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i would like some advice on whether i should message her to see how shes doing… when i saw her accidentally, she told me she was kicked out of home. then when she messaged me i asked if she had found a safe place to stay and she told me she was at her mums as her mum was away for the weekend. i asked if they made up and she said not yet. i want to know if she is still there or not as it is probably the best place for her… should i message her to see how she is and ask if shes staying there? does it matter? i know i should let her message me… but i care.
i think that it may be a combination of what you said, her job and studies are probably very stressful, at least at first. and she probably is convincing herself that she doesnt feel anything. ive had many female friends that treat me like ‘one of the girls’ and i have experienced them telling themselves and their friends the opposite of what they feel/mean. the only thing i feel you can do is give it and her time. she will settle into her job and studies. maybe she feels like she just wants to focus on that. but holidays will come and i don’t doubt youll be on her mind. she said you were the man of her dreams, i dont see how she could consider being with someone else. i think we all know how rare it is to come across the kinds of relationship youve described. either she knows what shes doing (whatever that may be) or she doesnt and is being silly..
i have a story to tell that may explain what ive written. My first major relationship, we were together for 2 years. i was 17 and she was 16. as one could assume, we hadnt found ourselves or grown up. we had the usual problems teenagers/immature relationships have (jealousy, possessiveness, immaturity, insecurity) but we were very much in love with each other. these things, of course, lead to the down fall of our relationship. we broke up twice, as i recall, both my fault. anyway, to the point, we recently started talking again and she told me that i had such an effect on her, she wasnt able to find someone who could provide her with what i did, and this is four years later. she told me that no one could satisfy her in bed either, which i could only bring down to mental/emotional attraction. she told me i still have a special place in her heart, and i even told her and asked her for advice on what she thinks may be going on with my ex now. FOUR YEARS LATER and she still isnt able to find what we had. and our relationship pales in comparison to the one that ive just come out of.
Thank you, your replies are so much help! it is good to have a game plan and i have thought about it too, and i plan to do exactly what youve said as thats the same conclusion ive come to. I’m not sure if she has that new guy now, but i guess it doesnt really matter.
the fact that shes
1) looking for substitutes for the drug when he was the dealer,
2) has started using online dating/meeting sites more again and
3) she told me she was alone last night and she has a friend over tonight, which she posted on facebook (i know the person, they actually helped us get back together before),
suggests to me that she isnt quite involved with the guy as she used to be. but that does worry me. at least i knew what was going on before. now I… have no idea :\and thank you. theres no way i show her im upset, even when i saw her and she told me about what was going on and about the guy she was/is seeing.. im pretty good at hiding how i feel, but i genuinely do mean what i said to her about as long as hes good to her and that i want her to be happy, even if its isnt with me. I do feel like my life is amazing and ive been so lucky. I am adaptable and in control.
thank you for listening to me rant. i truly do appreciate it. youve been a great help and if i can return the favor, i wont hesitate to do so.
i wish i didnt care so much. i feel like i have to look out for her to make sure she doesnt do anything stupid. but i know theres nothing i can do. she made a new email address and im worried about whats shes doing with it for a few reasons;
the profile pic is very provocative.
she was looking at substitutes for meth.
and she was googling female escorts.I hope she thinks about what shes doing. i pray to god that she gets in a good place. id give anything for her to be okay
:\ you dont know me as a person and youre placing your personal experiences onto me. I never had a problem. it was just new experiences and fun. If she got help by herself, i would love that. I didnt exactly introduce it to her. like was stated before, she had other people give it to her before me. she wanted to do it with me, and this was years ago. we hadnt touched it since. i said once because i didnt want it turn out like this. its not my fault others cant control themselves. Theres no way i am or ever have been addicted. As far as she knows, im the only person she knows that could ever give it up.
I know its scary, but i care about her and want to make sure she doesnt go off the rails any more than she has. I mentioned before i wasnt gonna stop her from doing what she wants to do. whatever it was. id just be there to support her, to make sure nothing goes wrong and she didnt get into the situation she is now. her bloody ex before me is the one that started her on it in the way she is now. I didn’t remind her im the person she did it with. I told her it would be unsafe to do it with other people. that other people would use it and her to their advantage.
thank you, i think you’re right. i hope the other guy is out of the way. i know she could meet someone else but that guy, being a dealer is no good for her. i think she thinks shes addicted. i can see her web searches and a lot has been about that. I told her if she ever was to do it, to do it with me as i have a good handle on myself and i know when enoughs enough, and i have her interests at heart. i always told her i wasnt going to stop her from doing what she wants and that ill support her and try to make sure things go okay. i said that to her when i saw her, that there was a reason i said only do it with me and thats shes probably figured that out by now. she didnt say anything. i wonder if she wonders how i did it. i used to be like that with smoking, but its been a bit of a crutch for me lately. i know i still have work to do.
i think she knows im perfect for her, shes always said it so i think it’ll be hard to beat, she hadnt met anyone she liked better than me in the 4 years we have known each other. we made each other laugh and understand each other, pretty much the opposite sides to the same coin, so to speak. how ive had rough times and so had she and we can and have worked through them. she always said she likes how defined my body is, like i actually have knees and ankles that look how one would imagine. pretty lucky with my genetics. LOL i know that physical stuff doesnt matter but plays a part. but i suck at meeting people. im either too forward or too reserved.. i like being honest. most people dont seem to like it.
its hard being friends now though, we had always been coupley, before we were together so friends had always meant something different, so i dont know what she expects and i dont know how to be ‘just friends’ with her.. we’ve had such great times together.
Very true! she never replied to me saying i was going to bed. the only thing i can think of is that it upset her. that or she doesnt care. which doesnt make much sense. unless shes only being friends because shes realised she told me stuff i could use against her. i dunno. i know shes having a hard time.
she liked something on facebook saying ‘whatever youre going through right now will be over soon. you have to look after yourself first. Stay strong’. and it has a pic of a girl crying.
other than that, shes active on dating sites which kinda suggests to me the guy shes seeing isnt going that great.
I think ill wait til she talks to me again. she said she wants to be friends so that should happen. maybe not. im going to look at new cars today.. was thinking of sending her a pic of the ones i like asking her opinion. i dunno though. it does worry me she hasnt replied. i hope shes safe and okay.
she sent me a photo of our cat saying hes been sooky. i said i missed him and the rest of the animals and asked how they were. she said good. things started to slow down a bit. i told her i was going to bed and i hope she has a good night. this was a while ago now and she hasnt replied. i wonder what she wants from me
thank you so much for your help. i think that message you told me to send got to her. she really wanted to tell me what she did as she sent both an email and text.
we have been talking through text, i told her what i was doing and she told me what she was. she said she was bored. i asked if she had found a safe place to stay she told me she did and that shes alone tonight. i asked how work was and she asked what ive been up to. told her, and i asked what about her. she asked about my job and said congratulations. havent responded to that yet.. but im happy with whats happened so far. so thank you
Interesting development. She sent me a text. Saying;
Sorry for how ive acted. I do want to be friends but thats it. What you doing?
I didnt expect this. Kinda shocked. Havent replied. What should i do?
