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Boards No Contact Rule I broke no contact after 20 days

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 48 total)
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  • #115053
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    And patricia, yes, I also thought about the dynamics of the relationship too. Us being on and off is a pattern, he came back twice before and the breakups were much worse than now. I am sure he s not seeing anyone romantically. So I should be able to get him back easy…..

    It is this mind set that pushes me to be super desperate!! Trust me I realize it. It’s like I can’t wait to do something! To invite him over! … but with me ‘working’ on myself, I am kinda trying to tell myself not to freak out, go with the flow, he clearly will reach out again, I have to give it time. He will sense the tiniest desperation from my side and this time he may be gone for real.

    Anyways I really really appreciate your lengthy response and wise words it helps a lot! I will update if anything new happens! <3

    #115054
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves What was the question you asked him?

    I understand that you’re concerned he will break with you again, but put it out of your mind and try to approach each day as it comes without regard to what happened in the past..

    Yes, it seems you’re freaking out already. You have to calm down!

    You seems like a sensible person. Go slowly..

    #115055
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    After I thanked him for recommending the device (the reason why he reached out yesterday), I replied on one of the links he sent, asked about if he thinks that would suit me, then I saw some restaurant poster and forwarded to him, he responded 3 hours later said ‘wow looks great.’

    Yeah, I definitely need to calm down, and let things unfold itself, I am not convinced that after so many days of him reaching out, he would completely go silent.

    But like I said, I will update if there s anything new! 🙋🏻‍♀️ For now I will have to stay put and wait for him to reach out since he was clearly uninterested in the last one 😒

    #115056
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves His reply, “wow looks great” is a nice response. You should be satisfied with it!!

    Most guys don’t like to drag out conversations endlessly, especially via texts. And don’t get hung up on how long it takes a person to reply! Things happen and people get busy..

    Okay, take care and stay safe.

    #115071
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    Hey patricia!

    Hope you keeping safe! Just a little update as promised! From 2 days ago he started sending me videos and pictures with silly filters of him, we had great banter for a couple of hours a day! I reached out this morning to give him someone s contact details, the person is selling something he wants.

    We carried on chatting and a couple of hours later he asked if I could give him a lift to meet the person, his car battery is flat. The place he needs a lift to is literally about 10 min walking distance from his house(we are only 3 minutes away from each other so I guess asking for a lift makes sense) but I think it’s just an excuse for him to see me!

    I am suuuuuper nervous 🙈🙈🙈😱! I will play it cool tomorrow in the car!

    #115074
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves Be sweet and be fun! And don’t ask any questions as to how he feels about you!!!

    I’m curious as to what he wants to buy, but you don’t have to tell me (lol).

    Good luck:)

    #115076
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    Hey patricia!

    So the stuff he needed to buy was one again some vape related stuff 🤣 the interaction of me giving him the lift went really well, he held my arm for a little when we made a detour to the shop.

    After I dropped him off at home he texted me said ‘you look really great!’ I kinda brushed it off by saying just thanks.

    A couple of hours later he texted ‘aren’t you missing sex? I know I am.’ I lost my momentum and asked if he wants to come over to chill, I said I don’t know about sex but we could always spend some time together and see what happens.

    He then said it was more of a statement than trying to make plans, and he s already in bed with the heater on (it’s winter by us). I then said oh well if you wanna arrange a cuddle session maybe we could talk. And he said yeah we could possibly make plans this weekend.

    I feel a little led on and stupid afterwards. We are kinda silent with each other at the moment but I guess he will make plans in the next couple of days.

    Should I sleep with him? I want to but I am scared of getting into a limbo situation again. 🙈🙈

    #115077
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves Saying thank you for his compliment was the appropriate response. However, asking him over to your place after he asked if you missed sex was not a good response! It makes you appear as chasing/pursuing him and not only that, it seems he’s only interested in having sex with you. Then you even made it worse by asking if he wanted to arrange a cuddle session!

    NO, don’t sleep with him! I understand you want to, but he’s not your boyfriend anymore. Instead of a house visit, suggest going for a walk or something that wouldn’t suggest or lead to sex. He thinks of you OR he’s going to start thinking of you as a friend with benefits lady.

    #115078
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves I’m sure you must know that vaping is harmful to your health in addition to being addictive. And there are other chemicals associated with it that adversely affect the heart and lungs..

    I’m on the west coast of the United States. It’s getting warmer & warmer as we approach summer.
    Where are you?

    #115081
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    Oh wow lucky!! I could trade anything for a summer day now! We are in Cape Town South Africa, corona and winter cold font is whipping our asses now 😫 I hope you guys are keeping safe!! Saw all the madness going on in the US😫

    And yes, I definitely don’t want him to see me as a friend with benifits, we have gone through that for 6 months, it was awkward. However with lock down in place and our country being really messed up with crime, ‘taking a walk’ or anything in public other than going to the shop wouldn’t be a wise thing to do. Even if I suggest going to the shop or mall together, I highly doubt he would take me up on it purely for the sake of safety since we are the epicenter of South Africa.

