Boards Reconciliation Is she trying to make me jealous? Is he a rebound? What do I do?

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  • #35097
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    My ex came over yesterday. We agreed that we’d provide closure for each other and talk about a few things. Prior to this meeting I broke every rule possible of post- break up. I called her, texted her, cried over her, told her that I love her and I’d change; I even went as far as showing up at her house. But after yesterday I felt like I was the one who did the breaking up.

    I was aware that she was talking and hanging out with someone new prior to this meet up, and I had no preconceived notion that they had done much other than, well, hangout. Although I was aware of this I continued to question her about their growing relationship. Her reply ” Hahahaha we’re just friends. But if I want to sleep with him, I can.” Which she could, because she broke up with me. But me being human and having any once of emotion, I continued to press the issue and she finally texted me ” I want to be with him”. I went to her house as fast as I could to reclaim the items that I bought her, because I felt like she no longer deserved them. But as soon as I walk through the door guess who I see sitting on her couch? Her new “friend”. I didn’t say a word, I just went to her room and tried to reclaim the items that she was no longer deserving of. She followed and would not let me take them. Keep in mind that we are in her room alone. She says as clear as possible ” we are just friends, he knows I love you.” And I reply “Then tell him that you love me in front of him.” She wouldn’t do it and claimed I was acting crazy. This is how I knew there was something more going on, and this is the first sign I had that she was in a rebound relationship. She wouldn’t tell him that she loves me when I was present, and she also told me that she still loves me in a genuine tone.

    Before I get into the most recent event of our post breakup relationship, I will provide my fellow heartbroken men / women with a little of background information as to why she broke up with me. Reason number one: I have broken up with her in the past due to us not getting along well. Reason number two: We were currently not getting along well. Reason number three: during the breakup that I initiated, I fornicated with a female ( which she holds against me to this day). And finally, reason number four: I was broke; I lacked transportation, a source of income, and and initiative.

    NOW. In more current events; she came over my house yesterday because we planned to provide each other with closure and talk about what’s been going on in each others lives since the breakup. But what she had not known, is I did my research on how to handle break-ups (thank you Mr. Thompson). So, initially we talked about things in our personal life such as: family, money, work, everything besides our love life. She opened up first and began expressing how things were going bad for her. She hit a pot hole and had to buy new rims, she hasn’t been working much, and her relationship with her mother is unhealthy…. After I became aware that thing weren’t going so good for her I capitalized! I let her know that I was contempt with my current situation. I got my first haircut in 8 months, I bought a car, I got a job that pays well, and I knew what I was going to do with my future. In reaction of me showing her that I am happy and doing well ever since the break-up, she cried. Yes, the roles had reversed. She cried and told me how bad she wished all of my success happened while we were together.

    As our little meet up progressed, she began to inform me about her “friendship” with the guy I mentioned earlier. Whom she stated questions her about keeping in contact with me and made it clear that he’s be mad if he found out she was here. She told me that they kissed merely for the sake of a photo. Did I care? Not. At. All. She was surprised at my reaction as I told her that she could do whatever she wanted. Plus, I figured they had already had sex. I mean, if you’re meeting up with an attractive female everyday, in private, why pass up the opportunity? Am I right?… But as I was saying; My lack of emotion to what she informed me of made her start wondering as to why I wasn’t mad/hurt. Because if this event had happened in the past I would have been furious. So, after she noticed that I wasn’t too worried about what she had been doing, she questioned my love life ever since the breakup. So of course, I lied (Thank you Kevin). I told her that I’ve received multiple messages from females who were aware of the break up. She didn’t take this well at all. She cried and became extremely angry. She repeatedly asked me “Who are they” “What are there names””Do I know them””Are they my friends”. I didn’t answer her questions. I calmly said “It doesn’t matter. I’m not doing anything.” And this enraged her even more. She expressed her fury by tearing my room apart, hitting me, crying, hurting herself, and trying to reclaim/destroy items that she bought for me as gifts. And before she left she said if I didn’t tell her who the females were than I would never hear from her again.

    It’s been 24 hours since came over and went on a rampage about other females talking to me. Since then she has called me about 15 times (I didn’t answer), deleted most of our pictures from her instagram (there’s still about 6/7 of us left but there was a lot more), Called my mother (my mother told her I wasn’t around), and texted me 16 times (after the 10th text I simply responded by saying “what” and that alone). NOW at the moment I replied by saying “what” she posted a picture on instagram with her and the guy I brought up earlier. Her initial response to my text was “I wanted to apologize for hitting you I’m sorry”. I didn’t reply. The second text stated that she was upset and she wanted to be my friend, but she is done talking to me. I did not respond. Her third response was ” I hope she makes you happy”. I did not not respond. Her fourth response was her stating that she’ll be out of my life and she is sorry for hitting me. I still did not respond. Her fifth response was her questioning why she wasted her time texting me, and she stated that I am going back to my old ways. I did not reply. Her last response was”Go ahead and f@#& some little girl. I know you have already. Don’t worry about my life or the guy I’m with anymore just go be happy with those whores because you act like I’m nothing to you. Yeah, I’m gonna be happy with this guy so go have fun with that whore.” That was the last text she sent me which was no less than a couple of hours ago. In the picture she posted he is holding her in his arms and the caption is “#1 in my heart”. Moments after that the guy Posted a picture of him kissing her and the caption is “Love this girl more than anything”. Remember, we broke up no more than a week and a half ago; it will be two weeks on Tuesday…. And he said that he loves her more than anything.

