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Also what if he never goes back to the same number 🙁 like after nc is over I won’t know unless I call his phone 🙁
But shouldn’t he know if he wants me? And if he wants us to work on ourselves and get back together (like he ended up wanting last time? ) 🙁 Yeah, I also have a hard time forgiving myself. And yeah, I wish he would share his worries with me because I wanted to be there for him but even when his grandma died he said he didn’t need me to be okay or something -____- And yeah, I constantly freaked out and jumped to the wrong conclusion and now I wanna know if he already gave me the last chance 🙁 Andy yeah thats true about wanting his comfort. A couple months ago he was weird about it and we ended up getting in a fight bc I wanted a hug and he said I needed to face my challenges alone and be strong. ugh. I hope that nothing is hopeless but I’m not so sure because some of my friends have said otherwise and that thought it still with me 🙁 And yeah that is true.. I would convince myself of something and then act on that anxiety/fear and make it worse.
I hope he has strong feelings for me! I really hope so 🙁 And yeah that is true taking things one step at a time would help. Yoga is actually helpful to me as well but right now I am not a member of a gym due to trying to get my eating issues under control. The good news is I have followed my meal plan these past few days even though I want to go back into ED behaviors. And yeah it is so hard for me to not make assumptions as I don’t like dropping all control..I haven’t contacted him in three days and am really struggling! But it’s so encouraging that you think I am stronger than I think I am 🙂 Thank you 🙂
Thanks so much again. You are so wise! I often go to my friends trying to figure out the outcome and analyze the situation and sometimes that makes it worse. I also do that while thinking back on everything as well. How do I stop that when I really want us back together?? And what if he *does* know he NEVER wants to be with me again!?!?! :O
Yeah, you definitely nailed it right there. I always thought I was not worth it because of my issues and that what guy would want to be with a girl like me with an eating disorder and anxiety and depression. He also used to point out my good qualities more before I became more needy and I’m so mad at myself for that 🙁 I always was worried about other girls that liked him, even before we were dating as it made me so jealous.
Yeah I may have gotten too demanding and I want to talk to him and make things better. And yeah you may be right, maybe he did want to do that. I know he does not like sharing his issues in general as he wants to be “strong” I think -_- he said he doesn’t like being a burden on anyone else and he never realized I wanted him to share with me!! He had talked too about how I needed to face my problems alone as well and be strong and that bothered me when I just really wanted a hug and support.And yeah you are totally right. I was very fearful about the past happening again and that’s what led to the obsessive behavior…it was almost like I did the obsessive behavior that my ex that cheated on me does as he would cheat and then be obsessed and try to convince me back. I never cheated nor did my new ex however I was still so worried about it especially when I became intimidated by other girls. I have a niece that is 3 🙂 She also makes me soooo happy as she is lovely, sweet, innocent, cute, and funny. She does not live by me but I will be seeing her next week. It is so hard for me to truly forgive and feel sorry I think.. and I think I did blame myself even though I knew it was not my fault 🙁 it just is hard for me to logically accept that.
That is a really good way to use your nephew as inspiration 🙂 I never thought of that before!
And yeah thanks so much for the advice 🙂 I will try to break the cycle I’m just still so nervous I have lost him forever.@Finntoga. I just read your message from earlier this morning! I somehow missed it. Thank you for your kind words. Yeah, I have been through a lot and that was nice to hear that you think I’m resilient. I am so sorry about your ex as well! That is horrible! It was really hard for me to not bring that mistrust into my new relationship as my old ex really really hurt me and took all my trust away and my new ex knew that…but was with me anyways.. :/ blah 🙁
So it is really hard to confront my issues. I have spoken to my therapist and she is encouraging me to stay in the future as she says ruminating on the past or saying “what if” is not helpful to me right now as I do not know. That is so hard for me because I like to know what is happening had have that sort of control. I know also my ex was upset thinking I wanted to control our relationship while I actually thought he wanted to so we clearly had a miscommunication. It is interesting that you say you also would not have notified your significant other of your phone going off in his situation bc you would be too angry… I guess I didn’t think of it like that 🙁 all i thought is he hasn’t responded and then my mind jumped to thinking he would just never speak to me again!!! I didn’t know how to confront that. And now I wanna know does he miss me care about me would he give us another chance etc
That’s a really good point. I think I logically knew that he could be busy and that may be why he didn’t reply right away but I also was getting more anxious because he had been replying less to my texts about when is his break can he meet up etc and I started to take it personally
@finntoga I also do know he is probably mad right now and angry even though his email seemed to mask some of that like I would have rather had a more emotion filled email you know? :/ ughhh like what was he planning to do not talk to me for two weeks then let me know his phone has gone off! -.-
Yeah that’s true. It was just really hard for me to trust that because my anxiety and fear that anyone would just leave me and that I deserved to be left and hurt was so strong. I also knew he was upset with me for sending him 50 texts 2 weeks ago and I guess I internalized that and thought everything was about me and I sent like 10-15 every day for a week then didn’t say a thing for 2 days and still didn’t hear. I want to know when his phone was working and when it stopped and why he didn’t tell me and if he was just planning to break up and you are right, I do not know. It is just really difficult for me as my anxiety is strong. The journal is a great idea I am hoping I will start today :/ and yeah I know he has a son who is 5 and I guess I never thought he struggled with money as he has two jobs! One is only part time though. I want to know if we will get back together and what exactly he feels right now and if he even misses me.. It is really hard for me to keep calm and not ruminate. I don’t know how to start fixing myself and my issues! All I keep thinking is “what if I never get him back!?” “What if he just was gonna break up and let me go without telling me?” Etc 🙁
I don’t think his phone is working still and now I’m flipping out wondering if he was just really ticked and angry and that’s why he didn’t tell me about his phone and if my email to work made it worse OR if he was actually going to let our relationship dissipate??? Which was my greatest fear and he had said wouldn’t happen? Ahhhh help!
