JohnJ786

@patricia12

My friend who would hang out with us a lot during our relationship told me that she is just “bored” and he doesn’t think she’s “really interested” in that new guy as she “needs people to take her mind off things” … he told me to distance myself now, and distract myself, so she realises she can’t just mess with me any time she wants..

See, why I’m confused is because I wouldn’t be one to randomly catch feelings for someone when I “love” someone else.. and even then, I wouldn’t catch feelings for someone over text messaging, which is what she did.. 6 months is a long time and personally, I do see them working out as I know he is persistent, but I know she won’t get into a serious relationship again any time soon, and especially not while she is abroad.. this whole thing may just get a bit boring and “same thing, different day” for her eventually, as it did for her with us, and she really LOVED me, like she was obsessed with me…

She said, that when they had disagreements in 2017, they would distance themselves for a little bit, then regroup and it would be fine.. I don’t think that’s a healthy way to deal with disagreements? Like, you must talk about them with the other person and reach common ground? I don’t know…

But what I do know is, this guy shows too much interest in her, and I know after a while it could feel suffocating for her. That is, if she’s still not ready to be in a relationship with him

I think if she ended up in a relationship with him I would break lmao

Today is my first day of NC with her. I plan on being indefinite, and at least 2 weeks, or until she properly reaches out…

Man I really wish she would have just stayed in love with me and didn’t overthink herself out of love with me, it really is frustrating, we’re like the same person and all the time she would say how comfortable she is around me, how she can just be herself, and how no one gets her like I do… she would love how I would always be there for her and how she didn’t have to worry bc at the end of the day, I’d be there..

@patricia12

Maybe 4 months before she broke up with me (January last year) I started feeling distant from her, and was questioning our compatibility and overthinking things. We hadn’t seen each other for about a month as she was on holiday and when she came back, and we went on a date, it didn’t feel the same for some reason.

After a while, the more we spoke and saw each other, I got that loving feeling back and was happier than ever. That was around February/March. Then she started feeling that way and broke up with me when she did start feeling that way. It consumed her and she said she was just as distraught as I was that she “lost feelings for me”… I think now, she has absolutely 0 feelings for me and only views me as a friend, only talks to me as a friend. She even said last night she’s grateful for our friendship. This makes me feel like we have completely 0 chance of getting back together..

Our interests were the same, our goals and lifestyle were the same, we differed in morals a little bit but it was mainly miscommunication between us which brought that about

But she continued to feel love, admiration and appreciation for me. When she started feeling off last April, she said she didn’t know why but she felt “small” around me ie inferior for some reason, and she didn’t know why. Around her family and friends she felt like a strong woman but around me she felt small and weak and she couldn’t put her finger on why. I always treated her as an equal, pushed her to do great things and she even says I’m the reason she decided to pursue grad school and she is very thankful for that. I was all about empowering my girlfriend and supporting through everything

Sometimes I feel our relationship has run its course and now we have to go meet other people in life and have no chance at a reconciliation again… do you feel this is the case? I felt this way when she broke up w me last April, but her feelings and love for me would come and go, then at one point it became stable and thats when she confessed she loves me. In April, I never thought that day would come and all the days of feeling hurt finally paid off

But now, she has only spoken to me as a friend for the past 2 months and I feel she may still have had feelings at the start of the year, but as we’ve stayed friends and her and James have gotten closer in that time, that those feelings are completely gone now for her too…

@patricia12

Go NC until August? Or only for a little while now?

I really really want her back but she’s so far away and involved with this new James guy somehow, I never expected this to happen and idk what to do to get her it’s like she’ll never come back 🙁

When we broke up last April she would still be flirty with me and hot/cold which kinda gave me signals she would come back , but now she is just completely platonic and idk what to do 🙁

@patricia12

I am wondering if it is too late to go no contact.. it doesn’t seem like it will bother her at all, she seems very happy and content with her new thing with this new guy, and I just dont understand. I always saw this girl as warm and caring but this is such an awful thing to do to someone, telling them you love them while knowing u have feelings for another guy, the guy that the person you’re “in love” with always worried about… its just terrible tbh and idk how I’m ever going to get past this. I just want her to realise she’s being dumb and suddenly lose feelings for him and miss me.. its just hard and i dont know what the heck to do

@patricia12

I would also like to add that when I made that log of what she said to me, I kept it so I wouldn’t forget and remind myself things are okay, she’s not going to end things with you etc. That’s why I kept it, to make myself feel better. Also, I made it during my winter break, so not really anything to do. I wouldn’t have time normally

Edit: And today, she kept asking again if I kissed anyone. I asked why is she asking and she said “it’s always interesting when your ex gets with someone” and she says “I’m bored” and that’s the reason… a few months back when we were “in love” I went to a party and she said I should get with a girl I was talking to (platonically) there, that she gets a “rush” If I get with another girl, that it excites her.. something about being happy for me moving on as well but I’m not sure she said this exact words.

@patricia12

We talk here and there still and she helped me pick out my outfit for last night

Do you think that’s the reason? I feel she may have gotten a little jealous, just by the way she asked

She asked me “Did u kiss a girl hahahaha” and I laughed it off, didn’t give an answer, and she said “Omg you did hahahaha” and I again, changed the subject, then a little while later she texted me saying “Did u kiss a girl why where your buttons ripped off” (because I had a wardrobe malfunction lol) … It just sounded like she seemed a little jealous and trying to find out information, casually

I asked why she keeps asking and she says she just wants gossip, and that she’s bored..

