June 5, 2020 at 10:59 am #115130
@dee.dasneves You can not trick or talk a guy into wanting to be with you! Either he wants you or he doesn’t. Right now it seems he’s not interested.
Yes, focus on yourself and try to change how you interact with guys. They will run away if you’re pushing them too hard too fast. They will also run if you’re needy/clingy. Playing games by trying to trick or manipulate them won’t work either.
Prayers for you to find happiness and fulfillment in life and love:)
Take care and stay safe..June 5, 2020 at 9:49 pm #115136
Sorry just the last thing I wanted your opinions on. Date back to my first update, I mentioned that I borrowed something from him. It is still in my possession and I said I would get him something from a friend, cause I was going to her that day and he gladly said yes please I would love that(it is thick winter socks that he has been talking about for months 🤣) it is on gifting terms. I said I would handle the bill and he just said thanks.
I forgot to bring it when we met up for the lift, and he said he would still really love it but gotta have to collect it next time he comes over.
I wanna cut all ties ASAP since his attitude at the moment is quite clear, I don’t want him to one day reach out and be like please can I have have e-cig back while giving me the wrong ideas. So I am planning on returning it soon (mine will be fixed in about 10 days from now)
At this point I am obviously not hoping a pair of socks could get him back or make any difference, like you said, tricking or manipulating will never work. With that being said… should I still pack the socks along with the e-cig? Or would a ‘gift’ be too ass-kissing now? Ps. It’s obviously man size so I can’t wear it, can’t return it nor give to ‘another friend’ either, that’s the only reason I am considering giving it to him.June 6, 2020 at 8:05 am #115137
Lol I slept on it and realized giving him the socks would still some sort of sabotaging, I wouldn’t be able to do it with zero expectations. I would still hope that he can reach out because of that, which he probably will, but will only be about that.
So yeah, guess I am in no contact No. 3 now 😩June 6, 2020 at 11:32 am #115138
@dee.dasneves On April 29th you wrote:”I then dragged it on using ‘tricks’ like offering him gifts etc..” OMG and now the socks. You can give them to your father or a male friend or throw them in the trash. OR you could send them along with the E-cigarette in the mail when you get yours back 10 days from now.. If he contacts you with small talk, just reply that you’re sending him those things in the mail. Then start no contact again.
Don’t initiate contacts, don’t invite him over, and don’t do him any favors!! (ex. driving him somewhere). You have to learn that guys won’t like you just for doing them favors or buying them things and sorry, it’s really pathetic to think or do so..June 6, 2020 at 12:24 pm #115141
Yes I also realized it’s quite ass-kissing as in getting him gifts trying to buy him back… and he knows this too. He even some times intensionally turn the gifts down cause he knows gifting is one of my ultimate trick….
I ve thought about it, I am just gonna put his device in a bag, leave it at his security and call it a day, the security will reach out to him.
Wish me luck!! 💪🏼💪🏼June 6, 2020 at 1:03 pm #115142June 6, 2020 at 3:54 pm #115144
Lol so 2 hours ago he reached out 🤣
He replied to my Whatsapp status made an inside joke, I didn’t see for over an hour and he double texted, ‘how are you?’
I simply said hey I am fine hope you have a good week ahead and left like that. Seems like he s hot and cold, I have to detach to even think about making this work otherwise I will forever be desperate and never feel satisfied 🤭
And we are in South Africa as mentioned before, we have security guards and patrol at every estate, like a reception for apartment buildings? I don’t know if it’s an usual thing in the US to have security guards at the entrance of estates/ complexs?June 6, 2020 at 7:08 pm #115145
@dee.dasneves No “security guards” at entrance of apartment complexes. But some luxurious rental places or homes do have gating around the perimeter and a main entrance gate through which to enter the area by the resident using a code. Some senior living complexes have gates with someone standing there to ask if the senior person knows you’re there for a visit and will call the senior and give your name to get permission to pass through the gate..
I have an idea that the guard will not walk to his place to give him the bag, but will call him to come up to the gate to retrieve it. Why not just send the stuff through the mail??
I’m glad you cut it short, but these casual contacts from him are going/leading nowhere. You should have told you will send the stuff via mail or drop off with the guard in a few days.
If you really want to detach to give your emotions time to calm down, you would tell him not to contact you for at least a month!! The time will also give you time to consider if he deserves to be with you..June 12, 2020 at 9:09 am #115172
So after he reached out last time replying to my Whatsapp status.. we continued talking daily this whole week, he always initiates early in the morning and we ve been having fantastic chats for a good couple of hours daily, today is my birthday and 3 days ago he mentioned it, asked me how will I spend it, since we in quarantine it is a given that I will be at home… He then hinted that he might come ‘say hi’ but will let me know and I said that’s fine.
Late last night he texted and said hey, sorry I can’t make it tomorrow, hope you getting lots of spoils. I then asked if he s working late, and he ignored(I know he has been busy this week, his colleague also confirmed that, his colleague came to my house with his permission to fetch something for work and mentioned work has been madness).
Early this morning he wished me happy birthday, I said thanks and later on he asked how has the day been. I just said it has been great hope work is too and left as that. He has read it also just left it.
