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Posts
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kateo9 have you seen what I said of him untagging himself from a photo? Its just above patricks post. tell me what you think of that?
And yes that is what I was planning to do. Taking time for myself and let him have his. Until he did that and now I am back to being worried and stressed.
You must give yours time too…
If you have kik add me if you would like kailak19
If he went out of his way to untag himself from something he’s clearly thinking of you or even still hurting. I just uploaded a bunch of pictures from my spring break and a few hours later my ex starts friending some girls he told me not to worry about when we were dating. I may be reading into things but it looks like both you and my ex like to fuck with out feelings. It’s not fair and don’t let it bother you. Whatever you do do not confront him about it.
And I know how you feel. You feel like you’re finally recovering and then your ex pulls some stupid shit like that and your emotions pretty much reset and you’re back to being an anxious mess. I get it. It’s not fair and it makes me angry. I’m confused I’m getting mixed signals. I feel like he’s dating this other girl but keeping me in the back burner in case it won’t work out. This girl is very very different from me and I know his family would not approve.
I don’t have a kik but I’ll make one and add you!
He has been posting really weird things. He only posted songs the first two weeks after we broke up and now is posting emotional songs we heard together, and other weird things. Maybe nothing has to do with me but still he knows I will see it. I don’t really know. The feeling of burn is on again. I feel my stomach burning. Maybe he is trying to pull me in a little bit I don’t know
I will try to be positive focus on myself and get some spiritual strenght
My chest even my throat is burning. How weird is it we feel so many different things in our bodies because of this. Butterflies, shaking, feeling empty, feeling a burning sensation… feeling jsut straigh out nervous. Even feeling like you are gonna faint. That the floor dropped. So weird… Just a thought x)
Sometimes I feel like this situation is gonna make me such a better person. That this is actually good for me. Am I insane? I just hope at the end I get my reward
Hi Kalia.
As Patrick said, you need to start living for you. You are not insane.
Let go of all those emotions, they are baggage from your relationship. Doesn’t it make you almost angry that you’re having to experience all of this? I get angry when I see her living her life and I feel like I do. Not fair.
There’s a lot more to your life than him though it might not seem like it, and if you work towards that you’ll find yourself ready to take back control, and you’ll be ready to work things out. When he sees you being strong is when he might reconsider, and if not you’ll be a beautifully strong person anyway.
Be gracious for any small/big moments in your days where you feel good. You deserve to be happy. Be thankful for the people around you. You are a strong person, and you have worth. You mean a lot to many people in this world.
Begin to live for others. Show compassion and gratitude in life, and your brain will be happy.
I’m sure you already have, but be brave and take even just a few days to yourself. Think fuck it, I need this time for me. And if you need to, do it well in the knowledge that your gut feelings are telling you everything will be OK. Have faith, let go.
This website has some interesting ideas about “no contact” etc, but it’s all a little mind-gamey. I think this site has some good information you could use in your situation if you’re talking to him about change. I too have taken the honest route, we’ll have to see how it works eh?
@california1815 thank you so much for all your advice. as hard as it is I know I must keep moving forward and even for the sake of our relationship I need to get a hold of myself and start being strong as you said. I have been having better and better days as time goes by. I might feel sad and fall down, but never as down as I have once been.
I am super grateful for having more and more good days and moments. I can still count the good days with my hands but hopefully they will be more. Also I am so grateful for all the people that came forward to help me. I didn’t even have time to do or think anything and people started supporting me right away even people that weren’t as close. And this website has been really important also. There is so many great people in here, I truly feel proud and very touched by this <3 We are people that are so loving and caring, that are willing to go the extra mile to make things right. We have huge hearts. It’s beautiful. And I would like to take this moment to thank everyone that has been helping me on here 🙂
I am trying to have faith in this process. But it’s so hard…
QUESTION: Lately he has been very active on facebook with things easily relatable to me.. songs, and other stuff… should I “like” any of that? It would be the most natural thing for me to do. I am afraid he doesn’t think he should reach out for some reason and this is his way to try to make me do something? I am afraid he will just give up or something… That he will think I dont care or that I am dont want to talk to him and he thinks like “ok I broke up she doesnt want to have anything to do with me now I will let her be” :/ I have been no contact for 15 days
And btw I have been reading that website a bit, it has some good points 🙂 ty
Hello, Kaila 🙂
Reading your story, I feel like you’re doing the right thing. You’re not having sex, which is a good thing. You’ve spoken openly about the relationship and what went wrong, but you’re not talking about it too much. That’s a VERY good thing. He mentioned problems at home, and I think that’s important to note going forward. He has things going on, and he’s letting you know where he is at. To me, it seems like both of you have handled things maturely, aside from the bad things during the relationship. I’m pleased to read that you know what you did wrong. Understanding yourself is a great first step.
