NLSad

Sadly most of my favorite artists makes depressing music. I’ll be ok though, it’s doesn’t bring me down super hard. It’s better me sitting in silence just thinking. It’s ok it’s supposed to get easier but there will definitely be more set backs. No problem, i don’t mind helping but you’ve done a lot to help me as well.

Have you also thought that maybe our ex’s are also doing NC because they don’t know how they should approach us? Or is that just me? Mainly because i know my ex will feel bad and guilty for what she did to me so i figured that’s what she may be doing but idk.

She actually told me that before we broke up so losing me was always a fear for her as well so i don’t understand why she did what she did. I’m still waiting on the reach out but it is getting harder. I just want a sign or something but it’s so hard to read her. I get what you mean though because she did say that she loved me as well and has been wanting to tell me since the beginning but wasn’t sure if she should.

It’s ok to feel guilty about it because you still have feelings for your ex, i would probably feel guilty as well but if it helps you feel better than it’s not too bad. It’s not like you have any intention of dating them or anything. Sometimes it’s better to use that as a form of distraction, or a confidence boost. It raises your attraction level if anything so don’t beat yourself up over it.

I understand because i feel the same way even when i feel absolutely hopeless. Well that’s good hopefully you understood my analogy then. He’s really being petty about everything then, because eventually he will wonder about you. It’ll take time but if he plays it that way then it’ll crumble soon, it seems like a front to hide his feelings to me.

It doesn’t hurt to watch his stories but if he is deliberately hiding his stories from you then he obviously still thinking about you. Why would anyone go through that kind of trouble for if they weren’t thinking of you? Just take it as a sign if anything. Don’t think too negatively about it because it will bring you down (i should know because I’ve been rather negative myself for the last two days and it’s starting to scare me). Like I said before him hiding it from you, posting things that pertain to your relationship are signs. If you really want to know what is on his story ask your best friend that you trust that would not tell him to view it if that’ll bring you comfort. Also, i know it’s hard given how popular it is for everyone, but if social media is stressing you out about it then take a break from it. I may do the same thing because i know it kind of hurts my healing process as well. Don’t worry you’re not alone as far as feeling down goes because it still hurts the both of us that someone we gave everything to just up and walks out on us. Give yourself the chance to cry it’s ok, for me it’s kind of getting a little dangerous and out of control (totally skipped the crying, and i think I’m starting to develop severe depression from this BS). Just hang in there the best you can because something good is bound to happen to us at some point right? We can’t keep taking losses forever. I don’t know if this analogy will work for you, but think of the basketball team the golden state warriors (I’m a huge basketball fan, idk if you know them or anything but I’m going to use them in this analogy), so for years they continued to take losses, couldn’t make it to the playoffs some years and when they did they couldn’t even make it to the finals. Well after gathering the right pieces, working hard, and sticking with it they finally got their first championship and have been in the top of the NBA ever since. Right now we are the GSW, right now we have to gather our pieces, work hard and sticking to it and eventually we will also reach our goal. If any of this was easy then this forum wouldn’t be here for people to reach out and try to help each other. Of course it’s always easier to quit and let life just beat us down, but nobody said that obtaining happiness was easy. If we quit and give up we would be just like our ex’s who walked out on us and took the easy route instead of sticking it out for the rough part. It sucks and it’s painful but we are both fighters with a don’t quit mentality, it’s only painful because we don’t see any results right away but as you know results takes time and a lot of effort. Your efforts are starting to show because it is affecting your ex, you’re getting a reaction out of him. Some people (like me) get no reaction (at least ones that we can’t see). So let yourself feel because it is part of the healing process, if you feel down and hopeless just tell yourself that you don’t have to get your ex back today, but it does not mean you can’t get him back, Because there will always be that chance.

Wow I was not aware that that went down a t the party. I imagined that he told you in private not announced it out loud. That’s just horrible. Woah that’s crazy though that’s another thing we have in common. My ex broke up with me on November 10th as well that’s so fucked (even though that’s not your official breakup day). I had asked my friends about everything pertaining to my situation and one of them mentioned something called seasonal depression or something, it made sense to me at the time but even if my ex was depressed at that time she should’ve been ok by now but I’m not sure. You should consider yourself high value though, everyone should that’s why there are standards.

