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i went by her old place to pick up mail. stopped to get a drink. all i hear is what the fuck are you doing here? she was there. i asked why she wasnt at work. we sat and talked for a bit. which surprised me. she told me about what had been going on for her. she told me she had been kicked out of home and she was living at her old place thats being sold and she doesnt have access to showers and stuff (thats why she wasnt at work. told me about the new guy she is seeing and how he’s a friend of her ex before me (the one that was living with her for a bit if you had been keeping up with my story). told me how she saved his live cause he died on her. i was nothing but a friend to her while we talked. didnt sit close or touch her or anything. more was said, just talking about her life and i asked if she was okay. she told me how the guy shes seeing hates me. hes a drug dealer. told her how this isnt exactly the situation i had hoped for her but as long as he treats her well. i asked her about her new job and she told me it was something good and that was all shed tell me because she doesnt trust me cause i called the cops on her the night we broke up. she didnt ask about me. asked about our joint bank account and she said she closed it. asked about my stuff again. apparently its gone. shes really skinny now. probably because of drugs.
she told me if i see him i better run. lots of drama with her ex before me and the guy shes seeing as he told them both to stay away from each other. she told me her ex before me and the guy shes seeing were hanging out and he was coming round after that. i wish i went on my own accord but she said i better leave because the guy was coming around, so i did. its funny she said she doesnt rust me, she gave me enough to screw her life up.
dont know what to make of the situation. makes me sad shes in this situation.
facebook is great. i know it doesnt matter, but man he’s gross. immature, i know. guess thats what you expect from a drug dealer. /sigh i hope she knows what shes doing. i hope things work out for her. oh and she told me that she hadnt gotten in contact with her birth mother as she doesnt want to be around her family when people like that are in her life. i guess she has to decide. i dunno if she’ll ever come back to me after calling the cops though.
OH SHE IS REALLY MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU,MAYBE SHE WAS THINKING SHE MADE A BAD DECISSION REALLY… POOR HER.. BUT FOR YOU ,ITS VERY DANGEROUS TO TALK TO HER SO GIVE YOUR TIME A SPACE AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.I KNW U WANT TO HELP HER BUT SHE SAID HER EX IS REALLY DANGEROUS..
YOU ARE LUCKY GOD DN’T ALLOW U TO BE WITH HER CUZ IF U DO U HAVE LOTS OF PROBLEM LIKE SHE HAVE NOW.
Sounds like she’s just using him as a rebound relatisonship. I’d say do no contact for a while and wait and see what happens for them. If he’s that bad of a person you know he won’t be around for that long, then she will crawl back to you in the end because she will realize what she had lost. Seems like she’s also in a tough spot right now an if confuse on everything
thank you guys.. its complicated though.. i kinda brought about the whole situation.. im the one who introduced her to drugs, kinda. but ive always been good with them. i always knew when enough was enough and what kind of life i wanted. i was in an ‘interesting’ place for a few years while i had no idea what to do with my life (as it came crashing down after my frist long term relationship, where we were gonna get married, have kids blah blah blah..) i got involved with some bad people which was very unlike me. i am strong willed and respectable though, so the bad people didnt mess with me. i got out, because of her. i introduced her to meth. wish i didnt now, but it was a one off thing.. we both got our shit together for our relationship. her ex wanted to be like me so he got on it. when we broke up, they hung out and she got on it. thats how she met the guy shes seeing. he is the ex before mes dealer and best friend. hes not happy with the situation either. mostly cause he wants her. so she has 3 guys chasing her, 1 she doesnt want (maybe 2 if you count me), one she at least enjoys time with, and one she me loves (me). if she has them chasing her, i cant. cant give her that ego boost.
I can handle myself. its her im worried about. i live for other people unfortunately. people are so interesting to me. i know me. i dont bore myself, but its.. dull without someone to share with. i wanted more than this for her. the house will be moved into soon enough and she doesnt know what shes gonna do after that. i know theres nothing i can do. i feel like i should drop food off for her without her knowing. its her birthday soon enough. i dunno if i should show im still there for her though, just by wishing her a happy birthday. she is in a tough spot.
