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Definitely ease back on the contact if you dont want to do full on no contact. Hes learning to live with you as a friend and it makes moving on easier. Thats why they say no contact. Because you suddenly disappear.
Its great that you are talking about your feelings and what happened. But you both need to have the space to grow or yea. You will have the same problems.
My ex and i have been apart for 9 months and i did a long no contact. We are talking more frequently now and we are both seeing other people. But, you dont know what you have had til its gone. They say you need to go out with other people. Casually or not. My ex freaked when he found out I was seeing someone. And initiated convo and reminised.
The idea is that you learn to be your happy self without him and if he comes back due to strategic talking then you will work out.
So, yesterday I had to call him and let him know the change to our house insurance. He transferred me to his office so he could have privacy to talk.
I kept to the point and short.. He was trying to keep me on the phone, and mentioned he talked to my dad (my dad asked him for money) so I apologized for my dad’s behaviour and said I would talk to him. I said three times I had to go and he kept trying to keep me on the line. He said that we would talk soon as if it was posed as a question. I just said, Kay bye.
I did keep it very professional. Because I didn’t want to break contact and I know I have to when it comes to house stuff.. So, I don’t know, it was nice to hear his voice, I guess.
I decided to call instead of text because it put him on the spot.
I feel like I am in a better place emotional because I handled it well.
Today is what day.. 21? I am losing track.
I’m back from my trip. Enjoyed myself, didn’t do as much stuff as I wanted to..
This guy that I met, I didn’t go and hit that. He seems to really like me. Already asking about what I see for us, and so I told him straight up.. I would tell him if there was something to tell. We have been talking since we met though and right now, I feel like I just like the attention.. But I am attracted to him, so idk.
I had this thought on my way home to text my ex.. just first to get his attention and he would respond. And I would tell him to go eff himself. It was a happy thought.
I enjoyed looking at some eye candy today. I used to not really check out guys too much, I was just in my head before.
I think right now I am happy to embrace the single life. and that’s not me holding my breath for my ex. It’s me just breathing for me.
I think I will probably do more than 30 days no contact. I already was thinking it, but I am feeling really good about myself. And finding myself.
No contact really does help make people feel better. I have no regrets for it.
I am on like, day 19 of NC. My ex and I have been broken up for seven weeks, and if you don’t know my story.. Quick recap.
He and I were together for 10 yrs, he cheated on me, left me to be with this girl. we were together since we were 16 and I think some of the problem was that we hadn’t gone out and experienced life without each other.
Well, I am trying to now, sinCe he is living with her now (we had a house together so money is tied up til we sell).
I met this guy and I am of course attracted to him, and while I think it would be good for me to get out of my head and just have sex with him because it would help the emotional disconnect with my ex.. I dont know if I can bring myself to do it. Even just when this new guy would casually make physical contact by touching my arm or something, my anxiety went through the roof and I thought of my ex.
I don’t get how it can be so easy for my ex to just disconnect from me. Trying to move on just makes me want to see and talk to my ex more.
Does anyone have Any advice? I’m supposed to hang out with this new guy tonight.
While I realize rock bottom might be the case for my ex, I still hope for the opportunity to decide at that point if he does come back or not of what I want.
I think the biggest thing that bothered my about this situation is I didn’t have a choice in the matter. What I wanted didn’t matter.
And there are moments when I think that I don’t want him back, but ultimately there are more moments of me wondering how and what he is doing. it just seems illogical of what happened. Trust me, I am not holding my breaTh..
I am on my mini vacation and I met this guy (a friend of my sisters) and I am excited about meeting people. Getting out of this bubble I was in and experiencing the world. I grew up and still live in a small town, so that is huge for me. I don’t want the what ifs hold me back in life.
I know that my ex couldn’t be out experiencing the world because of the drugs and the new gf being cling and her two kids. He has no car (I took the shared one when we separated) so he is stranded. And that’s sad reality for him because he cut himself off from the World from what he has done. And maybe he likes this crowded isolation but from what I knew about him he likes his space.
I am enjoying my trip so far. It’s fun to let loose again.
Day 15.
Went to the psychologist and she said that I am coping well. We talked a bit about what what getting back together would have to look like If we did..
I think he would have to geT help for the drugs. And he would need to live on his own for awhile. He and I could talk at that point but I don’t want to push it and I don’t want him or myself to ever fall back into a place where we ended again.
I just have a hard time believing he will be back. I have to accept that he won’t and thats the scary part. He left things very open ended with me aND I don’t know if it was to soften the blow or if he meant it, or perhaps both.. But it can’t be open.
And while I struggle to deal with not seeing him and the anxiety and just wanting to text him.. I have to get out of that mindset. I know that eventually he will have to talk to me.. Even if it’s when we decide to sell the house. BUT I think he will contact me eventually.
I think it makes no contact worse actually when they don’t attempt to talk to you… It’s Like, is it worth it?
His friend will eventually say something about what I have been up to if he asks or not, he will get curious about me. He will hear that I am enjoying my life.
