kneechan

@amcee, It feels like she does not want to continue a conversation though. I teased her about her having more time when we were together than now, but she mentioned that she wanted to use her spare time as “me time”. I told her I was sorry for trying to take her away from her “me time”, that I just missed her around as a friend, and that hope that we could catch up when she has more time. She read this about two hours ago and has not replied yet. It may be because she’s at work and has no time to deal with it yet.

This plus the various other times I’ve messaged her and she’s replied with a cold demeanor is super frustrating and it makes me feel like I shouldn’t even try to contact her anymore.

Also @amcee, reading @simon’s message, if she is not a fan of meeting up, should I just write her a letter telling her that I’d give her all the time in the world and that I’ll always love and care for her no matter what the circumstances are?

Even if there is no proper closure, I feel like I’d be covering everything I want to say to her.

Hi @amcee,

I hope things are going well for you. Just wanted to give you another update.

A couple of weeks ago, her friend wanted something from me and I agreed to give it to her. So I used that excuse to drop by my ex’s house to give her her gift, along with the package for her friend. She opened the door with a sad, droopy face. When she looked into the bag, she asked what this was and I said it was just something I thought would help get her through school and work. She didn’t even manage a smile. It hurt me so much that she wasn’t even happy. So I said okay I hope you will enjoy it and I’ll talk to you soon. She closed the door and I left. So a couple of weeks later, which was yesterday, I decided to follow up with a message asking her if she’d try it yet. She said yes it was really good, and that I should try it. A couple of exchanges later, I believe she went to bed, and the next day I know that she saw my message but did not reply.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been consistently working on myself and using social media to post every now and then with different people. I love her and want the best for her. But I am getting super frustrated with this because she is not even trying to maintain a conversation. I feel like I should ask her if she has time some time next week so we could talk and see if we could clear the air. I’m not going to word it that way, maybe I’ll ask her if she has time for a drink. If she feels that she is better off without me or if she feels that not speaking to me will help her, I’d rather do that than being in this grey zone that doesn’t help either of us. At least there will be an answer. Do you think that’s a good idea?

-Kneechan

Hi @amcee, just wanted to give you an update on what’s been happening.

We finally went for our dinner a couple of days ago. So basically, she was still very timid and awkward during the beginning of the dinner. It felt like I did a lot more talking than she did. She started warming up nearing the latter half, but I felt like she was super hesitant in speaking. I basically told her how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been up to, and when I asked her about what she’s been up to, she kinda just said “not much”. And I was like, what do you mean not much? And she’s like =T just work, school, sports, hanging out with friends and family. It didn’t seem like she wanted to let me know what’s up with her for whatever reason, either that, or she actually didn’t do much.

So the first thing she wanted to tell me about was the fact that her parents bought her a new phone and she didn’t need to use the phone I gave her anymore, but she knows someone who might want to buy it, so I told her she can decide what to do with it. During the dinner, we were both not very hungry. I think we were both nervous, because she mentioned she didn’t eat lunch either but she wasn’t feeling hungry regardless. She keeps waking up at 2AM and I know that when she’s stressed over things, she wakes up in the middle of the night. After the dinner, she tells me she feels bad that she still had some of my things, so she packed it in a bag and she gave it back to me. I feel that is fair, because I felt like she didn’t want to be constantly reminded of me anyway, if she wanted time and space to herself (I think it’s the similar reason for the phone too, but I’m not gonna say anything).

Then she tells me she also has a gift for me. I was like a gift? What is it?
She says, umm I don’t know, you’ll find out! You like surprises anyway. So we get out to her car, where she has the bag of stuff. In the bag of stuff, she pulls out a small bag and in the small bag was the video game she preordered for me a couple of months ago. Logically speaking, if it were me, I would’ve returned it long ago, because the preorder was around $90. Whatever the reason is, laziness or just because she knew I wanted it, she gave it to me. I felt bad so I asked if I could just pay for it, because I knew how expensive it was. And she goes, why do you feel bad? It’s a gift. If it makes you feel better, think of it as a christmas present. I was so scared that you would’ve bought it yourself. I told her I was going to, but instead I decided to buy another game. So after that, I initiated a hug and we had a good 15-20sec hug. My head was on hers, her chin was on my shoulder, and then we let go, and she says I’m glad to hear you’re doing so well for yourself. I said thanks, I will message you sometime soon, and then we went our separate ways.

I feel like she’s trying her hardest to clear her mind of me, and by getting rid of the things that remind her of me, it helps her process. At this point, I don’t know what to think. I feel like she still has feelings for me, but she is such a career driven person that she knows it’s not the best for her. It hurts me to see her not be herself when she’s around me, and I don’t know what to do. I want her to be happy, and I want her to truly live her life to her fullest potential. I don’t want me to be the reason that’s holding her down. Despite knowing that I’ve matured and learned from the past, she doesn’t know that. I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m willing to learn to get better. I don’t know where to go from here, but I definitely want to approach her soon to clear up the tension. I want to ask her what she plans to accomplish because I don’t feel like this awkwardness between us is healthy. Is it selfish of me to ask to clear some of the doubts in my mind? What’s your opinion on our meet up?

