JohnJ786

@patricia12

Ever since that talk (around 6 May?) she has texted me every single day at least once
She sent me a screenshot of a video of me that i sent her days ago, like a couple days after that talk
A couple days after, she said randomly “I can’t believe I’ve seen your penis” “that’s so weird”
Then I sent her a meme about performing oral with teeth and she laughed a lot and said she was about to send me that. I said I can’t believe I’ve seen her penis Then she said “mines prettier”
Few days later, she randomly asked me “do u think we were sexually attracted to each other” and was saying how we would have had to work on that part of our relationship due to our inexperience but agreed with me that we both knew what the other liked and did have sexual chemistry. She said she thinks we had great chemistry everywhere else but she doesn’t know about sexually. Not sure why she brought this up lol. But i think we got to an agreement that we were sexually attracted to each other but didnt get many opportunities to explore etc (though we did explore a little bit)
Then proceeding that, she said this the following days:
– Said she’s grateful I’m her friend
– Said I have a comforting voice twice. I sent her a voice message and she said its comforting, then i sent another and she said its so so comforting
– I said the back of her head looked nice and she said “the back of my head yes” (meaning her ass)

There was nothing ever since then, wchich was about 2-3 weeks ago. Then last night, we had a talk where she was basically saying how she wont be able to see me alone when she comes back as it would be inappropriate. She agreed it would be different between us as “I’ve always been yours” and that it would feel different. I said it was a bit sad as it felt like the girl I knew moved away forever when she left last October and she said that was sad too. She said that she would be okay with us hanging out with friends though. I have a friend who would always 3rd wheel w us and she said she would be okay with us hanging out that way and getting the odd coffee sometimes in college

I reallllyyy feel like once she sees me again that some of her feelings will spark back up for me as they always have. Only time will tell. Ive been trying to get closer to her recently but it hasnt really worked although we have texted at least once a day ever since that talk where she said she didnt want to talk everyday..

Ngl i have detached a little bit emotionally and its not been too difficult for me but I do miss being close to her and taking care of her etc so i will take things slow right now, i think time and space apart will help in us getting close again at some point!

@patricia12

So not too much has happened since I last posted. Things got dry between us and she got a little unresponsive. One day 2 weeks ago, I was upset about something and she reminded me that I’m the only person who brings her comfort and calms her down, and she means it. Things were cool. We also watched a couple of episodes of a show she wanted to show me.

We had a small “argument” about her wanting space or something a few days ago – I wasnt in the wrong and she realised this and apologised profusely. The next day I woke up to a huge apology from her and I accepted it. The rest of the day, she was very sweet with me, for example:

1. I posted a pic on Instagram, one she took of me back when we would hang out in 2018 before we got together, and she replied to it saying “heyy this day was so fun. We should do it again for old times sake” … That day we went suit shopping, to a museum and had lunch and coffee after, it was so nice. She said the museum trip was short but she enjoyed the company (me). I said I always have a great time with her and she said “I could say the same”

2. Later on, I asked her if she’s free to watch a movie with me later, and she liked my message and said yes she is, we chose a movie and planned to watch it but rescheduled for the next day

3. The next day, we ended up not watching it as she was genuinely too tired and thats okay. Although, later in the night, she talked to me about something. She told me that she feels guilty sometimes for talking to me, because her boyfriend knows we’re friends and we talk, but he doesn’t know we’re good friends and that we talk as much as we do. She said she talks to me more than she talks to her boyfriend. I reassured her its cool and no big deal. She said her bf is cool with us being friends, but he doesnt know that we watch movies together and talk as much as we do..

4. She has been decreasingly responsive to me ever since that day she was being super sweet after our “argument” which she fessed up to. Today, she was saying that her bf asked her to marry him over facetime… I was shocked.. later she revealed it was a joke and she’s messing with me.. I’m a little confused as to why she would do this kinda joking with me? A few days ago she also “joked” that her bf was talking to other girls on Tinder and that she was hurt… Why jokes about him specifically.. We facetimed for 2 mins then earlier today and just waved at each other but she had to hang up as her mother walked into the room

5. I also learned that her best friend despises her boyfriend James. She told me months ago that her sisters aren’t too fond of him either. All of her friends like me a lot so I think that’s a plus in my column lol

I feel she is slowly and slowly warming up to me… She recognises that talking to me as much as she does is probably not right since she’s in a relationship with her new bf, but she still wants to do that, she still wants to watch movies with me and still wants to call me and stuff.