I wouldn’t doubt that someone knows the details of what happened though. I’m sure your ex told his best friend exactly what his reason was for breaking up with you unless he’s private himself (which doesn’t seem like he is since he already told everyone). My ex is very private as well but I’m sure she told her best friend why she broke up with me so I’ll never know until she herself tells me. There’s a lot of reasons why a lot of guys would talk to you, either they just want to be friends and help you out (being good people) or they are trying to shoot there shot seeing how you’re no longer taken. It’s not entirely bad because if your ex sees that other guys find you desirable then he will probably come back a lot faster, that works in your favor entirely. If he finds out that you’re talking, hanging out, etc. with other guys he will get really jealous (if he still has feelings for you, which I’m sure he does). It doesn’t matter if he is talking to someone new or anything either because he probably expects you to sit around being upset still up until he finds out that you’re talking to another guy or something and it will drive him mad (that’s what happened to me for the ex i did get back).

Actually changing for her wasn’t hard at all. She just listed what she thought was bad and i said ok i won’t do them anymore and just completely stopped. No more casinos, no more cannabis (wasn’t too big on it really anyways), pretty much anything that made her feel insecure about me or anything i changed up and made her a priority. I had done everything she wanted but i guess it wasn’t enough (probably due to her family). I’m not entirely sure of what i could’ve done to hurt her to be honest, we have never argued over anything, we always planned out our day and usually they would go accordingly, when she broke up with me she said i did absolutely nothing wrong and it was on her end (i think it’s because i May have been a little insecure/clingy, or whatever but that’s only because she’s not very emotional i guess so i couldn’t figure anything going on with her). I figured that it came down to her wanting to make her family happy over her own, lack of communication, stress from her new full time job (she never worked a full time job before because she was in school) and maybe because attraction dropped. She did acknowledge that i tried my absolute best but I’m not sure why she broke it off because all i got were the cliches and just thinking about all the BS cliches pisses me off because i know they are all lies. All i know is other than losing confidence in myself (which i need to regain) i also need to go back to how i was before i even got with her (which is what attracted her to begin with). I know her feelings for me can’t have possibly went away (because she’s been into me for 5 years before we actually dated) and that she only started acting weird once her dad actually said something about the relationship. If i link everything together (because we were fine up until that point) i know that her families words had a huge impact on her decision and it pisses me off more because she was so ready to go against her parents but when it came down to it she became a coward. She told me other things too that her family said why we probably won’t work out or something like how both our families operate differently, brought up my families history and figured I’d end up like my parents or something so with all that going on and her not being as strong willed (idk if that’s the right word for it) of course she would give in and crack under their pressure.

That is very ridiculous. I understand what you’re saying about his spending habits (because i too have that problem i just use my money more on my S/O) but he should really learn how to control those wants and needs. He should know you’re only looking out for him and if he can’t appreciate that then he needs to fix that because being broke or barely scraping by sucks. It is however something he should discover on his own. If you could go back and retry that incident again, you should’ve let him experience the struggle of scraping by with what he had because he can’t control his wants. It’s not that hard to learn once you’ve been in that struggle. He probably felt like if he was struggling hard then you’d bail him out but he can’t rely on people like that. It’s a very immature mind set to have but he has to realize that for himself.

That’s the same for me. First week i didn’t even leave my room only to do the necessities (aside from eating) my appetite was at an all time low because i was too focused on my depression to think of food. Second week was pretty much me dying trying to not text her knowing that i would be happier if she would just reach out to me (i tried going to the gym to distract me but it’s hard to lift when you have the weight of your depression also holding you back), she ended up texting me throughout the first two weeks then stopped up until my birthday then stopped again. Third week for me was a lot of highs and lows (pretty much me thinking about to to fix myself, being motivated and then feeling really low to where i thought about harming myself, which is know it dumb and not worth it). Now at this point (which is my second week of my second attempt at no contact) it’s a repeat of the previous one except now I’ll feel hopeful one moment and confident that she will come back to feelings completely hopeless. It’s a whole shitty roller coaster that won’t end and it sucks when you put in so much effort to make things work just to have it fail anyways, because of that I’ll sometimes no matter how hard i try it’ll mean nothing in the end (that’s just what my depressed mind is thinking). Hopefully they realize soon before by the time they want to say sorry it’ll be too late, either we will have moved on or our love for our ex’s will turn into something bitter.