    I haven’t shown any activity on social networks and since yesterday after she went ballistic my only response was “what”. I hope that doesn’t break the rules of no contact. I haven’t seen her, haven’t posted anything, and I haven’t made her aware that I have seen the photos. I’m trying my best to stay away from anybody she knows and anything she can trace in order to see how I’m doing. Because I don’t want her to know I saw the photo, and I don’t care about it and I also want to wait until I have something to show for the amount of time we’ve broken up. Physical, financial, mental happiness; anything that will let her know that I’m just fine without her and she made a bad decision.

    LADIES, men, and Kevin; please voice your opinion. Does he seem like a rebound? Is she using him to make me jealous? Is she just trying to get back at me for breaking up with her? Is she just giving me a taste of my own medicine? Is it petty and spiteful of her to bring the guy up just because I didn’t respond?

    And if she’s only doing this for my attention how do I get her back the right way?

    ALSO please voice any other opinion of what you think it may be. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this guys!

    #35307
    ellie96
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 657

    To all of those questions, my answer is YES. However, getting her back right now isn’t a good idea. Right now this whole situation is heated. If you guys immediately decide to get back together, she will have second thoughts real quick and you may as well. Right now there is too much anger and rage. No contact is your option. It creates time for her to remember the good times and not all of this other stuff. It creates the structure of her meeting someone else and then instantly comparing you two and realizing that whoever the new guy is, he is not the one for her, you are. Also, NC gives you more of an opportunity to make yourself even more better off. I am telling you, it goes by so much faster if you are only focused on you and your happiness. Then you have her in the palm of your hand.

    Read Kevin’s article on making her want you back and getting her back from a rebound.

    They are both excellent articles and you will learn a lot about winning her back in your situation.

    #35313
    michaelt84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 11

    You are absolutely correct! She reminds me of my last ex to be honest. A bit on the crazy side, but that always turned me on about her to be honest. Does it turn you guys on when a girl hits you in a jealous rage? Maybe that’s just me, I don’t know. haha. The sex after that kind of fight is always the best. My current girlfriend isn’t really like that though (we don’t really fight at all to be honest). Anyway, you definitely need to stick to NC for 30 days. You may think that you need to act now while she is feeling jealous and has all of these emotions for you, but it will be better to give this time to cool down. My ex-ex (or kinda sort of girlfriend) and I were friends with benefits after the breakup, and when I ended that she got a little crazy and started begging me not to leave. The next day she asked if we could get back together and I ended up doing so. Now I kind of wish I would have turned her down and gone back to NC for a couple of weeks though. Things just aren’t where I want them to be now, so I’m not sure what the best course of action is at this point. I think you are definitely on the right path though! Keep it up, and keep working on yourself to make her think that she will never step out of line again if you give her another chance!

    #35337
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @michaelt84 @ellie96 The only problem I’m having as of right now is what if I’m done with the 30 day no contact and she is still with this guy? What should I do?

    And also to keep you updated; she tried to facetime me about 8 to 11 times tonight. After I didn’t answer her facetimes she texted me saying her baby sister misses me greatly, whom is very fond of me. That wasn’t a good enough reason for me though. Afterwords she called me about 5 to 7 times. I still did not answer. And the final text she sent me tonight was “I always answered your phone calls and replied to you like you asked so please give me a chance to actually talk to you please.” In my eyes this reveals that she was not calling me in regards to her little sister.

    Please keep in mind that last night she sent me multiple nasty texts telling me to “go f@$& some little whore”, not to worry about her new relationship, and that she is happy with her new relationship. Now if I’m not mistaken, if she was so contempt with this new guy, would she continue to contact me? Is this normal? Also, if you refer back to my story she made it clear that her new man did not like the idea of her being in contact with me still.

    So far during my few days of no contact I’ve been working out extremely hard, began dressing like a career-oriented man, and I’ve also been given a job opportunity (which pays a lot more than her job). I should be getting a car within a couple of weeks, which I will describe as a big deal considering she used to give me rides and now her car is wrecked. I would like to stay as out of sight as possible. I plan on gaining 15 pounds of muscle and completely transforming myself before I see her again. I want her to see me for the first time in a while and drown in her self regret of letting me go and trading me in for a boy with no car, job, or future as far as I’m concerned.