I look forward to hearing from you soon,
Kneechan

Hi @amcee, thank you for the reassurance! I know this rescheduling is more of an emotional reaction than a logical one, but it’s just so hard to think logically when I don’t know what she’s thinking about. I’ve taken the past couple of days to recuperate and gather my thoughts. We rescheduled to eat lunch a couple of days ago, but it started to snow really hard the day before. I messaged her and asked her if she wanted to reschedule because I didn’t want her to be slipping and sliding all over the roads due to the snow. She obliged and we rescheduled for next week. All in all, this feels like it’ll give her more time to process her thoughts and hopefully get her more emotionally intact before we meet up.

I’m not entirely sure about making her something for the new year though. I feel like if I do that, it’ll imply I want to get back (Not that I don’t want to), but I want to just take this meeting as a means of getting us comfortable with each other again. What are your thoughts on that? I mean, I want to wow her, but at the same time, I don’t want to push her away by giving her thoughts of reconciliation when I haven’t even met up with her since the break up.

I really hope this progress is going better than expected, talking so formally with her every now and then makes me cringe sometimes because I know that’s how you would speak to an acquaintance, but not a friend. I’ve been improving myself, but she hasn’t been able to see it because I have yet to see her. Hopefully by the time I see her, we’ll be able to convey what we’ve both been doing to get better.

Hi @amcee,

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Not sure if you still frequent this page, but just an update! No contact is done, and we have brief conversations here and there, but nothing too drastic or forced. I’ll keep you up to date since we last spoke.

I messaged her because I knew she was finished work at this time, she has the winter break now so I’m sure that she has more time to relax. Long story short, I asked her how her work was and she said she didn’t feel like typing it out, so that gave me an opening to ask her if she was open to meeting up the next little while to catch up and whatnot. She was very reluctant and even told me that she didn’t think that she was ready to meet up yet. I’m not sure what that meant though, because she was the one who initiated the break up and everything, and yet she seems super down in the dumps still. Although I really wanted to, I respected her decision and told her I’d respect whatever time and space she needed before we could approach each other again. I told her to keep me posted whenever she felt ready and she said okay thanks.

Fast forward a week later, she messages me out of the blue and asks me what my schedule is like. We let each other know what our free time was and even made plans to meet up a couple of days after Christmas so we could just catch up and talk to each other. We made plans to have lunch and we both have plans after so there’s definitely a time limit between how long we can spend with each other. I don’t want things to be super awkward when we talk so I definitely want it to be within a certain time frame or else it’ll get boring.

Fast forward to the day before Christmas Eve, I got her a Christmas present and I told her that I had to drop by Christmas Eve. When she questioned why, I just stayed mum because I didn’t want to give the surprise away. She agreed to meet up by her place, and I felt like at this point, I’m pretty sure she knew it was going to be a present.

I briefly met up with her and gave her the Christmas present. She looked at me confused and asked, “why did you buy me a Christmas present?” I told her that Christmas was in the spirit of giving. After that comment, it turns out that she had some truffles for me and my family in exchange as well. Now I’m not sure if she’s had it for me all along, or she kinda expected that I got her a present from the previous conversation we had and she had no time to get me a present. Regardless, I just felt it was great to be able to speak in person and feel good again. After saying our thanks, she was about to turn and leave, but I initiated the universal hug sign with my arms out before leaving, and she obliged. We had a full on hug for at least 15-20 seconds before she pulled away. We said our thanks again and went our separate ways.

The next day, she messaged me stating how much she loved her present and said she appreciated the gift. We exchanged our formalities and gratitude and kind of just stopped talking after that.

All in all, I feel like it’s a good step towards the process. It does seem like she’s more open to talk now, albeit sorta more formal than friend-like. We will see what happens tomorrow after the lunch plan. I’ll update you when there’s more!

How are you doing though? Everything good on your part still? Any updates? I look forward to hearing from you again.

-kneechan

Actually @amcee, I have a question for you. I actually think if I talked to her as a friend, I’d be quite confident in what I’m saying and/or acting. I’m just getting a very distant vibe from her, I feel like there are a lot of loose ends. I want to speak to her and let her know that I still want to be her friend, but still be able to give her time and space. I just feel like she feels awkward still, and I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to talk to me normally. But if I am able to break down her walls by talking to her normally and make her feel comfortable again, would that be worth it? Her holidays are coming up and I know she’ll have a lot more free time than she usually does. Would that be a good time to set up a meet up if I can facilitate this well?

@amcee I decided to take a break from here because I thought I could handle it…but the past couple of days have been kinda off for me. I did the 30 days of NC and decided to shoot her a text, but after a couple of texts, I was very vague with my answers (probably because I was nervous) so she kinda just looked at the last text and didn’t reply to it after. I’m not sure if I should text her again, or will it seem too needy? I also don’t even know how to talk to her normally, it feels weird. It feels like I don’t even know her anymore. I feel so distant, but I still love her greatly.