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@tanda
I hope so too! I still have two weeks left of NC and I am going to let him take initiative to contact me and set up the hangout. I will!
When I think about getting back together though, I have an odd feeling inside. Like I really want to get back together but I don’t want things to be like before. I kinda forgot about my friends and all I wanted to do was to be with him. Whenever my family or friends wanted to include me to make plans I would only agree to those plans based on his availability. And it wasn’t because he would tell me to, it was all me. If we do end up getting back together I don’t want repeat the same mistakes again. I know there’s things I need to work so I decided to start therapy. I am very excited and happy about that! And I joined an online dating site! I’ve only talked to a few guys. I haven’t gone on a date with any of them and the conversations are short but it’s a start. I just feel like this will help me a lot, especially to boost up my confidence.I understand why you would feel that way. Do you know you if maybe she is seeing someone?
Have you tried online dating? I feel like it might help. At first I wasn’t too sure about it and even felt a bit of guilt but I know it will help a bit. Have you hung-out with friends?@patricia12
Ohhh, yes I agree with that. And to be honest I’ve never liked talking on the phone. He knows it and when we were together he would still call me when he would get off from work and I loved talking to him. I think if I do call him (eventually) he will be surprised in a good way and know that I’m coming out of my comfort zone.Yess, I will! Thank you!! ☺️
@patricia12 what do you mean? Regarding the “dragging out “talking” too long”?
I definitely will! Thank you. 🙂
Yes, I am still going to do that. I’m going to let him take the initiative to talk to me first and also to set up the hangout. Thank you Patricia!
Also I created a profile for online dating and I’ve been talking to a few guys. I haven’t gone on a date with any of them and most of the conversations don’t even carry on for the day so it’s been alright.
I understand now, I shouldn’t have asked any of that and I should’ve thought thru what I was going to say before.
Even when he was really sick he wouldn’t go. It mostly had to do because he didn’t have insurance and he didn’t want to pay out of his own pocket. But yeah, I don’t think I nagged all the time but just reminded him it was important for him to go.
I found a therapist and I hope I will be able to start my sessions soon! So I am very excited and happy about that. Also he texted me yesterday! Not sure because of Thanksgiving (here in the US) or because a month of NC had passed. He wished me well and a good Thanksgiving for me and my family. He mentioned how he was thankful that me and my family welcomed him to our home and allowed him to be part of a bigger family than what he has. I replied back that I was doing well and I was just getting better from a cold. And I wished him and his mom a good Thanksgiving too. He asked me about my health and after that we kept the conversation going. In the end I told him I really missed talking to him in general and that there was no pressure but I hoped we were able to hangout soon. His response was that he did too and he talked about how the transition to being friends was odd but that catching up was nice. And that the idea of hanging out sounded good and that we can set something up. I texted him back but he hasn’t responded back so its ok.
I’m guessing this is good progress?
@tanda
Has she messaged you at all?Yes, he messaged me yesterday. Not sure because of Thanksgiving (here in the US) or because a month of NC had passed. He wished me well and a good Thanksgiving for me and my family. He mentioned how he was thankful that me and my family welcomed him to our home and allowed him to be part of a bigger family than what he has. I replied back that I was doing well and I was just getting better from a cold. And I wished him and his mom a good Thanksgiving too. He asked me about my health and after that we kept the conversation going. In the end I told him I really missed talking to him in general and that there was no pressure but I hoped we were able to hangout soon. His response was that he did too and he talked about how the transition to being friends was odd but that catching up was nice. And that the idea of hanging out sounded good and that we can set something up. I texted him back but he hasn’t responded back so its ok.
I’m guessing this is good progress?
I know, when he went hiking I just asked if he went with someone else because I didn’t want him to hide it from me. It was really okay if he did. To me it was more why not just tell me and keep it a secret? When we had the talk after he broke up with me I asked if it was someone else because (at the time) I couldn’t think of any other reason but that one for him breaking up with me. But yes, you’re right. I didn’t have any proof so I shouldn’t have had mentioned it at all.
He really needs to see a therapist too. I told him that during our talk. That was one of the reasons why I told his best friend’s girlfriend. So that they would encourage and support him to get therapy. But I don’t think he will. I always encouraged him to go to the doctor’s just to get a check up or when he was sick and he would never listen to me.
