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Hey patricia! I know this post has been dragged for long lol, but I thought posting some updates Of my journey would help people that may be reading this in the future too..
So here it goes. People always say exs come back once you ve let go. Since the 14th of June when he basically ignored me(that’s when I decided to really let go instead of strategically doing no contact and wait for him to come back) until today the 4th of July, he has texted me 5 times, tried to call 3 times, left 2 voice messages, apologized, threatened (to never talk to me again) and basically begged for me to let him know that I am okay. This all happened in the past week and a half, 2 weeks after I deleted his number (and dropped his ecig off at the gate), 3 weeks after I went into radio silent.
The first two times was really really hard for me to ignore him, but I know the small talk wasn’t going anywhere. I stood my ground and ignored him completely. Two days ago was the last time he reached out. Said he s very worried about me cause for almost 3 years, I ve never ignored him, and he just wanted to know that I am not sick, then he would leave me alone. I replied yes thank you I am doing well.
I still love him a whole lot, and really hoping one day this could somehow work between us. Just not now. Not anytime soon, not when he s fully ready to commit.
So for anyone that may be reading this, listen to patricia, I wish I had 3 months ago🤣 stick to indefinite no contact and just live your life. God has plans for everyone 😇
Thank you so much for the good wishes!!
I have realized it’s much easier said than done, I still hit panic attacks and get incredibly sad when I think we will never talk again and soon in the future we will delete and block each other once the timing is appropriate 😣 I am just pretty much waiting for his profile picture gone cause I guess I don’t have that much courage to delete him first after all.
And coincidentally, an old fling of mine all of the sudden started texting and coming up strong from about two days ago just went I decided to let go of my ex, we have made plans to meet up tonight he said he would come cook at mine!
Loooool so I guess we will see where that leads us!
Hey patricia.
lol first of all I wanna say I hope you d be proud of me for what I am about to tell you!
So he texted yesterday said ‘hanging out with you is always nice, but I am just worried about what it may develop into’
I responded well, if you are suggesting a friend with benifits, you know my view on it, I worth more than just a piece of meat and I hope one day you will realize that. I think we shouldn’t be talking any more. (Literally the bravest thing I have done in so long I can’t explain how hard it is to finally let go)
He then read the message and never said anything.
Today I deleted all our old photos from my phone. I think I am finally ready to move on! This is clearly toxic and he can never give me what I want. If I hang on to it I will probably just prolong this and get my heart broken 3 months down the line when I found myself fall in love with him once again. It will just be a lose lose situation.
I do feel incredibly sad cause knowing him, he would at least respect my wishes and leave me alone for the rest of our lifes. This is really the end of a huge part of my life for the past 2 years and 8 months. I loved this man with everything I could give, I have tried my very best to held us together. There s no regret from my side other than I didn’t have enough courage to leave the first time I saw red flags.
And ps, thank you for being so patient with me, I know I ve been acting all over the show and not really taking your advices although I asked for them again and again🤣 but talking to you really helped a lot!
Hey Patricia
Thank you for the birthday wishes!
Yes I definitely don’t NEED the item he offers, that’s also why I declined, I think it was actually more of a joke from his side anyways… doubt he would be expecting me to drive to his work and deliver a coffee in the middle of the day. (Or maybe a test to see how invested or ‘hardcore’ I still am?)
And no I haven’t dropped his ecig off, my device is coming on Monday, I did tell him about it and said I would just leave it with the guard, he then said he would rather get it from me when he has time, he doesn’t want any ‘favors’ from the guard, which I agreed.
Just now he texted me to ask how has the day been, I told him it was great, I then asked if I am seeing him soon (I know I know!!!) which he responded ‘not sure, but will try make plans soon.’
I initially wanted to ask if the idea of us spending time together bothers him or makes him uncomfortable cause he clearly pulled away both times after we tried to make plans for him to come over, if that’s where he wants to draw the line for now, but I didn’t end up sending(Should I tho???). I just said okay cool, guess we will make plans when we both not too busy.
Sorry just wanted to add, he indeed hasn’t been online much. According to his ‘last seen online’ on Whatsapp he hardly goes on, probably once every 2-3 hours(normally he goes on every 20 minutes and it has only been this week). So I do wanna give him the benifits of the doubt that he really is busy at work.
Also on Wednesday (2 days ago) we were joking around, and he mentioned that I used to bring him coffee from this place close to my work. He said he really misses that coffee and if I could bring it to him again he will give me this one item of his that I ve always wanted. Although I turned him down, he still said if I ever change my mind he s just one coffee away. Then he hinted that he may come over for my birthday. I read that as he wants to meet up? But then he pulled away and even ignored my message asking if he s working late after he said he couldn’t make it? Omg my head hurts 😣😫
Hey patricia!