Currently really struggling this morning. I don’t know if my exes phone is even working yet and if it is not, was he really planning on just never talking again and breaking up!? Like what the heck would have happened had i not contacted his work since he had not even emailed me informing me his phone was gonna go out and since idk how long it was out for. He wasn’t on Instagram for like a week and still isn’t wlrhough I’m blocked out now -.- so maybe he had gotten my messages last Wednesday when I went crazy ? (This was before we broke up I texted him saying I would come by his house to talk since I had not heard from him in over a week (the week started when I sent him 50 texts my first day of work but also he had been acting distant since his gma passed away early March 🙁 )
Im ruminating again and now I want know if my friend was right and my ex wanted to break up the whole time!!!???? Or if my ex was posted and that’s why he didn’t tell me about his phone and then I went and emailed his work and made him angrier??? Ugh help 🙁@finntoga Thanks so much again 🙂
I hope he loves me 🙁 I’m just sad he did not fight to actually work out the bad patterns 🙁 maybe he thought he was though? I don’t really know?? I will have to read the article, looks interesting! 🙂
Yeah my problem is that I don’t love myself and I’ve struggled with mental health including eating disorder and that disease constantly tells me I’m not good enough.
And yeah, I think a journal will be really helpful to me.
I guess I do have time to figure it out, I’m just super scared he won’t respond to me after NC or even try to reach out during NC 🙁I didn’t fully trust anyone because my ex BEFORE him had cheated on me. And with this ex I was so scared of that happening with him that I let that old ex’s wrong affect my relationship with this ex 🙁 It was not fair of me. I also was abused as a child so that is another thing that broke trust as well as a high school best friend abandoning me out of no where. I”m not sure about my self esteem and why it is so low, I’ll have to try and work on it.
I also feel like I’m achieving when I work a lot but I also worked too much as well!
And then I was anxious and burned out. That is so awesome that you were able to quit your job and find something better for you!! I am actually looking for new jobs myself 🙂
I think taking time for myself can really help me. And yeah, my fear is opening up in relationships and with my recent ex ( who never cheated on me) I was constantly afraid he would find some girl that was prettier, smarter, funnier, sweeter, etc.
I really want to be able to trust him all the way but I trusted my ex before him so much and he cheated on me time and time again (not this ex, a different ex) And I know my recent ex is completely unlike the other guy but my wounds and fear are still there.That is a really good point about control. He would tell me sometimes I tried to influence him and he was getting upset thinking I wanted to control our relationship…but it was really my anxiety that was controlling me! It is encouraging that you have been able to break these patterns!! I hope I can break them and also get back with the love of my life… I miss him so 🙁
Oh I also forgot that at the start of us going downhill he had said we were not on the same page when it comes down to it because he said I have an idea of what a relationship should be like and constantly force it on him and also said I told him he needed to make up Vday and that should be his choice not mine (we missed vday and I was upset but I never said he had to i think it was a text misunderstanding though) and then a couple weeks later after I had blown him up he had said we were not working together properly. And he didn’t want to talk in person either time 🙁 are these incidents concerning at all?
Are you doing no contact again? If so for how long? I read on another ex recovery site that if after 4 weeks you reach out and don’t receive a response, wait another week and send another text. If you again receive nothing, wait 2 weeks, if again nothing, 3 weeks, etc.
I know I personally send way too many messages when I send one without a response so I can imagine your anxiety! How many have you sent him altogether?
I feel like a 14 year relationship is not easy to walk away from! Try and give him a little space for now, maybe he needs now.I know I also struggle with depression and for a long time, I was in denial! I am currently on medication trying to figure out with my psychiatrist what works for me! Being the person who is depressed is very hard. I love my ex bf soooo much and I also would feel unworthy sometimes and hopeless, just due to the mental illness! I hope that your ex can work on his depression and reach a better place as well, I hope this helps a little bit.
Don’t lose hope!
