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Thought I will have a fun day but is actually the opposite things are going well until someone told me that my ex have told him that he is breaking up with me weeks prior when he told me his decision. Basically everyone knows but me all of his blockmates, circle of group, and even ones that we are not close with him he basically spread the news that he is breaking up with me except me the person who is in relationship with him. This hurt me a lot how can he do that to me that is the most immature thing anyone can do in a relationship. Now he is leaving breadcrumbs through social media making me hope that there might be chance for us. I am deeply hurt I feel so violated after the two years we have spent together it feels like. I cant help but be emotional while drinking it just hurts so much I hope my crying will not spread in the entire school. I feel like everyone is looking at me with petty by what he have done.
I wanna talk to him about what we he did he basically shamed me now everyone is looking at me with pity how does someone stomach that it hurts so much.
Look at it this way, the breakup happened regardless of what the situation was beforehand. Nothing you can say or do at this point will changes that and if you do act on this it’s just you acting out of emotion and can push your ex further away from you. I get that him going around saying that is a fucked up thing, i can imagine how betrayed and hurt you feel at the moment but you have to keep it together. You’ve been in NC for 3 weeks now in pain, but if you confront him about this it could make your situation worse. For him to go around and tell people that he is going to do it is probably him looking for validation that he is doing the right thing. Did this person tell you anything else like his reason why he was going to breakup with you? At this point you need to determine for yourself whether your ex is worth getting back. I know it hurts you right now because nobody wants to hear that someone they loved and dedicated a lot of time to had been planning to leave them for a while (my recent ex told me herself that she was planning on it as well but I’m sure it’s BS). I’m sorry that that happened to you but if you want him to feel how fucked up he is you need to stay in NC. Yes he may be leaving breadcrumbs for you but like i said it could be a sign that what you are doing is effecting him. There will be a time for you to be able to discuss everything out with him but not right now when you are still very emotional about it. Just try to gather yourself, if you have to vent to your best friend (the only person who you can trust to show weakness to), do not let him know that you’re hurting as hard as that is. You’ve done a good job at keeping NC for this long and there may be more bumps ahead of you just remember to keep moving forward.
Thank you. You are a life saver. Yes he did mention that it was all his fault that he did something wrong. That is what this person told me.
Right now my opinion of him did go down I was so sure that he was worth it but now I am having doubts I know NC will make things clear.
Sorry that it seem like you are much of help I am sorry that I can only give you advice sometimes yet you give me so much motivation hope I can help you more.
Well did the person tell you the specific reason? (You do not have to tell me because it is not my business but depending on what he did wrong exactly is how you should plan your move) It’s not problem I do not mind helping out however i can, it’s just you worked so hard to keep NC for this long that id hate for you to have to restart it all over again. You’re making progress already with coping with your situation, understanding what you need do to improve yourself so confronting him about it will just put you back at square one all over again.
NC will give you the time to figure everything out. Like i said before time will reveal everything, so unless he’s victimizing himself and trying to make people feel sorry for him by saying “oh it’s my fault blah blah”, or trying to make people pity him then i wouldn’t worry about it. Sometimes the person that did the breakup will try to make themselves look like the victim in all of it so that even if they did something wrong they will try and pin it on you somehow (i didn’t do that but I’ve seen it happen before). Just give yourself time to figure out if it is all worth it to you because you know what you deserve and how you should be treated and if you have to reevaluate the entire relationship the good and bad, think about how he responded to every argument, kind gesture, etc. and figure out if you were treated right the entire time and that is how you will know if it is all worth it or you’re just feeling like your self worth dropped because he broke up with you (guess what it didn’t! Just because someone can’t appreciate you for who you are does not necessarily mean you are less because someone else was too dumb to realize it).
