June 26, 2020 at 9:53 am #115218
I had a first meet up with my ex last Tuesday. It was initiated by me but he happily accepted the proposal saying he couldn’t wait to see me but on friendly terms.
All in all it all went well, he was very flirty, I didn’t deny his compliments but kept up a front because he was crossing the line of the friendly made up he was so keen about.
A lot of hints were giving that (and well him also straight up telling me) he still likes me. He also mentioned he didn’t want anyone else and if he had to enter a relationship it would still be me and that he ain’t flirting with anyone else but me. But here’s the catch: he still doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t really initiate (he only did to setup the time of our meetup and to confirm the meetup the day before). Not really a shocker because I know my ex. He’s stubborn and won’t budge easily.
So here I am wondering what my next step is?
I googled a bit but no book fully covers this. One suggests to wait until he initiates, another says to keep a consistent of messaging every 3 days so that he’s used to your presence again.
I’m aware that if I want to have a chance still that if he doesn’t initiate I’ll have to initiate. But I’m at loss at what the best approach is. Do I start over NC because the meetup didn’t end up with us being in a relationship again, do I wait for him to initiate? Do I message if he doesn’t initiate? When do I message? Etc.June 26, 2020 at 6:22 pm #115220
@Magnolia I’m sad to hear you are the one who had to suggest the meetup..
I’m glad you accepted any compliment graciously. Sorry, it seems he’s messing with your emotions due to the fact he flirts and yet he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for a relationship.
Consistent messaging will only serve to him thinking he has you on a dangling string. It seems he is taking you for granted and that you’ll always be there for him if or when he decides he wants to reunite. If he was really interested in you, he would be the one to do more initiating contacts or meetups..
I suggest you start no contact again and this time keep it. If he misses you enough and deeply regrets breaking up, he will contact you to try reconciliation.. Don’t message him until he initiates contact, but it might take a long time.
Continue to work on improving yourself and develop a more positive optimistic outlook on life. Remember to be grateful for your blessing. Do things you enjoy etc..June 27, 2020 at 6:01 am #115224
@patricia12 I mean I followed an online guide that said that initiating a meet-up was fine especially since you need the sparks to fly over again and you can’t do that online. That is, as long as you didn’t initiate the second one?
I originally would agree. But I’ve known this man for two years prior to dating as well. And he literally acted the same way before we entered a relationship and he’s never been flirting with others back then either. He’s really one of those people that got scared off from relationships and in this case our breakup and post relationship fights.
You do got a point there. And to make sure he didn’t pursue flirting the next time we met I did discuss things earlier about his behavior and me disliking it. He was slightly offended and seemed to still think I distrust him so it’s safe to say he definitely does need more time apart than just a month even though he initiated the first chat after NC.
I’m kinda feeling double on this part of your message though. Many people want to rekindle with their exes who have completely moved on, so how would they have to get their exes back if they go indefinite no contact? Some cases definitely require more effort to bring that spark up again and I don’t think just doing nothing is magically going to rise a spark?
I will! I’m a working on my future.June 27, 2020 at 6:03 pm #115226
@Magnolia That’s right, don’t ask for a second meetup! You’ve done everything you can to show interest, now it’s up to him..
The first step starts not with sparks, but whether or not he wants to pursue you and meet you again in person.June 28, 2020 at 6:26 am #115227
@patricia12 I won’t!
I did however decide to start NC over again. But maybe this time with a strict one monthly NC (where you ignore the person) instead of replying and then regular NC (the one you had suggested since I was the one that dramatically broke up first but wanted to take it back but couldn’t)? What do you think?June 29, 2020 at 3:22 am #115231
@Magnolia First of all, you’ve started 5 different posts and it’s difficult to follow your story in a comprehensive way without going back over your other posts.
One thing I read in one of your other posts was whenever you had a small fight, you gave him the fake pout silent treatment. Doing that was not the proper way to resolve an issue. And your pessimistic outlook on life wasn’t good either. You have to keep in mind is that guys hate arguments and drama!
Just do no contact until or unless he offers dating with reconciliation as a possibility.
PS: Is the new medication working to improve your tinnitus?
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