He says he would like to get back but…

ya i read all, at least had a look at ur posts:)

I see, well i strongly suggest you dont write him at all. he knew about the interwiev he didnt ask about it… what does it tell you? nothing good, and i am sorry and i know it hurts, but… it is like that.. NC until april would work for you? it 25 days and if u will feel okay fter those 25 days u still can make it 30 or more. better a bit more than less, trust me! I had done NC three times. reached out 2weeks after,one week after the first reach out and for his bday i got ignored. When I did FULL NC of not 30, but 55 days i got a response.imagine 55 days… and now you see i talk to him everyday. I swear it will be only best if u do NC. after NC ask about his mom. really it will be for your best interest. let him be now and u focus on urself.

and about friends; ah okay i understand 🙂 but idk talking with friends that are friends with him, only pops up more questions about him in ur head and its even harder for you.

Ohmy god i love him like i lvoed him the first day. with the difference i dont get to show him the love and dont receive any love from him. but No problem i am positive about reconciling.. not too soon, but i’ve learnt to be patient druing this 3 months:)

well I have an update in my situation…I did no contact for a month…dropped him a text he responded positively. I left it another week and asked for some car advice which I then apologised for my part in the argument and said I understand why he ended it. He said no hard feelings. I then left it another week after that and then I finally texted him last night to say that I think we are making a mistake and is there a chance we could chat over a coffee or beer sometime? He didn’t reply and I thought all was lost until I got a reply this morning. He agreed to meet and asked if I was ok. We’ve arranged to meet next weekend which I am over the moon about! I’ve never mentioned about getting back and I’ve never begged I’ve also given him plenty space. I think you should do the same Kaila!

@kaila, i didnt read through everything but i skimmed your story.

first – you mentioned he had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship? how long before? i ask because your relationship only lasted 5 months which leads me to think that it may have been a rebound for him. I’m not saying he didnt have real feelings, but getting out of an 8 year relationship should take someone a long time to get over. one of my best friends broke up in august with her boyfriend of 4 years because he moved to another state for medical school. she started dating someone else about a month after and i know she did love him but she ended things last week after 6 months because she realized she was still in love with her ex and never really gave herself a chance to grieve the relationship ending. she doesnt want to go back to her ex because it doesnt make sense right now, but she decided she needed some time to herself to sort out her feelings. i wonder if your ex just wasn’t ready for a new serious relationship.

second – you need to go no contact. don’t look for an excuse to reach out and text him. right now he is having his cake and eating it too. you jump at the opportunity to spend time with him and always initiate, but he hasn’t been forced to commit to you or be without you either. its a comfortable middle ground for him and he will stay there if you allow it. try to go a full 30 days and then re evaluate where you are and how you feel. n you wont be able to truly focus on yourself and your healing until you can cut him out and even if you do reconcile, you’ll need to be moved on and removed from the past relationship. tell him you need some time and space to gather your thoughts and you’ll reach out to him when youre ready. then really don’t reach out and take some time to reflect on the relationship, focus on you, get your own happiness back, and improve yourself for a future relationship, whether it be with or someone else. personally, i think 30 days isn’t enough time to do all of this, but start there and see how you feel. i guarantee if you do make it through 30 days of nc you will view the situation differently after.

third – its great that youre addressing your own personal issues (insecurity, neediness, etc.), but it takes time to get to the root of these issues and improve yourself. since you’ve been in contact with him and the break up is still relatively fresh, i don’t think its really been enough time to have made those changes. i know for me, i didnt really start making positive changes and being happy in my life until about 4 months after my break up because thats how long it took me to accept it was over and i had to move on – regardless of what was in store for the future. even if we reconcile, i would need to enter the relationship with a fresh start and i was unable to do that before because i still felt resentment, our old issues hadn’t gone away, and i was too obsessed with how to “get him back” and not how to be happy on my own. in my opinion, it will never work unless you are truly happy on your own.

fourth – don’t focus on him saying he would like to try again someday. i think that is a statement many ex’s make to lessen the blow and ease their own guilt about hurting someone. maybe he means it, but maybe he doesnt and its honestly too soon to know if he himself even means it yet! i know my ex has said that to me, but our situations are very very different. my ex and i were together for 7 years and he explicitly told me he wanted to date other people to confirm his “what if” doubts before he could make a greater commitment to me. honestly, he doesnt know if he wants to come back eventually or not! maybe he will if he dates other girls and sees he was happiest with me, but maybe he will meet someone else who he connects with and not even want to come back. if i hung on those words, i would never move on. is there a chance he will come back? absolutely. but i can’t wait around for it. maybe in the process ill meet someone and not even want him to come back! the point is that him saying that is stringing you along and you need to take the power back into your own hands. tell yourself “ok maybe he will be back, but maybe he wont. I’m going to keep finding other ways to make myself happy so if he does come back ill have all these great things to tell him and show him and if he doesnt i will be happy again because I’m actively seeking out other things to make me happy”. thats how you have to view this. there are no guarantees. theres no sure fire way to get an ex back and ultimately they have to decide to come back on their own. I’m a big advocate of giving time and space for a few months and then checking in to see how the other person feels, but some would disagree with the way to go about it. every situation is so different – some people reconcile after a week and some after years apart and of course others never do. I’m not a big fan of false hope and i think its great to get support through these forums, but strangers who read your stories can’t tell you that he will miss you and be back or that not contacting him will make him come back. no one can tell you these things. you have to take what everyone here says with a grain of salt and focus on becoming the best version of yourself and doing whatever it is you can to make yourself happy in the meantime. whatever is meant to be will be, but don’t ever revolve your life or your happiness over “getting someone back”. no one else in the world will ever be you and if your ex can’t appreciate that after some time apart then someone else will. put your own happiness first and don’t bank on him coming back. let it be a pleasant surprise if he does. my overall advice? don’t contact him for a while. give him plenty of time and space and then reach out and test the waters after enough time has passed.