It’s ok you help me out too. Messaging you back and forth helped calm my mind down as far as thinking my chances are dead or that she no longer is affected my me and it’s all mainly because you also understand my situation. I feel like my situation may be improving however. I can’t reallh explain it but it is a feeling. Lately it seems like my ex has been stalking my social media (obviously has been viewing my stories) but because of her timid personality i think she’s just afraid of how i would react to her approaching me after hurting me. Of course I’m not going to act on that gut feeling because i cannot confirm it but when she’s ready to talk she knows my phone is always open. A reason why it seems like I’m helping you out more is mainly because i haven’t really seen or heard anything about her lately, all i have to rely on are either my thoughts and suspicions. I try to to worry about it because i know everything will work itself out whether i get her back or not. If what i had with her was real (which both her and i felt) then she will be back, i just have to give her what she wants which is the breakup. She’s really good at hiding her feelings but i can tell she hasn’t forgotten about me or lost feelings for me. Of course I’m thinking this way now because I’m calm about it, but sometimes i do get scared as well but i can’t let that fear hold me back all the time.
Well remember I told you about his spending habits I help him sometimes and lend him money that is the root case of our argument. I was saying that he should change for this kind of behaviour will only lead him to more trouble. That’s when he said that I should break up with him becoz he gives me so much problem. Saying that I don’t deserve this. I didn’t want to breakup I want to compromise but I guess he don’t want to because all he can say is he can’t do this anymore maybe that’s why he found a way to breakup with me.
I hope my ex is like yours but no he post all these non sense things at social media putting up a front so that everyone will think he is not affected I really think he is overdoing it it makes him look pathetic.
Even then it’s not that big of a deal to want to leave someone. It sounds like he just threw a fit and came up with an excuse to break up with you. Breakups like that don’t usually last once he realize how childish he is being if that is the reason. I could never ask my girlfriend for money or accept help, that makes me feel weak so i couldn’t do it no matter how hard I’m struggling, but he should’ve seen that you cared about him enough to offer help so that’s not a good reason to breakup at all. Wouldn’t most women find that to be a turn off anyways?
The problem is I’m not sure if she is stalking my social media, it’s just an assumption, for all i know she’s just curious about how I’m doing or something. I wish my ex was posting childish shit that way i know for sure that what I’m doing is effecting her. At this point i want to see some kind of reaction but either I’m not picking up on them or there’s really no reaction to be seen just yet. I do feel like I’ve finally come to terms with the breakup though as shitty as it feels. I know that the only way i can move forward and make myself better is if i just accept it for what it is for now. If it’s going to happen again then it will, either i will reach out to her when I’m ready or she will. I do still hope that she will realize the breakup was a little rash but i can’t sit there and wait you know? It’s slowing me down and making me way too depressed. I recently went to the doctors and due to the depression and the effect the break up had on me i lost 20 lbs in two weeks.
The thing is I think he didn’t want to change at all his spending habits have been a long time issue in our relationship. That argument I pleaded for him to change but instead of saying that he will try to change he wanted me to breakup with him he didnt even try to discuss the issue just flat out said that I should break up with him. So knowing that I will not agree to that he asked for space instead and in that span of time he decided that he can’t fight for our relationship anymore and started telling it to people we are not even close with.
Well our situation really is hard we are pushed away by people who we have loved. The first week I didn’t even bother to get out of bed the second week I really tried to get myself up for uni and by the third I keep missing a class or two for a minor subject. I didnt eat as much I skip my breakfast and lunch and I find that everything is draining me. But I believe I made some progress even though sometimes I cry out of nowhere. At first I was devasted to see him posting so much on social media but then I remembered that when he is the happiest he never even posted about it in the past. Now I don’t know why but I kind of pity him that he is going such lengths to make it seem like he is okay. I wish you would take care of yourself better even though we might not get our ex back only time will tell we need to get back up on our feet. We are a loss to them they will realize that.
Someone from the party is talking to me and he seems nice and all. He comforted me and said that I don’t deserve this then we played online games all night long it is so good to find some people still sympathize with you even though we are not that close before.
