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Hey Aamls – SO the situation surely sucks but it’s still not over and i love that you want to do anything to get him back. For right now, try and do your best to concentrate on yourself and your children. Try and apply for the emergency housing as soon as possible so you can be more independent and see if you cant somehow get a job or at least do some volunteer work. This will get you out of the house and let you focus on other things as well as meet new people. I do think you should make an effort to keep the children out of the conflict with you husband – try and not involve them in anything to do with him. It might create more drama with the she said/he said and instead only get information through him. Even though he may not say much, then i guess at this point what you dont know wont hurt you.
everyone is right here. you need to stop all this. you need something different. there will never be a sure fire way to get him back and if there is, well i dont think any of us know it. would we be here if we did? theres nothing you can do for now except focus on yourself. and you are most definitely not doing that.
Aamls .. I couldn’t agree more with everyone else ..
You really need to focus on yourself .. try to get a job .. he should feel that youbare independent .. and you don’t need him anymore .. you have to do a small change everyday .. and this will lead you to a big change at the end ..if you could give me some advice on my situation, it would be much appreciated.
hey guys thanks for checking up on me. 🙂 anyways quick update, I was working almost all day today and Wednesday but didnt go thursday because I have no car. anyways no I dont have a job this is on call so I just go when they need people so doing it for some side money till I get an actual job. 🙂 anyways to make a long story short Thursday he told the kids that they were gonna have to stay home and I said no they are going to school. he didnt want to let me borrow the car at all. 🙁 anyways so we walked to my youngest school its closed by and then we walked to the bus stop and got off as close as we could to my oldest school. and that was still a long walk. we made it by a second before the bueses to my oldest field trip left. talk about luck. lol so then the cop from my oldest school saw how I was and said your not walking and well she said she was gonna take me home or where ever I was gonna go to. so she took me to my husbands job (and yes he thought something because I found out later that he told my oldest or his mom that he doesnt trust me) anyways so I asked him for the keys to the car and he said no that I popped his tire that I dont let him in my car (because he doesnt let me in his) and that no. so the cop was gonna say something to him but I asked her not to she said are you sure and I said yeah. well that didnt work I told him I was gonna go walking and he gave me money and went to his job. I was outside his job for like 5 hours and he didnt care. he saw me walking at one point from his car towards his store and he ignored me like I wasnt even there. and then after a while he moved the car and locked the door. while he was walking towards the car he was on his phone ugh. anyways so he left me stranded that day. I was gonna get ready to walk to get my oldest and I get a call saying hi mommy I was in shock. he got both kids from school and took them home. he did call me but I was pissed of for him leaving me there and ignoring me like if I was nothing. also that time I mention he saw me I was looking for my bus passes that I lost and never found. so I had bought him a sandwich and wrote him a note and left it in his job for him. then I left. anyways the day before I had called him and he gave me a ride to work thing being we almost had an accident in the highway (joking I told his mom If we would have died I would have died happy, lol) but a lot more has happen and he was very cold with me and yesterday was even worse. Ill continue this later but thanks for asking how I was and checking on me and yes after being a prick I still love him and forgive him and still wanna be with him but im gonna get my shit together first and continue my plan. I still have so much to say about those days. I hope you guys are doing well 🙂 will try to update more soon. 🙂 wish me luck I may have time this weekend to write. 🙂
aamls- you really really really need to talk to a professional counselsor.
He doesn’t let you take the car to get your children to school on time?
He picks them up from school without telling you and leaves you stranded?
And you are concerned he is on the phone (he was walking towards the car he was on his phone ugh.) WHY does that bother you!! There are MUCH BIGGER problems.He is abusive, immature, and an overall a**hole.
After all of this you buy him food and write a note for him!?! What are you thinking?
He treats you awful and you continue to act needy. You are not helping yourself or your children. Go to a free legal advice center! Talk with a lawyer! Go to a free mental health clinic! Talk about your relationship! Do all of this on your own. Stand up for yourself.
But please stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing; it is not working. Like I said in my last post you are repeating the same cycle over and over. Is that what you want?
