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@DRL123 “we talked and obviously we came back up into conversation” Who initiated the conversation?
“February she says she can’t do it anymore” & “she tells me she wants to be friends” She also wanted to have a chat about how to fix things! She is the one who left the relationship!
“I told her that I respect her wishes to not have me in her life anymore and I will leave her be” She didn’t say she didn’t want you in her life, did she? She said she wanted to be friends and have a chat. By saying you will leave her be, you’re rejecting friendship and a chat & giving up on the possibility to try and reconcile!
You did things to annoy her during the relationship which she would bottle up (probably because she knew talking with you is futile- like talking to a brick wall) and you continue to say things to her that would aggravate any woman. So it seems you don’t know how to properly interact with a woman. And you apparently know nothing about conflict resolution.
You are leaving her in that you gave up and didn’t even have the patience to try to work things out with her which shows you don’t care at all about her thoughts and feelings, only your own..
By everything you’ve written, I’m now of the opinion that she would be better off without you!
Hey, this is tricky. What was the last thing you said to her? I wouldn’t carry on ignoring her but keep her at a bit of distance. Say to her you just want her to be good…and I’m not leaving you, I’m just trying to listen to you.
It’s hard to word but don’t carry on ignoring her, try and make hrr laugh and reassure her, just try not to talk about the past. I know it’s difficult… I’m stuck in 10 days no contact initiated by her… funny thing is most people on here have more of a chance than me 🤣
Maybe you’re right that she would be better off without me, I have tried and tried, hurts me too much to be ignored and picked up and put down when it suits her, if she really loves me and cares for me she will swallow her pride and message me, I swallowed all my pride and she kept on throwing it in my face, I never did anything majorly wrong in the first place for it to happen, if she comes back she comes back, if she can’t find it in her heart to reconcile then so be it, I never said anything nasty, it can’t be a one way street, my letter wasn’t even acknowledged even though she told me she received it, I think if people are meant to be together they will find a way back no matter what
I didn’t carry on ignoring her, I said the last thing, she had told me previously that she didn’t want the chat anymore for no reason at all, I ain’t chasing her anymore, she knows how I felt about her, it is down to her whether she changes her mind, no man or woman should have to chase and tip toe around someone, it is weak and unattractive, there are only two outcomes, they either want you or they don’t, leave them alone and you will get your answer after time if you really mean as much to them as they do to you
I tried replying before and I have half forgot what I said but here goes.
Yeah this is a tricky one. I don’t understand why she is getting mad about you not being in her life when she done this? She clearly wants to talk to you.
I’d wait for her to say hey again and just talk about normal things, try not to bring up the past but just show her you are trying to be involved with her but not too much…she dumped you right? So she can’t expect you to be all over her.
If it’s gonna work you’ve gotta remind her why she got with you in the first place. You’ve got to create good feelings and good times. Just listen to her and talk to her if she is willing to talk but don’t get emotional yourself or have a go at her
okay ignore my last post I just read your post. What did she say? Did she just say yeah I got your letter? I think a letter is something you do after 3 or 4 months. Trust me it’a a nice gesture and all but emotional and nice guys finish last 85 percent of the time, it is sad I know but it’s just how girls normally see it.
Forget the letter and go no contact now until she says hey as I said. She will contact you ‘m sure of it but the time may have been extended now due to the letter
Thank you, the letter was something very nice mate, it is down to her and yeah exactly, she ended it so like I said, she can’t have everything, she can’t have me in her life, she needs to miss me and realising what ending it with someone is, I can’t be her emotional support to get over myself when it was her choice, if I’d ended it with her and had no feelings for her anymore, I could be there to support her because I wouldn’t have any feelings
That’s it mate, you can’t support her emotionally becausd it involves you. I’m sure it is very nice, maybe she will respond well to it as well, it’s not always like they say online.