I think the “I talk to you more than I talk to him” thing is significant as It shows her and her bf don’t spend too much time “connecting” if that makes sense, especially while being long-distance, texting is important to keep that love alive. And I know the more she speaks to me, the more she becomes drawn to me as well.

In 2018, a couple days before her thing with the guy back then ended, she said the same thing, that she feels bad me and her talk more than she does with the guy she’s dating…

But the thing is, she doesn’t feel guilty or bad for texting me, she enjoys talking to me, but she feels bad as she’s worried how it might make her bf feel.

That’s all the updates for now. Currently I’m trying to get her to watch the movie we planned on watching together, and hopefully will get her on a facetime call pretty soon!

@patricia12

So not much happened since the last message, not sure if I mentioned but her and her man had a fight for like an hour bc he was mad she didn’t like his favourite show

Then a couple days later told me he made a YouTube video about a certain artist, explaining why he likes him but it was a very strange long video and she said she doesn’t know how to feel about it

But! Yesterday! She was upset about the current news etc and I comforted her, then she sent a voice message basically saying:

“Idk if it’s weird or if it’s even right for me to say this to u since I have a boyfriend or whatever tf, but you bring me so much comfort, like you’re the only person who brings me so much comfort. Whenever I feel sad I think how much comfort you bring me and any time I feel like my life is just sh*t I think that I have you as a friend and I honestly feel so so much better”

Although she said the “as a friend” thing, she acknowledged that saying this to me may not be right as she has a bf, so she may have meant it in a “more than friends” manner ….

And today! I replied to her story of a selfie of her calling her pretty and she actually laughed, playfully said thank you and called me pretty back! Then, we FaceTimed for 45 mins! I even talked to her sisters and we were talking and laughing and smiling the whole time it was really nice. Then afterwards she initiated convo with me again, thanking me for calling her and saying she laughed so much

Then she initiated convo again and I didn’t reply till later in the night and we talked for a few hours. She was jokingly going through my old embarrassing Facebook posts and teasing me about them and laughing so much. It was really nice

Idk, but I just have this gut feeling shes starting to get some kinda feelings back for me… it doesn’t seem like her and her bf are speaking a bunch as they would before as she’s speaking to me a lot these days…

What do you think of these new updates? What’s your thoughts?

@patricia12

We actually ended up watching a movie together that night.. was very nice

Maybe a night or two later she thanked me for making her feel wanted ie I wanted her around

She also said “you’re the best at making me happy”

I told her one night a few nights ago how much I appreciate her and she said I make her feel really good and nice.. and that no one has appreciated her more than I do. She started crying so much when I said this to her… I feel like that might be a sign of feelings? Idk

The next few days, it has been very quiet with her.. 2 days ago she was complaining how her man got mad at her for not liking a show that he loves.. stupid argument and kinda childish of him. Then she was saying she felt weird as she thinks he might be bi (growing up in a conservative household, it was new to her thus made her feel a little weird – but she is okay with it)

She was also venting to me about how she knows when she tells her parents about him, that it’s gonna create a huge dent in her parents relationship with her. She said she plans on doing it after 2 years, but said “if it even lasts that long lol” which was strange to me that she doubted it for a second

Yesterday, I sent her a video of me yawning and stretching in bed and she “replayed” it and “liked” the video, and called me “a big baby” – all things she’d do when she liked me

However, us talking at night is kinda over now, we barely talk anymore. It’s kinda hard.. 🙁 since April started she has been kinda distant with me

Last week, start of April, I went back and told her I think I do have feelings for her – but that’s it’s okay and I’m not hurting etc.

