even in relationship people sometimes need space to figure their stuff out before they talk about it. If he said he would not let your relationship dissipate without saying so then why don’t you believe him. You said earlier he was honest about stuff so why would he lie about that? The thing is you jumped immediately when you did not get response and assumed worst case scenario when it could have been multiple things that were keeping him pre occupied like money situation, work issues etc, and he has a child as well so ….give him some credit if he is the guy you described he is? Only you know him.

He stayed with you because he loves you, but everyone has that breaking point when it gets too much and that is what happened here. So the positive he loves you, negative is the bad patterns. So if you work on the ones you are causing you have a chance and if not then it still is good thing because in net relationship you would not repeat them either. But start with one step and focus on. Remember that none of your feelings are bad thing, you are human and it is okay to feel what you feel.I actually read this pretty good article about happiness. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/10/un-international-day-of-happiness-makes-me-miserable

Journal, emails what ever works and helps you is a good idea. You should remember that this is about you loving you and knowing that you like everyone else at times struggles with issues but you want to work on those and that is great. How to suggest meeting is also something you can think about, you are your third day of NC so you dont need to have all the answers now. You have time to figure it out. Regarding self esteem think about anything in your past situations that have made you loose the self esteem because it is clear that you have also had it. And not trusting anyone what caused it? Something happened sometimes that made it happen? That is why you should do stuff that makes you feel good, fabulous and confident. Feeling of achievement is something that can make you self confident. I lost my confidence once and I took time out I was working in a very high position crazy hours and was so overworked that I lost my self belief that I am good at what I do and that for me was like small death I got depressed. So I knew I either do something or lose myself and I took a step so resign my job, retreat back to my hometown, found a job there and figured out who I was again. And I found me I am not saying that you should do so drastic steps as I did but just taking time to figure out who you are, what you really want for you and what kind of person you want to be and why dont you trust people. I mean I have been hurt and people have lied to me and for any years I was cautious to open up in relationship always kept something to myself and that was the reason my relationships failed. Until learned to open even though it was scary. The only thing you can do is to give your trust to person and if they break it shame on them, in that case you did nothing wrong and yes it hurts but it should not mean that you dont trust anyone after that so figure out what happened that made you loose trust in all others and work on dealing with that because it is baggage like that can make up mess up relationships. I know I sure have with y fear of being lied to and left until no longer because I know I cannot force anyone to be with me, I cannot make people love me or stay with me unless they want to and more importantly I cannot control other peoples actions but only my own reaction to them and first think then act. I use to be quite the opposite so you can break these patterns it just takes time and you deserve loving and happy relationship where you both give and take and if you say he is the man to do it with then you have a goal to work on. First deal with those fears and negative patterns, then get your confidence back and how could he not find you attractive and someone he wants to be with again and this time make it work an long lasting.