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I know what you mean. I’ve become a little obsessed with these boards recently.
Right now I feel like I’m in absolute agony. I know that sounds extreme, but it’s how I feel.I’m willing to bet that most people who HAVE gotten their ex back, do not come around here much anymore.
I had an injury that kept me in bed for three months, and I spent countless hours scouring message boards to hear success stories after the injury. I found almost nothing positive. But I recovered and I don’t post on those boards anymore. The people who did are the ones with complaints/problems. Do you know what I mean?I’m going a bit crazy today with racing thoughts. I miss him being here. Hopefully when I go to work, that will keep my mind occupied. Why am I SO irrational and insane when it comes to myself, but so level headed for everyone else? Ha.
I think I will go crazy if he stops trying to contact me. At least that’s how I feel now. I’m sure that will get better with time. I honestly don’t even know what I want anymore. That’s why I’m doing this whole NC thing.
And I am willing to bet the text messages he is attempting to send, that I am not getting, are super sweet, then super mean, then apologizing for being mean, then angry again and baiting for a reply. It’s all so predictable.
He called me last night at 1:30am. Obviously he was drunk. He also called a few minutes ago. I have him blocked, but I have an iphone and I can still see when he attempts to call but not texts.
This makes me feel better, which is terrible because I feel like I am playing games. It seems that it is always a power struggle with me and I always want to have the upper hand. In the past when I have “given in” it just always ends with too much emotion from both of us and each one of us trying to hurt the other. I need to get to that point where I am not “crazy” like this, and I know from past experiences that it takes me a lot of time to get to that point.Thanks a.z! I knew you would reply. You’re so helpful and kind. I am the same way. (Something my ex took advantage of)
I actually did do the writing thing earlier. It helped a bit. I go from being angry, very angry, to feeling really sad, to feeling okay. I do stay busy, but it’s hard to stay busy constantly. This is my third day NC, and it’s harder than the past two days.Thanks Loraina. I truly appreciate all the support here.
I’m having a really rough time today.You’re not disposable. It sounds like she is the one with the problems right now. And by problems I just mean that she doesn’t know what the hell she wants. I have a good feeling that she will come back to you eventually.
Honestly, I don’t even think you acted out of line. I would react the same way if my boyfriend were watching movies and hanging out with other females. I know there is no way for you to KNOW the answer to this for sure, but how do you think she would react if the tables were turned and it was you hanging around other girls? Just curious.
a.z. I could not hate you for the mind games. I do the mind games as well, and when they backfire (as they almost always do) I go bat shit crazy and act completely psychotic. That’s part of the reason I want to do NC that I was ashamed to admit before. I am extremely level headed and rational when it comes to everyone else but myself!! I know what to do that would be best. I have all the tools to make te best decisions. BUT, I let my emotions totally take over and I act so embarrassing.
Hi Loraina. Yes, mental health issues can be ugly. My problem is anxiety, but I’m getting help with that. I’m not exactly sure what his problem is, but I know that he gets really angry at himself for various reasons, but he projects his anger on to me in a big way. He is very much aware that he does this, and always sincerely apologizes, but then he does it again. I guess it’s hard for me to understand it because when I am very angry, I internalize it instead of projecting it. (I realize that neither one of those things is better or healthy)
Did you post your story? In new here, but I have been coming here A LOT because it helps me tremendously.Thanks again, a.z. I have been obsessively checking this board since I found it. I read a lot here, and I think it’s so nice how you and some of the others who have been here for awhile are so helpful. What made/helped you “get over” your ex? I’m assuming the answer is time. 🙂
This breakup is a little different for me because my last two relationships I broke up with them and never looked back. I didn’t care to. I think this one means more to me.I go back and forth with myself. I feel weak then strong, weak then strong. I’m sure that’s normal and I’m sure you can relate. I look around our home and I see all the genuinely happy photos, and I remember why I love him. But then I think of all the bad. I truly don’t know what’s in store for us. I say that I want to be over him after NC because I know that is a guaranteed happiness. If I do still want him a month from now, there is uncertainty of how it will go and that is scary to me. Sorry if I seem annoying. I’m just having racing thoughts. And I know he is out having fun this weekend, so he won’t care that we aren’t talking right now. As soon as the weekend is over, things will hit him again. He will get upset and hopefully do a lot of thinking. It’s not that I want him to be upset, but I do want him to do a lot of thinking.
Thanks a.z. I know my situation is a little different/confusing.
