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Thank you for helping me out. So basically what you’re saying is go slow and get more evidence that she is changing for the better because it’s not up to me to change her, she has to do that? In that case what should I do? Continue no contact for maybe like another month or something then add her back on fb and just text her or something then all while looking at what she’s been posting to see if she’s trying and see how she responds when I text her?
I tried those things before a year and the cop thing happened a couple weeks ago. Which would make it like a year now then. I just thought waiting this long to try those things or waiting longer to try things would maybe work because people keep telling to give it time but be persistent. And yeah I see what you mean with that whole sleepover thing. A lot of people were telling me that as well now. And the fact that she flipped out at first I thought was my fault for trying to stoop down to her level or something like that because she told me something like that when it happened and said she got mad because I asked her specifically or something but now that I’ve been talking to people they all seem to say, it seems like she got mad at my rhetoricalI question like that because one she is either insane or two she is either extremely jealous but should have told me or talked to me about it instead of getting mad and flipping out all the times she did or three she got mad at it because I caught her red handed and then she blamed me for cheating when I never did for something stupid, I forgot to erase on my phone that I never even went on the whole time weeks later because they say she was just looking for a reason to break up with me after that. I still love her but more people keep saying the same things to me now and it starts to seem true if that many people are saying it. So yes I see all your points of view but for some reason that’s why I waited so long to do those things and why I could try waiting longer to do other things because I still love her but have no idea how, what or when to even try anything anymore. Because I basically said everything already even if it was bad grammar or sounded mean at one point, also I randomly saw her and she apparently got mad at that. But yes I would still like to get back with her after all of this.
She had little random things during our relationship that I though were jokes before it ended. Such as we would watch a movie and there would be pillow fight scene then she would get mad at me for a random stupid joke or something and I would be like your joking right like you know it’s a movie. She also asked me before if she can sleepover a guys house that she was friends with that I never even saw before. I said no and made a rhetorical question out of it by saying would you be mad if I slept over a girls house, she then got mad at me by hanging up and not talking to me for the night until I met her at the park- that was our first and only other fight thing before the break up one. And she would say like we should watch porn to know more things we can do later then when she was breaking up with me she found out I did and said I was disgusting. Also after the break up a time that I tried to get her back I added girls on fb, snapchat and got some numbers because we were single for like 2 months. I tried to get her back again and she flipped out saying I was a cheating disrespectful person because even now I was talking to other people. She said this because she saw my snapchat and she was second on it but I was third or not even on hers. I didn’t know what to think of this at the time but now after the events apparently what other people are telling me she was just looking for ways to break up. Including using double standards. But I still don’t know if I should believe them or her (maybe I just never got to tell her the truth the right way yet….. The letter or something) (because maybe I sounded mean before or didn’t write it good or wait long enough…..but I still and always said I didn’t do it) and I still love her and would want to send something to try to get her back. But like you said before idk how or when or if it’s even possible now.
I tried to contact her or did like 6-7 after the first time she said not to. Some of the times were good some were bad and that’s where it left off now. That’s not counting the times I did before and after the break up before she said that. Every time I was extremely nice and tried to cover everything saying I’m sorry it looked bad but I never cheated and saying I was sorry that I even said I wanted to hurt myself because I felt so sad that she was sad/mad. There was just the one kind of mean text that I tried to get self respect back that I already wrote about . But that happened in the middle of those times and it still shouldn’t have even been mean. It was all the truth and what happened saying that she hurt me too and she should have believed the truth because I trusted her. The only mean-ish part of it was I said maybe I should block you now but only so we can take a break from fighting for a little but still ended it nicely saying she has multiple other ways to contact me still and that I love her. ………………….. I also want to thank everybody for reading and responding to my story it really helps to get it out there. Also the fact that more and more people are saying that she is probably mad because she cheated on me is actually kind of helping me get through it because at least then I know I’m not the bad one or something like that. Also knowing that I at least tried something helps a lot too. Like you said I tried everything and I don’t know what to do without risking a restraining order right now besides just hoping for the best or trying to move on for a long time then maybe sending her something after a long time. Unless someone thinks there’s a way to contact her that she won’t be able to get something against me. Because life sucks so much right now knowing she left me but it would probably hurt way more if she got something against me and ruined the rest of my life with everything else and still didn’t come back. So I currently have no idea except to move on completely or for a year or longer then send something or just send something now if there’s a way that people would definitely know it might work or just risk it all.
Do you think sending her a letter would be considered harrasment now though? Because she told me not to contact her like a couple times and called the cops when I randomly saw her in person. So do you think I should wait like a long time before sending it and try to move on in the process? Also your not the only one that said she probably cheated on me first and that’s why she’s mad. First my mom and sister said that but now I heard it from a lot of people that are hearing my story. What to do now than with even this information?
Thank you 🙂 now I’ll just decide when the time comes to attach a picture with the letter or something. Also if I see or her friends in person I’ll have to decide whether or not to try talking to them before May. Other than that I feel like if I want to send it in May still I should , to get it off my chest and because I doubt anything bad legally can happen then or at least I hope nothing bad legally can then . I also think I decided when I will I’ll write just my first name on the envelope so she might open it if she is mad still and doesn’t remember my last name at the same time having my first name at least on the envelope doesn’t set her up for an unpleasant surprise so it’ll be her choice to read it or not. And I’ll send it through the mail so I can say I wasn’t at her house putting it in her mailbox. I could probably put my address on it as well but I guess it doesn’t really matter because why would I even want it back.
