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good luck @confused_girl! we broke up a little less than 3 months ago and i am finally just starting to feel like i am getting back to myself. and @aphrodite I’m really not sure what to make of that. i think when the relationship was great there is always a chance for reconciliation. why did he end things? my ex boyfriend even told me he wants to “recreate” or relationship one day and “Eventually” but he’s not ready yet and needs more time (he thinks a few months, but theres no way of knowing in his words). so I’m not sure what to think bc it really does feel like a break but i think a long one and its hard to move on with that looming in my mind but he clearly isn’t ready to commit to anything so reconciling isn’t an option either
@Confused_Girl I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Loosing someone is never easy.
Yes, I think what you’ve achieved will help! However make sure to bring it up casually and not like you’re out to impress him. Just try to be nice and casual about it. That’s my advice anyway. Also after reaching out to him I would advise that you wait for him to contact you again. Good luck and keep us posted
I get exactly the same bs from my Ex @LAbound
She loves me but not in a romantic way, she isn’t admitting anything but even if I wanted to stop talking to her she won’t let me go because I mean too much, we have a great connection etc.
She even asked today that she sees commitment as headaches and asked if it was selfish of her to feel that way.
My Ex has defo had one rebound, maybe two. The 2nd one she dumped during my last phase of NC which lasted 24 days.
So I defo know what you are going through and I’m just as confused myself. My Ex seems to love me and won’t let me walk out of her life for good, or even for the time it might take for me to heal properly as I think she knows that deep.down she is unlikely to find anyone like me. She knows that she is being selfish and she now knows that I won’t put up with anything and that she runs the risk of losing me for good.
I am still not sure that it will be enough to make her see sense until it is too late for at least one of us and that makes me sad.
@atea1234 that sounds really promising in my opinion!! I can almost bet you that if he finds out you were on a date or seeing someone he will get very jealous and want you back. My take on this is: he knows where he has you. He knows you will wait for him so it’s safe for him to go “explore” because you will be right there waiting for him. So don’t wait for him…!
Let him know you value yourself a lot and won’t wait around (don’t tell him directly but show him by your behaviour). I think your ex has it too easy and too comfortable thinking he can do what he wants and then still have you there as a safety net.
That’s just my opinion though. You know what’s right for you!I don’t know why my ex ended things, it was all very confusing. He just said “we don’t work” however he himself had said we had been doing great recently. None of it makes sense, and I’ve been worried he’s got his eyes on someone else. I know it’s possible we may never get back together but I’m not ready to face that yet, and the only thing motivating me and keeping me going is thinking how I want to impress him to make him want me again.
We split in September too by the wayi think having hope is okay for now if it makes you feel better! whatever makes us feel better is honestly acceptable. and i completely agree with you – thats why I’m going NC for 60-90 days. i want him to know I’m not waiting around and trying to move on. its going to be hard to stick to but its not really an option at this point
This Friday would’ve been our 7 months (cry face). We’ve been broken up for almost 2 months. And thank you! It feels good to have some people out there kind of supporting me lol. I feel as though as him flirting with me Sunday also says something. I just feel that it’s time to apologize for it. I mean I did screw up our relationship, unintentionally of course. I do feel confident that my work will pay off soon, and my gut still says we will get back together. I feel that when two people have a really great connection like we did, that things will work out. Like I said, I can’t describe how close we were. I tried doing NC, but he would snapchat me every single day, one time 6 times in one day. And he showed every sign that he was still love in with me. I know deep down, he still cares, loves, and wants me. Regardless what he says, I’ve learned to judge people by their actions
I think the important thing is to fix ourselves. I mean, it would be great to get right back in the relationships we were in, and even if our exes say it’s not us, we can always improve.
My ex is an indirect communicator. She drops hints. she doesn’t just come out and say what’s on her mind. I told her repeatedly to tell me, no matter if she thinks it will hurt my feelings, what she sees needs improvement. I am not fat by any means. I have always had decent muscle definition, but I did gain about 15 lbs. For my body frame and areas I gain weight, its very noticeable. She would playfully tell me I have a gushy stomach or a cute heavy face. Meanwhile, when she gained quite a few pounds, I clearly said what was on my mind. She knows I do not have a thing for heavy ladies. I don’t judge or think heavy ladies are nasty. I just know what turns me on. Simple. So, when she started gaining weight, I said, “Baby, I love you no matter what, but you and I have spoken about our physical preferences. You know I am not turned on by heavy chicks. Now, I am not saying you’re fat. I am just a little frightened that your eating habits and increased weight gain might lead in that direction.”
I know this seems harsh, but a lot of attractiveness is lost because partners don’t want to hurt us. If my ex had a problem with me gaining 15lbs, she could’ve straight up said I was getting fat and I wouldve loved her even more for it. I LOVE honest and direct communication. It turns me on!