Thank you @patricia12, I am really hopeful. I’m taking it day by day now and I’m hoping I’ll be ready when I do see/talk to him.
@patricia12 I am happy for you! I feel like your story resonates a lot with mine and just gives me that little hope that I can get back with my ex too. I know I need to be patient. Thank you for giving us an update.
Hi @sam21,
How long were you together for? And what was the cause of the break up? Have you tried texting her the message that goes like this: “Honestly a part of me does want to get back. But I am ok with whatever happens. I understand why the break up happened…” The example is somewhere in the 5 -step plan. Obviously make it with your own words but with that idea.
@tanda I read your thread. Maybe you need more time doing NC? Cause it seems like she is going thru a lot. I think it’s good you are still hopeful though. Did she ever add you back again on instagram or do she still have you on snapchat?
I really hope so. A couple months ago he told me to ask my siblings to add him on social media and to add him on their phone because one day they were going to be his family too. And the last time he moved apartments with his mom he told me he hoped it was the last one before we would in move in together. I just feel like the break up came out of nowhere. But yeah I really hope so. Thank you!
@tanda Have you been in contact with her or are you still in NC? How long has it been since the break up? And are you still hoping to get back together? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
Thank you, it’s been hard. It’s just him and his mom and he doesn’t really disclose much to his mom or his friends. So I don’t know if he even told them already. I did tell his best friend’s girlfriend because I know he’s somewhat close to her. I wasn’t that close to her but I knew I could trust her. I told her that some of the stuff he told me when I talked to him after the break up really concerned me and I was worried about his safety and well-being. And if she and my ex’s best friend could keep an eye on him and give him the support he needed. She said of course.
He always told me he didn’t deserve me and even when I went once to his job his coworker said he always spoke highly of me and said he didn’t deserve me. That he was a piece of s*it. He told me that too when we were together. When I would say I love you to him. He’d tell me why? I’m nothing. You deserve better. And it always broke my heart because that wasn’t true. I have an higher education than him and I think that always got to him too. But I always told him that didn’t matter to me. That I loved him regardless because I knew he was a hard worker. So idk.
I think that
Our trip to Vancouver was good and kinda bad, I guess. During the plane ride he was taking pictures of a dog in the plane and then he showed it me because I couldn’t see. He accidentally swiped to a picture that I hadn’t seen before. It was not a bad picture, it was just a picture of a river. I asked him when he took it and it felt like he had been caught or something. He pretended like he couldn’t hear me and he looked weird. I asked again and he said ohhh…I took it two weeks ago. He told me he had gone hiking. I asked why didn’t you tell me about it?! I started to cry because I had a feeling he had gone with someone. But he said he didn’t. He went on his own. That he had felt really depressed that day and he didn’t want to stay home alone. I asked why didn’t you talk to me about it? What am I here for then? And he said because I love you. During the trip I just felt odd about it. And I don’t know if I was wrong in doing so but I kinda just put it aside.
I felt like when we we’re at the hotel things were a little weird. Like he didn’t want to be intimate with me. The first night he just fell dead asleep. And usually when we would plan trips like these he’d be excited and it would the first thing we do as soon as we walked into the hotel room. But not this time. I understand that he’s been having a rough time at work and he’s been working extra hard so I figured maybe that was one of the reasons. When we were doing all the other tourist-y things it was great. We had a lot of fun. We chose the things we wanted to do and we did them.I did act needy and insecure. A couple of weeks before the trip he told me he was going to a get together with his coworkers and he had barely told me about it an hour before. I just told him oh okay..have fun
And he didn’t like the way I responded so he didn’t text me until the day after. And I asked did you end up going? And he said yes. I said why didn’t you tell me? At least I could’ve gotten a text that you were home. And he told me that he didn’t like the response I had given him when he told me he was going out. I think there were other small things too.I keep rethinking the things I shouldn’t have done. I know it’s too late for that but I can’t help it.
I know the holidays are coming up soon and I’m planning on being in NC for at least 45 days but I really want to give him and his mom a gift for Christmas. Would that be okay?
