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Exactly, I’m a person who has to be constantly improving in some aspect of my life in order to feel fulfilled. When I wa depressed it felt like I was going backwards in so many areas. Depression is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t understand, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone either.
Yeah I had a little bit of a depressive phase too but it’s been my focus to improve myself and just let life keep moving on. I definitely put on the ‘freshman 15’ so I’ve been trying (and I guess secceeding) at losing weight so I can get back to the shape I was in when I played sports. And I’ve focused a lot more on work, my education, and my family.
Thanks for that support! Those words really mean a lot to me. And I normally don’t take much from what the majority of people say. I’m a pretty unique individual and so was she for that matter. I’ve always been very mature for my age, which has actually caused me some trouble trying to fit in at times. I agree with you, always follow your heart. I also think hope is a powerful thing, and patience. I guess my biggest fear is that I may be to hopeful or too patient. I’ve realized over time that I can be patient to a fault.
Yeah you’ve been around a while longer than I have haha. I’m 19. My ex is 18. We were high school sweethearts, I knew her when I was in the fifth grade. She had a crush on me in middle school. I had feeling for her since my freshman year and we good friends at the time. We started dating when I was a junior. It was the first relationship for both of us. We have so much in common. I like sports a little more (I played baseball and basketball, she played volleyball), she liked music a little more. But we were both valedictorians, both religious, both had similar goals in life. Sometimes I wonder how we could ever be apart.
You’re very wise. I can’t thank you enough for all of this advice. And having someone outside of my family an friends to talk to about all my emotions has helped me a lot.
You seem like you’ve been around the block a time or two, you have a lot figured out. Do you mind me asking how old you are?
It’s good to hear you’re doing well. Writing down my thoughts is a good idea.
I do construction work in the summer so I normally don’t lift because I’m active and pretty in shape with work. And I don’t really like lifting that much lol. I play pick up basketball with my friends a lot of times on the weekends.
Right now I’m having trouble even focusing at work. My mind drifts to her. I don’t necessarily even think of bad things or that I need her or anything. It’s more she just finds a way to pop in my mind for random reasons. So I dunno, something for me to work at I guess, getting her off my mind
Hey, Phil. How’s your situation going?
I’m having a rough day today, really want to text her and stuff. I need something to get my mind off of her, any ideas?
I haven’t done that a whole lot. One time I went to eat at a restaurant we used to go to a lot. I told her about it when we talked and I brought up some good times we had there. That’s a good idea though, I should do it more.
Also, how much should I initiate the contact. If say right now we each initiate the contact about the same amount. Should I let her initiate more? If I do that though I’m afraid she will feel like a burden on me which isn’t true
How vague should I be when she’s asking me questions?
Also at the end of our conversation she was asking if I was ok because I was not as talkative as normal, I kept telling her yes and then she asked are you sure? I told her yeah, sorry I just have a lot on my mind. Was that mysterious enough? Or not? Then she told me she should let me go to bed because I had work in the morning, and that if I want to talk about what’s on my mind she’s there. Is that good?
Update:
So last night she texted me. It had been a few days since we had talked, so she was telling me what she had done over the weekend. She told me all about her family camping trip and how much fun it was. Do you think that’s a good sign for me?
I followed your advice as best as I could but she made it kind of hard. I was very positive and tried to keep things vague but she kept asking for more details. (She wasn’t being nosy, that’s just how she is. She was being friendly) I’m afraid I may have come off a little cold because I was vague. Any advice? Tips?
That’s rough man, I’m just glad you seem to be handling yourself well, you are a very strong person. Keep it up! That attitude and outlook will benefit you greatly in all aspects of your life.
Yeah man, you’re doing all you can. You’re doing the right stuff. Sometimes people just can’t be helped at certain time and they blame others because they don’t want to accept the responsibility of changing themselves. I feel for ya, it must be pretty tough. And she probably won’t ever be ‘cured’ but if she takes the time to self evaluate and make changes she could make it much more manageable. I feel for her top because I’ve been there, albeit not as badly as her as it sounds. But when you’re in a bad situation you have to accept you are the sole person responsible for your happiness. Other people can help you along for sure but it doesn’t matter until you decide you are going to put in the work for yourself. Hopefully she will see that someday.
You have a very good approach and outlook I think.
Your ex seems to be how I used to be but more extreme. I had a lot happening In the last year of our relationship. My mom passed away and I was struggling with money and even had mild depression. I would take it out on her (not physically but I would have a short temper with her). I guess I learned I couldn’t be helped unless I wanted to be if that makes sense. So until she decides she wants to get better, she probably won’t. The bright side is, she probably will eventually figure that out, it just takes some time I guess.
Thanks again Phil, I will keep you updated!
If there’s any advice I can try to give you let me know haha. There has to be a reason you’re on here.
Thanks again Phil for all the advice.
Sorry to keep asking so many questions but she hasn’t been in a ‘rebound’ relationship since we broke up. Do you think that’s a good sign or a bad sign? Also what if she comes to me about her problems? What do I say? Or if she wants to meet up in person? Do I accept or say ‘I’m busy’?
Also, I should say we are both religious. She eventually she told me she broke up with me because she felt her relationship with God had gotten worse and that she had placed me above him. Not sure how religious you are or aren’t so maybe you don’t have an answer but do you think a relationship can recover from that?
