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Dara, Dara, Dara my dear
NO! Don’t put yourself down so much so to ask your ex for trinkets because she’ll lose respect for you and will tell everyone how you asked for ‘food’ and ‘tweezers’ back from her plus it sounds desperate… Let the small things in life slide. Remember my pathetic feelings of me wanting my ex as a friend and you agreed that my brain was tricking me to keep him in my life somehow? I think by you asking for your food and tweezers back is kinda the same…
If it makes you feel any better, I left very expensive shoes and clothes with my ex at the time he wasn’t talking to Anyone! when his brother asked me what I wanted to do with them and since I’m in a different state there was nothing I could do really unless I wanted to fork out $300 in flights plus accommodation to fly back and get my stuff back so I said: “Give them to charity”. I felt good that whilst I’m broke I could ‘give’ and make someone who is going to wear expensive clothing and shoes because I gave away quality stuff for someone in need (somewhere in the world). My answer was: ” I lost a soul mate in my life, a love infused with divinity what good would it serve me to hold on to these material goods? Please gift them away to (a particular) charity”. Plus I left expensive furniture and I’m never going to get them back because I want to move FORWARD in my life and not dwell on the things lost as long as my self respect and spirit isn’t lost I can make it again. What I’m saying my dear, don’t lose yourself in the small matters in life. Don’t fool yourself that you really do want the tweezers and food back think about it more and ask yourself “do i want the tweezers or do I want to show her that I’m doing great without her and just look at her eyes for the last time, just one more time” …
Thank you for sharing your story with us because the way you’re feeling has helped me in the way I’ve been feeling too… All my love 🙂
Sinead
I will email you but let me confirm your address is: sinead m dunphy@ gmail.com (with no spacing between your name) ? or sinead m dunphy (with the spaces in between)@gmail.com?
Oh and I’m sorry I didn’t answer your question from before cos the page got lost haha… But I’ll email you soon 🙂
Dara,
I know it’s hard but try your best also not to do harm to yourself. I mean, is it worth it? is she worth all that? You did so well to quit smoking and though I’ve never smoked I know how difficult it is to overcome an addiction and you finally did it! So why go back to it? Why not take up a new sport or hobby instead? Improve yourself for your sake and live because you deserve it not so you can prove things to your ex… Same goes with alcohol, it’s ok to have bit of Vodka but also in moderation.
You’re leaving the country? Good for you, I can’t wait to do the same. I remember you were the one to make me feel bit better about coming to the country and you said: ‘I’ve been here for 9 months and i’m the type to make friends very quickly… I take bike rides etc…’ I’m pretty sure it was you and this conversation took place in May when my wounds were still very raw.
Sometimes you do things or say things that will affect others without you knowing. You always managed to make me and everyone here feel better in our situation so think about how special you are to us here and how important to your family and close friends. You have lots of love around you and your self love above all so don’t let this breakup affect you negatively. You’re the type who’s fallen in love more than once and you know that you will love again. Look after yourself, your soul is precious 🙂
Az,
Its easy t quit smoking. I was able to ditch it before but during this breakup i smoked like hell again.I also miss my ex at times and its been 5mos for me. But you guys are right i think most of the time i just miss the good times.
Simplest and easiest way to move on is to accept everything and let go. No turning back. Thats it.
Joe,
I can sense you’re going through a tough time in your NC. Let’s do this together since I’m doing NC indefinitely, every time you feel bit down come here and vent out that’s ok… texting or calling your ex is NOT ok…
We’re all here for you, keep strong and whenever you need extra love you have all of us here (warm hug) 🙂
Joe, I replied to you in the bunker thread.
I’ll re copy and paste on current page. It got buried last page after some of my babblings.
The bunker… is a little more anything goes no holds barred area. Just no nude selfies please, Dara!!!
private messaging each other is fine
Everybody especially Raed, (Joe don’t read this I’m embarrassed and keep doing NC, you’re strong!)
