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Hey guys!
I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I last posted on here! I just wanted to check on how things are going for you guys since it’s been such a long time. I hope everything is well!
I’m doing pretty well, I’ve started a new job at an inpatient substance abuse rehabilitation facility and it’s really given me a lot of hope and inspiration that I used to get from my ex. Speaking of her, we have not had any contact whatsoever since we last talked, and I’m ok with that. I no longer have feelings for her, which is a great feeling (ironic!)
I haven’t been into any new relationships but I have been on a few dates and I think I’m ready to put myself back on the market.
Hope to here from you guys!
@misterhandy
I’m doing alright, no new news really. I’m on 1 month and two days of NC other than we texted each other once. I’m starting to think I may never hear from her again and sometimes I wonder if I want to.
I’m not so hurt as much as I am angry now when I think of her, I try to keep my mind off of her as much as possible though. I want to move on.
I hope things are well for you
That’s really funny that you say that because one of the last times we talked she told me sometimes she felt I knew her better than she knew herself. It is weird that people can’t see what they’re doing but it’s happened to me as well. As far as looking for conflict she actually didn’t really do that much, that was actually me for a period of time. It was mainly last summer when I was struggling with a lot of stuff, looking back I would just look for things to get mad at her about. Pretty childish of me but I guess like they say hindsight is 20/20. She was really good to me for a long time then she just changed one day. To my knowledge she still treats everyone else very good but I don’t know what changed with me and that’s the most frustrating part. I like it when people tell me what they think, I may not always agree with them but if they say it how it is I can respect them for it. My ex just stopped communicating with me and she was so good at that for so long.
I’m glad I can give some perspective on your situation, it makes me feel good. I’m the kind of person who needs to feel like their constantly improving and I can kind of get down on myself (and life) if I think I’m getting complacent or going backwards. I think I’m getting better at helping others and communicating better. It’s really helped me help my sister who’s battling depression/anxiety. I 100% agree that it helps to get an outsiders perspective every once in a while, that’s why I appreciate all the advice you’ve given me. It’s help me feel better more consistently and not have so many ups and downs, this past week I’ve been feeling great improvement.
Well with the ignorance part, unfortunately I know from experience. My ex sometimes just couldn’t see things the way I can. To me it would be as clear as day what she was doing but no matter how much she tried she just couldn’t see it. It wasn’t because she was stupid, because she isn’t but sometimes I just wanted to say “Faith just cut it out, you gotta trust me!” And I did a few times and to her credit for the most part she listened but in the end I didn’t want to appear controlling.
Lol also unfortunately I’m better at reading people sometimes than actually communicating it to them. I also like the baseball references ?
@misterhandy
I did a 28 day period of NC once. The 30 days is a nice guideline but every situation will have different amounts of NC. If you feel you need more, do more.
When I first contacted my ex again, things were very businesslike but overall friendly.
Only you know if you’re ready to contact her again and if you are unsure, it’s probably good to wait a little longer.
That’s tough for your friend, I hope they fixed the issue. I’ll keep him in my thoughts and prayers. It was very kind of you to bring him things, it really shows your character. I’m glad you didn’t have to confront her, she doesn’t deserve any more of your time. The pain and frustration for you is total BS and could have been avoided if she hadn’t acted so childish.
That’s tough for your ex but you’re right it doesn’t excuse her behavior. Just like ignorance doesn’t really excuse my ex’s behaivor but it is a reason, albeit not a very good one. I would think that if she went through those hardships she would appreciate you even more. I’m guessing deep down she probably does but she lets it manifest itself in anger and frustration, which is all she knows. Whatever the reason, you don’t deserve that treatment.
I’ll sure let you know if I’m heading down. I was actually thinking about it and maybe I could go down there during spring break one year. I’m not a ‘party-er’ and I don’t drink so that kind of thing never really appealed to me but I could probably plan it out and find stuff to do for a week or so. Maybe go see a Spurs game, see the Alamo, that kind of thing would be cool. And if you ever come up to my neck of the woods to like Fargo/Moorehead or even Minneapolis/St. Paul for whatever reason, I’d find time to drive down and hang out if you wanted.
Jeez that’s a crummy situation, I hope he is doing alright. Being the ‘bigger’ person definitely is hard sometime. I’ve decided I won’t do that to my ex, I’m better than that. My frustration just gets to me sometimes.
