NLSad

That’s good to hear. It’s more effective if your friends are posting and tagging you rather than you posting yourself because (i think i read this somewhere) when he sees it he will know 1) you’re out living life 2) because you’re friend is the one tagging you in them he won’t feel like you’re trying to get his attention so it creates that psychological effect on him where he will start to think that you are happier without him, which is a good thing because it puts him in that position where he will feel that he may have made a mistake. It’s fine that you don’t use social media to it’s full potential, just use it like how you have been using it because if you over do it on social media it will look out of character (like what your ex is doing) and it will look like a desperate attempt to catch his attention. I do get that viewing my social media stories might show she is still wondering about me but for all i know she might’ve viewed it by accident (even though they have the skip function for it now).

You’re right, it does show maturity and I was also thinking that if i keep doing that it would make me more approachable to her if she does want to discuss anything (killing her with kindness right?).

May I ask how close you are with his friends? Because the ex I had gotten back is really close to all my best friends and if they are that close to you as well, your chances may go up. Based on my personal experience if your ex knows you’ve been talking to his best friends or hanging out with them occasionally, chances are that he will start asking them questions about you (of course he will try to act cool about questioning about you at first, but then he will constantly ask about you. That’s what i ended up doing atleast). If you are still considered in his circle and cool with his friends that helps out a whole lot because I like it when my friends like my girlfriend and want to be her friend too that means they know that she’s good for me and if something is wrong then my friends would be honest and tell me whether i messed up or the girl is no good for me. Being good with his circle is great because a lot of things can be beneficial from that 1) they may tell you (even without you asking) how your ex had been doing and thinking about you (depending on how close you are to them) 2) if they were close to you as well and can be trusted not to say anything his friends could even be used to be your spies 3) if you hang out with his friends and he’s not there imagine the psychological effect it will have on him (he will think well wait they are supposed to be my friends why are they hanging out with her and not me? I would’ve liked to have gone) 4) his friends (if they are good friends) knows what is good for him and will want that for him as well (of course they can’t force him to get back with you) but sometimes they may suggest to him that maybe he should get back together with you (they will, by themselves without you even asking, do the hard work for you). Those are great benefits of being friends with his friends. Unfortunately for me I’ve never met any of her friends because she is an introvert and has few friends for me to even talk to (her best friend lives in another state and is very supportive of my ex’s decisions).

I did notice that too with a lot of coaches. Like wow thanks i totally did not know I’m supposed to go into NC even though all your videos state that’s where i should start.

I completely understand how you feel because my ex was the same thing. One day she told me she loved me then literally the next day she ended it with me saying she doesn’t love me anymore and gave me every single cliche when the day before she was so loving towards me. Didn’t make sense at all and it really messed with me mentally. I can imagine how hard that was for you to have seen him there and you did a good job in not approaching him, it takes a lot of strength to do that and i respect you for being able to do that. I was unable to do that and was put in an awkward position by myself, but I’ve learned from that mistake and won’t be making it again. In a party setting I am pretty sure that someone told him you were also at the party, now I’m not sure if you were sad at the party or anything but I’m hoping you were with your friends at that party having a good time because most articles and videos I’ve watched on YouTube says that it would build attraction showing your ex that you could live a happy life without them. Even if you are feeling sad they say fake it until you make it. If you were having a good time then some mutual friends or his friends may have reported back to him saying something like “hey I saw (your name) and she looked like she was having fun at the party and she doesn’t seem upset anymore”, something like that.

I’m hoping that what I’m doing is starting to have an effect on her though. Sometimes I doubt what the process is doing and almost give in and break NC knowing that is also the wrong move.

They are rather selfish and stubborn because everything could’ve been worked out with proper communication I’m sure. The day my ex broke up with me she said we would “talk” about it but there wasn’t really much talking about it, it was just her saying she wants to break up because (every cliche in the book), me trying to use logic and facts over how we felt literally the day before (which neither works when it comes to human emotions) and she just ended it. I felt like i never had a fighting chance to begin with. Some other tactics I read online would be the jealousy move but then again I’m not sure if I want to go that route(even though it worked on me on the ex I had gotten back). As selfish as we want to be the problem is we’ve given them so much already that (atleast for me) I’m not sure it’s in me to be selfish because I feel if you love someone wouldn’t want to usually give up certain things just to be with them? To even keep them happy? The fact that we both are dealing with depressed people (atleast for me) makes me feel a little guilty for being selfish as well. I hope that it won’t have to come down to that for the both of us and our hard headed ex’s will realize what they felt might Not have been the right call.

