kneechan

Yes, thanks for the reassurance, I can always count on you on a bad day! So, the day has come where this event is happening, and I don’t think she’s going. What a shame! But oh well, I’m sure she’s just busy and have no time for silly little things like this. I can’t be bothered too much by it either, it’s her decision and I just want her to be happy.

I’m so encouraged by your motivation, it makes me feel good! I’m glad we’ve both decided to keep on trucking and keep ourselves busy in the mean time. I have a good feeling about winning her back too, but that will be later when I am a better me. I recently read an article about neuroplasticity and how the brain rewires its neurons once we apply a situation to a feeling. It talks about how we can potentially change the connection between the situation and the feeling once we really figure out the true meaning behind it. I am definitely on another path to figuring out my feelings and I hope this neuroplasticity and my positive outlook will help! 🙂

Okay…I don’t know if this was considered a bad thing, but I signed our group of friends up for this event. Everyone has the option to go whenever they want to, by a certain time. I included her in it because I felt like it would be the nice thing to do. Does that break NC? Technically, I indirectly talked to her…but it wasn’t only to her. It was to our group of friends. I messaged our group of friends about the event, and she didn’t even reply saying anything. I hope she messages me so I have a chance to just talk to her normally. But I feel like she wouldn’t because she wants to still respect my space. I have a feeling she’ll reply in the group chat saying thanks, but that’s as far as it’ll go. I hope she’ll appreciate what I did.

Aside from that, after my exam today, I felt like a brick was lifted off my shoulders! I think I was feeling down the past 4-5 days because I was stressed, and not solely because of missing her. That makes me feel a little bit better because I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that before…I was super confused. I’m a lot more happy now and I don’t feel mopey. What a sigh of relief.

On a side note, did you end up starting NC today?

Sorry for the late reply, I’ve been busy with my assignment! I’m so proud of you, @amcee! It’s awesome how you mature you are and how much you are improving yourself through keeping yourself motivated and busy. I think due to the fact that I’m also quite a busy person, I don’t think about it as much anymore. Like I told you before, the mornings are the worst. BUT! I am proud to say that I did not have a dream about her last night, I slept quite peacefully and woke up at my normal internal clock hours!

It’s weird, but I also gained a bit more confidence last night due to an unpredictable event. I took a selfie yesterday before going out and posted it on snapchat, and then the ex before my last ex contacted me saying she heard about what happened and seemed genuinely concerned for my well being! I was entirely caught off guard by that and she proceeded to make me feel better by telling me that I deserve better and that my ex was not good enough for me. She also told me that she loved me and still loves me to this day and she doesn’t know why. I’m not sure if that was the caring type of love or the “she wants to get back with me” type of love. Either way, I don’t think I would go back to her because she’s changed and she’s not the girl I fell in love with in the first place. But knowing that someone out there genuinely cares for you, and someone who loves you so deeply still…It was truly touching to feel that. Almost to the point where I felt like, I was her and she was me in my current predicament.

Back to now, yes, I may have time on my side, but I think time may also be working against me. What if the time I take to heal gives her enough time to forget about me? I am so scared of acting a certain way in front of her if I see her, that she may see through me. It’s funny that you tell me to put everything away, because that’s the first thing I did on the first day we broke up, I put everything away and just stuffed it in a corner. I did not need to be reminded of us.

I will definitely try your activity when I have a little bit more time! Right now, I’m in the midst of finishing up another assignment that’s due in two days and studying for an exam that’s in three days. Thanks for the encouragement and you are awesome 🙂

I guess you’re right, giving her time and space is probably the best thing to do for her well-being. I think it’s just gotten pretty bad, because I’ve been having dreams about us getting back together for the past three nights. It’s killing me when I wake up, I don’t want to have these dreams because it gets me super sad in the morning. It got better this afternoon because I got to talk to a life coach today and he really instilled some serious thoughts into my mind. Got me thinking about my future and what my ideal life would look like in the future. It basically steered me away from thinking about her, haha. What a strange thing the mind is.

I’m super grateful to have had a relationship with my ex, she’s super sweet, nice, and caring. I feel like such a fuck-up sometimes for messing it up. If only I paid attention to all the details, I would’ve been able to put in place some corrective action. I am a better man because of her, and I am still continuing to be a better man because of what happened between me and her, I am so fortunate. I really wish I could have another chance to repay her kindness.