Maybe that is why she’s closed off with me more but everything I mentioned (apart from the movie thing) happened after I told her I liked her still

But I am feeling a little sad about things… she told me earlier that she FaceTimed him and met his brother… made me feel a bit strange still that she likes him that much as to FaceTime him and stuff all the time… I was reading over our old texts of when she’d tell me I’m the one for her etc and that she so sure etc and I just got sad comparing it to where we are today… going to take some space and ignore her for a couple days

@patricia12

So after she had pulled back last week, it went on for a couple days where we barely spoke, or really only spoke at night

She did her makeup one day to resemble a typical twitch girl or whatever, and kept sending me selfies (bc she thought she looked cute) and asked me “If I was still your gf and I dressed like this what would u do”… today we were talking about someone and she said “If I got with you and I saw you tweeted like him I’d run away” ….

Then we actually spoke on the phone on Friday, for about 20 mins, she told me earlier in the day she doesn’t want to call as she is too tired, but later called me bc she said she is too tired to talk to anyone but will talk to me bc she can chill or something. At the end of the convo, she gave the idea of watching netflix together, which we did for about 10 mins after the call ended, she had to get up
She then said we should continue it in the night and I should pick a movie but we ended up not watching anything together as she felt really sick due to cramps etc.

Then the next day (Saturday I think?) she was extremely closed off with me, didn’t messsage me until the night time. She told me she met her new bf’s dad over the phone for about a minute

She also told me during the week that she found him on twitter but isn’t going to follow him, he tweets weird things for someone his age, and is super into gaming and watches all the gaming youtubers etc… he just seems like an overall weird guy so it gives me a little hope lol

But yeah, that is this weeks update. Tomorrow or day after I will try and get her to call again. The convo on friday was very nice, we were laughing a lot and she got excited to watch a movie w me

@patricia12

Hi, Im not sure if you are still following this post, but I will give this weeks update anyway

on St. Patrick’s day (tuesday), we were talking and I brought up how last St. Patricks day, we went out with my friends and she was saying that day was so fun and such fun times etc. She also got me to try this new japanese cake and she said it was “jiggly and squishy” and said “reminded me of you” (she would always call me squishy, and say she wants to “squeeze me” – in a cute way) and then said my cheeks are squishy (which they are..)
I then said theres a photo of us from that day that I cant find, but we both look really good and she told me to send it when I found it (I sent it and she agreed we did look very clean)

Wednesday we didnt speak too much, neither did we on Thursday, she seemed to have pulled back quite a bit.

Thursday night, she got more responsive. I was telling her about this hoodie that she hated when I wore it when I was with her, and she said “Remember when you visited me at work wearing ripped sweatpants” and I clarified it was bc I had gone out to do groceries and ran into her that day – so wasn’t prepared and she said “Hahahha I know, it was cute” … She said it was cute that I came to see her at work..? I wasn’t expecting this response but anyway. Later that night, she was venting to me about feeling “Sad and crazy” as she is in the new country, has no friends there, only sees her family, has no money, no car, no social life and feels so trapped – so this drives her to be sad and crazy. As well, the whole pandemic going on gives her a lot of anxiety as James (her boyfriend) has an underlying health condition which would make it very dangerous for him – so she constantly has that anxiety still. But she said sometimes she is happy but falls back into being sad and crazy.

As well as this, she said that she can’t talk about this with James either as he has his own problems and worries to be dealing with right now, but that he is “so supportive and listens” but she feels bad even complaining slightly to him – due to his own health issues and worries right now. Also said she appreciates me for letting her vent etc.

Then yeserday, I had a morning exam so was busy with that, but she texted me a new song called “Hardest to love” – which I dont want to make a huge deal about but the artist in the song talks about how he knows its hard for his girl to let go of him, regardless of how difficult it is to be with him etc. and she randomly sent it to me and said she thinks I will like it… and said she doesnt like that artist much but that song is a “vibe”.

