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Maybe him not mentioning going on a ride is because he is seeing someone else or wants to put a definite end?
It’s weird he was so decisive when he said on his text the other week that “we would arrange another meet up to talk and to go on the ride” why didnt he mention it this time
Ty samuel. Any more tips please? 🙂 @atea1234
i wouldnt get hung up on the ride. maybe he would just rather go for coffee because its a better atmosphere to sit and talk and you both clearly have things to catch up on and talk about! i would play the whole thing really casual. don’t mention the ride unless the coffee date goes well and you want to ask about hanging out again. just be yourself, be happy, and be confident. its great he contacted you and initiated hanging out first! just try not to overanalyze and go with it.
Ty atea.
One thing though. When we broke up the intention was for us to keep being friends and keep contact. We got a bit distant with time. How do I go back to texting more often? How do I go back to making him feel ok with it and to want it? I have no idea….
Any tips on that? cause if I just let it be I’m pretty sure it won’t get there. I am an over analyzer by nature. I’ll either be natural and things can go very wrong or very right (because im chill and not thinking) or I will analyze it, plan it, and half of the time miss oportunities cause I think and rethink and end up not acting on oportunities
I accidentaly texted him pretty late. He texted yesterday at 10pm I texted today at 4 or 5 pm :/ didn’t have money on my phone. Had to do that first. And he hasn’t texted or called yet. It’s now 11pm
I said: Hi, all good what about you? Ok we can arrange it. Maybe over the phone to be easier? Kiss
That’s that
unfortunately, i don’t really think its up for you to initiate. you don’t want to come across as needy or overbearing. i would honestly just let him initiate. forget about what he said after the breakup. things change everyday. that was my biggest problem. i kept thinking well he said “….” and it really doesnt matter because he said what he thought he wanted at the moment and things changed with time, just like they can change again.
i personally don’t really believe in playing games. i don’t use nc to manipulate my ex but he doesnt want to be with me and i don’t want to be friends so i have nothing left to say. i also am a huge over analyzer but you have to somehow stop yourself. if you have something to say to him or to talk to him about then by all means go for it but if not just let him be and let him come to you when he’s ready. he knows you want to be with him but he’s the dumper. the ball is in his court. let him come to you if he wants to.
Hum I dont understand? I dont mean initiate. I mean how do I start building things again. As friends firstly and stuff. I’m not talking about manipulation. Just how I should act. If you want soemthing with someone be with whatever relationship or even in life in general there is always a better way to act. It’s not about manipulation. It’s about doing the best for your goal.
I’m not taking about nc either. I’ve done plenty of that and it’s more than enough I’m not doing that anymore.
We are talking about meeting up an he initiated so I don’t I need to do anything now, I am not going after him.So what I am asking is, how I should act on the date. Indiferent, happy, enthusiastic, as a friend, confident to the max, cold, telling him everything about the great things that have been happening minus the dating? That is what I’m talking about 🙂
He answered. At 2:30am -.- he said Hi, sorry but I had a meeting and then work dinner, I wasnt able to call you cause I only got home now. Tomorrow I’m going away for work and will be working until 11pm but maybe I’ll be able to call to arrange a meet up. Kisses
So first I didnt even read the “work dinner” part. Then I read it and thought ok he got home late from the dinner. Now reading again I can’t be sure it’s that? Anyway…
I don’t know if I should answer now, its been an hour, its 3:30 am. And be like yeah me too (just got home now). Wish him good trip and work and thats about it…my answer
Hi, yeah me to. Wow working until so late :/ call me at around dinner time or a bit earlier then if you can please. Good work and have a nice trip. Kiss
The “me too” means I got home late too. LOL. I got mad when he told me on purpose he only got home at 2:30. I don’t understand why he would do it. But hey at least he got home and after all those hours I was on his mind to answer lol
just act like yourself!no need to over analyze. don’t try to put on a show. just act happy and relaxed and catch up with him
Hey everyone! So got some neeews 🙂
We talked on the phone yesterday. The day before I said asked him to call at around dinner so he did. We talked for 25 min.
At first it seemed a bit awkward and that whatever he didn’t care much. We talked about several stuff like he’s gonna have surgery in a few months, he has been in pain. His work, studies, problems at home. I advised him and was sympathetic about everything. Listened to him and stuff. At some point like 10 minutes after we started I was thinking “isn’t he gonna talk about meeting up?” There was a bit of silence and he didn’t said anything, didn’t rush the actual reason we were talking over the phone which was arrange the meet up, so I was like ok I guess he really wants to talk a bit but I want to know XD so I asked.