That is very ridiculous. I understand what you’re saying about his spending habits (because i too have that problem i just use my money more on my S/O) but he should really learn how to control those wants and needs. He should know you’re only looking out for him and if he can’t appreciate that then he needs to fix that because being broke or barely scraping by sucks. It is however something he should discover on his own. If you could go back and retry that incident again, you should’ve let him experience the struggle of scraping by with what he had because he can’t control his wants. It’s not that hard to learn once you’ve been in that struggle. He probably felt like if he was struggling hard then you’d bail him out but he can’t rely on people like that. It’s a very immature mind set to have but he has to realize that for himself.
That’s the same for me. First week i didn’t even leave my room only to do the necessities (aside from eating) my appetite was at an all time low because i was too focused on my depression to think of food. Second week was pretty much me dying trying to not text her knowing that i would be happier if she would just reach out to me (i tried going to the gym to distract me but it’s hard to lift when you have the weight of your depression also holding you back), she ended up texting me throughout the first two weeks then stopped up until my birthday then stopped again. Third week for me was a lot of highs and lows (pretty much me thinking about to to fix myself, being motivated and then feeling really low to where i thought about harming myself, which is know it dumb and not worth it). Now at this point (which is my second week of my second attempt at no contact) it’s a repeat of the previous one except now I’ll feel hopeful one moment and confident that she will come back to feelings completely hopeless. It’s a whole shitty roller coaster that won’t end and it sucks when you put in so much effort to make things work just to have it fail anyways, because of that I’ll sometimes no matter how hard i try it’ll mean nothing in the end (that’s just what my depressed mind is thinking). Hopefully they realize soon before by the time they want to say sorry it’ll be too late, either we will have moved on or our love for our ex’s will turn into something bitter.
That’s great! I’m happy that you found something else to do instead of being sad all day. Not sure if you see that going anywhere or anything but make sure you’re 100% better before you decide to get back out there, because there’s nothing worse then dating someone just to get over your ex because then you’ll just be putting someone else in the same situation we’re in.
I am quite guilty of bailing him out sometimes. Looking back I wish I have let him feel what it is like to be in a situation because of his wrong decisions. He did improve actually (he use to gamble) but after explosive fighting a lot about it he stopped. But then he can’t even manage his own money it is always his wants first before needs. So I wish this break he will finally sort it out by himself.
They will come back I don’t know why but I feel it in my gut. In our exchange of replies I just feel it. I wish by that time we still harbor our decision to fight for them because I believe love is a conscious choice and not based on feelings once we have give up there will be no changing our mind.
I know thanks for the heads up but it looks like he isn’t interested in me. I think he just wants to be friends and even if I don’t think I am ready to go into another relationship as well.
I used to gamble a lot too. So i understand what you mean, but i know my ex didn’t like that at all so i completely stopped that plus other bad habits because i knew she didn’t like it. I did what i could to make her happy and it just sucks that even after doing all that it amounted to absolutely nothing. I ended up going to the casino once after just to try to lose everything but i ended doubling up. Well with nobody to bail him out now he will definitely learn.
I do hope so, but i get that feelings every now and then too. Its just sometimes after having so much confidence in it there are times where you question it like are they really going to come around? Then you think back on the mistakes that were made (if there were any) and you continue to beat yourself up over it and somehow manage to lose a little hope. I don’t want to give up on it because it’s not what i want to do (i guess that’s where I’m a little selfish) but it’s a scary thought that maybe she won’t come back because she’s hard headed and way too obedient of her parents to even do what she wants to make herself happy. As far as once we give up and not changing our mind, nothing is always set in stone, they will just have to go the extra mile to show us they are serious that’s all.
Either way it’s not bad that you’re making new friends. It shows that other people want to be around you because of your personality. How did that guy come to know your situation anyways?
Well I told you that I went to a party right it is actually my block’s Christmas Party. After the games and eating we went to a bar to get drinks that’s when this person announced to the world about my breakup. I was so shocked that he knew of it and we’re not even close to him my ex and I (he’s gay and a blabbermouth) so I confronted him about it he said that my ex told him at a party on nov 10 that he is breaking up with me citing only that it’s his fault but he actually broke up with me on Nov. 29 that’s why I was so devastated that I cried because I know that the news has spread weeks before he oficially ended it with me I feel so betrayed I don’t want anyone to look at me with pity. I consider myself high value.