Part of the no contact is for you to work on yourself, and reflect….then go on a couple of other dates to make sure you want her back. If she’s that bad on drugs, there are other problems you aren’t recognizing…. deep psychological ones that YOU can’t fix. The only one that can fix her is her, and it may take years. Ask yourself some serious questions, like do you want to be a yo-yo and do you want to be constantly afraid of the “dealers”. If she’s not willing to get clean, its a hard battle. If she is, then most rehab programs will discourage her from being with anyone for a year so she can address her co-dependancy, or other issues. This program might be out of the scope of what your problem is… as much as you want to save her, you might be fighting a losing battle. When she loses everything, she may come back because you’re safe…. which is different than because she misses you. Theres also the problem that you introduced her to the drugs, or did them with her…
This is a hard one… If it was me I would:
Tell her that it is hard for you to see this happending to someone you care for (Note: Not someone you love, no pressure), and then tell her you wish her the best.
After that tell her that if she ever needs a friend to talk to, or is in need of help she can always contact you (Note: Only friends, it is important she see you as a person who is no longer interrested in her in a romantic way, but only offers help because you care…)After this go No Contact and focus on YOUR happiness… Only reply if she needs her friend and support. Stay away from any negative/sensitive topics…
I do want her back. She is a great person. I have thought about it, trust me. i know what i got myself into. I’m not afraid of dealers ahah. I know i cant fix her but i had been helping her for 4 years. shes had a bad childhood and she told me i saved her life. I recognise the problems. I wouldnt let myself be a yo yo. I don’t want to save her. I want her to be happy. if thats with the drugs, great. bit sad because i feel responsible, but cant be helped.
thanks creed. i might try that. ill give it some thought and let you guys know
okay i sent pretty much exactly what you said creed. not in the hopes of getting her back, but to help her. i just want her life to be okay again
Ok…you say you been helping her for 4 years, she says you saved her life, but you know you can’t fix her. Not busting on ya, but you’re contradicting yourself. I’ve been in that same boat, and it’s HARD. I’m actually a recovering alcoholic (8 years sober) and been in these trenches before. Not impossible, but man it sucks watching someone you love spiral and there’s nothing you can do. I was just trying to point out some things I realized/learned from caring for someone that was on Meth (and several alcoholics). That’s some nasty stuff. You should feel responsible if you got her started, and owning up to that is a good start, just realize she may resent you for the rest of her life when she kicks it.
If she gets help, you were in the circle of addiction, she might cut you out of her life. The only thing you can do is support her as her friend, as CreeD suggested. As much as it sucks, you have to separate yourself from being her lover and caretaker, and being a strong friend. Work on yourself, and address YOUR problems first. Get a new life away from the people, places, and things and she MIGHT seek you out when she’s ready to get clean.
Again, I’m not trying to bust on ya, but I think your situation is much too complicated for the simple answers.
Well, i understand your point of view, but you dont know the whole story. she had known dealers before i became friends with me. i never liked it. she was in a gang. she started hanging around me more and became best friends. they really were the ones who gave her drugs first. i dont know why she didnt get full on it then. i guess she felt comfortable with me. I wasnt doing it with her. when we were just friends, best friends, i said id let her try it because she is a smart girl and with the conditions it was only with me. we only did it once. then we got together and sorted our lives out.
she did reply to my email which makes me feel a little better for her. she said it was all sorted and thanks anyway. i replied glad to hear. dont know how true it is.
Good… Now she knows you will still be there if she needs to be “saved”… Now time for NC. She will be expecting you to keep in contact now… NC will make her wonder were you are…
Enjoy your life, have fun! If her life is as shitty as you say she will want to be part of your amazing/fun life instead…
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