But now you gotta wait and focus on you. all stuff you already know. It’s well hard to take your mind off them I get it, I’m thinking about mine 24/7, it’s been 10 days since she done it. Can’t see her coming back, maybe for the best. I know she still loves me though, she said it before she hung up. Who knows.
Do you still have yours on social media?
Yes mate, she knows how you feel, it is down to her, you have laid your cards out in front of you same as me, they have to look at them and decide if they want to play the hand or fold them, their decision, we can’t do anymore, you can’t make somebody want you, if she loves you like she said she will come back, if not she obviously didn’t love you enough as she made out, so what would you want her for I say?? I’m day one of no contact, she said she will contact me in 3 weeks when she has finished with my laptop to get it back to me, so be it.
I only have her on Snapchat and WhatsApp, none of us have removed each other or anything
I know, it’s day 11 now so I’ll just carry on through.
Day 1, I thought it had been longer. Just leave her for now, no more contact, contact should have been broke ages ago and she sounds like the type of girl who will struggle with no contact. As long as you were cool when she said about the laptop
Yes mate I was cool all the way through it, apart from being upset etc, never said anything nasty or nothing, just gives them ammunition, even if we didn’t get back, I would want her to think in years how nice I still was when she broke my heart
Where are you from buddy
from Essex mate what about you? I get what you’re saying… but i reckon neither of us will want them to think anything about us, if they never come back eventuaky we won’t care.
however it would be nice to have them back because we obviously value them in someway.. mine keeps coming online but says nothin.
I’m from Swansea pal, yeah mate I agree, I would love to have mine back but only if she wanted to be back…online on what?? Try not to look
Haha quite far lol. Online on Facebook and Whatsapp, I haven’t been blocked yet… there is fucked all to do at the moment because we are all out of work… driving myself crazy. Some moments I get angry and feel like blocking her and other moments I’m reminiscing about the good times
evening gents!
Norwich lad here! well (39yrs) hard going this isnt it? Like DR at the begining i found it hard to break and initiate no contact. Sadly by the time i did i had been blocked on media (only had facebook) and whatsapp.
I could still sms at the time, but not sure if my last message (broke NC on 14th) was read or not, but she seemed to of acted on what the message was about.
But like you guys…. up one minute down the next. I take comfort from talking to others as still working and hearing their success stories. Then when least expecting BANG it hits me… I dont have her in my life and possibly never will.
Or i make good progress on understanding things (as I am also having therapy, as well as working through the Ex back coaching) then all i wish to do is reach out to let her know that i have “seen the light”. But have to realise at this point in time she probably does not care that I seen the error of my ways. Will more time and space help her bad thoughts disperse. maybe, who knows….. As she is no longer contacting me, is she chatting to another? Maybe, or even most likely but who knows.
Like Jack I have all my belongings at her house. As we lived together. But this lock down happened while at work and now can no longer pop over as we were living down in Poole! We all also beleive that our own situations are different abd that we will be succesfull as our exs care and loved us once. Or read into things that really dont mean anything. My example… is my stuff still at hers ( i guess all packed and in the loft though) as she wants me to come and collect so she sees me? I used to think that, but highly unlikely. so have to stop second guessing things!
Also like you both i wonder if its bad that she has not reached out to even ask after my welfare during this moment in time. But again…. I/we need to understand that our ex’s right now feel relieved to of finally found the strength to of finished things, and in fact they did their grieving a while ago and are now experiencing a sense of relief! My own emotions have passed the depressed stage and while i still love her and would like to work things out, I am flittering between accepting and angry. Angry as I lowered myself and my self worth so low through chasing someone who did not want me.
Just hang on in there, spend this time to improve yourselves and keep your minds busy! and work on your confidence.
Hard to say and hard for us all to accept but NC is more for US and for US to heal. The time it gives our ex’s to calm down and maybe be more approachable is just a bi product really. and if we still want to try to contact them in the future both ours and our exs emotions will be more in check. But we all might be surprised in a few weeks and learn we might just be better off without them!
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