So after he reached out last time replying to my Whatsapp status.. we continued talking daily this whole week, he always initiates early in the morning and we ve been having fantastic chats for a good couple of hours daily, today is my birthday and 3 days ago he mentioned it, asked me how will I spend it, since we in quarantine it is a given that I will be at home… He then hinted that he might come ‘say hi’ but will let me know and I said that’s fine.
Late last night he texted and said hey, sorry I can’t make it tomorrow, hope you getting lots of spoils. I then asked if he s working late, and he ignored(I know he has been busy this week, his colleague also confirmed that, his colleague came to my house with his permission to fetch something for work and mentioned work has been madness).
Early this morning he wished me happy birthday, I said thanks and later on he asked how has the day been. I just said it has been great hope work is too and left as that. He has read it also just left it.
Do you think this is hot and cold behavior? Or is he just being friendly and out of curtesy? Is there any other way that I could stop him from doing this other than telling him I wanna do a longer ‘no contact’?
Lol so 2 hours ago he reached out 🤣
He replied to my Whatsapp status made an inside joke, I didn’t see for over an hour and he double texted, ‘how are you?’
I simply said hey I am fine hope you have a good week ahead and left like that. Seems like he s hot and cold, I have to detach to even think about making this work otherwise I will forever be desperate and never feel satisfied 🤭
And we are in South Africa as mentioned before, we have security guards and patrol at every estate, like a reception for apartment buildings? I don’t know if it’s an usual thing in the US to have security guards at the entrance of estates/ complexs?
Hey patricia!
Yes I also realized it’s quite ass-kissing as in getting him gifts trying to buy him back… and he knows this too. He even some times intensionally turn the gifts down cause he knows gifting is one of my ultimate trick….
I ve thought about it, I am just gonna put his device in a bag, leave it at his security and call it a day, the security will reach out to him.
Wish me luck!! 💪🏼💪🏼
Lol I slept on it and realized giving him the socks would still some sort of sabotaging, I wouldn’t be able to do it with zero expectations. I would still hope that he can reach out because of that, which he probably will, but will only be about that.
So yeah, guess I am in no contact No. 3 now 😩
Hey patricia!
Sorry just the last thing I wanted your opinions on. Date back to my first update, I mentioned that I borrowed something from him. It is still in my possession and I said I would get him something from a friend, cause I was going to her that day and he gladly said yes please I would love that(it is thick winter socks that he has been talking about for months 🤣) it is on gifting terms. I said I would handle the bill and he just said thanks.
I forgot to bring it when we met up for the lift, and he said he would still really love it but gotta have to collect it next time he comes over.
I wanna cut all ties ASAP since his attitude at the moment is quite clear, I don’t want him to one day reach out and be like please can I have have e-cig back while giving me the wrong ideas. So I am planning on returning it soon (mine will be fixed in about 10 days from now)
At this point I am obviously not hoping a pair of socks could get him back or make any difference, like you said, tricking or manipulating will never work. With that being said… should I still pack the socks along with the e-cig? Or would a ‘gift’ be too ass-kissing now? Ps. It’s obviously man size so I can’t wear it, can’t return it nor give to ‘another friend’ either, that’s the only reason I am considering giving it to him.
i know I am pretty fxcked in this situation 🤣, I once again pushed him, I genuinely thought it was okay to invite him since we had a good thing going on and we ve always met up quickly for reconciliation after regain contact. I thought the ‘lift’ was an invitation.
when he mentioned sex I instantly invited him over, I did say I am not sure about sex but we could spend some time together. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. I think it was more a test from him to see if I am still hooked🤣 and I failed terribly, plus all the mysteries I created in 6 weeks of no contact are all gone🤭
i really planned this carefully but when it came to doing it I just couldn’t. I spoke to a friend today and he said the only thing I could do is just let the universe take control and stop resisting it. Everything I ve done, every word I ve said in the past 4 months to him have got some what a motive or a game plan behind it. I am so tired of this and I think he feels my unauthentic energy too.
I wonder if that’s also what he meant all along by go with the flow don’t rush things? Just let things unfold instead of sabotaging it or pushing it like what I always do? Every single message there was a ‘trick him into saying or doing this’ motive behind it?
I guess doing nothing and focus on myself is clearly the only thing I can do now and I really have some serious work to do on myself 💁🏻♀️ I love him, I really hope things can somehow one day work out between us.
If you ever believe in prayers and don’t mind, I know this is silly but please add me to your prayers just wish I have things naturally unfold for me 🙏🏻😱🙈
Hey patricia!