She even said we should get drunk together when she comes back, and she doesn’t know why we didn’t do that before

@patricia12

I just remember writing it down at the time as we would talk on instagram and you cant save convos so I would screenshot cute things she’d say bc it would make me feel nice when I’d read them later haha

When she told me she wanted to end things I was confused so I looked back to see if she gave any hints to what was up or if I did anything

@patricia12

Yes, she clarified she didn’t have any feelings for him whatsoever when we were together. She dated this other guy, lets call him Mark, in August 2018. I told her how I felt at the start of August as end of July she said she felt something for me when we met up once, but the next day she backtracked and said she didn’t have feelings… but anyway I told her how I felt and she denied me and told me she was seeing this guy Mark that August 2018… 3 weeks later, she noticed herself losing interest in him and gaining interest in me, then they ended and she jumped into a relationship with me – she was so sure about me and so happy

In April 2019 when she broke up, she said looking back now, she was so confused she thought she still had feelings for Mark (which she didn’t, but she was so confused that she THOUGHT she did)

I asked her if this is what’s happening here and she said she doesnt think so, and I agree because its been 2 months now and she still likes him so yeah lol

but to answer your questions, yes her and James got to know each other better after we broke up as they would text from time to time as friends, although me and her texted and met up a whole lot more. She didnt see him all summer until a couple days before leaving, like I said.

And the “i hate men” comment, i don’t think she hates men genuinely but you know how some girls say “men are trash” etc she would say that and say “except you” … and the babies thing was mainly about her not wanting to conform to the expectations held by women in our culture, to get married, have babies, cook, clean etc.. she would tell me she doesn’t want to get married for a long long time

And yes, she couldn’t handle being in a relationship while going through those things inher life, it got too much for her but I stayed and supported her through it

Her 2 reasons for not wanting to be with me NOW are:
1. The unstable toxic cycle of overhtinking she goes thorugh when she loves me, or when we’re cute with each other or flirt with each other

2. Her feelings for this guy James, which she claimed to have developed them last summer, ignored them, but they kept coming back and she didnt want to come face to face with it until it ended with me, and I guess him telling her he liked her, it pushed her to end things with me too due to the lingering feelings she had. I guess she did love me, but the toxic cycle she would always go through made her lose feelings and think its not worth it anymore and too unstable, and so decided to part ways with me and explore her feelings for James.

She actually told me that her love for me was strong enough to overlook those thoughts she would have as she would remind herself of who I am today, but her love for me was not strong enough anymore to overlook those thing and thus, she decided it was not worth going through and was making her very unstable and sad all the time

And in 2017, I did end things with her yes, which hurt her a lot. I dont want to get into specifics but she had this jealous BFF who would always make stuff up about her and tell me lies about her which I would believe bc she was her BFF, and she would do the same to her, she would tell her I’m not serious etc and make her insecure etc. So one night in June 2017, the BFF winded me up all night and i got angry at my girl, the next day the BFF got me to confront her about the things (lies) the BFF told me about her, that she was talking behind my back, saying bad things about me, making up lies about me, etc. and I confronted my girl the next day and I was very mean to her. She was so confused bc she didn’t do anything, but I didnt know that then. I was manipulated and used as a person to hurt that girl through me, via her BFF.

She said this was what she couldnt get over even though Ive treated her amazingly ever since we got together in 2018, she just couldn’t stop associating how small and weak and insecure she felt back then with me, the person. But recently she has told me she is going to make an effort to completely dissociate me from the person I was back then, and how mean, rude and terrible I was to her back then. I was truly taken advantage of by the BFF and I hate the BFF for it so much. A very toxic person to have in anyones life, she would always gossip and try start drama.

And the thing you said, about me having a better chance of rekindling things, she would always always say such loving things like that to me last year, and it got stronger as the year went on, being strongest in December. We would even talk about our future and how much money we’ll make in a couple years and she even said “we’re gonna be so rich” etc. and that she cant wait to travel with me, and she can’t wait for a future with me etc. She even asked me in December if I saw her as “a fun time” and nothing else, and I told her I absolutely dont and I genuienly love her, and I asked her if she just saw me as a fun time and she said no. She also talked to me that night about getting married in the next few years with me, and jokingly said “I’m just mad you won’t marry me in a year” (it was a joke of course, but you know what I mean? She did see a future with me in those moments)

She told me that when she would say those sweet things to me, it would be when she was in the “loving” phase of that toxic cycle, and she said it would “ALWAYS ALWAYS be short-lived” as she would fall back into overthinking and being upset with me about the past, feeling like she’s throwing her dignity and self-respect away by just allowing me to be with her in that way. She would quickly make her self stop and forget this and go back to loving me and yeah, the cycle slowly drove her crazy and when James told her how he felt, she realised “us” was getting destructive for her and she couldn’t do it anymore, and realised she still had feelings for him. She said she never planned to tell him, but it was only when he confessed how he felt (and he did a few times, but the most recent time was end of december) that she felt it was okay to then address it, and she feels she has the right to explore these feelings she has for him too

Sorry this is so long, just giving you additional information

Edit: Just want to also add, she knew I had apprehensions about if she would switch her feelings up for me while she was abroad, and she said:

“Hey

I love you

And I promise nothing will change once I come back”

And, one night in December, she was also scared that with her being there, I would forget about her and lose feelings for her and I promised her I wouldnt, and she said she knew she wouldn’t and promised me too (pinky promised), then about a week or two later, all this was happening lol.