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I’m not exactly sure if my ex is in a rebound or not. I’m confident that it doesn’t matter if she is or not. I know her better than any rebound will ever know her at this point, so I’m not overly concerned. Once you regain attraction with someone it doesn’t matter who they’re with at the moment, they’ll be thinking more about you than their rebound.
After the 30 days NC, start by sending one light hearted fun message per week to your ex until they respond positively. Something simple that reminded you of them. Once they respond positively than you can bump it up to 2-3 light hearted messages per week. After those go positively than you can mix in a positive memory message.
My initial few contacts with her were regarding videogames, tv shows, etc that she was interested in. Light, fun topics that I knew she was into. I would mention that I was playing or watching one of them and it reminded me of her, made me smile, etc. or I’d say something like “you must be excited about ______” regarding something that she was interested in. I’d keep our conversations brief (quality over quantity) and then I’d tell her a reason that I had have to leave. After a few of these exchanges and seeing that she was answering me positively, I recently stepped it up to an old memory that we enjoyed. This week I plan on increasing the amount of messages from 2-3 to about 3-4 messages spread out across the week. One every couple of days. Mixing it up between an old memory or two and a few light casual things she’s interested in.
If things go well this week, than in the following week, I plan on bringing up a bit more personal memories (ahem sexual). Also, some supportive messages about things she may be going through etc. Things to build intimacy. That’s my game plan, I hope it helps you.
I would not try to contact his friend. Anything you say will almost certainly get back to him. It goes against the idea of the 30 days no contact. You want him to think that you’re completely fine with out him at the moment. Don’t look at it as a punishment. Look at it as an opportunity to take 30 days to work on yourself and improve yourself.
As for contacting his mom, I’m not sure about if you should contact her. I’d probably suggest not contacting her. I would think talking to with her would be a constant reminder of your boyfriend, thus making the 30 days harder. Plus things would likely get back to him. I wish you luck.
I don’t see an issue with contacting your ex if they’re in a rebound. However, if you decide to contact your ex while they’re in a rebound, you can’t let that effect how you talk with your ex. You can’t get upset about and it really shouldn’t even be a topic of conversation if you do things right. When you reestablish contact it should be light and fun. No serious or negative topics. You want your ex getting excited about your fun messages.
That’s a tough spot to be in because it leaves you out in limbo. However, don’t reward his cold behavior with your attention. I would certainly suggest that you do the 30 days no contact. It’ll give both of you perspective on if you really want this relationship or not. He seems to be confused at the moment and by being without you for 30 days it’ll give him a chance to possibly miss you. There’s always hope, but be prepared that it could go both ways. I wish you luck, stay focused and formulate a plan.
There’s a lot of things that factor in to getting someone back. 30 days no contact is a powerful move. I’d say you have a much better chance at getting her back with 30 days no contact, then if you continued just being friends and arguing.
Maybe he deactivated his profile. Can your other friends still see his profile? Also maybe he blocked you/deactivated his profile because he was checking your profile too much.
Your friend request is conveying to your ex that you still need them. It shows a bit of neediness. As the program says, “You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex.”
Slooow down. Four days is not that long. You said so yourself that you really have no idea how he’s doing. Maybe he’s on vacation, maybe he’s busy with work, who knows. The letter could have stirred up some emotions with him and he’s just putting thought into how and if he should respond. I’m not saying he’s going to respond for sure, but at least you still have hope.
I would not suggest adding him back. Wait until after you’ve had some back and forth conversation with him (well after your 30 days). Seeing his facebook updates will not ease the pain of missing him. It will only stir up your emotions and may cause you to start analyzing and obsessing over every post.
Saw her on skype today, so I addressed that I had never blocked her on facebook. Then I followed it up with a casual message about a funny news story on the web, that was relevant to her interests. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive any response from her so far and she has since logged off. I’m not stressing it though. Just going to give her space for now. Re-establishing contact with her is probably stirring up a lot of emotions with her.
In my opinion, I would leave the other woman out of it. There are issues between you and your guy that need to be worked out. No good can come from getting the other woman involved. It will only complicate things further.
I agree, you should probably step back and do another 30 days. Right now you’re too available for your ex. You are filling in the gaps in the areas where her rebound isn’t fulfilling. You’re providing the supportive boyfriend qualities, yet she is not committed to you or providing you the same girlfriend qualities. If you utilize another 30 days of no contact, she will be forced to start missing you again. She’ll likely start comparing the new guy to you and seeing if he stacks up. Right now though, she has the best of both worlds, so to speak, meaning both of you. Best of luck to you.
