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Feels good but honestly just as nervous as starting NC. I mean we said our goodnights via text, and it’s another waiting game. I don’t want to reach out first, but she is the kind of girl who likes attention. She specifically complained the last guy never talked to her during the week and more or less used her for the weekend. I was never one to do that, but I can wait a day or two to contact her right?
on and off texts this morning. Made plans to see each other on Friday. so far so good.
so we texted pretty much all day it was light and fun and flirty, but then at some point I mentioned cooking because she loved it when I cooked.so she said yay cooking I want to do that again and I said should take a class might be fun not referring to us specifically but maybe just her.
she then said when we need take things slow and that we’re just friends
I responded by telling her you know where I stand I can’t just be friends with you I want to be your lover partner and best friend. she said right now that’s not what she’s looking for that things have to go slow and we’ll see where they go. I told her I’m fine with that but I’m not just going to be friends as long as we’re honest with each other will be fine
so then we were texting for like another 4 to 5 hours and everything’s been fine so we’re still on for Friday but now she’s taking the train to me after work which is great because now we’re driving down together for our date, err “hangout” lol
So we’ve continued to text, saying our good nights and good mornings to each other all week. However, a little while ago she told me that she has been talking to Jon (her recent ex-bf) here and there, and that they are going to remain friends. It sounded like she wanted to test my reaction. So I asked if they are trying to work things out and she said no they know they can only be friends and she wants to be alone right now. I thanked her for telling me. She said “you’re my friend duh”.
How should I feel about this? I’ve already told her I am not going to just be her friend. And yet we are talking a lot, A LOT more than just friends would I think. As much as we did when were together. We also have a date tomorrow, ice skating, dinner, and a movie. Those are not “just friends” activities. Am I looking too much into her “friends” comments?
shes definately testing you. that would annoy me so much.
no one wants to be alone so shes lying to herself if she really thinks that. i think by saying she wants to be alone, really that means she wants to feel confident and excited about the person that shes going to be with. she doesnt want to force anything.
i would play it cool and act like you dont care. the mentality of “relationship or nothing” may push her away. she needs to feel like shes won you… like youre something worth fighting for; so dont make it too easy on her to get you back. you may even want to not text or call her after your date. and maybe even go out with friends on a night out… always appear busy even if you have to lie.
theres a dating method called ” the cat string theory”… which relates alot to human behavior. a cat will play with a string you dangle in front of it and try to catch it but as soon as you give the cat the string.. it no longer has any interest in it. You need to be the moving string.
two months after my ex broke up with me, she came back and we went on a series of dates. To me, this was my second chance to get her back. We went out on well planned dates and i tried so hard to make sure everything was perfect. But i pushed too hard by holding her hand all the time, kissing her, and being to available. i was desperate to get her back and she made very little time for me “because she was busy”. But when someone really wants to see you… they will always make time to see you. and i couldnt live in the “middle ground or gray area” of are we together or not – like you right now. I finally confronted her and she said the spark and chemistry was gone. The only time I really got her attention was when she thought she was losing her chance to get back together.note that this girl once told me that she thought i was her soulmate.
so learn a lesson from my mistakes.. play it cool and let her come to you.
Yeah my original plan was to play it cool. However she told me that the guy she just left wasn’t attentive to her, and when her and I were dating we reached a point after a few months where I would get mad at her constantly texting all day (transferring anger from her constantly talking about my ex) so we stopped texting during the days pretty much. So now I’ve been really aware of communicating with her and she says she’s seen a big change and is happy about it.
However yesterday she called me and broke down. Saying she wasn’t happy with her life, didn’t want to lead me on, and that her friends are saying don’t get back with me. I told her all I could do is prove to them I’m not the same person, and that if we (her and I) want to work it out, then it’s between us not them. I also told her that if there was no chance of us getting back together, then I would walk away now. I eventually got her to stop crying and feel somewhat better, but it was a tense moment.
