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I’m new here, and new to the NC thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2.5 years. Recently, we fought badly and I told him to leave. He is currently staying with his parents and has been since mid-July. Both of us have good but stressful jobs, and we both have unaddressed mental health issues. Neither one of us can stay away from each other. We are both very much in love, but we hurt each other deeply. I’m currently addressing my mental health issues with therapy, and next month I see a psychiatrist to possibly get on medication. He takes medication now, but no therapy. I think therapy is the important part. We can’t seem to leave each other alone, and I’m thinking this NC thing would be best for both of us. I blocked him on my phone and on Facebook. (If I don’t block him, I will never be able to go through with this) I feel bad about blocking him without saying anything, but I did it anyway. I guess I was scared if I tried to talk to him about not talking for awhile, it would turn into a pissing match and we would both say things we didn’t mean to each other. That is what we don’t need right now. So, anyway, I want to try this and see what happens. I know that it can’t hurt. I will probably need to come back here often for support.
both you and him need to sort yourselves out, then focus on a relationship or else things will always be awful between the two of you.
Yes, I suppose I know that. I’m just a really sensitive person and it hurts. Thanks.
Honey..I know it hurts, but if you really do love him you gotta do this. It may be hard but you will thank each other when it’s over and things will be so much better. The exact same thing happened to my parents as my mother has had mental health issues in the past ten years. I hope everything turns out okay for you two. <3
Today I unblocked him because I knew that he would contact me and I wanted to explain where I’m at. He texted me asking why I blocked him on fb. I explained that we both need some time apart which means no communication for awhile. I was very nice about it. He then fired off all of these angry/rude messages. I told him that I understood that he is just sad/angry and that I won’t hold his rude behavior against him. Then a little later he was texting me saying he’s hurting really bad. I didn’t respond, but I did feel bad because I hate that he is hurting. (Even though I am also hurting) anyway, now he keeps texting every so often saying that we need to fix this and begging me to respond. I hate to ignore him, because I know how that feels. I just wish I could make him realize that this is what’s best for both of is right now. (I actually did try to explain that to him, but he is very immature emotionally if that makes sense) Anyway, I just wanted to vent, and ask for encouragement. Thanks!
This is my first real day of NC. I know he will not leave me alone, so he is blocked on everything. He needs to make some changes, and so do I. This is going to be tough.
HEY,
If you are saying that both of you need therapy, go for it and ask him to do so.
Then i wanted to add something .i don’t think if NC alone will help that much in your situation.once you finish NC,you will meet/talk and if there is no change, you are gonna end up fighting and you will be back to step 1 again.I was suffering from anger issue and once kevin suggested me to read the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.i read it and it was like a miracle in my life.i highly recommend you to read it.
I suggest you to do LC and try to communicate with him in a right way while both of you are getting therapy at the same time.Best of Luck
Thanks a.z. The reason I want to do NC is because I always give in and take him back after he is the one who screws up. He grew up very spoiled and is very much used to always getting what he wants, when he wants it. I can’t control the fact that he always feels entitled and does not think of the consequences of his actions but what I can control is myself and how I react to his unacceptable behavior. He has really taken advantage of the fact that I am always there for him. He knows he can keep messing up and I will be there. I feel that it needs to stop.
Thank you very much for the book suggestion. I will check it out on amazon.Yeah,if that’s the way he is,he absolutely needs that.but help him to resolve his issues after the NC period.
Your more than welcome 🙂I’m really really hoping that after NC, I won’t even care about being together. I can’t imagine feeling that way right now, but if that happens I think it would be great. I just want to feel happy again. I’m so tired of feeling sad/anxious.
I understand you and you don’t need to be in a relationship you are tired of.i almost never heard someone say i really hope i won’t care about being together after NC.and it shows that you are exhausted.if you really think you are not gonna have a long healthy relationship with him,you should continue NC for 2-3 months and try to move on.at least until the time you make sure about your feeling and what you really want.
I go back and forth with myself. I feel weak then strong, weak then strong. I’m sure that’s normal and I’m sure you can relate. I look around our home and I see all the genuinely happy photos, and I remember why I love him. But then I think of all the bad. I truly don’t know what’s in store for us. I say that I want to be over him after NC because I know that is a guaranteed happiness. If I do still want him a month from now, there is uncertainty of how it will go and that is scary to me. Sorry if I seem annoying. I’m just having racing thoughts. And I know he is out having fun this weekend, so he won’t care that we aren’t talking right now. As soon as the weekend is over, things will hit him again. He will get upset and hopefully do a lot of thinking. It’s not that I want him to be upset, but I do want him to do a lot of thinking.
Thanks a.z. I know my situation is a little different/confusing.No,its cool,i understand you.
First of all,you need to pack everything that belongs to him and put it in out of your sight,including his photos,clothes… .pack everything that reminds you of him.
I even know how you feel when your home and he is not there and it hurts cuz you remember the good times you had there.so you should create good times without him at your place.invite friends,even invite a date home,invite your close friend and do something funny,buy a pet do something to create good moments and memories when your home. I’m saying i know exactly how you feel cuz once i broke up with my ex and i couldn’t even sleep in my own bed.so trust me,do something to have a good time and everything will change.
Again i exactly know what you mean when you feel strong then week.and yeah,thats really normal.you are confused and you absolutely need some time to recover.
Get yourself busy,go out and have fun,do something you always wanted to do,go to gym,do everything that makes you feel better.
Do not stalk him during NC at all and don’t care about what he may be doing/thinking.instead help yourself and try to have good moments.
Continue NC as long as you feel this confusion.and whenever you need to talk,come here and talk to us.I’m sure,you are gonna be fine
Thanks again, a.z. I have been obsessively checking this board since I found it. I read a lot here, and I think it’s so nice how you and some of the others who have been here for awhile are so helpful. What made/helped you “get over” your ex? I’m assuming the answer is time. 🙂
This breakup is a little different for me because my last two relationships I broke up with them and never looked back. I didn’t care to. I think this one means more to me.Just wanted to say hi and sorry to hear bout your situation! My ex husband also had unaddressed mental health issues. Those are unbelievably hard to deal with and can easily rip apart a good relationship! The answer to getting over that one was time, supportive people, and reminding myself that I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to even help themselves. My current situation is hurting even more because it was sudden. I’m guessing time and concentrating on myself and my kids is what will get me through this one. Everyone here is amazingly supportive and that really helps as well! I’m not sure how I’d get through some of the days without being able to talk to the people on here!
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