All the advice I can give is to keep doing what you’re doing. Light contact, no pressure. Just having fun together! That’s really important considering he stated he was afraid things would go back the way they were. Make time work for you. Continue to make changes while being in light contact, and make him feel emotionally safe with you again. You can tell he doesn’t feel emotionally save completely because of how he has to warm up with you. He is guarded. In time, hopefully with your positive attitude and positive changes, he will not feel the need to do that.
And if he ever disappoints you by not texting, don’t let him see you sweat. I know he joked back about the text he never sent, but it, on the other hand, lets him see that you were bothered enough to say something about it. It’s a passive aggressive thing that some people do. I’m not saying that was your intent, but I wouldn’t mention things like that at all.
After a series of months, if he hasn’t yet seen the new you and doesn’t have a more positive outlook on the potential of your two as a couple… then go with No Contact.
By that time, he may just enjoy the companionship but doesn’t want to commit to you for whatever reason. No contact will help you get over your feelings. Only time will tell, however.
Chin up!
And I am sorry. I have not read any other post in this thread. I don’t have the time right now. I will check back when I can. Good luck. 🙂So I skimmed a few posts. I will read further into your ordeal and get back to you tomorrow. Sorry if I missed the mark. I went purely off your first post due to time constraints. Im pretty sure I’m going to have plenty more to say by the time I’m done reading everything. lol
Thank you @LAbound ! I am really looking to your say on this as well as @patrick_d 🙂
You didn’t totally miss the mark. The only thing is we haven’t been in contact for the past two weeks. The last time I was with him I gave him his birthday gift. A custom tshirt 🙂 And when he was driving me home, I said we should go on a ride and he said yes, the weather is gonna be good. When he got home he tried the shirt and texted saying it was awesome 😀 I said great and “let me know about our ride one of these days yes? :)”
He never said anything. We didn’t talked about a particular time. But well it has been almost three weekends.
I want to wait. I want to give it time. But I am afraid. I see so much good in him. And I know I still have a lot to grow. I’m afraid I am here and feeling all these strong feelings and thinking how I lost someone so great. But as much as I know he loved me and loved many things about me, still I am afraid he doesnt see the potential of what our relationship could be. That he doesn’t see the potential of who I could be. I thought he would be more fearful of losing me. If he isnt ready but doesnt want to lose me maybe he woul try to keep in touch? I don’t know really. I love him to death. From top to bottom. I just love all of him. And I want to see if we can work. I want to show him I can take good care of him and make him happy. Why doesn’t he let me. If we broke up and two months later he still says he would like things to work out. He now has been posting nostalgic stuff. Messing with our pictures. Doing all that stuff. Idk. I feel stronger and stronger each day. But I also feel more broken and desperate deep down. I know I did wrong. But I have suffered so much already. I can’t ask life enough for a chance to do things right. I know I would. I know I deserve him. Argh :'(
Time takes time. Don’t think of it that way. You’ll be ok.
I’m in a funny situation myself. Girlfriend is back at uni after living together almost three years, distance and stress caused us to break up basically. We’ve got to a point where we speak on the phone once or twice a week, but apart from that she doesn’t contact me at all. Never initiates the contact, and that’s what hurts the most, but you have to forget your feelings (crazy right?) in order to keep a positive mental attitude and make the right calls.
He’s obviously showing some signs even if it’s just through his facebook, so don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. I don’t even seen any signs on facebook, so you’ve got that much. Keep a clear head and you’ll know what the right move to make is.
@california1815 thank you for your input. I just want to cry and keep talking about it half of my day (not the crying, but the talking). I just want to grab him and say “ok, now you are with me lets try” xD can I please please? I know I don’t…
I am thinking about texting him in a few days. it will be 21 days of no contact. I am trying to think of something that would make him remember a good memory. I think if I could contact him with an excuse of wanting to know the name of a place we went would be great. But I can’t think of anything right now. Last time I did that three weeks after breaking up (we had been in contact) and he responded very well and insisted in meeting me to give me some stuff back and that is when it went really well. I don’t want to bring up us meeting. I would like him to do so. But if he doesnt I will… We were tgether for 5 months. I don’t want him to forget about me. It has been 2 months and 3 weeks already. Any suggestions? Do you think 1 month of no contact could be more beneficial?