Then later yday, we called again! This time the call lasted 34 minutes! We were both very tired and lazy so there were a lot of silences and dull conversations but we did laugh at some points too. We went to the zoo for our 1-month anniversary in 2018, and I was telling her how we can live-stream the zoo now due to the pandemic and she said “why didn’t we do that back then, why did we pay to go see the animals” … then, I was telling her how i was upset that basketball is cancelled, and I would always tell her about updated when we were together and she said “Why didnt it get cancelled when we were together” as a joke which was funny.. but she brought up our old memories twice in that phone call, even subtly, as well as Thursday night, so she is thinking about them a lot.. But I am a little annoyed as the overall conversation was kind of boring and lazy. I hope that didn’t put her off. I apologised for sounding dull as I was tired, and she said I didnt at all, and thanked me for talking to her

Before the convo ended, she said James texted her earlier asking what’s up and she said nothing, then he asked whats her sisters up to, and she said “watching a movie” and he texted her while we were calling saying “Go join them I’d say” and she couldn’t stop laughing at that – probably due to the fact that it was a very “simple” and strange/boring reply.. she said “what’s wrong with him” in a funny tone while laughing and was saying “I dont mean to say whats wrong with him, hes a nice guy but what the hell” while laughing a lot… then she said she had to go nap and we hung up. But I noticed she didnt really go nap as she was still online lol for a little while lol. But we did talk on the phone, and again it was her asking me to call her!

I’m still sticking with the plan of letting go, and letting her come to me to “get her back” instead of chasing, which I think has worked ever since I switched my mindset last week – I’ve gotten 2 calls and a facetime call too! We would rarely call each other when we were “in love” late last year, probably due to the fact we would text all the time anyway

I apologise this is so long and I’m grateful if you read the whole thing, but I would appreciate if you would give me your opinion on all of this!

Namely, her bringing up our past memories together, calling them cute, calling me on the phone again, etc. and sometimes “complaining” or slightly “making fun” of her man to me

Today we didnt really speak too much.. which I expected anyway. She was napping earlier and she has left me on “unopened” now, but I dont doubt she is still speaking to her man, James. Which does hurt I wont lie, but I need to keep reminding myself that its only temporary

@patricia12

She is 21, turning 22 later this year.. I dont think she is doing anything out of malice. She was a little closed off with me today. Although I joked and said “I’d kms if we were quarantined together” and she replied by laughing and saying “I think it’d be fun, we’d make jokes about everyone and everything.. We’d end up turning evil” or something.. kinda strange ngl haha

I feel I am looking too much into this though

She said she still feels anxiety about him and his condition, etc. So I’m not where she is at mentally right now. But she obvioulsy does still like him

Tonight, she “complained” about him again, asking me do I put my dog to bed because her man puts his dog to bed every night and “idk how to feel about it” …

@patricia12

Yes, she’s a strong believer in the LoA, but more in a way where “your thoughts become your reality” or “everything happens for a reason” kind of way, so she is trying to keep her thoughts positive, and trusting that everything happens for a reason, which is why she is inthis situation as she feels the universe is trying to teach her something valuable like how to be more selfless and compasssionate ie a learning experience how her other relationships are too

Also, I forgot to mention, we had a convo the other night, she told me she doesn’t see me as someone who caused her pain, and when she thinks of me, the instant thoughts she gets is that she felt safe, cared for and so important, and someone who valued her thoughts and opinions and what she had to say at a point in her life where all of those things were lacking, she said her and her father have never had a great relationship and it felt nice to have a guy who treated her so amazingly like how I did (I’m paraphrasing but that’s the jist of it), and that I was so great to her and made her feel so nice and safe and important that it “makes her cry” when she thinks about it… but said that she just lost feelings for me and “that happens”.. i said I think it was bc of her instability at the time and stuf she was going through and she said” natural processes of life I guess idk”

So I think that is really great! Back in October, she had an outburst one morning @ me, and was angry about how I treated her back in 2017, she said her image of me in her mind had been “tainted forever” due to how I treated her.. and this kinda thinking carried on until she ended things with me end of 2019… now she is saying she associates me w feelings of safety, importance, etc. so basically good and positive feelings