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Posts
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Well I was with him yesterday. After going home he texted me saying ” I almost forgot, I tried the shirt on it totally fits, it’s great 😀 Thanks a lot. Kiss” I answered saying that was great, that I wanted to see him with it next time and for us to go for a ride one of these days then.
Nothing else other than that.
That is a great idea!! Yes do that. The car thing. You can maybe ask him to bring his daughter. Does she like you? Or maybe you never met?
And yes I will try… it hurts so much physically and emotionally. Lately I have been feeling kind of a burning sensation on my chest or belly or on the side. I feel like that when I am feeling really negative. Before I used to feel just… nervous. Like butterflies and bad overall. And it’s not easy to make it go away. I really have to turn positive for it to go away.
It actually is sad. I love him and believe so much we can work out, and I have changed the way I see things so much that I don’t want to give up at all. And even then maybe we won’t ever have that chance. I actually told him that last week when we went to the movies. I was affraid we would never get a chance. He said, “you are affraid you won’t have a chance?” and I said “no. I am affraid WE won’t get a chance”. I really hope everything works out
Kaila,
I think it’s pretty clear he still has feelings for you. If it makes you feel any better, when my ex and I broke up the first time around it was because of the same reasons you and your ex did. I was super insecure and jealous. But we got back together after I worked on myself. So your number one priority should be to prove to him that you’re not that person anymore. Give him space, maybe even do NC if you feel strong enough to do so. Be independent, it’s attractive to men when women can hold their own. I wouldn’t ask to see him just yet, because it seems like he doesn’t even know what it’s like not to have you in his life. He probably feels like he you’re always going to be around no matter what (and I know it’s true but you have to let him think you’re not going to wait around forever). Let him miss you a little. And if you do text him, keep it short and friendly. Build up the relationship on a positive note, so that means you have to give him time to get rid of all the negative stuff he’s been associating you with.
Hope that helps!
Yes it really does! Can you tell me a bit more of how you guys got back together? How it all happened?
You know I know I am thinking too much, I think… but I really wonder why we met, he was so sweet, said he should text more and all and then we didn’t talk for two weeks, he was liking my stuff on facebook even on valentines day. And then something seemed to change. I know he was really depressed that day, and he even liked a post on my facebook. And then no more likes. And the two times we were together he was colder… And last weekend he said he was gonna be busy and normally he says what he has been up to and he didn’t… Do you think something happened? Something changed? Did I hurt him by not contacting on valentines day or by not talking for two weeks? Did he met someone or something? Was it a turning point for him?
If it wasn’t enough for me to deal with the break up, I have to deal with him changing like that with me. One day he is all sweet, grabing my hand, being caring. Two weeks later he is somehwat different and colder…
Well I’m sure meeting you brought back a lot of feelings. He probably felt overwhelmed and realized he needs distance to heal. It’s like reopening a wound every time you see each other. I know after every time me and my ex talk I feel awesome and then when we stop talking I’m heart broken all over again. It’s just a vicious cycle that needs to be broken. Don’t take it personal, even if he is seeing someone else. I think my ex is seeing someone else currently. But I’m not too worried just yet.
My ex and I broke up for 5 months. We kept contact and we would text a couple of times a week, strictly friendly. 3 months after we broke up I happen to be in his town and he met me for lunch with a few friends. He wasn’t overly friendly, and didn’t give me any signals that he wanted to get back with me. Then a month later he asked me to be his date for a wedding and we decided to give things another shot when we met at the wedding! I never brought up getting back together nor did I say I missed and loved him while we were broken up. But I showed interest in his life and was definitely friendly and supportive.
Hi! So I was with our mutual friend today. She is really cool, we used to hang out the 4 of us a lot (me, him, her and her boyfriend). We became friends basically. We go to the gym 3 4 times a week together.
So she told me that he is gathering a lot of people at his house in a small town north of the country. She actually asked if I was going but in a way other people wouldnt understand. She says he looked at her, thought for a few seconds, laughed (not a mean laugh just thought it was funny how she asked it I guess) and said no.
I don’t know like.. I think maybe he doesn’t feel ready and is so unsure if we will ever get back he doesn’t feel like it’s a good idea… I don’t know exaclty what to think. She thinks that if we said we would remain friends he should invite me.Also she said she is going to talk to him. That she is sure other people have been telling him negative things and filling up his head with that and that she is the only person from his friends that actually knows me and how much I have changed and all that. I think she will say that and that we should really give it a try, that it isn’t something you can’t turn back on. Say we try and it doesn’t work, he just goes back to where he is now…
I am really affraid and I feel like he is really far from me. Like distant… That he is pulling away hard…
Should I have some talk with him for example try to figure out why did he change with me? Or send him an email saying some stuff? Before their talk?
I am affraid he will feel pressured to make a decision and between getting back or even just try to start feeling ready for it, he will decide to just go the other way and end these doubts completely
He will probably feel pressured if your friend starts talking to him yes!! Id advise her/him not to get involved. It’s been you and him so keep it that way. Yes they are his friends but definitely don’t let them get involved. He might start to feel pressured from all sides. Plus I don’t think you should pay much attention to what people say he has said. If he hasn’t said this to you then let it go over your head. He might say things to other people to sAve face and it may not be exactly how he feels. It might not be accurate because he doesn’t want to talk about this kinda thing with anyone but you.
