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Greaaat! NC worked for me too! I have been seeing my ex since March again(tho he doesnt want to commit – yet(i hope), we had one big fight and he wanted to stop seeing me but we ended up okay 🙂
I am very happy for you and I wish you the best !!
Hi Jen, I think you should wait a bit more to see if he will text you and ask you out for coffee,unless if u are ready to let him go completly and move on. Let go when you wont want to be back with him-that is when u really will be fine if he wont be in your life anymore. Also its not even 2 months since break up which is not that long (tho it seems like it) there still can be hope,you never know =).. but ofc you need to be happy without him first and when u come to that point, you will see that you will want him back, but not need him back. Also if you really love him letting go would only hurt you. and you will still find urself looking at ur phone for his text, probably. Idk, it’ been twod ays since u posted here, is there any news by now did he respond or smthn?
with me and my ex it will soon be 4 months since he broke up. i still cant give up on him.. I learned to be without him..i want him even more now since we r friends and all lol. I have him, but I dont have him… tho this week i saw that he sees my improvements, he also texts me first,he calls me to go out or to do smthn together, while 10 day ago he still called our friends first… and we dont hang out with our friends that much anymore, but we are alone more or less and enoy being together,both of us. Its like when we were together.. we even cuddle in bed and he slept over this weekend with me and he played with my hair, and was really sweet and i was scratching his back and such…and he told me this:”aw tamara you are a golden girl, there arent many like you” and he said it three times in 15minutes. we went to the movies with my sis and her bf yesterday 🙂 We are friends with benefits, but he still comes to me just to hang out and talk for few hours, drink coffee, and we dont always get to do it..just a bit hanging out and spending time together. Its like our old bond is getting back as it was, just more positive and strong and slower but steadier. I hope he will soon ask me to give us another try really. also when he goes home he always says; it was nice tamara, really nice.. thank you for everything *and he pinches my cheek* =)
@LaBond: youre welcome. By the way after reading your post to atea. About forgivness and this. I believe that if you want to forgive someone for something in the past, it is best if you forgive her for yourself. Why? Because YOU DESERVE PEACE WITHIN YOU and by forgiving others you get to have peace in yourself.The bad memories in past make you only anxious and scared in my oppinion. There is a saying: “Fear prevents life, not death” if you know what I mean. and if you do see her changes and that she has matured over this year my oppinion is you could give it a try with her especially if you love her (love wins over everything)and if she agrees to see a therapist and when you will you will really be able to believe her that she is willing to try hard to get you back. I really wish you all the best.
By the way me and my ex have been friends now for a month and last two/three weeks we have been friends with benefits. I understand this could be a mistake,but tbh I see changes in his attitude and all. We also lay in bed and talk calmly. and god we have so much fun together seriously. Now again we hang out every day and even when me or him is in bad mood we make each others day better, while before we just made each other more annoyed and stressed. At start we didnt hug or lay together and cuddle a bit, but now he always is puting his hands on my head and plays with my hair and this cute stuff =) he even slept over this weekend two nights. and when he comes to my place he comes for coffee and talk, its not like we get to do it every time he comes. He started to text me first also. And also he sees how ive changed and improved for the better and he is telling me how cute this is and how funny i do that, and how i blabla… my ex is a very hard characther to understand and coope with…+ he doesnt like people. like litterally dislikes people and believes noone can be trusted , you cant even trust urself completly.. but he did say few days ago that he thinks i actually am able to be trusted, tho not completly but way more than others… Idk, i want to be together with him again and kiss and hug him when i feel like, as before and tell him i love him. But I know if i will mention anything he will just… slip away, so idk i think it is best if i stay like me and day by day show him the improvements i made in last months and hope for him to fall in love with me again and that he asks first for trying again. Do you maybe have any advice for me please?
ah okay i see. Oh well, i am not acting like being affective,but okay supportive ofc he still is a friend. I am the one who keeps it cool . tho I do send a text first, but only because i have to ask him for driving to the market to buy drink for weekends when we drink together or tobacco if he can bring me some while he goes get it, and what does he do? he comes and asks to come too or says i will pick you up, while i say to bring it for me and i give him money after he comes back. but outside with friends i talk to others more than him and he always comes around to talk to me.. ofc i am friendly and all but i dont put him as a priority in our group of friends.
