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Penelope…just go with your own instincts because you are the one who is in it all. Maybe first try to distract yourself from talking about it to people and go with the flow, if you can’t help with keep expecting some signs from him then try hard not to see him, don’t go to the places where you might get the chance seeing him, even don’t go to the music school if this thing is really affecting you and your life. Give yourself some space and time from all thoughts and keep yourself busy with some other things.
You’ve a fear of rejection maybe cuz you have too deep feelings for him, even wanting to share the rest of your life with him maybe.
You know good things happen when you least expect it, and when you stop wanting more too maybe but you just can’t help it I know.
I’m hoping good things happening with youBut he was the one who came to you and invited you to his music school 2 years ago, and those talks for hours till morning, and that he asked you to go to his friends house for dinner what was that really about…I don’t know there are things unsaid between you two and as you said he mirrors your actions. I believe generally there must be a chance when there are things unsaid, you know.
I wanted to delete my comment and clicked on report it not really by mistake but thought it would lead me to delete thing somewhere, anyway.
Try to be indifferent towards him whenever you get the chance to see for awhile and see if theres any different reaction from him. Actually not try it but be like that for real if you think you really can, for example dont reach out to see him at the music school just really be involved with what you are doing, or whereever you think you could have the chance seeing him just don’t look for him. Its to see whether he will react in any way so you will figure out. Just saying it is easy but it would be so hard to do, let him intitate the talk or contact. Seeing someone you love whos being indifferent to you would make you so upset
Hes not reaching out nomore, maybe gave up for good cuz I’m a freak to him. I was wondering why you didn’t tell about the last night in details, tell it. And you are wise, intelligent, beautiful, attractive and have a good career (these are a LOT) and he is aware of them all also maybe awares of that you’re in love with him cuz you can’t really control your actions while you’re around him and he knows it.
I withdraw myself from being with him in his way and his will eventhough it hurts as hll knowing I will never get to see him again and let him go cuz hes the one I did feel I would love to share the rest of my life with..its been for ages since I see him last time. It seems like he never understood my behaviours towards him as I was so moody and sometimes rude, I expected him to feel me somehow but I’m sure he blames me for all and thinking I’m a freak..anyway maybe he even started dating whatever
You never know whats deep in his heart in the end anyway eventhough you automatically analyse every move of him towards you and others. So just go and pour your heart out to him if only you feel yourself emotionally strong enough to handle either response. Black or white no grey, at least there will be a clarity in the end. Ambiguity eats your energy for life slowly so take an action.
Hi @kaila
Yes I know what you mean with that imagining and I kinda tried it. I set myself a goal and I did really feel like doing it until he comes back to me with sweet words, tricking just to satisfy his curiosity about what I’m up to since I stopped talking to him and I’ve been trying to accept the fact that we are not meant to be together. Each time he tricked and each time I let him do it and the funny sad part is that I again stopped talking to him when I didnt feel good and confident enough doing it, you know you suddenly have that courage to let him go just like that so the last time I was not feeling like that way so now I feel terrible to move on. Its been two weeks and each day I wake up with different feelings, none were no good as yet
You really sound like my twin or something, I did see myself more as I continued reading your posts. I hope you come back to write here soon.
I’m still trying to accept the fact that we’re not meant to be together (then how stupid, why I do feel this way) and too many thoughts, and literaly he is on my mind all the time, somedays I wake up confident and tell myself yes I somehow got the guts and I have to do it for myself and save myself from this miserable life with the fake hopes and the feeling that hes the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life and somedays just sucks as heck a life without him just sounds meaningless, thinking hes simply enjoying his life, picking up one of the girls that are dying to be with around him and he doesnt give a sht about me at all and thinking the way how he treated me, used me, just words and only words and I get angry with myself being so fool…
I traveled to the States for a new start almost 5 months ago and he did let me go just like that, that night when I was waiting for my flight I called him and how I did want him to say what I wanted to hear but he didn’t, he just simply didn’t, I can’t describe how I did feel. I knew this saying whereever you go its not gonna help until you change/fix it in your mind and I experienced it. I used not to have expectations about anything without controlling it but since he got into my life, everything upside down, I don’t want to have expectations, he turned me into something else I dislike, a miserable person.
I sometimes asking myself is this could be love, no way…maybe obsession, like an addiction or I don’t know.
I’m 35 by the way and he is Italian.I’m thinking he is already aware of that you’re in love with him, and maybe taking advantage of it without really realizing its hurting you I don’t know and he must have feelings for you, he admires you too but try to let him realize that with not losing yourself while you’re with him without realizing it, try to let him recognize your value with the risk about losing him. It is maybe better losing than being in such situation now having such pain, I guess you might have thought about these too. You know it better, trust your instincts. I say all these to you now but I was not able to do so, failed many times just like the last time I did a while ago.