That makes sense yes. But I am pretty sure his friends have all encouraged him to not get back, because I did make him suffer and all. She is the only one that could tell him otherwise, with reasons to. She is her friend too. She said she was doing this not just for me, but for him as well. I did ask her not to make him feel pressured and to give him her opinion so that he wouldn’t think I asked for it
Ahh right well if she’s more his friend then that’s cool. Thought she was more your friend. Would look like you’ve encouraged her to do it if she was. Well it seems there’s still something there he obviously still cares for you with everything you’ve said. I think you just need to give him some time! X
I just can’t get over how much he changed with me. A friend of mine saw him before valentines day and he didn’t seem well. He liked a post on FB on valentines day and I was told he was depressed that day. I really feel like his friends tried to make him feel better by talking crap about me and from that point on he started being more distant. Another friend told me that he sees him at a bar a lot and he is really well and happy.
I have been through a situation where I broke up and I couldn’t care about my ex and would go out and be happy. I only second guessed myself when I saw he was seeing someone else. We were in a long distance btw. I don’t want to have to pretend I am with someone for him to wake up
Kaila, I’ve read your posts. I think that you two should have had one month NC so he could really miss you and such. If he isnt sure of trying a new relationship, then dont force it. I think NC would be for now best. it seems like he still cares, but if he isnt sure to reconcile, then he wont. So you have to show him, you are okay being without him and that you’re happy and positive and confident (even if you are not, he needs to have that feeling, he probably will ask himself how she can be so okay without me, and same time he will see you arent desperate and needy for him). I understand you it is hard but for the best, and honestly, I had a friend(i am no longer friend with him cause of this), a mutual friend with my ex who also talked shit about me !! and in fact that was the one first thing that ruined my chances of reconciling in first few weeks.
If you talk to your mutual friends about your ex right now or did .. I strongly suggest do not. It will come to his ear- in a way more negative way than you might think, at least in my oppinion.
Really, dont text him anymore. It is hard and all, we all miss our ex’es and them being with us. But if he is friendly and nice and then gets cold, it sure tells he is defensive towards you in being together matter. Also that you have changed, don’t say that, when the time will be you will be able to SHOW HIM the changes and improvements you’ve made. saying so doesnt prove anything. he really needs to see them. 32Btw, about your friends. I had the same situation. they all were saying OH YOUR EX IS NORMAL and happy.. he isnt sad or depressed, he laughs jokes etc etc.. but i saw him a lot of times & i saw it on his face how depressed he was after new year. when I menitoned that to our mutual friends they were like: Loool he isnt, whats with you? forget about him already, he wont come back to you.
you know what he told me a week ago? That after new year he was depressed. and the mutual friends told me few weeks ago he was depressed. and i said: oh and when I said why he looks so sad and that i care about his well being you said NOT TRUE and bla bla… then i just told them: You know him, but you dont know who he is and I do. stupid-all of you, u look into his eyes and cant see the difference when he is happy and sad and I can see it from 20 meters!” Tho it is true that my ex has a poker face, but omg I always knew by looking at him, and no one else could know.He has a twin brother and my ex told me; I swear, no one knows who I really am, even my twin..you know me better than anyone else.” and I know its true. he is a loner and doesnt like people (same me) but we do hang out with same friends, 70% of my friends are also his, from before we were together.Oh and we know each other from kinder garten.
So my strong advice, really NC for real, if he intiates contact idk, you probably should ignore it. I know it’s so hard :/ i also had my last bf when I was 17, before i fell in love with my last bf and now im turning 22.. after 3 months i love him still..Thank you so much for your post and advice tami. So you read this last page of posts as well right?
I haven’t talked smack about him to mutual friends, I did once with this one because I was frustrated and I will say straight out he is being dumb by letting things slip like he is doing.
I was actually thinking of texting him for him to have a nice trip tomorrow and saying the phone he borrowed me isn’t working and ask him to get me an hardware stuff for my computer so that if the talk between our mutual friend and him goes wrong we have an excuse to be together. Also last time I waited for him to text, I really regret it. But it was after we had such a great meet up, I should have not let it cool, and try to become closer. Now in this case, I think yes, focusing on myself and try to show him in other ways I am good, positive, confident and such (facebook, mutual friends and stuff like that) will probably be better.
So you mean that after 3 months you still love your ex? It’s been two for me. I know I will love him for a long time, if we get back I will love him for years on end for sure 😛
Also his mother is sick. I would like to ask him about her. I honestly think it’s rude for me not to… but it ruins the plan. Also I had an interview yesterday he hasnt asked how it went..
Im afraid I agree with tami420. No contact for awhile-No excuses. You can ask how his mum is after no contact period is up. Strongly suggest you take some time out from him otherwise you’ll end up driving him away! You need to show you are independent and can live without him. That although he probably isn’t, he’s replaceable! I don’t think most men respond to being chased. I think they like the thrill of chasing someone and no contact is the only way you can encourage him to start chasing you! Give him a dose of what it’s like to not have you in his life! Even if it’s no contact for say 3 weeks? Just give him some space.
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