That’s quite sweet of her to call and say good night and good morning! It does suck how it seems like she’s dragging herself along this though…it’s so unfortunate 🙁 I really hope you guys can work this mess out. If this is really meant to be, the other guy will surely sense that something is wrong with her, and maybe it’ll drive him away from her eventually? It’s such a big headache just thinking about it, but I’m so impressed at how well you’re handling it. Maturity goes a long ways when it comes to love and you’re handling it with care and caution. It’s going to take a while, but it will work out in the end, and you will come out a better person no matter what happens. I’m here for you, M! 🙂

@amcee, so basically what you’re saying is as long as C is happy, any outcome is fine? She is very lucky to have someone like you waiting for her, I hope everything works out in the near future. It’s very humbling and I’m very happy to hear that. I don’t think I’m at that stage yet, but I’m sure I will get there soon. I want nothing but the best for her, and if that’s not me…I can only go on with my life.

I’m not sure why, but today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I kept thinking about her and I kept replaying what she said to me that very day when we officially broke up. It’s so hard to stay positive and improve yourself when there are so many conflicting thoughts piling on you. You’re right, she probably hasn’t gotten over me yet, and does think about me from time to time, but that still doesn’t mean she’s willing to give me another shot. For all I know, she could be enjoying her freedom without having to worry about me. If that’s the case, and if she negatively associates her freedom with me, then I’m in for a big battle. I have to be able to convince her that I am a good fit for her and convince her that I can treat her to the best of my abilities, with what I’ve learned throughout the past little while. She’s also not the type to just get into any relationship…I was technically her first real relationship.

Ahh all these negative thoughts are filling my head right now and I don’t even know why. It might be because I’m stressed too since I have a couple of assignments and a final exam coming up in the next week. I can’t wait until they’re over and I have some more time to myself. I’m not really too worried about her noticing me…I’m more worried about what she thinks of me. I’m quite fearful of the unknown, and I just get more and more anxious. I’ve also began thinking about writing the letter to her…I only have around 2 and a half weeks more before I can send it. But then again, I should just send it whenever I feel emotionally stable to handle what’s to come after I send the letter. Two and a half weeks is only the temporary time to the end of NC.

Sigh, it’s been a long day. I should sleep earlier so I can get to tomorrow earlier. Hope things are going well with you, M!

Hi @Simon, welcome to the chat! Thanks for taking the time to read our long and drawn out chat, it really helps declutter your mind and hopefully think a bit straighter.

It sounds like from your story, that she does still care about you, but something (Possibly stemming from your arguments and discussions) has drawn her away from you. Very much like my ex, it may also be due to the fact that she needs time and space to herself. Why I might interpret that, you might ask? She followed you in the rain, she held you in her arms, etc. People don’t do that if they don’t care about you. If it makes you feel any better, at least she followed you, mine just drove away as I went into my house after she broke up with me. xD

Personally, I think you need to be stronger and not beg anymore. Begging for her love will only push her away more because it makes you look weak and pathetic. And like Kevin, amcee, Patricia, all have said, but not in these exact words; nothing makes a girl more giddy than confidence and strong emotional stability. Begging is the total opposite of that. Grieving is part of the process, but you gotta be able to understand that in order to get her back to the point where she loved you, you have to become the man she fell in love with in the first place. I’m sure you didn’t go up to her and ask her to be your girlfriend with a crying face and droopy shoulders back then.

If seeing each other at the university is inevitable, I would say to just suck it up and embrace it. Say hi to her with a smile if you both see each other, just to be civil. If you see her first but she doesn’t see you, it depends on you. If you are in NC, I would strongly go against it, just because it’s something within your control.

If you really want her back, you have to show that you are capable of change. It’s going to be a gruelling process. You won’t be able to eat, sleep, or do much in the next week or so because it is a gut-wrenching feeling. But think about it this way: Using the NBA, losing your girlfriend is like the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3-1 lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers, in which the Cavaliers won the series 4-3 in the NBA Finals. It was a gut-wrenching experience for them, and they were super sad that they lost. Now, if you were the GSW, would you say “Oh shit, I just lost the series, I’m just going to mope and be sad”? Or would you acknowledge the fact that you blew a 3-1 lead, but come back stronger next season with a better team (AKA Kevin Durant joining them in the offseason)?

Even with your new additions (New clothes, new confidence, etc), that’s not going to guarantee you a victory. But it DOES give you a better chance at going all the way and winning the ultimate prize if you were put in the same position, up 3-1 in the Finals. Think of the 82 game season, and 16+ games in the playoffs as part of your process, with the championship (your girlfriend) as the ultimate prize.

Lastly, I would not even worry about the letter and meet up yet. It drove me insane just thinking about it when NC was just recently implemented. Take this time to get to know yourself; what you’re good at, what you need to improve on, and be truthfully honest with yourself. Only you know yourself best, and only you know what you can do to impress the girl of your dreams. You got her once before, you’re ahead of the pack because you know what she likes and dislikes already.

Good luck, Simon! We’ll be here if you need to talk.

-Kneechan