    #35340
    ellie96
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 657

    @Tj She is realizing what she has lost. However, it is way too fresh. This new guy obviously doesn’t compare and she is terrified of losing you. You need her to realize your worth and value right now. If her little sister misses you, you can contact her little sister later during your nc period with your ex. Under no circumstances should you contact her. Only if someone is dying or very ill. Other than that, no words should be traded. After nc if she is still with that guy (which she provably will be only for security reasons but she will easily leave him), approach her as an old friend (read about your ex is being with someone else page for more info). Create that spark again. At first she will be reluctant but then she will follow through. I am giving you advice from a girls standpoint. You’re only going to make her miss you even more. You are on the right track!

    Another thing I forgot to add. I am seeing my boss on Thursday to let him know I am letting him go. I am writing a letter and reading it to him. How should I act around him? What should I say? What will grab his attention and think “holy shit maybe this is it”..?

    #35392
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @ellie96

    The relationship between you and your boss is no different between the one with you and your significant other. Someone is putting in a lot of work and the favor is not being returned. Are you leaving your job in terms of salary, mistreatment, or unhappiness? Either way you should give him a heads up by making him aware that you are one of, if not, the hardest worker and production will drop substantially unless you are given a raise or work conditions are changed.

    #35400
    ellie96
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 657

    @Tj I am not with my boss! Haha! I would never cross those boundaries! That to me is very inappropriate! Me ex is 19 and he has sex with his boss (I don’t think there is anything serious between them since he is having sex and going out with other girls). I could get him fired if I wanted to, but i refuse to do that to him. Anyways, it is insulting. I always says I am not being conceited, and I’m really not, everyone knows I am the best thing that has ever happened to him (He has even admitted to it). I am going to school, already have a great job, I am extremely responsible, definitely a look difference (I don’t think I am pretty but everyone says that he is a downgrade and I need to look for someone my worth but I do not judge appearance at all and I get extremely offended when others do judge our differences even if it is in support of me), I have a future going for me, goals, inspirations, values, I would scarifice anything for anyone, I am super supportive, I give without wanting to receive, and I have given my heart and soul towards our love. Also our social class levels are very different (to me it doesn’t matter). If you saw us together you’d be like “woah why is she with him?” Just an extreme difference but we have so much in common. Like I said, I get very offended when people compare us just because I think so highly of him. However, I know what I am and all of the girls he’s been with haven’t compared to me (he even told his cousin that!). So why does he do this? It is just so unfair.

    #35442
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @ellie96

    He does it because you let him. After what you just informed me, I think it’s best that you find the guy for you. In the context of what you’ve typed, you have just described a player. You have boosted his ego by not only giving him the time of day and dating him, but showing him that you care so much as to chase him. He even admitted that you are out of his league! Do you know what that does to a guys confidence? The kid’s even having sex with his boss. He used you to push himself up the ego totem-pole and now he feels as if he deserves any woman her wants. Don’t allow yourself to further boost his ego. You deserve better. I know you don’t want to hear this but it is absolutely true. He will realize in the end when someone you deserve comes into your life, but you have to give that future guy a chance.

    #35450
    manishx
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 40

    @TJ You really did well during NC and of course her rebound relationship is about to end, I believe she understood that she can not make you jealous and you are completely different and way more attractive. Even if she is with this guy, she will try to continue contact but you may now start rewarding her slowly with her chase in my opinion. Try to comfort little and be cool as you have been. You have been going wonderful, I wish I could have done complete NC earlier. Wish you great.

    #35451
    KD1988
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 750

    @TJ

    I completely echo the above comments. After reading your posts she is 100% trying to make you jealous, has realised that she has lost and is in complete panic mode. She actually needs to calm herself down. I agree that it probably isn’t the right time for you two to be getting back together, as I think she also needs some time to calm down about it.

    I personally would leave it a little while and see what happens. She KNOWS what she has lost, trust me. I would behave like that in the exact same way!

    #35467
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @ellie96 @manishx @KD1988

    I appreciate your opinions so much guys! I will continue to keep you updated as the days go on. And I will continue to voice my opinion on your situations daily. Thank you guys this means a great deal to me.

    #35508
    ellie96
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 657

    @TJ Thank you for your honesty and I completely appreciate it! Maybe its his age and immaturity who knows? All I know is that I was his first love and we were very close for 3 years. Its hard to think that after 3 years he would be acting this way, but I guess that is what a young male does. There is nothing that will stop me from finding someone else.

    #35524
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @ellie96

    I don’t want you to think that there is no hope. But it would be in your best interest to explore your options

    #35526
    ellie96
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 657

    @TJ There isn’t any hope because I don’t think I want there to be… But it would be nice for my worth to be recognized. That is all :/

    #35552
    TJ
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 35

    @ellie96

    If you’re as beautiful as you claim it’s only a matter of time before someone who is worthy claims you.

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