If you’re curious with where I get a lot of my information (specifically on YouTube) then there are a couple of coaches there that i recommend watching and listening to when you’re feeling hopeless. 1) Coach Lee (I find his content to be more reasonable because actually thinks you should reach out when you feel you have nothing else to lose), 2) coach craig Kenneth (his content is useful as well only problem with him for me is that he says no contact at all unless they contact you first), 3) the love chat (he bases his ideas on Craig Kenneth’s so almost the same general concept). I listen to these guys videos on YouTube whenever I’m feeling hopeless so maybe they could also give you a helpful insight as well. These 3, I feel, are more reliable as far as the YouTube channel goes because they go into more detail over the other people on YouTube they may tell you to buy their product (I bought coach Lees) but to be honest the video content on YouTube is way better than what they are trying to sell you.

Maybe he posted it because he wanted you to see it and is trying to get a reaction out of you. If that’s the case then it worked but you shouldn’t let him know that. You have to remain strong and just roll with it. Worst case he is seeking out attention but if my current ex posted something like that I’d take it as she is thinking about me, and that the weight of her decision is finally hitting her (which is another way of looking at it). My current ex doesn’t post anything on social media but likes a lot of things, but when she does like them I do not look too much into it because i know she may find it to be funny or she just agrees with what the subject of the post is. I would take that post as a sign that your ex is being effected by what you are doing.

At first she did contact me(atleast every week) but eventually she stopped and started doing her own thing. This would be my first experience with NC because i didn’t know this was a method up until recently. She didn’t post much on social media either but I would find out from common friends and would sometimes ask them how she has been doing, sometimes i would find out that she asks my family members how i am doing as well. It wasn’t until i felt that i made a huge mistake, i worried that i May have lost her to someone else, i worried that if i didn’t act soon that i May never get her back and that’s when i asked her how she was doing and told her that i had missed her and wanted to give us another try. See as the guy that’s in that situation and did the breaking up it was an ego boost for me knowing that if i wanted to i could possibly get her back at any moment, but when she stopped reaching out to me my ego started wavering and made me think that i made a mistake and that i had lost a big part of my life. Reaching out to him after he said he doesn’t want to be with you will make your situation worse because he knows he still had you wrapped around his finger. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder so give him your absence for now and it should work in your favor. Think of it this way as well, for 2 years you were there for him dealing with everything he’s put your through, whether it be good or bad, he will remember that and he will come to find that it is not easy to find someone that will love him enough to stick it out with him as you have. He will come to realize the love you had (i day it in past tense because he wouldn’t know if you still love him or not) for him and realize he made a terrible mistake. That’s if he isn’t a douchey guy (idk how your ex is personality wise or how he carries himself), I believe your situation is better than mine as the current moment because he did something that you two agreed to not do possibly to get a reaction out of you. So my advice is not to look too much into it and accept that even if it’s aimed at you directly take it as him thinking of you still and let that give you the strength to carry out your objective.

I get the killing them with kindness thing but at the same time I don’t see a point in waving hi or anything to her if she won’t do the same back. She could still be feeling guilty for putting me through the pain by leaving me so that may be why she is avoiding me or not saying hi to me or anything but I’m not sure. I’ve read online somewhere that I should be mirroring her actions that she does to me in order to make her feel the weight of her decision (it sounds and is very petty but I’m willing to try it if it works). I’m not entirely sure how she is taking the breakup that she wanted exactly or whether or not what I’m doing is right or even having an effect on her but I’m hoping for some kind of sign soon. Right now I’m trying for a 3 month (90 day) NC period but I know it’s going to be hard and I’m not entirely sure if my efforts will mean anything, but i do know that she seems to avoid eye contact with me and avoid walking to certain areas where she knows i will see her.

I know for sure that NC works on guys (because it works on me for sure) but not entirely sure how it effects women because it’s so hard for me to tell what exactly they are thinking (specifically my ex).

So I saw her today at work. I wanted to approach to say hi to her or something but not sure if me not doing that had an effect on her.