Even now, she’s asked me several times have I worked out a lot. She even said in one conversation that I was getting heavy. (Even if it was only 15lbs). SHE STILL CARED AND WAS MORE DIRECT AFTER!! THE BREAKUP. Where was that communication before?
point being, they can say it’s not us.. but there’s something lacking. they just think it will be less painful for us if they say it’s just something going on with them.
Something is going on with them. It’s not all us. I should’ve added that in there..
LAbound I hear you!
In my situation, there is definitely a lot to improve on. I agree that’s all we can do really – improve ourselves the best we can. Become the people we aspire to be. That way whether or not we’ll get them back we will at least feel happier about ourselves than if we were stagnating and nothing has changed 3 months from now.
We got this!!!@Confused_girl it definitely seems to me like he’s not ready to let you go! I think your chances are pretty good!!
I loved what you said about judging people for their actions. I completely agree! Words can fall out but it’s ultimately their actions that tell us their motivations.
@atea1234 I commend you, and I’m doing the same. Don’t have an option at this point either! Yeah it will be tough but: challenge accepted!!! Game on. Let’s prove to ourselves that we can be independent:)
And yeah I’m just gonna think what makes me happy and motivated, even if I am kidding myself!
@atea
I was thinking about your situation:
Try establishing a false friendship. be understanding of the “break up” and a week or so after establishing a false friendship, try to get a group of people together. Include your ex. Make sure there are other guys in the group, and
give everyone in the group slightly more attention than your ex. Don’t revolve around your ex but act carefree and happy. Talk about exciting things going on with your friends and you.The goal is to seem desireable by others of the opposite sex. Go for social outings in groups twice. Then, the next time you go out, only ask your ex. Don’t call it a date, but ask him to go out on a date that you know relates to his personal interests and life philosophy. Something that will start in the daytime (signifying friendship) but also leads into an evening activity. (allowing for a more intimate setting)
If things get intimate, do not have sex with him. Resist. Wait a while, and see if he doesn’t come back to you.
@Aphrodite Like I said, we had a very deep connection just from dating 1 month. and it just kept building as the months went on. He started saying he needed me, and how I was the light in his darkness. He fell in love with the person I was and not how I looked (he did like how I looked too lol). He went through a rough time (not as bad as I did) and I was there for him through everything, and he knew I was different from any girl, aside being a weirdo :p. He went through more of a financial thing, mine was emotional. I knew he truly loved me and cared, because he showed it. He was there for me when my grandpa died. I don’t think he knew what it felt like, I know he isn’t close to his family, but he always brought a smile to my face. I know somewhere deep down he still wants me. I swear we had the most true and real love out there, I want that back more than anything.
I’m trying to get more into the false friendship. Is there something else I need to do?
@labound, thank you for the advice. i agree and i think establishing a false friendship and accepting the break up to him is necessary at some point. I’m going to stick to NC for a bit until i feel a little stronger and then try to go for that. when i saw my ex two weeks ago we ended up kissing, holding hands, and hugging for a long time, but nothing more than that. we were both tearing when we left each other. i just don’t understand his need to be “single” or “explore what life has to offer without being tied down during his youth” when we have a great thing right in front of us that we are lucky to have! so frustrating and confusing but nothing i can do to change his mind at this point. just need to show him I’m happy, confident, and independent and not still begging and pleading and miserable from the break up
I like your energy! This forum could use a bit of that. 🙂
My ex hit me up today via Facebook. She wanted to know if I blocked her because she tried to text and call but it was rejected. I didn’t block her, but my phone service isn’t on yet this month. I am sick and didn’t care to turn my service on. She wrote me on facebook:
Her: Did you block my number? I texted you this morning to check on you. I hope you are having a good day, gorgeous!
Me: no. I haven’t activated my hpone for the month. I am having a great day, but I’m sick! stupid cold..
Her: Okay good! haha not that your sick but that you didn’t block me. I’m sorry that you are sick!
Me: I’m surprised that I am just now getting sick. pretty much everyone has been sick but my grandmother and I. I hope it’s just cigarette smoke that I’ve been forced to inhale the last couple of days. Vitamin C, here I come! You have a great night.
Her: Take care of yourself! xoxo
(I wait to respond for about ten min.)
Me: Plan on it!I am not sure if I should’ve kept this convo going. last night she called me unexpectedly, but ended it sooner than I thought she would have. The conversation was a bit dull because I was so tired.
Should I have kept going? I am trying not to appear to eager, but I know relationship rewind talks about rewarding our ex for approaching us. idk if i am applying it right or wrong, but thoughts?
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