Oh really? hmm it could be positive or negative reasons. it might be that it is just a way that he could get ur attention so you start writting to him? or on the other hand it could be as you said.. tho NC usually doesnt push them further away, it just gives them time to calm down and think less of bad memories and for you it is more for healing and focusing and improving yourself.
@LAbound: i remember your posts from before and i think its great she wants you back ! and even better that you are happy and confident with yourself! and that you decided to take time and see how it will continue and about your feelings and for the therapist it’s also a good idea. and the fact you put yourself and needs and work first. By the way, i hope she really sees changes in you, and that you see changes in her and then decide upon your feelings. best thing to take it slow, as you did. good luck and keep us updated 🙂
idk, actually honestly said i think i am the one who cares more for doing it than he does…we both have needs not just him lol. the problem isnt the s**, because before saturday we had that spark and chemistry and him acting all sweet and softly pinch my cheeks and nose and i kept playing it cool and he looked at me like he did when we were together and he just keept staring at me all the time and tried to talk to me and all..i felt that his feelings are getting awake and alive again.. but deep talks on friday made it a bit weird, i should know better than have those talks after this short time..but today was ok, he even mentioned that yesterday we fell asleep together in my room and how cute it was. he just came over to talk and hang out nothing else.
and ofc he needs time to consider if being with me is a good idea, since i was limiting his freedom and being clingy and making him stressed out and my behaviour… i dont mind if it takes me time, but he already sees i am different(our mutual friend told me that) and i think that is what he wants to see first. my improvement. god i dont know. i think having s** wasnt the wrong decision, maybe for this plan, but he didnt have any girl for over a year he doesnt care for it and it was my idea that we do it. he does me a bigger favour than to him actually lol.
Kaila, how are thing with you going?any good news hopefully?
ok i see, then i should not say anything. well yeah, but he doesnt want to date actually lol he said he wants to be free and we agreed on not seeing others if we r like this… thank you for advice and oppinion. but we drive to work together so its not possible to do NC & as i know him if i will ask for space he will be sure i still feel for him and then he will disappear and wont want to be near me so i definetly cant do that. i just came home, he called me for going on a coffee and yesterday he came to my place tho he knows im on…the girl thing xD lmao,but he is still around, idk does that mean anything? I will let him alone and when he will want to reach out then he will. We have a “date” this weekend anyways i hope it will go well 🙂
&thanks againAny updates @kaila? or @Jen8720?
me and my ex had a great time yesterday tho, he came over to my place and we had fun and talked about good memories we had and we were like cuddling and we even hugged and omg it was amazing.. sex also HAH XDDD we also talked about the drugs and we both said; lets hope we never do them again lol. but we both are decided at least notfor a year and after a year passes an0ther year no drugs :p and when he went home we also texted a little god i am really happy 🙂
@TJ: ohmy god what a situation! I think that you did very well the time she cae to ur house! it is making her question how could u forget about her so much and such. she also tries to make u jealous and maybe is half way rebounding but after what ive read that she called you and such i think you should keep it cool. maybe answer her phone call every now and then and respond to a text message(depends on how long u have done NC?), and be friendly but polite and keep the conversation short and interesting so she has something to think about (you) when you finish. 3 minutes of talk is enough and you have to end the conversation. and definetly it is not the right time to reconcile or talk about trying to work things out cause here is too much rage and aanger and stress going on .. I dont know, this is just my oppinion.If you want to hurt her, then probably yes dont respond to calls and texts, if u want her to think of you and miss you IN A POSITIVE WAY, maybe every few days if she writes and calls u can pick up the phne and have a short official conversation.