Then last night she invited me out for drinks with her and some friends after work. I accepted and it was a fun time. We sat next to each other, made small talk between just the two of us, complimented each other. Then afterwards she had to take a train home and I was driving so we parted ways. Via texts on the way home, I thanked her for inviting me and she said “yeah I want you to see my friends ”. I said “oh really?”. Then she says “yeah I believe in us, slowly”. So that made me feel good. I have a feeling she will be testing me, and having me meet all her friends again to show them- I’m different? Good for her? Something I guess.
So went on a date last night, dinner, ice skating, a movie, and then an impromptu bowling game. Overall the physical signs were great. We held hands, she was touching my arm during the movie and during bowling. However after bowling, and it was very late at this point, we started talking about how her friends don’t like me because they didnt like how I treated her. This is because of our fights they knew about and a bad facebook post i made the day of the breakup. She said she waa also partly to blame because of her behavior, but that’s it hard to give herself to me.
So we were walking and talking and the moment seemed right so I reached over to pull her close for a kiss and she pulled away, and said “we are just friends”. I was like… okay after all the signs tonight. But okay I’m fine its too soon I get it and I drove her home.
She called me on the drive home and said she wanted to hangout Sunday and Wednesday (my birthday) and that we should go to a football game next weekend.
Then earlier this morning she sent me a good morning text with a smile face blowing a heart kiss, and she apologized for pulling away last night.
She was then going to come over tonight before going out with her friends but she called a little while ago to cancel because “her friends are all over at her friends apartment early”. I am little concerned because she confessed last night that her friends place is close to her rebound and she might be tempted to hookup with him if she’s drunk. I was like really? Thanks for telling me. Maybe its a test?
But i guess we have plans to hangout tomorrow. So that’s good?
So Friday night was good but today I’m getting mixed signals and having doubts. Trying to remember I went through NC and need to be strong.
You are making amazing progress, it’s great she even apologized for pulling away. Don’t worry about the rebound. You have plans this week! Just have patience.
your doing so well, Im so happy for you. 🙂 your almost there keep going. 🙂 also dont worry about rebound guy hes got nothing on you. 🙂 you got this. keep us posted. 🙂 good luck
so we hung out pretty much all day sunday and it was very good we had lunch went for a hike made dinner had wine. she decided to spend the night, but we only fell asleep together.
throughout the day and the night she kept saying don’t touch her like if I try to touch your arm or hand and I thought she was playing around because she would touch me or no slap my back or rub my arm. so I thought she was just playing hard to get but then this morning she told me she thought I was trying to pressure her into being in a relationship. so at 6 a.m. This morning we had a very serious conversation about the future so right now I really don’t know what to do I basically told her I was sorry for the past.
now she’s telling me she’s going to do her own thing if I don’t like it then too bad
What to do? she’s coming back after work to get her car
So she says she doesnt want a relationship right now… but shes hanging out with you and doing couple activities with you, not to mention hanging out with you for hours upon hours….
here’s my question… What does she want out of this? Does she really think that she can keep stringing you along like this?
its like she is able to do anything she wants to you but when you try to recipicate the feelings… she freaks out. To me this means that she wants the comfort of being with you without the commitment of being together with you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.
I think at the end of the day, she is still unsure if she wants to be with you. Who cares what her friends think… if she wanted to be with you, she would…
It appears she is in control of the result of if you are going to be together or not and is calling all the shots. From an outside perspective, I think you need to control. When she comes to get her car, let her. Be very friendly about it, any feelings of negatively or frustrated from you will only push her away.
This reminds everything of what was happening with me and my ex. I think you might end up getting tired of accepting “scraps” from her and push her to decide if she really wants to be with you. This is what i did and it ended with her telling me that she lost the spark and chemistry between us and didnt feel the same way.
I think you have two choices:
1. tell her that you want a relationship with her and what youre doing now isnt working for you. its only hurting you more because its not what you ultimately want.
2. play the game… create distance and uncertainty in her mind of whats going on with you. take the power back and get the ball back in your court.But whatever the choice you make. You need to take a stand. Right now she’s doing whatever she wants, leaving you with just reacting to her actions.
Let us in the loop on what you’re thinking. We want you to be in a good relationship with someone who loves you and WANTS to be with you. This may or may not be your ex.
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