He asked about meeting today. I said I couldn’t what about the weekend? He was like “well sunday im busy, I have an event with people from the bike group, in the morning I just can’t (didn’t mention why but idc..much lol). Saturday I was going to this city far away, but my bike isn’t good enough for such a trip so I don’t know if I will.”
I said “well so we can’t go either” (on a bike ride eheh I knooooow everyone told me not to but I love riding so much and it’s a great bonding experience)
He said “we could… it’s not that long of a trip so we could… yeah, I could study in the morning” I went like “yeah you have class saturday morning” he was like “i didn’t even remember that” xD I said “see how I’m so focused on my studies?” (I made it a point to tell him studying is now my priority, that I do live my life normally go out and all but if I have tutoring I will unschedule everything else, and talked about my tutor, how nice he is and all ahah)He then said ok then, lets do it! Saturday afternoon! In the morning you can’t either as you said last time.. I think he was expecting me to say something but I didn’t xD
Then we got talking a bit more about his work and all. I listened to him, tried to be a well of calmness and told him wow you are a ball of stress. He took a breath and laughed a bit and seemed to feel really good I was there listening to him. He then said he was gonna go to work and after that we could talk a bit more he was gonna do this and that. I didn’t open my mouth, and he said again he could message me after getting off of work and if I could talk he would call. I just said ok, go work and relax ok? 🙂 in a very peaceful and cheerful voice an then he was like thank you, thank you for listening to me like two or three times in a row. I think I really made him feel better and he was relieved after talking and even maybe surprised that after everything I was being cool to him. Also he didn’t mention anyting about me “ignoring him”. I think he doesn’t even care anymore, I don’t think he still thinks I did it on purpose.
Then after work he texted saying “im only now getting off, and I will be here again early morning -.- thank you for listening to me. kisses” i answered after around 25 min saying ooh it has to be done right? just think that for now its done and the weekend is almost here 🙂 saturday you’ll relax and you can talk freely kiss. I felt like I could have made a question to keep the convo going. But I guess after my text he just fell asleep didnt answer or called.
I would like us to get talking again, closer and on a daily basis. Just like he did with me. Got off of work and texted
Well yesterday as I said I listened and supported him. But anytime I have something going on, doctors appointments, my mom going to the hospital which was the case for today and I told him about it, he doesnt care. he didnt ask. he’s not there. he didnt text me
i might just be honest with him and tell him how i feel. im disappointed. not even as a friend he is doing any good of a job
I think the fact that he’s confiding in you is really good. I agree that he should be asking you how your mom is and about your life, but he is doing SOME things right. It’ll take time for him to come around and get close with you again. I would wait until your meetup to text him. Once you go on your ride you can get a feel for how he feels about you and then you can start contacting him like once a week or so and then if he is responsive then slowly increase the amount of times you talk. That’s my plan at least xD
But seriously this is a great step. Don’t be discouraged. Be excited that he’ll willing to talk to you and even to meet up. 🙂
Alright guys, lets do this.
So by midday we started texting to arrange the details. I suggested we could go to this place we discovered together on the way to camping about a month into our relationship, and I thought he would be thrown off about it but he actually thought it was a good idea! 😀 The weather was a bit crappy but we were really lucky and it barely rained :O thanks universe.
At first it was a bit awkward. I was trying to be a bit playful and he was a bit serious. He took the tshirt I gave him with him and I was all happy 🙂 It really suits him. The place was an hour away and on the way there as i said it was awkward he put music. Then we went to a coffee shop midway and got talking and it wasn’t awkward anymore.
I told him how he shouldnt miss classes or he wont be able to get into college. That there is only 3 weeks left, he should let the nights out for later! It’s only three weeks! He started looking down and smiling in embarrassment and I laughed like ahah I am lecturing you! See how the world changes 😉 eheh. Then we went to his motorcycle again. I said “Let me tell you something. Your bike is beautiful!”He smiled and I talked about when he bought it and how marveled I was at it when I saw it. It was a great moment for us (we were together at the time). He laughed and was happy with our conversation. He then said if I wanted to see more bikes like his there was gonna be this event next week so I could go see it. Then I realized its a paid event so I was confused if he was inviting me. Lol
We got on the bike, on the way to that place we didnt stop talking. And the view was breathtaking! We talked about classes, work, his problems at home, my problems with friends, etc etc.