I’m off for a mini vacation tomorrow and it’ll be good for me. I can get a few things off my breakup bucket list.
My psychologist said that his relationship with this new girl is likely all to do with the drugs and lust. she thinks he will have to hit rock bottom before he realizes what he has done.
I kind of feel like having to keep the house for right now is like him and I keeping a part of us tethered. And it will always be there. So when we sell the house that would definitely be it, we would part ways ways, likely forever. And since he has time til the, he isn’t worried.
The anxiety is killing me. It makes it hard to sleep. It’s small things that bring it on. It makes me want to talk to him. I’ve been strong on no contact so far.. I am trying really hard to fight it.
Apparently a friend of mine saw them walking and he was like way ahead and she was staring St the by ground. Looked like a fight. So the honeymoon phase must be cracking.. It might work out good timing wise for when I end no contact. Never know.
Day 12
Made an appt with a psychologist today. I really want to get into a better place mentally and I think it will help me get out of my bubble and be more confident.
Today he is supposed to make a payment for the house. He had better. I was thinking that it would be pretty shitty to pay for something and not get to use it or know the end result (until we sell, we won’t know what profits we have). I atleast pay and it’s like paying rent. I would feel if I was him like am flushing money down the drain.. Along with his other bad decisions he is still paying for, he is flushing over a grand A monTh! I mean, I’m sure eventually he will resent me and then resent himself. It will probably cause problems in his new relationship, money has always been a stressor on him becuz of his crushing debt.
I still don’t get why he hasn’t contacted me about the notary. I think he just doesn’t care. He should care. We share a line of credit that either could borrow off of, and if I did he would be responsible too. I wouldn’t, but I could. He I don’t think realizes we can borrow on it again.
I wrote a list last night about the things I hated about him and then one about the things I loved about him. The loves outweigh the hate, but I looked at it closely and it was stuff he did mostly that I loved not so much stuff about him. But, the hate list was only stuff he did, not stuff about him.
It made me want to date though. I was thinking I’d like to date someone more into hiking. It was always a grind to get him to go. GrantEd, he enjoyed the end of hikes when u get to the top and see the world. I think we all are like that though. My friend has a friend who is into hiking and he is interested in me, so idk.
I used to believe in luck and fate and in karma. I wish that I still had that.
weird to have two people message you at the same time saying that they have these guys for you to meet. Of course, I’m glad for the opportunity to myself back on the water but I am definitely nervous about it.
I obviously don’t want anything serious and I’m sure they don’t either. I just never have hooked up and it be just a Physical thing. I had only been with one person (my ex) so even just dating would be weird. Like, my ex never complained about things we did sexualLy, he juSt wanted it more often. What if I’m not good? I Certainly feel like I’m under experienced. I think hanging out no pressure would be good for me right now.
But it’s nice to have interest in me too..
Hit a ‘i miss him’ moment. It sucks. I feel lonely and just want to talk to him.
I wish he would reach out to me, so I atleast would know he was thinking about me a bit.
Today is only day ten. It feels like longeR.
Yesterday, I had been thinking, I am surprised he hasn’t contacted me to see how I am (he seemEd genuinely concerned when he got his stuff from the house about me. My friend says she isn’t surprised. she thinks he’s afraid to be alone. And him texting me would screw up what he has with this new girl. She said he will reach out when things start to not go his way.
She also said she mentioned my situation to a friend of hers, and that person says that he will be back.. It’s a cold feet kind of thing. She had been with her high school sweetheart too, and they broke up for a year before they got back and got married. It’s like, seeing what else is there in life.
I feel like if he wanted to talk to me.. he would though, and I feel like he won’t be back because he jumped from one commitment to another. I don’t know how it could be a rebound if they essentially moved in together after we broke up. But he did say where else would he gO, he doesn’t have family to rely on. He even said he wanted to stay at the house and I said no it would be too weird. Him living In the basement going out with her while I’m upstairs ..it’s like he would be aware of everything I would be doing.
So may be he didn’t feel he had options, or maybe he did want to live with her. Eventually he will realize he has no personal space (with her two kids and her). School will be out soon, and since the kids are 9 and 11, they will be a handful.
He essentially has to rely on her for everything, he doesn’t have a car and can’t insure one. And for some reason, she won’t let him drive hers. Or atleast she wouldn’t let him drive hers to get his stuff.
My friend thinks the new gf doesn’t know about the separation agreement needing to be signed at a notary, because if she did know she would push the matter to be done so it’s finalized. She also thinks that if she knew what was in the agreement, she would Probably fight some of it. So I don’t know if that is why he hasn’t dealt with it.. I suppose it would be hard to ask for a ride to a notary if she didn’t know about it.. Becuz she is almost obsessive over him, when he grabbed his stuff she texted him like no joke, ten times in the first five minutes. Insecure? Maybe.