So guess unfortunately this will be the last update in a while just thought you would be interested to see how things unfolded.
After I ignored his last message last week I thought I should sit back and wait for him to initiate since we flirted and joked so well and he even said we should make plans to cuddle. 6 days later I couldn’t hold back no more and reached out with ‘hey how s first week at work?’ Thought the reason he didn’t message was because he s busy.
He waited a whole day and a half and texted back said ‘have been good and you?’
I said oh nice! I figured you d be quite busy this first week
And he replied, lol have been working throughout the lock down, but still going to the office twice a week (meaning he was at home this whole time that he was ignoring me)
And I just left it like that. Don’t know if I was too ‘enthusiastic’ about his initial statement about sex or if he simply just found someone else. But by the look of it he s very much disinterested, guess I am back in indefinite no contact again. 💁🏻♀️😞
Thank you for your support! Will update if anything new happens
Hey patricia! I am really glad to hear you are not affected by the riot. Things like that happens in our country too and it’s absolutely scary to be around.
And yes, people have grown more and more desperate by day here in our country, 1 out of 3 people is starving as we speak, so walking in public is an unnecessary safety hazard. Street robberies happen every 20 minutes and the police aren’t doing anything about it.
I have left him alone today and he hasn’t reached out, its 3 pm by us, but I am convinced that he will reach out very soon. If he initiates coming over, I will stick to my words and just to ‘spend some time together’ see what he says! I ve given some thoughts and I think you are totally right! I can’t give in so easily and do the ‘girlfriend’ stuff when we are not dating. Regardless I will hold back on the sex part. If he shows that he can offer me what I want, I d give him what he wants 💪🏼
Will update!
Hey Brandon!
I am in the exact same boat, ex actually came back to me after 1 month of no contact back in Jan, I was extremely desperate so I jumped right back into the exact relationship, the relationship was very short lived, we got back together by the 20th Jan, and he said he doesn’t want a relationship no more around the beginning of March.
I pleaded a friends with benefits deal, that only lasted a week before he started pulling away again cause I was ‘acting like his girlfriend’, then I pulled more ‘tricks’ including giving him a lot of gifts, offered to do his groceries shopping while he was in quarantine(I am still working)etc, our ‘situationship’ were great at one point for a week or two (mid/end March), but I want a relationship and a future while he doesn’t, I did my final attempt on the 5th of April asking where he sees us in 3 months, he said ‘friends’. I told him I won’t be able to be friends and I would need him to leave me alone for me to heal if he doesn’t want anything serious, and he agreed.
After 3 weeks of strict no contact, I found out he was on a dating app, I casually reached out tried to catch up but he was clearly playing games, the conversation lasted 2 days on and off but he seemed very much disinterested.
I am back in indefinite no contact now, today is also my second day. I also feel somewhat less anxious. Keep us posted with your situation!! It sounds like there s a lot of passion. I would be keen to think she s gonna come back to you soon!
Oh wow lucky!! I could trade anything for a summer day now! We are in Cape Town South Africa, corona and winter cold font is whipping our asses now 😫 I hope you guys are keeping safe!! Saw all the madness going on in the US😫
And yes, I definitely don’t want him to see me as a friend with benifits, we have gone through that for 6 months, it was awkward. However with lock down in place and our country being really messed up with crime, ‘taking a walk’ or anything in public other than going to the shop wouldn’t be a wise thing to do. Even if I suggest going to the shop or mall together, I highly doubt he would take me up on it purely for the sake of safety since we are the epicenter of South Africa.
Last night after I ‘lost my momentum’ I double texted him a couple of times (I wasn’t really chasing or showing desperation, mainly like just I suddenly remembered something else after 5 minutes then I texted again), he kinda lightly pulled away, took a little longer than usual to respond etc (I know he was at home in bed, most likely wasn’t busy at all). At the end he mentioned tinder cause we were both on it and saw each other. He kinda complaint about how weird people are on there and he ‘didn’t’ enjoy it. By the sound of it, I think he was asking for validation that I am also off it, I didn’t make a comment and just ignored his last message saying ‘lol yeah tinder is filled with absolutely horrendous people.’
So I guess my question still remains, if given that we can’t really do any activities in public, do I just decline him if he wants to make plans to come over to my house? Or do I lay out boundaries and go with it?
I feel like he will most likely bring up the sex again soon and that’s when I d approach with ‘ I don’t feel comfortable with being intimate if you not down to reconcile the relationship’? Or should I just go with it, once we are more ‘stable’ I will bring up the boundaries then? I don’t really wanna push for a title right now, I kinda want to casually date and ease back into a relationship.
Thank you for your input!!