PLEASE judge me or kill me or whatever… I broke NC LOL. He called me and I rang him back few hours later. I didn’t feel attached towards him and actually said to him by mistake (hahahaha) :”You’re not all that I don’t know what I was thinking haha” I swear that came out by mistake but we both laughed about it lol…
He sent me some work that he did and told me that though he hasn’t fully recovered he’s been working really really hard to make money. He didn’t say let’s get back together and I wasn’t expecting him to anyway, he’s not stable to be in a relationship with anyone and he’s not dating anyone either. He wished for me to meet a guy and have 7 kids with him as a joke but I told him I’m concentrating on myself. He is wishing that by year end things would be much better and kept asking me about my plans and my studies then said, when you come to Syd I’m here for you I’ll help you settle in a place etc… I know I have to rely on myself for the most part but it’s nice to hear he’s there for me (even if it’s a white lie)… I asked him: “do you think you and I will make good friends” and he said “of course, the best. I’ll always be there” so I know he still has feelings for me because as Kevin said, our minds trick us into believing we could be friends with our exes but in reality we have strong feelings for them. So I asked him this question to test his feelings and I think he’s still bit attached though I’m doubting his intentions. I’m taking Raed’s advice and taking the initiative to go forward with my life. I feel good about my life plans with or without him. I also told him that since he hardly answers his phone for messaging and calls that I won’t call him and when he’s feeling good he’s welcome to call me. He said he only likes to talk to people when he’s feeling good. Also, he told me about his dream last night with me and we were kissing etc… I said: “In your dreams! oh hold on it IS your dream hahaha”… and I didn’t mention that text I sent to him haha… Why did he tell me his dream and that he was kissing me etc… why share that with me? I have dreams of him sometimes but I don’t share that with him.
I’m feeling under the weather today so the conversation was bit flat though the call lasted for one hour. He assured me that he’s not ignroring my messages but he only wants to talk to people when he’s feeling good. I think Raed is right in something, he did love me (past tense), he was madly in love with me (past tense), he told me on the phone today but dear Raed you’re right: “he’s not as madly in love with you anymore” (that may be true) but only time will tell.
Rihanna, he’s showing signs that he misses you, maybe you can ask him to hangout? (:
Hey .. Saturday now.. one of the hard days..
A.z,, hope u to feel better and get well soon. thanks. I’m glad to hear that u ‘re home again.Dara, don’t let ur smoking times frequent ..
Rihanna,
I can feel u. You are happy now.. u also have a self-confidence .. yea.. only time will tell.. but I think u’ve got good sign and hope u two get back together soon.and I trust u will.It takes for a long time to read all of ur replys as I don’t use online at night. May be u guys are asleep now. I’m not ok. I’m afraid my ex to move on with his new gf. I even wait his call. It’s kind of obsessing over ex. I shouldn’t do.
Be strong !
Hey Edward,
I was doing NC again because I freaked out when he didn’t reply to my message immediately and thought he was ignoring me. The last time I spoke with him on the phone was about two weeks ago and if you read my message on the home page and the comments from Kevin and my good friends here you would understand why I need to do NC again. But as I said to him I won’t text or call him I’ll only answer him when HE does and I think it’s best for my sanity this way as I tend to move forward with my life. How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you since you’ve been doing really good with your ex (last time I read)… very happy for you 🙂
Khine, I know exactly how you feel like you’re obsessing over the ex but shouldn’t. I think because sometimes we get bored and have some time to think so our brain goes straight where it shouldn’t… the ex! Like az said when she’s been sick she thought of her ex a lot and I think her situation in hospital didn’t help either 🙁 … I want you to be stronger with your NC and try do a lot of amusing things, stuff that interests you and with people that don’t bore you. I know it’s hard to engage yourself with others when your mind can’t get past the ex dilemma but at times when you do something really really fun you’ll just lose yourself in it. The worse part for me is feeling lonely though amongst close family and friends. I know you’ll do great and remember we’re always here for you. You think I’m doing good because he called me today? Just wait few days and I’ll be back to square one because of the LD it’s hard to take that next step. And no I can’t see him now because for some reason my skin broke out and i’m not looking my best. I want to look my very very best and be doing well when I see him and that won’t happen until I move back to the city feeling strong and more confident than ever and hopefully at my best. So, you’re not alone here we’re all the same and we’re here for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. It’s saturday night, I’m sick in my pjs at home 🙁 …
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am not smoking anymore! The last time I smoked a cigarette was about 45 days ago! About drinking alcohol! I used to drink it several years before her and I still love it. As summer is going to end soon, I will drink less. It’s not because of her! Do you think that I am so weak that I hurt myself because of someone else especially for someone who left me? UGHH! NO!!
But thank you very much for your advise! I truly appreciate it!
Good to hear Dara! Very happy for you 🙂 … It’s our job here to be concerned for the ones we love and you Dara fall into that category 😉 … So, I’m happy to hear that you’re doing well with quitting, my ex couldn’t quit which is disappointing but that’s his problem now… All the best for you, you have great control and determination 🙂
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