@bguarino thanks for your reply. I know you must think im crazy or something for wanting to be with him, but I love him very much. :'( yes I need to find help so I wont find myself going crazy or doing something crazy and then I’ll really get fucked up. this bitch deserves to get her ass whoop for real man idk how I’ve kept myself together all this time. my husband would have already done something about it as when the thing happen with his cousin he punched him in the face and he stopped there, ugh. anyways I’ve kept busy this weekend with my kids and been very busy this past week. so I guess im doing good, but still think of him and miss him very much. at my oldest request we went to church with his sister and I was talking to her and ugh, she told me she met the bitch and saw that kid she got. Im so pissed off like you wouldnt believe but she said that hes very hurt and its gonna take time and be hard. she said she suggest for me to tell him to go to counseling, idk. but f course at the end is his choice. she said she doesnt agree with his choices but its still her brother, which i get that but I still dont think she should allow that bitch in her home. also found out that her baby daddy left her ass a while ag already and left back to his country. now I understand why this asshole left her ugly ass and left to his country. ugh I wish there was a way of getting a hold of him. idk what to do or think anymore and I want him back really bad but dont see it happening. I talked to his sisters pastor and she told me its gonna be really hard to get him back or a lot of work,idk but she offer to counsel us and now knows more of the situation going on. thing being hes obsessed with this bitch so how is he even going to try to make it work when this bitch is in the way, I swear I wanna whoop her ass really bad, the only thing stopping me is not going to jail or losing my kids for that garbage that belongs in the trash. ugh. he never called or text today at all to speak with the kids or pick them up. its not like him at all. 🙁 so my best guess is that bitch. ugh this is so stressful. damn I really want to whoop her ass 🙁 anyways he may have worked in the morning but that was his second job. so I know hes of on sundays. I really wish I knew what to do. 🙁 he sent me a text the other day saying to “give” him a hundred and he’ll put the rest (can you believe how he asked for money back and hes still married to me and he works 2 jobs and hes asking me for that,bullshit, I think the reason he did it was because of what i told his mom about getting the money from the other week but not sure) anyways and that this was the last time he was gonna help me and that then I was gonna have to deal with everything else myself. ugh so I found out after calling the car place and everything that he payed for the car. he never said anything about it or his mother. anyways so I went to go get the car and was happy it was payed for. im so stressed though just because i havent heard from him and I miss him so much and stuff but I know I cant stress myself out because of this shit. tomorrow I got to go to the housing place and to this place where they are suppose to help me with free toys for Christmas. so yeah im trying to get me all the help I can get but without trying to jeopardize myself. anyone with ideas or anything I feel desperate. I really miss him a lot but know I cant do much. :'( funny thing is I havent been here to be next to his mother and she and he will probably be wondering about my where abouts but who knows. his mother called me yesterday to ask me if I got the car, it may have been him asking her but who knows I felt like she was invading my privacy, I said im gonna tell her something and my oldest told me mommy dont thats our place to stay and she can kick us out, once you have a place to stay then you can say something, lol but yeah, idk if I even will. ugh im so stressed out. anyways what do you guys think about all of this, I hate this shit. 🙁 thanks guys 🙂
so im not feeling it today. :'( I feel really down and I miss him so much. 🙁 idk what to do. Im gonna go in a few to try to sign up for some free food and items for Christmas for the kids, hopefully they can help me out. also then Im gonna try to go to the housing place. I really still feel really down today. I went by his job and he was there but the car was locked so I couldnt get my youngest book bag. im trying to avoid contacting him as he can care less to contact me but idk how long were gonna be like this. I really wish he’d reach out to me but hasnt and im gonna need to check the mail for stupid divorce papers soon. :'( @bguarino he is being an asshole, I’ve been said that. the reason I gave him the sandwich was cause one of his cousins told me to and to write him a note later she said he was being an ass and told me to forget him, some guy gave me advise to send him text every once in a while like saying things like handsome and send smileys he told me it’ll take time, but my husband reacted mean to it, but idk if to continue (i dont want to push him away farther) then the walking incident occurred and well I have been asking different people for advise and got a mixture of things. from letting him go to praying to doing the things mentioned above to praying to his sister saying counseling as I did mention it but she did say its his choice and if (when) he says no then I cant do nothing about it. im trying to wait to see if he reaches out but hes not and if he can be all the time on the phone then he can look for me whenever he wants which hes not doing. :'( idk what to do anymore then what im already doing. like i said before that I can get help and make it on my own of course I can anyone can but that i want him in my life I do, thing being I cant make him be there and the way hes acting its difficult and im not gonna be happy unless I have him there. im really down today. I know job wise and help wise and financially wise some how I’ll be alright my thing is my husband, I want him back. :'( anyways I guess theres nothing left that i havent heard and this is so stressful and I really miss him and want him back. :'( btw his sister told me that he has kinda acknowledged some of the things i’ve done for him but since he feels the way he does it I guess didnt have the same effect on him, idk ugh I just want him back and i hate that you need to give them time and space. I guess I need to re-read rr. ugh..:'(
so he talked to my oldest or kids yesterday through the house phone and I to his mother to. his mother said he had just came out of work and was going to do something for school. he has yet to contact me and this hurts. :'( idk if he’ll ever contact me. I feel so down and depress. I really want my husband back and I feel hes at peace now since im not “bothering” him. im not sure if to do no contact since its been a few days of silence which is peaceful in the sense of no fighting and arguing. but i really miss him and want to make it work. what should i do. I was thinking of sending him a text saying hey but isnt that a blank text. I just want him to miss me and want me back. :'( I wasnt able to get the emergency housing so I may have to go to the child support office and tell them that he abandon me which he did. 🙁 (my oldest said that he had to go back to work the other day so thats probably why he left me stranded, and he told her he didnt see me walking”oh how nice” but he never called me to make sure I was fine or what not.) anyways is there anything I can do to get him back, I want him to miss me nut I feel like this is just gonna help him forget me more. :'( and I want him to stay away from that bitch but hes constantly texting “it”. :'( anyone? (btw my oldest friends father was trying to get me to meet one of “his” friends lol, but im not interested and just want my husband back. :'( anyone please help, I really want him back. :'( thanks
Maybe stop focusing on his actions so much. By doing this you are just building up more hurt and resentments for your self, and when you get back together, it will make it harder to trust him. Focus on forgiving him everyday for all of these things he is doing to you. Focus on trying to get your life together and not cataloging his daily behavior. I know how hard that it because you are just looking for any signs that everything is going to be okay in future. But you can really only do the best you can do today. He is going to do whatever it is he is going to do. This will even help you when you are back together and have little petty hurts and problems.