That’s great! I’m happy that you found something else to do instead of being sad all day. Not sure if you see that going anywhere or anything but make sure you’re 100% better before you decide to get back out there, because there’s nothing worse then dating someone just to get over your ex because then you’ll just be putting someone else in the same situation we’re in.

Well did the person tell you the specific reason? (You do not have to tell me because it is not my business but depending on what he did wrong exactly is how you should plan your move) It’s not problem I do not mind helping out however i can, it’s just you worked so hard to keep NC for this long that id hate for you to have to restart it all over again. You’re making progress already with coping with your situation, understanding what you need do to improve yourself so confronting him about it will just put you back at square one all over again.

NC will give you the time to figure everything out. Like i said before time will reveal everything, so unless he’s victimizing himself and trying to make people feel sorry for him by saying “oh it’s my fault blah blah”, or trying to make people pity him then i wouldn’t worry about it. Sometimes the person that did the breakup will try to make themselves look like the victim in all of it so that even if they did something wrong they will try and pin it on you somehow (i didn’t do that but I’ve seen it happen before). Just give yourself time to figure out if it is all worth it to you because you know what you deserve and how you should be treated and if you have to reevaluate the entire relationship the good and bad, think about how he responded to every argument, kind gesture, etc. and figure out if you were treated right the entire time and that is how you will know if it is all worth it or you’re just feeling like your self worth dropped because he broke up with you (guess what it didn’t! Just because someone can’t appreciate you for who you are does not necessarily mean you are less because someone else was too dumb to realize it).

It’s ok you help me out too. Messaging you back and forth helped calm my mind down as far as thinking my chances are dead or that she no longer is affected my me and it’s all mainly because you also understand my situation. I feel like my situation may be improving however. I can’t reallh explain it but it is a feeling. Lately it seems like my ex has been stalking my social media (obviously has been viewing my stories) but because of her timid personality i think she’s just afraid of how i would react to her approaching me after hurting me. Of course I’m not going to act on that gut feeling because i cannot confirm it but when she’s ready to talk she knows my phone is always open. A reason why it seems like I’m helping you out more is mainly because i haven’t really seen or heard anything about her lately, all i have to rely on are either my thoughts and suspicions. I try to to worry about it because i know everything will work itself out whether i get her back or not. If what i had with her was real (which both her and i felt) then she will be back, i just have to give her what she wants which is the breakup. She’s really good at hiding her feelings but i can tell she hasn’t forgotten about me or lost feelings for me. Of course I’m thinking this way now because I’m calm about it, but sometimes i do get scared as well but i can’t let that fear hold me back all the time.

It’s ok to feel that way every now and then. It happens because of what we are going through. I haven’t been as motivated to anything much since the breakup but we can’t stay like this for long. It’s ok to spend time and let yourself feel this way because I’ve been doing the same just in a depressed mood really. Some days you’ll be wayyy up and other days you’ll be down again but you have to remember that everytime you feel a set back just feel it get up and try to move forward again. This is a healing process for us we need time to grieve the loss as well. I feel it’s because even though they left us we haven’t really accepted that it really happened yet so that’s why we are still holding on, but once we figure out how to accept it and let go eventually it may come around again (on their terms as unfair as that sounds). If we initiate it then we look weak and desperate in their eyes and we will push them back further.