Well you see the thing about NC is that there’s no specific time frame on where to end it and reach out. NC is meant for you to be able to work on yourself and learn how to live life without your partner (this is supposed to spark attraction within your ex). That being said the time table is all dependent on you whether you feel comfortable reaching out again because at some point in NC you’re supposed to feel good enough to where you have nothing to lose by reaching out to your ex. A relationship that lasted anything more than 6 months is enough time to develope an emotional connection with your ex, and seeing how you two were together for two years there is no doubt in my mind that your ex doesn’t think about you. I have done the breaking up before on an ex (the relationship lasted for two and a half years) and we did manage to get back together because i reaches out to her. Eventually he will wonder what you are up to, what you are doing, who you are in contact with, and eventually he will feel fear that he may have made a mistake and lost you forever and possibly handed you over to someone else. I know you probably don’t want him to feel that way but him feeling that way will definitely push him back into your direction. Also know that us guys are very straightforward so you will definitely be able to know if NC is affecting him because he will probably reach out to you slowly at first but try to keep it cool and don’t just assumes he wants you back right away. Most times he is testing the waters but you need to let his fear of losing you get the best of him to where he will say that he misses you (which is what I did to one of my past ex girlfriends).

As far as my current situation goes I’ve known my ex for 6 years, throughout the 6 years she had always had feelings for me but we only dated for 5 months. I have a thread up that I’m sure you read and a lot of my situation is scrambled because when i wrote that thread i could not think properly but she also has depression (stress from family, new job,etc). She is on medication and was going to therapy. Our relationship was good but the problem is her family didn’t really approve of the relationship (i have known the family for years, they know I’m a good guy just not sure if I’m the right guy for her) so after a while the stress from them not liking the idea of us dating finally got her to just flat out leave me because the day before she left nothing is wrong and literally the next day everything went 180 on me. When she did finally say that she wanted to break up I could tell she was hesistant about it. I did everything that you are not supposed to do (Begged, cried, tried to get her to change her mind). I did not spam her with text messages begging for her back though because she did tell me she wanted her space even though she said that she is still willing to talk and go out to places with me. I did a lot of research since then from various sources and was able to point out the mistakes I made on handling the breakup and have been in NC since. She hasn’t texted me since my birthday but we spoke slightly face to face a week ago (I initiated that contact which was a bad move on my part) even though she talked to me I could sense that my presence was unwanted due to The awkwardness that I felt between us. I’ve noticed that she stopped watching my stories on social media (not like that indicates much but in this day of technology it is enough to shake me even a little). I have however realized that the best thing I can do is give her the breakup that she “wanted” (I put that in quotations because she was reluctant to break up with me which I hope is a sign and because the psychology behind it states that her saying that is how she felt in that moment but no telling how she feels now). By being around all the time and trying to contact her I realized that she will not feel the loss if I am around she is getting what she wants and having me at the same time which isn’t fair for me. As much as I do hope NC will end early for me and she reaches out first (which is the general idea), I know it will be a long process and could take a few months. In that time frame I will have to figure out if she is worth everything I am going through right now, if my feelings are the same for her, if i could still move on without her (which are questions you should be able to answer by the time NC ends for you). This is my current experience so far, it’s more organized than my thread because I had the time to take a step back and review everything as a whole while I was able to calm myself.

Hope I was able to help you and my experience gives you some clarity.

Hey,

Your situation isn’t that much different from mine except it was my ex girlfriend who gave me that line as well. I’m not a professional or anything but I’ve read many articles and watched a lot of video content on these things but to answer your question yes there is a possibility to get him back. The only thing you can do is give him space and time. That will give him the chance to think back on the relationship and remember the good moments you had together. Now if he does texts you i don’t recommend you ignore it just keep the message short and concise. Remember that NC just says for you not to reach out but if he reaches out and you think the conversation could go somewhere then keep it short and concise and do not leg it drag on (trust me i tried letting it drag on and i ended up getting no response after). The only thing you can really do now is pull back, stay in NC and let time do the work for you. I can’t tell you anything about the social media thing at all because some videos/articles will say that they could be faking that happiness that you’re seeing when really they are just as hurt as you, but I’m not entirely sure because we don’t know what exactly your ex is thinking. I hope i was able to help you out.