Today I feel curious about all that. I mean, it does make no contact easy if he’s not trying to connect with me, but will he know? I guess it’s really the time to feel good again and for him to miss me (and he would have to, he had a good life, his only complaint about our relationship was not enough sex.) we got on well, had lots of hobbies together, enjoyed spending time together, he and i had time to spend with our friends. I just was busy and tired from worKing.. But we had connected more sexually in my most stressed out of work times than we had in a long time (and it was amazing).
I guess My strong emotions are fading a bit, and it’s giving me some perspective on the relationship As it was.
I just woke from a terrible dream. And I realize it could one day become a reality..
He and her got married, suddenly.
It eliminated all chance of us and it gave me no choice. And I see that as being very true in this. I had no choice in the break up, and they got together and moved in as soon as we broke up, they are close to a married thought (2 years common Law is considered married). He told me in the dream he had hooked up with her constantly while we were together 521 times.
I felt good when I went to bed. This dream makes me want to break contact because I feel like they are going to fast, but I know he can’t be there yet. We were together for ten years and I know he feels like a pos for what he did. I don’t know if it outwardly carries it, but I feel like he would probably tell me he was going to marry her. It wouldn’t be sudden. Dreams are funny like that, they take a look at your subconscious thoughts and sometimes spew out this stuff that is one of our biggest fears.
I wrote yesterday that I didn’t know if I wanted him back anymore and I would figure that out if and when the time comes.. Taking away that possibility at all, while it could happen, tells me it is what I want right now. But I do think it could be that his suddenness and the bluntness of the situation in the dream was extremely hurtful. And in my dream I was bargaining for him.
And I don’t want to beg. I want him tO. Like I said, I want us ending to be my choice. Not stemming from I m not sure who I want to be with, I don’t know what I want in my life and him ultimately giving me hope that we would try again.. He said maybe we are soul mates and will work it out, his mixed signals while he picked up his stuff.. It’s just a big mind fuck.
I m not going to break my no contact over a bad dream, but o tell you this.. If they suddenly did get married (like in a month) all of his things that are here at the house I will probably destroy (TV, table, tools most of its stuff he can’t fit in her small condo.. We had a huge house.)
Man, I wonder what my sleep app will look like from this dream.
I find it odd that he won’t just sign off on this agreement. We both verbally agreed but it needs to be witnessed to be binding. He said he would try to get a hold of them, and then nothing.
I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t think it is important, and just doesn’t care? Or if he’s holding off because he doesn’t want to sign it? I really don’t get it. He is living with the new girl, so you would think he would want these loose ends tied up.
So I’m a bit annoyed today but other than that, had a great day at work. My yard work project looks amazing. I made an appt for a psychologist today. While I am feeling good now, I’m sure I’ll have mood swings and I think it would be good to help push me out of my bubble if it’s drs orders. I am definitely more social already. A lot of my coworkers say I seem like a weight has been lifted off my shounders. And that I look great when I smile.
I talk with a couple of girls when I want to text him, it helps a lot. Although it is getting easier, I don’t want to talk to him really. I don’t know if that means I don’t want him back, or if I’m just sheltering myself.. I guess we will see when/if I get the opportunity, what I would say if he came crawling back.
My god, I’m doing this squat challenge. It’s awful but I’ve already noticed a change! I mean, I’m pretty girl, and I’m in good shape but I have like, no bubble to my butt, so of course, I am excited. It’s one thing I always wanted to change about myself and never had the time (and he used to tease me about working out)
Today was day 8.
I am sure he feels like I am not moving on..
Going to have that notion kicked in the butt with some hanging out with other guys. And perhaps letting that info get noticed on fb.
The rage subsided, actually surprised how fast it came and went and I feel.. Like better! I feel like I’ve accepted the situation better, now, and because I have, I am actually having a good day and feel motivation to do things for myself.
Today I did text him to ask him if he had a chance to get a notary for our separation agreement. I don’t count it as breaking no contact Because it’s something we need to do for the debts and assets we have and I kept it unemotional. It’s only been three weeks since I asked. I think me asking sends a msg that I am ready for this to all be wrapped up. I actually don’t feel emotional at all about it.
I feel happy.
I made dinner last night and it was really good (and for someone who doesn’t cook, that’s a good accomplishment!) I went for a peaceful walk, and I’m starting this yard work project tonight. Really excited.
Day 6.. Rage has kicked in. Like I have never felt so angry in my life. I want him to hurt. He left a wake of destruction in his path and I have to clean it up.. It isn’t fair.
I’m not just angry with him. I’m angry at so many things. I am treading lightly so I don’t screw something up.
People still say he will be back, I am doubtful. Maybe we all get like that but the people who break up and get back together it’s usually a fear of commitment. I am not sure that was the case Since we own a house together and he wanted to have childreN.. And he has moved in with the new girlfriend who has kids. I think it was more a fear of what else is out there. Not experiencing things.
I don’t know if that means we could get bac. My anger says that I deserve much better (and I do). I think that after ten years wasted, I deserve to have what I want in a partneR.