It is good she acknowledged me and to be fair to her she did say she had college orientation Sunday and yesterday so she probably didn’t have much time to text even though it would have only taken a few seconds to shoot one back. That’s always how she’s been and probably won’t ever change. What she wants is space right now but she doesn’t even tell me that which is extremely frustrating, she’s changes in the last year and has gotten very poor at communicating. She’ll seek me out eventually but I’m going to make her do that which I haven’t done in the past. I’m not going to look for another relationship per se but I’m going to be open to one if the situation arises. I think that’s a good plan of attack for right now.
I’m with ya on the ex being a coward. Mine did the same, wouldn’t fight for it. It’s an awful thing. It’s hard for me to speculate on your ex but with mine she’s never really had to fight for anything before and she hasn’t faced many hardships in life so she takes things for granted. I feel like it’s that way for a lot of people and could be for yours as well but obviously you know her better than I.
If I’m ever in San Antonio I’ll be sure to let you know! I’m guessing I’m not going to be down there unless they have a good school for mechanical engineering in the area lol. It would be nice to go down there in the winter but with student loans it’s not like I have a whole lot of extra money. College kid problems lol
I’m doing some better, I guess she ended up texting me back but it was a pretty generic ‘thanks, I appreciate it’ kind of thing. So I pretty much just said you’re welcome and I’m sure I won’t hear from her. It was still pretty cold from her but it did make me feel better she at least acknowledge it. But yeah I’m done with her now, that was the last time I’m initiating contact with her. We’ll see how long it takes for her to come into contact with me now. I’m guessing it will be awhile but that’s probably for the best. At that point I guess I’ll decide if I want to end everything for good or not because I know exactly how to push her buttons to make her feel awful. I’d like to think I’m a better man than that but I’m done being treated like crap.
I know her and she always does end up apologizing for her mistakes when she has a guilty conscience. I don’t even know how she can sleep at night right now.
That would be fun to hang out if I was in San Antonio. Especially since I could probably use some time away from home, I’d be nice to go somewhere far away for a little while, this week has been pretty crazy for me.
Texted her about noon yesterday, no response. Makes me feel pretty crummy, I just don’t get it.
@phil
So I have some interesting developments. I just got the mail today for the first time in about a week lol and I got a package in the mail from her. It was a birthday present, a devotional book to be exact. The only problem is my birthday was like 3 weeks ago lol so I don’t know if she sent it before or after we started NC. I know I should say thank you but how do I do it in a….. Not awkward way. Also, I’m pretty sure she has college orientation today so do I say anything about that? Or not?I feel I should say something to her soon so idk, just any input or advice would be appreciated
First off, I wouldn’t take those kinds of tests too seriously. For this site it’s only a pipeline for you to eventually buy Kevin’s worksheets, it’s just marketing really. And let’s face it, we all know going into this our chances are relatively slim but now impossible, right?
The loneliness is tough. I have a hard time with it myself, it helps if you do your favorite hobbies. For me, I put on some headphones, blast some music, and shoot some hoops. It gets my mind off of everything for a little while and the exercise is good. It doesn’t even have to be physical activity though it can be almost anything, get lost in a book, funny tv show (the office is my favorite), a video game. Whatever you enjoy just sink your teeth into it and relax. It’s more of only a temporary fix but it’s better than nothing I suppose.
@misterhandy
I know it’s tough, I’m on day 15 of NC and it kills me to be moving on but it’s for the best. You can move on even if you may not realize it right now but it’s up to you to decide when you want to do so. You don’t need to make that decision right now so just keep up the NC and you can decide that later.
If you feel lonely just try to stay busy and hang out with friends. Write down your emotions so you can hopefully get your mind off of her a little bit. Keep it up!
@phil
You can’t beat yourself up! And don’t get too down when things don’t work out! Look at all the positives, look at how far you’ve come. You’re doing well to meet new people and trying to make it work! It’s not going to work with everybody, if it did relationships would be pretty pointless, right? Just keep doing what you’re doing! It’ll pay off!
It’s good you’re trying to stay busy and it’s great you keep meeting new people! They may not be working out now but I think it’s good you keep meeting people and going on dates, especially if you are feeling lonely.
I guess Im in the same boat as you as far as feeling lonely. I think that was my problem yesterday. I’m feeling a little better today, my emotions have just been all over the place. I can’t seem to get ahold of them