But this is just my oppinion and my advice, i am no expert. Good luck!@Jen8720: Ya I do think it is best if u dont bring up the relationship u had, and ya also if he will start to talk about it, then i think you should have short, and clear answers abut it, not in a negative way but a positive outlook and such… I think you will do great ! 🙂 honestly the first meet up is prbably going to be a bit weird and such but the first minutes are always like that. And you need to look ur best ! and feel confident urself. if u shine out confidet and sexy energy he will be amazed probably =)
i wanted to ask him on friday if he wants to hang out or do smthn together.. for fun and such.. but he has plans with friends, but i still want to try to see if he does care enough to spend some time with me somewhere else than my room and his car…
well we broke up in december on our anniversary, and well it was cause i didnt behave better when i was mad(i didnt yell AT HIM, but i was annoyed whole day or i was like oh this shit and this fuck and bla bla all day…). and also I was putting him throught stressful relationship and .. i think he was at his limit and couldnt take that anymore..and everyone knew (especially me and him) we loved each other a great great deal, but he is a person that is better off alone than with peopl, he is a loner and he needed his alone time and i didnt gave it to him 🙁 also our biggest problem was drugs. we did drugs together and everytime we did there was something wrong for 2-3 days cause we were brainwashed of 3days doing cocaine and speed and such.. and no sleep… so ya now we both r clean. i think if it werent for drugs we’d still be together cause we had one fight sober. the other things were just his assumptions while high…
@kaila: oh well my ex also was thinking more the bad stuff than good. so ya it is really esential for you to get balanced ad centered! I had to do that too. i suggest every morning 10 minutes of medtiation , cause it makes u positiver and more balaced throught the whole day. and when u reach out to him be improved and changed for the better. be urself but improved yourself. Hmm and be positive at all cost 🙂@Jen8720: Oh well done for NC one month and reaching out after NC ! However I am glad u two will meet this weekend!! are u excited? =)) But I do think you should not talk about ur previous relatinship! I think you should talk more about what u two have been doing this month and idk try to have fun together and all. you need to make it a positive experience for him and you ..and not try to talk him into being together again. also him seeing you okay and positive and all it will be really better Just be the good old you he loved before and in some time after u two will meet up more, hopefully he will also see you have improved , if you had. and it will be all okay. But this is just my oppinion and advice..
yes he seems to be coming around , but idk it feels like he doesnt want things to be like they were betwen us no matter how he feels. yep, I am playing it cool and it confuses him. but god idk.. i dont want him to realize i love him as much as before neither i want he thinks i totally dont care. it was so cute today we were like before laying on my bed, talking… ..i felt his eyes on me all the time and then i looked and i said “whats up..why u look at me like that?” and he responded “ah…nothing” and smiled. i think he wanted to say something like “you’re pretty” or smthn like that but he remembered he should not, so he didnt. But I love the fact he just had to pinch my cheek (do something cute).. he used to call me tamarca when we were together.. its a cuter way of saying tamara(my name) and only he called me like that and his twin brother, cause he got it from him lol.
@kaila: well I think you are thinking the right thing and yes more positivity will be good, also for ur improvement. Also this thing with ur friend, in a way u need to reeber that u two might never reconcile but that doesnt mean u cant hope and wish for it to happen! you never know! And another 2weeks of NC and then u can write him for the ride. I understand ya, there are so much reasons why you could text him. but the one reason why not to is more important than the other ones, but u already know that i just remind you =)@Jen8720: yeeeey ya:D i am happy honestly, but on the other hand i still want him to love me and commit to me. but okay.. today when he came firt with our friends, i saw him always looking towards me and i saw by his face when i came out he was thinking:”omg shes beautful today” i saw his eyes shined the moment he saw me. also he poked my cheek and said “cuutie tamarca” while he was resting in my bed and i was sitting on my bed and searching on computer. i felt him looking at me and such..i think he feels for me again but he will try hard not to fall for me i think..oh well .. im confused and i think he is too.
I was wondering tho, about ur situation i dont have much time cause work and school to read the posts and such. could u tell me how ur situation is right now ?
@kaila: ohh well, there is a MIGHT be together again, better than a 100% sure of not anting to reconcile ! but now, focus on urself and learn to be happy without him. Or at least being okay without him. me personally i was not happy without him i still am not and wot be, but i am okay without him. there is a difference if u ask me. and being okay without him is better than being devasted without him, so i think its good.oh okay, keep us updated ! =)
I have news me and my “ex” are kind of together, just not commited and it is unoficial 🙂 Im waiting for him to be ready to commit to me again 🙂 if he wont then I will be okay too. at least I have him in my life in good terms, and we both have our needs 🙂
I agree with @CreeD !” Also if u two will meet up for a coffee, dont bring up the old relationship, or tell how sorry u are and tings like that. talk about what u have done these 8 months and dont at all cost make her know u want to reconcile. the idea is for ur ex to see u are still the same person but improved. and the idea is that ur ex is the one who start to talk about reconciling. the moment she will realize u want to get back together she will give u the cold shoulder probably. And also ask her about what she has been up to etc.. dont make it only about urself but also about her. And show her (even better let her see) how u have changed for the better) and dont say ; “i have changed i swear”. bla bla.. let her see it herself. good luck!