    Last night after I ‘lost my momentum’ I double texted him a couple of times (I wasn’t really chasing or showing desperation, mainly like just I suddenly remembered something else after 5 minutes then I texted again), he kinda lightly pulled away, took a little longer than usual to respond etc (I know he was at home in bed, most likely wasn’t busy at all). At the end he mentioned tinder cause we were both on it and saw each other. He kinda complaint about how weird people are on there and he ‘didn’t’ enjoy it. By the sound of it, I think he was asking for validation that I am also off it, I didn’t make a comment and just ignored his last message saying ‘lol yeah tinder is filled with absolutely horrendous people.’

    So I guess my question still remains, if given that we can’t really do any activities in public, do I just decline him if he wants to make plans to come over to my house? Or do I lay out boundaries and go with it?

    I feel like he will most likely bring up the sex again soon and that’s when I d approach with ‘ I don’t feel comfortable with being intimate if you not down to reconcile the relationship’? Or should I just go with it, once we are more ‘stable’ I will bring up the boundaries then? I don’t really wanna push for a title right now, I kinda want to casually date and ease back into a relationship.

    Thank you for your input!!

    #115094
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves Stop initiating contact!! At this point I’m sure he thinks you’re desperate to see him.

    The protesting (regarding the death of George Floyd in Minneapolis) is taking place in a few large cities all over the US, but I’m in a smaller town and I don’t see any protests. And due to the COVID-19 lock down, not many stores are open except gas stations and grocery stores. Are you saying it’s not safe to take a walk outside due to crime? And the malls aren’t safe due to the virus &/or crime? As to Tinder, I think he was just making a simple comment about the weird people..

    You wrote:”And yes, I definitely don’t want him to see me as a friend with benifits, we have gone through that for 6 months, it was awkward”. Sorry to say, but it seems he still sees you as a FWB!

    Don’t say you’re not comfortable with sex unless he reconciles with you because that sounds like an ultimatum. Just say, “I’m growing more and more uncomfortable having sex with you because I’m losing respect for myself. I enjoy seeing you and if you want to see me, we won’t be having sex”. That should do it. Then you’ll find out soon enough if he’s just using you..

    #115096
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    Hey patricia! I am really glad to hear you are not affected by the riot. Things like that happens in our country too and it’s absolutely scary to be around.

    And yes, people have grown more and more desperate by day here in our country, 1 out of 3 people is starving as we speak, so walking in public is an unnecessary safety hazard. Street robberies happen every 20 minutes and the police aren’t doing anything about it.

    I have left him alone today and he hasn’t reached out, its 3 pm by us, but I am convinced that he will reach out very soon. If he initiates coming over, I will stick to my words and just to ‘spend some time together’ see what he says! I ve given some thoughts and I think you are totally right! I can’t give in so easily and do the ‘girlfriend’ stuff when we are not dating. Regardless I will hold back on the sex part. If he shows that he can offer me what I want, I d give him what he wants 💪🏼

    Will update!

    #115097
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2816

    @dee.dasneves Good luck and remember, don’t drag out conversations via text, just answer appropriately and end it..

    #115127
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    Hey patricia!

    So guess unfortunately this will be the last update in a while just thought you would be interested to see how things unfolded.

    After I ignored his last message last week I thought I should sit back and wait for him to initiate since we flirted and joked so well and he even said we should make plans to cuddle. 6 days later I couldn’t hold back no more and reached out with ‘hey how s first week at work?’ Thought the reason he didn’t message was because he s busy.

    He waited a whole day and a half and texted back said ‘have been good and you?’

    I said oh nice! I figured you d be quite busy this first week

    And he replied, lol have been working throughout the lock down, but still going to the office twice a week (meaning he was at home this whole time that he was ignoring me)

    And I just left it like that. Don’t know if I was too ‘enthusiastic’ about his initial statement about sex or if he simply just found someone else. But by the look of it he s very much disinterested, guess I am back in indefinite no contact again. 💁🏻‍♀️😞

    Thank you for your support! Will update if anything new happens

    #115128
    Avatardee.dasneves
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 28

    i know I am pretty fxcked in this situation 🤣, I once again pushed him, I genuinely thought it was okay to invite him since we had a good thing going on and we ve always met up quickly for reconciliation after regain contact. I thought the ‘lift’ was an invitation.

    when he mentioned sex I instantly invited him over, I did say I am not sure about sex but we could spend some time together. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. I think it was more a test from him to see if I am still hooked🤣 and I failed terribly, plus all the mysteries I created in 6 weeks of no contact are all gone🤭

    i really planned this carefully but when it came to doing it I just couldn’t. I spoke to a friend today and he said the only thing I could do is just let the universe take control and stop resisting it. Everything I ve done, every word I ve said in the past 4 months to him have got some what a motive or a game plan behind it. I am so tired of this and I think he feels my unauthentic energy too.

    I wonder if that’s also what he meant all along by go with the flow don’t rush things? Just let things unfold instead of sabotaging it or pushing it like what I always do? Every single message there was a ‘trick him into saying or doing this’ motive behind it?

    I guess doing nothing and focus on myself is clearly the only thing I can do now and I really have some serious work to do on myself 💁🏻‍♀️ I love him, I really hope things can somehow one day work out between us.

    If you ever believe in prayers and don’t mind, I know this is silly but please add me to your prayers just wish I have things naturally unfold for me 🙏🏻😱🙈

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 48 total)
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