About you and your girlfriend, distance sucks. Maybe she doesnt initiate because you always do? And yes you are right. I will try to do so at all costs too. I just want to be with him and talk about things again. But I don’t know if I should. I will try to go with no expectactions, as positive and happy as I can, have a great time with him. And then we will see
@kaila, i would be really careful about when you initiate meeting up. back in december after my ex and i had been broken up for like 2.5 months, i did exactly 3 weeks nc and contacted him. the conversation went well and i asked if he wanted to meet up and he said yes. we met up for lunch and had a great time. we were laughing and flirty and it was nice to catch up.at the end of the lunch i couldn’t not bring up the relationship. it was clearly the elephant in the room. we dated 7 years and were never friends so i couldn’t not mention it. he basically told me its sad and he definitely has his down days but he’s not ready to reconcile right now and maybe he will be in a few months but he couldn’t say for sure. i was completely crushed and absolutely devastated.
my point is i met up with him before i was emotionally ready. i cried for days after and it was a huge setback. i would worry less about when the timing is right for him and more than you. honestly, by your posts it doesnt sound like youre ready yet. i think youre still too emotionally invested and in the desperation phase of getting him back. I’ve been there. it took me about 4.5 months to move past that stage. i would just be really careful about meeting him with him when youre very vulnerable still because when i did it it really set me back. don’t worry about how much time has passed since the break up and wait until you actually feel confident and happy to see him. he will be able to tell if youre faking it.
@atea1234 but atea, I can’t avoid dealing with stuff. If he isnt ready I will have to deal with at. But If I don’t try, nothing will happen. Sure I can wait another month until I am emotionally stable. But that might mean he is too far emotionally already to get back. And that is something much worse to deal with. And that is what can truly change my life. Dealing with the bad is very very hard. But at least I tried. In your situation I think you are doing the right thing. In mine I don’t think I can afford to do that.
I can think oh I will wait till im ready and then I will try. But that means I would have to accept that I might be doing the wrong thing for my relationship with him. Accept the consequences of not doing anything. And I don’t. I want a future with him. If I just liked him I would let things go their course. I prefer to put effort and invest emotionally running the risk of suffering more than risk letting too much time pass.
I have been feeling stronger and stronger. And I have considered telling him I can’t do this anymore and I am gonna move on. But I don’t want to shut the door.
I am focusing and moving in my life. I have been having happy hours without thinking much of him more and more often. I feel I need some more time to be ready to make him feel ready too. And that is how long I am willing to let time pass. Until I am ready emotionally to make him feel ready too.I read in another thread you texted him recently. Any news on that? I hope you are not putting yourself down because of it :/
Kaila,
I actually am not putting myself down at all. I am surprised at how little it impacted me. Over the past 7 weeks I have completely emotionally removed myself from the situation. I’ve barely thought about our past exchange to be honest. I had a bit too much to drink when I texTed him. It happens. When he responded the next day I sent him a mature text about how I’ve accepted the break up and was doing well for myself and am really happy and not sure what I want for the future anymore but he will always have a piece of my heart regardless. I think he was put off honestly. This was the first time I told him I didn’t know what I wanted. In the past it’s always been about what he’s wanted and when he might be ready and im done with that. It’s a two way street. He said my text made him sad and think about the reality of the situation which it should have. I told him this is the reality of the situation right now and who knows what will happen over the next few months. He said “yeah that’s true”. Im not sure if I want my ex back honestly anymore. Part of me I think always will wonder what if if we don’t reconcile but another part of me is excited about the prospect of meeting someone who would never put me through this kind of pain. Im torn over whether or not I would want to reconcile. do what feels right for you but take your time with this. If it’s meant to be it will be regardless of how long you keep Nc or how long it takes. Do what feels right for YOU – don’t focus on him.I spent 7 years with my ex and very transformative years at that. I will always love him and I will always love his family. we knew each other better than we even knew ourselves but it was his choice to leave and I honestly am ok with that now. Im not resentful or angry. I just accept him for who he is and what he did.
I have absolutely zero regrets over my past relationship. I was an amazing girlfriend. He will having a hard time finding a girl who treated him the way I did and loved him as much as me. I really think I’m a good person and have a lot of qualities many guys would appreciate. I truly and genuinely feel this is his loss. I want him to be happy always but im not sure what the future has in store. I just need to wait to see how things play out over the next couple of months.
You need to do what feels right for you in your situation but I really urge you to take some time to self reflect and consider the best course of action for you and not just what’s best for him. I always thought my ex and I would get married. We had our future all planned out but things happen. A part of me still sees him in my future but another part of me has doubts.
I feel happy you feel like that just because you seem to really be ready for whatever happens in the future. Maybe what you said will even make him reconsider.
If I knew I did everything right I wouldn’t be as fearful either. But I know I didn’t. I don’t dwell on my mistakes as much now. But it worries that he won’t see past that and that he will find someone else.
In the relationship most of the time I didn’t think of the best for him. Now I take more consideration on that. But that is not what I am doing. I am thinking of how I can get one of the things I want the most in life: a good future, a good family. And he is someone I can see myself having that with.
I have been taking steps to get where I want to. Now I am about to enroll in exams to go to university next year. I have a very hard task in front of me which is studying something I never had in two months for that exam. Wish me luck 🙂
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