I wish that I could have been better at this when I was with my ex. There are things that I said and did that probably contributed to her losing attraction because I became insecure and starting watching every move she made around me. And I think that some of those times if I had just been kinder to her and forgave her. It just would have been better.
You have two children together so he will NEVER forget you. The best you can do right now is to focus on yourself and the children. Try and not think about every little thing that he does because he doesnt even know half the things he does so they are most likely not done on purpose. Give him some space, dont contact him – if he texts or calls, keep the conversation about the children and sound positive and happy. This will attract him little by little. The worst thing you can do is to fight and argue with him – it will make him pull away even more.
I don’t mean to sound mean or rude, but I think everyone who is following and posting on aamls’s thread, needs to tell her to stop posting about and watching her ex-husband for her OWN good.
This is at least the second thread on her relationship and there are postings daily all with a constant theme of obsession and despair. Nothing has changed on her end and she is not getting any better which is the goal of these support sites- either reconciliation or acceptance, but ultimately healing.
For her own good she needs to stop obsessing and focus on herself. She needs to stop looking at each action and word someone says to her and dissecting it. Otherwise there will never be progress. There has to be faith.
Aamls- you know my story. I cut my ex off completely and now I have a chance to get her back. It was not easy, but it was the right thing to do for me and the 2nd chance I wanted. I had to believe it would work. You need to believe too.
hey everyone, 🙂 thanks for your responses. I know ya said it but for some reason hearing it out loud it hit me, lol. and yes I have to focus on me and my kids. 🙂 anyways so this morning at about 4 in the morning I hear his mom on the phone and hear her say something about kids that she didnt know and maybe you could ask the court. I knew it was about me. so a few minutes later he calls me and leaves a voicemail saying my name and that he needs to talk to me. anyways at 6 something am he calls again and then around 2 something or idk what time in the afternoon he called again. he never left a voice mail or text regarding what it was about. so I never returned his call nor I will. anyways I think hes trying to take my kids away from me and this aint gonna happen. I need to find me a place asap. funny thing is now Im fighting for my kids, I already was confident they were mine and now I find myself in this shit. ugh always something it feels like it keeps getting worse instead of better. so now im gonna forget him and fight for my kids. he didnt see them for like 4 or 5 days already. honestly it feels so good to be doing things for my self. 🙂 anyways so yeah thats where im at now. anyways so im not gonna fight for him I may just let him go but give him a hard time to divorce or at least im letting him go for now. im tired of him being an ass and this thing for him trying to take my kids away from me is a big no no. I feel a little happy, working taking care of my kids doing me going to church and getting out of my shell, it feels great, and im doing it. 🙂 lets see whats in store for me, I was thinking about it and maybe him and her deserve eachother Im better then that and so is my self worth garbage can stay with garbage shes probably doing me a favor. 🙂 anyways his mom said he came by today (I was working and had my kids with me) 🙂 so im doing my thing 🙂 and well she said he stood for like an hour good for him or his problem lol also that he was working a lot that he worked today his day of and that he “supposedly” was gonna leave his other job but his mom said shes knows him already and he probably wont leave. anyways of course she wasnt gonna tell me what he said or she said but im ok with that. i just cant wait to get out of here. 🙂 I hope I can keep feeling this way :-)I feel proud of me. 🙂 who knows what the future holds but I hope it keeps getting better. 🙂
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