Do you think this is hot and cold behavior? Or is he just being friendly and out of curtesy? Is there any other way that I could stop him from doing this other than telling him I wanna do a longer ‘no contact’?June 12, 2020 at 9:39 am #115174
Sorry just wanted to add, he indeed hasn’t been online much. According to his ‘last seen online’ on Whatsapp he hardly goes on, probably once every 2-3 hours(normally he goes on every 20 minutes and it has only been this week). So I do wanna give him the benifits of the doubt that he really is busy at work.
Also on Wednesday (2 days ago) we were joking around, and he mentioned that I used to bring him coffee from this place close to my work. He said he really misses that coffee and if I could bring it to him again he will give me this one item of his that I ve always wanted. Although I turned him down, he still said if I ever change my mind he s just one coffee away. Then he hinted that he may come over for my birthday. I read that as he wants to meet up? But then he pulled away and even ignored my message asking if he s working late after he said he couldn’t make it? Omg my head hurts 😣😫June 12, 2020 at 2:51 pm #115177
@dee.dasneves Sounds like he’s just being courteous and friendly. He’s also probably hoping you will give him sex when work slows down. It’s been months since the breakup and he does not seem interested in reconciliation.
OMG! He asked for another favor. You don’t actually need the item that he offered, do you.. His Whatsapp visits are excessive. You’re still obsessing about him and chatting on Whatsapp for hours every day is excessive too!
Did you ever deliver the bag of stuff to the security guard?
Happy Birthday and hope you’re having a nice day:)June 12, 2020 at 5:15 pm #115179
Thank you for the birthday wishes!
Yes I definitely don’t NEED the item he offers, that’s also why I declined, I think it was actually more of a joke from his side anyways… doubt he would be expecting me to drive to his work and deliver a coffee in the middle of the day. (Or maybe a test to see how invested or ‘hardcore’ I still am?)
And no I haven’t dropped his ecig off, my device is coming on Monday, I did tell him about it and said I would just leave it with the guard, he then said he would rather get it from me when he has time, he doesn’t want any ‘favors’ from the guard, which I agreed.
Just now he texted me to ask how has the day been, I told him it was great, I then asked if I am seeing him soon (I know I know!!!) which he responded ‘not sure, but will try make plans soon.’
I initially wanted to ask if the idea of us spending time together bothers him or makes him uncomfortable cause he clearly pulled away both times after we tried to make plans for him to come over, if that’s where he wants to draw the line for now, but I didn’t end up sending(Should I tho???). I just said okay cool, guess we will make plans when we both not too busy.June 12, 2020 at 9:00 pm #115181
@dee.dasneves He said he doesn’t want any ‘favors’ from the guard, which I agreed. OMG! That sounds so ridiculous. Again, why don’t you just mail it to his place?
Of course spending time with you doesn’t bother him because he’s expecting sex!
Draw what line?? I suggested you tell him absolutely no sex, but I guess you didn’t.
I don’t know what else I can say to help you except wish you luck for the outcome you want/need..June 14, 2020 at 11:00 am #115188
lol first of all I wanna say I hope you d be proud of me for what I am about to tell you!
So he texted yesterday said ‘hanging out with you is always nice, but I am just worried about what it may develop into’
I responded well, if you are suggesting a friend with benifits, you know my view on it, I worth more than just a piece of meat and I hope one day you will realize that. I think we shouldn’t be talking any more. (Literally the bravest thing I have done in so long I can’t explain how hard it is to finally let go)
He then read the message and never said anything.
Today I deleted all our old photos from my phone. I think I am finally ready to move on! This is clearly toxic and he can never give me what I want. If I hang on to it I will probably just prolong this and get my heart broken 3 months down the line when I found myself fall in love with him once again. It will just be a lose lose situation.
I do feel incredibly sad cause knowing him, he would at least respect my wishes and leave me alone for the rest of our lifes. This is really the end of a huge part of my life for the past 2 years and 8 months. I loved this man with everything I could give, I have tried my very best to held us together. There s no regret from my side other than I didn’t have enough courage to leave the first time I saw red flags.
And ps, thank you for being so patient with me, I know I ve been acting all over the show and not really taking your advices although I asked for them again and again🤣 but talking to you really helped a lot!June 14, 2020 at 4:37 pm #115189
@dee.dasneves I’m very proud of you!! The text you sent shows that you’ve taken back your self-respect and let him know that you will no longer accept a friend with benefits situation. And deleting the photos will help you minimize/prevent obsessive thoughts because I’m sure when you looked at them you were sad & remembered better times. But you have to look at the whole relationship, not just the good parts.. There was too much turmoil with 3 breakups and he’s not interested in reconciliation.
For future reference: Whenever you start dating a new man, pay attention to how he treats you and others. Let him do the pursuing for the first few months. Then if he asks you to be in a relationship and you agree, don’t ever push him for reassurances about his feelings. And remember manipulative tricks and doing favors are not the way to gain love. A man will either love you for your good qualities, personality, how well you get along or he won’t. The length of a relationship will mainly depend on whether you’re both happy together.
I’m wishing/praying for a good and happy life ahead:)
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