lee1712

i am 100% certain we are in their thoughts one way or another. Might not be often and at times might not even be positive.

and we all feel our case is different as we know our ex’s and think they are sat at home missing us as we all shared great times with them.

Might be wrong to say but….. assuming they are talking. Its only talking. There will be NO meeting or anything like that for a very long time. and while IF they are talking I can appreciate there maybe some kind of excitement for them. It will pass in time.

BUT…(and this has been my problem) we HAVE to stop thinking. as its only second guessing. You go online and you see her little green dot is on. In your mind… she is chatting to someone new. and thats sadly how our minds are wired during this phase. She is just as, if not more likely talking with old mates. Mates that could be helping her during these lockdown times especially if they know she is going through a break up. Plus could be other family members she is chatting to. So dont always assume the worse as it will eat you up inside!

In some cases (and dont flip) it could even be a good thing if the girls are seeking contact elsewhere. as at somepoint something will be said and they will think “jack, would of never of said that” or just something would click and they will think of us again. But we all cant sit about hoping that would happen. or letting them think that. We need to concentrate on getting over them and then make a plan of what do we wish to do.

mate you just have to stay strong!

As hard as it sounds, once they leave, whatever feelings they had for us have changed. Dont get me wrong I am not saying they dont care, far from it. So dont be down if she does not ask after you. Like I was saying last night. Dont just sit about and count the days down. As you need to work on your state of mind etc.

You might think that a text asking about her mate might be sweet, but deep down you know you are doing it just to satisfy that urge within to contact her.

her blowing hot and cold can be down to all types of emotions. So dont stress or panic yourself into guessing the reasons why. Main reason is because she will be confused as one day she will feel strongly to you, then the next day not so much. Again with everything going on in the world she will have her kids to worry about first and formost.

keep on at what you are doing and dont give in to the urge! Also dont get disheartened if she does not reach out at all during whatever length of NC you are doing. Its all about how you act and put yourself across after all this.

again while you will need will power, you can deactivate your status on messenger. So you will not know if she is online and visa versa!

Just stay strong mate. Granted this quarantine buts us in a shit cloud of confusion as we cant do anyting. I read that your ex has anxiety issues from time to time.

Mine too at one point. Her little lad is the main reason. And like your ex with 2 young ones… you/we have to remember that right now with everything that is going on in the world, relationships or thoughts of getting back, is very far down the pecking order right to now to some. As there is much more important things to worry about in the world right now.

I know how you mean about wasted teens etc. look at me. No better off and nearly 40!!

Not sure if its your thing but… why dont you try some online counselling. Might sound crazy but really helping me. Like i said this is OUR time, and we do things for us! But my sessions have made me realise where I was going wrong. And has made me learn as to why I was acting in certain ways during certain scenarios.

Google/download/order a book called 5 love languages. That was my first step. Was an eye opener, as you will learn why people drift apart.

Again like i keep saying (and partly because i need to heed my own advice sometimes) learning and understanding things in relationships will benefit YOU! as you will either be able to show your ex how you have improved. Or…… and hard to believe right now. You CAN and WILL be happy again, and even if thats with someone else, you would of learnt and understood things more and that will help in future relationships!

As I broke NC i guess its day 6 again. But went NC first time round for 2 1/2 weeks. But while I contacted her and not hounded her, i beleive that it shows progress. Yet i know i have possibly reignited some bad thoughts possibly.

I did go proper bat shit crazy with my emotions and texts to begin with though. She was replying too, and even putting kisses at the end (which obviously i looked into too much) but the convo was always the same. I should move on and that her head/mind has not and will not change. You may hear the same. And sadly they are right! and they mean it too. But remember… they have just been through their grieving stage prior to dropping the bombshell. And will feel slightly liberated. The last thing they will want or picture is getting back with us within 5 minutes all because we have texted and pleaded.

Funny as i was telling her at the time that of course it would not change or that she will not miss me, as I was texting all the time. Like i said though was reading in to things too much and second guessing her thoughts and feelings. That annoyed her. I told her that I was even seeking comfort in kisses on the texts, and they continued. But then they just stopped and so did the contact on her side (as in would not reply as often). She later told me it was to prevent me second guessing.

Then one weekend while I was working the facebook pics of us where removed followed shortly by me being blocked. She then whatsapped saying was for my own good and that I asked her to do this. Which is all true I was killing myself by pinning over pictures or getting anxious seeing her online yet not talking with me.

Then I stopped writing for just a day… she then asked if i was ok… (again I know now was a mistake and was maybe her reaching out) but I blew it by unloading all my emotions again. Though by making myself seem hard done by she would take pity. Now i know all i achieved was making myself look less of a man and far from the guy she fell for.

We were together over 2 years and lived together for most of that time. I was also a big part of her 5yr old sons life ( from ex husband) and yes I do need my stuff. Basically i work away 2 weeks then off 2 weeks. So I only had a hanful of clothes when i left the house. (early March) So all my clothes and possessions are there. But if they are hidden away or on display, I dont know but cant think anything other than they are hidden. as its second guessing and false hope.
So yes I need to collect the stuff. But while I still wish to get back with her, I dont want any potential meetings to be about my stuff, or for taking my stuff to be the final act. I beleive its best I do move out and move to my folks for now, and hopefully visit on weekends or something. But thats well in the future.
But I also need to prepare myself for her not being home ( I have a key still) when i do come back. So need to be mentally strong.

If you read my story you will learn I did somethings that where very wrong and actually seen things I wish i never seen. (Not wishing to go over it all again though). But the rational side of me realises it could just be to occupy her mind at the time. or it could be something different. But like all of us… we will all regardless if the situation have our own opinions as only we know what they are like as a person. While I beleive no matter what I will still wish to try to reconcile, I am going through stages of thinking ” why should i put myself through such heartache, when you did X,Y,Z) and leave me like you did, or give up on me.

But like i said… as they are experiencing a sense of relief they will act out in strange ways we never thought existed in them! We have to (while we want them back) believe that at some point they will look at the wall where our picture use to be and then reminisce and realize we were not bad guys and that they miss us. I guess like me you have googled this to high hell? So you have read and understood the “Dumpees” emotions and feelings during and after a breakup.

I know its also hard to take right now (i am still kind of in this stage too) But when people say “time will heal” Even our ex’s may of said this at some point or something like that. That alone could of been a good sign, but what we all seek at some point is reassurance of “time will heal” actually means we will all get back together and be happy.

As for media.. while i no longer have that problem, you need to stop… as its not healthy and you wont get past the depression stage. I would not delete her. and again while I know that if you wish to look you will. but just delete the app on your phone. or select hide or something like that.

But its true… no contact is about US and how we heal. It will not work well in the long term (even if she comes back) if you spend 30 days agonizing over her and waiting to contact her. as you would not of improved on yourself or healed and IF there is still rejection you will not be ready to accept that.

So hope for the best but prepare for the worse.

Easier said then done but, think of this quarantine as a blessing in disguise. You now have 3 weeks (maybe more or less) to do this NC and all the time in the world to improve on YOU! Take advantage of that hour for exercise! will clear your mind and she will notice the change! then use the internet for better things other than facebook. Learn a language or have Utube tutorials for an instrument. Or (it helped me to begin with) google every site about NC and take comfort in that. Just dont wallow in self pity as you need to gain confidence mate.
Just do anything to keep your mind busy. Trust me…. while you will still have those moments and flash backs it will get easier!

Also trust NC, as you will get better. If i actually look back over my life i can now count a few breakups (much worse than this) where she reached out to me. Its just by then i had moved on and did not wish to go back!