So after crying I left the bar. I didn’t know what happened afterwards maybe my guy friends (was the only girl there) have discussed it with my other blockmates or maybe that freakin blabbermouth but nobody knows the real details of course because I am a person who likes privacy (except you). So when I was home and browsing everyone’s my day of the party this guy chatted me asking me if I was okay and Did I get home safe. Then he consoled me then he asked me to play LOL with him. (I don’t know why but it seems like all of the guys are suddenly chatting me up.)
Changing your bad habits is really hard even though you know it will only lead you to a destructive path. I do admire that you changed for your ex obviously mine can’t that is why he broke up with me. I know we have also done something to hurt them we are not perfect but we are willing to work on it that’s the difference. Maybe before going through the breakup they tried to pinpoint our mistake to justify their decision mine did. But I know they will come to realize their mistake.
Wow I was not aware that that went down a t the party. I imagined that he told you in private not announced it out loud. That’s just horrible. Woah that’s crazy though that’s another thing we have in common. My ex broke up with me on November 10th as well that’s so fucked (even though that’s not your official breakup day). I had asked my friends about everything pertaining to my situation and one of them mentioned something called seasonal depression or something, it made sense to me at the time but even if my ex was depressed at that time she should’ve been ok by now but I’m not sure. You should consider yourself high value though, everyone should that’s why there are standards.
I wouldn’t doubt that someone knows the details of what happened though. I’m sure your ex told his best friend exactly what his reason was for breaking up with you unless he’s private himself (which doesn’t seem like he is since he already told everyone). My ex is very private as well but I’m sure she told her best friend why she broke up with me so I’ll never know until she herself tells me. There’s a lot of reasons why a lot of guys would talk to you, either they just want to be friends and help you out (being good people) or they are trying to shoot there shot seeing how you’re no longer taken. It’s not entirely bad because if your ex sees that other guys find you desirable then he will probably come back a lot faster, that works in your favor entirely. If he finds out that you’re talking, hanging out, etc. with other guys he will get really jealous (if he still has feelings for you, which I’m sure he does). It doesn’t matter if he is talking to someone new or anything either because he probably expects you to sit around being upset still up until he finds out that you’re talking to another guy or something and it will drive him mad (that’s what happened to me for the ex i did get back).
Actually changing for her wasn’t hard at all. She just listed what she thought was bad and i said ok i won’t do them anymore and just completely stopped. No more casinos, no more cannabis (wasn’t too big on it really anyways), pretty much anything that made her feel insecure about me or anything i changed up and made her a priority. I had done everything she wanted but i guess it wasn’t enough (probably due to her family). I’m not entirely sure of what i could’ve done to hurt her to be honest, we have never argued over anything, we always planned out our day and usually they would go accordingly, when she broke up with me she said i did absolutely nothing wrong and it was on her end (i think it’s because i May have been a little insecure/clingy, or whatever but that’s only because she’s not very emotional i guess so i couldn’t figure anything going on with her). I figured that it came down to her wanting to make her family happy over her own, lack of communication, stress from her new full time job (she never worked a full time job before because she was in school) and maybe because attraction dropped. She did acknowledge that i tried my absolute best but I’m not sure why she broke it off because all i got were the cliches and just thinking about all the BS cliches pisses me off because i know they are all lies. All i know is other than losing confidence in myself (which i need to regain) i also need to go back to how i was before i even got with her (which is what attracted her to begin with). I know her feelings for me can’t have possibly went away (because she’s been into me for 5 years before we actually dated) and that she only started acting weird once her dad actually said something about the relationship. If i link everything together (because we were fine up until that point) i know that her families words had a huge impact on her decision and it pisses me off more because she was so ready to go against her parents but when it came down to it she became a coward. She told me other things too that her family said why we probably won’t work out or something like how both our families operate differently, brought up my families history and figured I’d end up like my parents or something so with all that going on and her not being as strong willed (idk if that’s the right word for it) of course she would give in and crack under their pressure.
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