The lawyer also said I might be able to send it in January but since she blocked my meetme in November if they can somehow prove that because I think she deleted it , if I think I have bad luck I should wait until like May because he said in January I have like a 80% chance of the law not caring but if she calls a mean cop then he might say it was only 2 months since the meetme incident. He said if I send it in like May or later I should be completely fine by the law hopefully. He also said if I see her or her friends in person somewhere unless she says to get away and leave her alone it should be fine as well. So now with that info I at least have more knowledge of what could happen law wise and relationship wise if / when I send it. Also I need to decide if I should have my name on the envelope or not when I choose to send something.
I talked to a lawyer and they said send something like this if anything
Hi this Sean
I still feel bad about how things ended between us and feel like I never got the chance to formally apologize to you. I flew over 18 mile creek lately and thought about how fun it was to go hiking there and every else with you.
I was very immature back then. I should have been more aware of what was on my phone and erased those apps when we got into our relationship. I now know I should have just listened to my heart after the break up and not what others said to do. As you know you were my first love so I didn’t know how to handle the situation. Even though I tried to move on I would just think of you. I have matured since and have realized how childish I acted. I should have known how treasure and respect you better. I have now learned how to handle future relationships. I’m apologizing from the bottom of my heart .
You have shown me many possibilities in life and shown me many great things. You have made me smile ,very happy and above all you have made me love you and that’s what life is. I will never forget this.
I know this is a lot to ask of you given what has happened between us, but I would like you to think about possibly talking sometime. maybe at white rabbit because I know you like that place a lot and catch up a bit. I really enjoyed going places like that to eat with you especially when we sat our own way. Theres a lot of new and exciting things happening in my life and I would like to share the exciting news with you. I’m very interested to listen to anything you would like to say and would like to hear what you have been up to lately.
I understand if you do not want to meet or talk and will not bother you again .this will be my farewell if that’s the case. I hope that your having fun at school the pictures you used to show me of it looked awesome. It must be really fun being able to ride your new bike there. That sounds like it would be an amazing time with you.I do wish you the best in life and I thank you for all the fun times we had
Like she posted a meme on dec. 1 saying to stay single because independence is good. On November. 23 or something posted another kind of joking one that said basically I think about you all the time but only when I shit. She said with that one this goes to my ex. But like on nov. 19 she said something like “I can’t stop loving him story of our lives” and tagged a girl that’s her friends. On October. 29 she posted another quote that said if a man loves you he will move mountains for you, he will call not text and he will say your beautiful. Her comment on it was “actions speak louder than words and you know what they say about karma too.” Other comments that stuck was her dad said “didn’t I say this” a friend said you can do better usual things family and friends say and her aunt or something said moved on…….. Those were the latest things on there before like right after the break up before she blocked my phone in July. So seeing all of this it makes me really want to send it next month because I feel like if I do it would fix things or at least make her feel better. I’m just scared of her mom or the law if they take it badly
So for some reason a friend just showed me her Facebook and apparently she’s still posting things like I hope karma bites him in the ass. Or like my ex is such an ass. This really makes me want to send the letter now but does it technically mean I should wait longer.
That’s what I’m now hearing from my sister. At first she was saying maybe don’t send the letter but now she’s like if you send it she’ll probably not call the cops or be able to get anything . And that I’m probably just making myself worry to much because of what others told me could happen. If anything she says wait longer so I might eventually not want to or so she has more time to forget.
I think it’s more of like if people actually take the time to read my story then they say you can send it others are just telling me love doesn’t exist move on. Some are even going as far to say God doesn’t exist to me because one of the reasons that I want to send it is because I’m Christian and by being that I want to apologize for the things I did to hurt someone. Also because a major thing behind it was because she was to and we would talk about God and stuff together, actually that was the first time she told me she loved me . And after the break up before she blocked my things I saw her saying and doing bad things in the world and now I feel like I completely destroyed her so I want to send something to help her in life as well
Thank you for your thoughts and I don’t think she would because she didn’t do anything before and I don’t think I ever did anything bad enough even if I send the letter for her to get one. My problem is I should talk less about my problems to people because if I did that I would happily send the letter. The thing that got me scared about that was my friend that’s parents just broke up. His mom got one against his dad but he like hurt her physically and threatened to kill himself with a shotgun in their house. I know I’m not like that it’s just scarring me because she blocked my phone and now that friend is like you don’t want to be like that. So I’m going crazy going on lawyer websites to see if she can get one for this. Some say yes others say no. This is the only dating site that I found a person to actually talk to me and not call me a harassing stalker . So I thank you for that.
Thank you for helping me out. My main concern is if she can get a restraining or no contact order. Idk why she would if I didn’t say anything in months and it’s really nice. Just some people are scaring me about that because she blocked me. So I guess I’ll just try to move on this month then next call a lawyer to ask what could happen.