That may be the case but me and my ex also have had that conversation as well but i feel like she wasn’t as committed as i was. We could talk to them about the future all day if we wanted to but in order to make that plan a reality they have to realize the type of work that goes into achieving those plans and that’s probably what rattled them (atleast my ex I’m not sure about yours, but these are all just assumptions because i cannot speak on her behalf). I understand his point of view as well as far as the spending and school goes because 1) lets be honest nobody likes being told what to do with their money (his logic is probably i worked hard for it so i want to use it how i want,atleast that’s my thought but for me i like to spend whatever on my S/O because i feel she deserves it) 2) obviously trying to graduate is a big deal (for me I’m still in nursing school at the moment but the fact that he is afraid of not being able to graduate may have made him feel he wasn’t good enough or something, that’s how i would feel in that situation because what girl wants to be with a guy that has a uncertain future? That fear is what probably helped to contribute to his depression as well, again not entirely sure because I’m not him but that’s how i would feel and sometimes do feel). I got those same cliches too so I’m with you on that but i know that’s the biggest BS excuse ever because you can obviously tell when someone loves you because when you’re with them you can tell, like you can even feel it.

So about texting them for the holidays, I want to say yes but then at the same time you have to think would they do the same for you? For example for the thanksgiving that just passed I did not message my ex happy thanksgiving but it’s not like she tried to do the same for me. Based on videos and everything that i have been watching, a lot of them say No as far as contacting them goes because our ex’s pretty much told us that they didn’t want us in their lives anymore (at the moment or whatever) so we owe them absolutely nothing. The thing is we’ve already given them everything we could’ve and even today they still have every bit of our love as much as they had when they were with us. On top of all that if they do miss us or something and the thought of us would make them upset would you want them to feel that way on Christmas? But who knows if we are lucky we might get a Christmas miracle (although it is wishful thinking). They should already know that we are still thinking about them, they should know how we feel about them because they are the ones that left us therefore should know where we stand. The problem with that is because they know that if they wanted to they could be like “hey baby I’m back” and we will be quick to jump at that chance but we need them to feel unsure about that because we should not be a second choice, we should not be a back burner because we deserve better than that. Right now they have all the power and in order to change that we just have to keep up what we’ve been doing as hard as that is. Besides in your situation you’ve been around him for 2 straight Christmas’s already he’s gonna feel the difference this year but you have to let him make the first move, if he even does, because for all we know our ex’s currently doesn’t know how to approach us or contact us even though it’s very simple. The fact that they know they hurt us will probably make them both very hesitant about contacting us. For us to think about messaging them on Christmas (I’m not going to lie to you I also want to text my ex) is just an excuse for us to break NC and we do not want to let our struggle this far go to waste.

My ex (the one I’m trying to get back) said i made her cringe too but i was doing the same thing I’ve been doing since i started dating her which is strange because i didn’t change how i acted towards her at all. I can tell you that he may be flirting with her because he’s trying to fill that void that was left him in when he left you (I’m ashamed to say i did the same thing). Just know that even if he dates her it’ll be a rebound relationship and that he will definitely be comparing you to her and guess what? Everytime that comparison comes up you will win out each and everytime. That and his friends will probably question what he is doing and will tell him that the new girl is not you. If they are his real friends they will tell him exactly how they feel about it all. The thing about guys is if he dates her he will see that the grass is not greener on the other side, and when he realizes that because he tried to date someone else he will come back to you a lot faster than him sitting around just thinking about your relationship with him. It’s a painful thought but if you try to accept it for what it is now it’ll hurt less. Like i said before after a 2 year relationship, connecting on an emotional level with you it will make a huge difference and every girl he meets along the way will not be enough until he comes back to you. If i found out my ex was doing that to another dude I’d be very upset as well but we cannot tell them anything about their choices. I can tell you that even though she may not be talking/flirting to anybody else I’ve been pretending or assuming she is and it does hurt just thinking about it but if you deal with that pain now you won’t be as hurt or shocked if it does happen.

Some other things that I’ve realized that is making me want to reach out to her again is because I’m still using logic behind all my thoughts but logic cannot apply to human emotions. You might even find yourself making excuses for your ex giving him the benefit of the doubt (i was doing that a lot) but when you realize that it’s just you trying to justify everything for them it will hurt your healing process sometimes i still find myself trying to figure it all out but eventually I’ll have to accept everything as is. Eventually time will reveal why everything went down the way it did and maybe the chance to reconcile will show up as well.