We got there and sat near the water. Really beautiful scenery. That is one of my favorites places, ever. I was going to put some really nice songs that are similar to the singer we listened to together but I forgot. It would have created such a great moment and new memorie. It hurts thinking I missed such a great chance! We were a bit quieter but were talking nicely. I then noticed we were all light and smiling and stuff and I kind of regret it now cause if we kept it like that it could have been great, but I talked about me “ignoring” him. He got a bit mad said he wasnt gonna talk about it but that he didnt like that i insisted on the phone although he understands, says i was 2 meters away from him, etc etc.Also said it shouldnt have affected him like that, but that week everything was affecting him (which hurt). And said again that if I had something to explain I could explain, I didnt need to just get up and walk away when his friends came with fear they would talk and tell him I was there with a guy friend. I also told him I was surprised he was the one making the assumptions now, that one day he passed by me really close and didnt greet me and I never even brought it up although it hurt me at the time. So.. I dont know… I’m a bit confused about how all this came out.
Anyway we went away and on the highway, on the bike, it was a bit cold. I told him that and he said i could come closer. I was pressing against him but still holding on the sides. Then he asked if it was better I said a bit but still cold. A bit later he grabbed my hand and pulled me and said “do it like this” I was :O :O :O OMG! I came the rest of the way COMPLETELY, TOTALLY, GLUED TO HIM! Hugged to him! My hands on his belly and chest, totally hugged to him! He even put himself a bit back. If there was an inch of my body that wasnt touching him, its because it wasnt facing him! LOL. It was SO great… I hope it’s a sign. The ride was great. One thing he hated was I would comment on his driving when we were together. Now I just dont. I told him to go on and drive freely and he was so happy, he did this tight curve, asked me what I thought of it, I said great! I loved it you can keep at it 😀 He seemed surprised. The rest of the way he had quiet moments at least I didnt even knew what to say xD I was in heaven! Riding on his motorcycle hugging him. WTF is my life 🙂
Ok getting too excited and long here. We got to my house and he asked if I wanted him to take me to my girl friends house, we were having a dinner. It was not on his way AT ALL. I got all happy again, was going up to get some stuff and remembered to ask if he wanted to come inside. He said no its ok, I said c’mon come and he did. He was uncomfortable :/ my mom and her bf were there and because she is mad at him for breaking up I was afraid she didnt treat him right. She also called him when we were on the bike and i was doubting the same thing. I gave him some dessert i’ve made and also some to take home to his parents. Then we got going, I hugged him again on the bike and asked if he wanted me to sit back he just said not to move. We were going fast so I really couldnt move now.
We got there I didn’t know what to do. He gave me two kisses on the cheeks normally, said to say something if I needed anything. I said yeah, say something yourself. And then asked if he wanted to come with us when I arrange the dinner with friends at my house and that we would then go to the bar I once told him about. He said he cant next week and the other “we’ll see” like he isnt sure he wants to go I guess.
Off he went I texted apologizing about insisting that he came to my house cause he seemed uncomfortable. Next day my mom decided to call him he didnt pick up. An hour or so later he asked if everything was ok cause he had a call from my mom. I said yes and asked about his ride for today and that my dinner was great. He answered like 7 hours later apologizing for not answering, talked about the ride how 2 new guys went and asked wht my mom wanted, or if I was the one to call. I said she wanted to apologize for anything cause she thought he seemed uncomfortable and that he was welcome here. Also that I didn’t know she called and I didnt ask her to do it. Then I asked about that bike event, if he had someone to go with, since no one of his friends has a bike like his and since he talked about it I would like to, so if he wanted company he could say. Still no answer for now.
Well what I take away from here is
1. He wanted to be with me just because. No talk of relationship or what happened about me “ignoring” him
2. He might still like me and is keeping options open between us since he knows very well I still like him (I told him 2 weeks ago on the phone) and still behaved like this on the bike and etc. Also he said “if i had something to explain” like somehow we still have this thing between us that we want to be together and like each other so if theres something I was worried he wouldnt like I could tell him. Otherwise he would just say “you dont need to worry cause we broke up and you dont have to justify yourself to me cause theres nothing between us anymore”
3. I don’t know if he still thinks I saw him that day but he seemed to have put that behind.Now I want to try to get closer, take some time, but invite him to do stuff with my friends or something like that but not pressuring him or it will all go down the drain. If he doesnt answer well to that well I might just really have a talk with him cause I’m not gonna let time pass until he finds someone and then I’ll regret letting things just slip away.
Sorry for all this text and thank you for anyones support that comes and for your opinions xx
Sounds like a lovely day 🙂 He’s definitely seems interested! even if he won’t admit it at the moment. I’m sure he will think about the meeting for a long time 😉
Like you’ve said now take some time, wait for him to reply, and be patient, maybe he’s still thinking what to say, maybe he doesn’t want to be seemed too excited. But there is definitely something there!
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