Finntoga

Well you both did wrong things so please dont blame yourself, you know what you did to contribute to current situation and that is the part you can work on. But it was a jerk thing from him not to let you know about his phone and being out of reach because he knows things like that does worry you and make you anxious so it does feel bit like both of you know what is the thing that presses negatively the other persons button and you still do it bit like chain reaction. All the things you feel are normal at this stage it is early days of nc so the best you can do is just keep trying to work on those negative thoughts and little by little it will change and you will have better moments too. Just keep writing here or that diary to make sure you have an outlet for the negative feelings like what you are feeling now. You are doing good with staying out of fb page etc so feel good about that and when you feel those negative feelings about will he move on or is it over for good remember nothing is set in stone yet, future is open and full of possibilities and if you keep open mind you dont know what wonderful things are there ahead so try when those really bad thoughts come to focus on that. What you are feeling now is only this moment tomorrow is different day and can bring something else like a moment when you laugh or feel better for five minutes when you dont think about him.

@Cantsum her stress propably speed up her reaction to breaking up but there is always something that pushes person to the limit where they say the words so I agree with dragongirl that she had been having those thoughts what was causing them only she knows it could have been stress and depression etc so only she can say something to that but the thoughts were there. That embarrassing incident and your words suggesting break was just the sraw that broke camels back I think.

Well they say patience is a virtue; ) Though not mine personally. lol. What about thinking that it actually is a good thing is he does not contact you during nc. Because that would mean he is not taking time to deal with his stuff. And to be honest if he contacts you during then you would just slide back to the old thing because this is very short time at the end of the day, right now it feels very long for you but in reality it is very short time and you need to take time to just focus on you. And in the first couple of weeks of nc you dont that enough cos hurt, sadness, missing etc is too close the to break up so it is not a bad thing. And if he does then you need to thing seriously what you will do because just getting back together like that would be mistake and would not work but before you go there or even will he contact you? more realistic way of thinking is how will I be best me regardless what he does (contact or no contact), how can I make sure I am confident in my own skin and how do I continue working with the my issues to be stronger person and knowing my own value as great person. being with him does not define you as person nor does it define can you be happy. You can in time be happy without him too. I mean if you think about your relationship honestly how much of the time did you spend agonizing what he is thinking, doing or will he leave you or having blow out? And how many of the times you were together were you just happy and carefree. Like dragongirl said sometimes love is not enough if the other pieces do not fit and since neither of you were in right frame of mind it does not matter how much passion and love there is because those other issues will separate you if you dont work on them constantly and that means no threats, no constant pointing out the other persons mistakes and accepting the other as they are i.e the fact that you need lots of hugs and comforting and that he does not like to share his worries or talk about when something bothers him. If you go into relationship with someone and after the initial loved up period people start going I want him to do this or I want her to do that, it is not going to work very well. We all have sides that annoy other person or we do things that annoy each other but you have to learn to accept those differences and if they are not the kind you can accept then you are not going to work out on the long rung. So ask yourself what are the things you need from your partner. Not from this man you love but in general what are your needs? What are you willing to compromise on and what boundaries cannot be broken? And once you decide what are those things, then think what your ex is like and how well does he fir into that keeping in mind that you cannot control nor change the other person. You can only change you. This is just and idea for you, different way to think but keep in mind what I write here is to support you, but I am no guru of answers so all I am giving you is my opinion : ). And now I am off to bed, I hope your day tomorrow is better and you feel more positive because you deserve that, you are nice person to talk to and very open minded to others thoughts.

Spot on Dragongirl. You said it perfectly.

Women are funny at times with these signs. I used to be like that too that I thought I was giving clear signal until one of my ex’s said that is not case and my last relationship I made sure to explain why I got mad or irritated etc in clear terms. I wish we were not such complicated wonderful creatures but we are. She has been giving signs but I dont think this is about lack of caring in anyway at all nor lack of love, maybe she just can’t do it right now due to other stuff. I mean it could be other reasons too since I don’t know her I cannot say for sure but based on what you told, what I am going through with exams etc it is possible. I mean if it was something wrong between you two I would have thought she would said so rather than saying about signs to me it is her needing time and space to deal with things she has going on.

I don’t mean coming and going like literally out of the relationship but more like in her mind she probably has so much on that she might not be sure how much she can cope with and if you feel down on top of it (I am lucky I am not depressed on top of the stress I am under now) I dont know. And it is possible she in her mind have given signs problem with some of us women is that we think we are giving clear hints but they are not clear to a man when in reality we should just say if something is wrong straight out and clearly.
I had sex with my ex on the day we broke up, I knew he was ending it though he did not say so at that moment on the contrary he spoke how much he wanted but I just felt it was coming and I still did it.

Like I said she just could have felt it was all too much for her at that moment.

So if your mutual friends have not said anything about it maybe it means she has not talked about it? I don’t think you should yet worry about the fact she has not contacted you. Maybe with all the emotional stuff, stress, exams etc. she has put herself tight spot and maybe she feels right now she cannot cope, even when relationships are good or great they take effort and time too and if she is feeling depressed,, stressed and worried about her exams she might feel there is not enough to give to others I dont know since I dont know her but it is possible. It is smart to give her until her exams and let her have couple days after as well to clear her head and then contact her if by then she has not contacted you.

I mean let me know how can I help you?