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@patricia12 I won’t!
I did however decide to start NC over again. But maybe this time with a strict one monthly NC (where you ignore the person) instead of replying and then regular NC (the one you had suggested since I was the one that dramatically broke up first but wanted to take it back but couldn’t)? What do you think?
@patricia12 I mean I followed an online guide that said that initiating a meet-up was fine especially since you need the sparks to fly over again and you can’t do that online. That is, as long as you didn’t initiate the second one?
I originally would agree. But I’ve known this man for two years prior to dating as well. And he literally acted the same way before we entered a relationship and he’s never been flirting with others back then either. He’s really one of those people that got scared off from relationships and in this case our breakup and post relationship fights.
You do got a point there. And to make sure he didn’t pursue flirting the next time we met I did discuss things earlier about his behavior and me disliking it. He was slightly offended and seemed to still think I distrust him so it’s safe to say he definitely does need more time apart than just a month even though he initiated the first chat after NC.
I’m kinda feeling double on this part of your message though. Many people want to rekindle with their exes who have completely moved on, so how would they have to get their exes back if they go indefinite no contact? Some cases definitely require more effort to bring that spark up again and I don’t think just doing nothing is magically going to rise a spark?
I will! I’m a working on my future.
You’ll hate to hear this. But with all of what I’m reading this relationship can’t be mend right now. The foundation is too horrible and it has way too much luggage.
If it’s meant to be it will happen but this is too heavily loaded to get fixed or mend by an NC of 1 month. I can’t tell you how long exactly but there’s so much work for you to do and you know it as well.
@patricia12 Only at times, I don’t think that’s tinnitus related though.
Yes of course they would get tired! But no worries, considering this ain’t my first break-up with a man I haven’t been obsessively talking about him. Only replied on questions about him but decided to ask my mutual friends to just not bring him up anymore :). I need to redirect my mind anyways.
It’s just tougher when you’re in bed alone with your thoughts.
@patricia12 Betahistine Mylan I think?? I’m hoping for the best as well. It would definitely improve my outlook on life :). Even though my mom says I’m pretty positive but I feel like I might be forcing it a bit too much. Then again there’s a saying: fake it till you make it? And it does work sometimes so who knows.
Yess, I have lovely friends. I was really afraid I was going to lose them because many are also tied to my ex but they have separated us well and have been there for me. I’ve also quit bringing him up in conversations because from what I read online, mutual friends will pass on the message if you’re sad. Now, I don’t think they would but I don’t want to take risks. And it’s not like I’m in a huge grieving period anymore. The shock has passed. I just miss him in a very nostalgic but also still loving way.
@patricia12 Yes, I had all tests done, but since it’s a bit different than your regular one tone sound they’re guessing stress and my mental state is a huge part of it (I already had prior my breakup so I guess I need some fixing). But for now I got pills to regulate the water in my ear channels (is that the word?) so we’ll see if that helps. And I got a next appointment next month :).
Yes.. that’s very true. I need to work on that. At least get on the same level as my man and not appear like a nagging mom.
Thank you for the encouraging words!
I would get a therapist but those are too expensive and I kind of already wasted a lot on my previous one 🙁 (lost my job with corona so don’t have too much money anymore).
That’s very true. I get the tendency to treat my man too often as one of my female best friends but they’re just not that emotionally wired and I should be more attentive towards that.Thank you! Just came back from my appointment today and will get the pills tomorrow. Fingers crossed for an improvement!
@patricia12 I’ll keep it in mind not to drink too many fluids before bed! I’m afraid I’m not too religious. But I have been thinking of possibly seeing a psychologist or a coach (which should help me in my career as well). I’m also going to a few doctors the coming days to check up on my health because I haven’t felt too dandy. I hope that if I can tackle my tinnitus and maybe I’ll have a better outlook on life!
I do like the idea of self-help books. Do you have any you would recommend? I don’t know where to begin. I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck this quarantine during the break-up and as much as the person wasn’t false I didn’t feel like I had much I could imply on my life to guide me. I would need some kind of book that gives me training tips.Thank you, we’ll see! <3
I don’t think he was contacting you for the device persé. But more in a sense of, you guys had a deep bond that was created over a span of two years and a half. So he definitely feels comfortable talking to you and is attached to you in some degree.
What does bother me is that the flame is not being reignited and you’re saying that the conversations are becoming dull? Which makes me think you might’ve really ended NC prematurely the first time around.
Everyone’s different of course, but the options I see you getting are: a) trying to flirt and see for some reaction b) immediately distance yourself and try NC anew.
But I wouldn’t stick around in this situation. Like you mentioned this could possibly be a recipe for the friend zone aka the nono zone.@patricia12 I sure hope so. At least it gave me peace and you’re right. I do think reconnecting with casual talk is what will lift some pressure of his shoulders. We shall see how it goes!
I want to thank you in advance for all your responses. 🙂
@patricia12 Yes I read that! I’m very happy for you. I of course hope things will turn out the same. But no one can know for sure of course. But I’m willing to believe that the outcome will be a happy one nonetheless.
They were :(. I hence why I was happy about that one talk. I also apologized and he said it made his day and that he definitely accepts them. He doesn’t sound like he looks badly at me which is already a huge relief for me considering he meant and still means so much to me.
I really would never want to hurt him again. Thank you, I’m trying to be better.Alright! I wasn’t sure about that one yet since some guides did indeed encourage you to ignore your ex when in NC up until the moment you’re ready. But I hadn’t really given it a thought on what to do if he texts. Because part of me thinks he might not reach out and that I’ll have to initiate.
He doesn’t deserve getting ignored that’s true!@patricia12 Yess, I also happened to read your post on your relationship and am also share the same thoughts as you. I wouldn’t be able to take someone back who dates around after our relationship. And I’m very positive he ain’t doing that rn. So it would be unfair of me to do the same? Kind of a respect thing. And if he does end up dating I know where I stand.
You’re right. I just wasn’t good with feelings so I rather opted to kind of joke ignore it? Which wasn’t always the best. I’m trying to work on that, of course it’s hard to execute if my work is paying off when I haven’t been in the same situation again. But I hope it’s working!
@patricia12 Well she has been super into sports ever since our friendship ended. She suggested me to start with elastics kind of sports since I’m not used to sporting. And when the lockdown’s lifted she wants to take me to the gym. She already linked me her protein shakes and is going to hand me all the ropes of how and what to. It’s not that I need to lose weight, I actually need to gain muscle weight and be a little more active with my body :’).
Thank you again<3
@patricia12 Ok will do! I was actually even thinking of making that a bit longer because he’s a very stubborn guy. Now I know he’ll reply but I want to be 100% sure things are better for both of us. 🙂
@patricia12 My driver license, I really feel like I’m behind on life sometimes.
I actually reconnected with my best friend from three years ago and she suggested sporting together when the lock down’s over so I definitely got something to look forward to!
