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I will reply to the paragraphs accordingly so it doesn’t get mixed up. This will be very long I’m sorry but I’ll try help you understand the times of everything. I apologise this will be extremely long so take your time to reply 🙂
1st Para:
I met her in 2017, spark was there I liked her, she liked me (maybe more than I liked her). I ended it against my will a few months later, she was very heartbroken and hurt.In late 2017, she dated this guy (James) for like 2-3 months max. She said it was boring and we became friends and started flirting a lot in the middle of that. So she lost interest in him, bc she always just wanted me and wasn’t over me, and I was showing interest again so it fizzled out with that guy
Then, We became friends, she was dating someone else summer of 2018 but we ended up in a committed relationship from start of September 2018 to first week of April 2019 and she told me she loved me at the end of August 2018.
During our relationship, James would repeatedly ask her out, and she would make up some kinda excuse to avoid him. He would always ask her on dates, coffee, etc. Even when she told him she had a boyfriend and doesn’t think it’s appropriate to go out with someone she used to see, he would be a nice guy but still ask her out. Eventually, they stopped speaking as much but he would still pop up once or twice a week. She said she only ever saw him as a friend and was so confused why I was upset at them talking, bc she only only ever saw him as a friend when we were together. But clearly he liked her and she understands now why that would’ve been annoying for me. They met up once in college, as he was there promoting some app company he works for. She also said she didn’t want to cut him off because he has a chronic illness and she would feel bad forever if anything ever happened to him and wanted to stay friends.
After she broke up in April 2019, she was hot/cold with me. Cold over text, but in person she would be very loving and I could tell she had feelings for me just by the way she would look at me or talk to me. Over text, she would flirt a lot, screenshot my selfies, call me “hot” and “sexy” etc. We would chill in college and study and she would be stroking my hair, kissing my cheek etc. She even said that she wants to kiss me so bad but she doesn’t want to confuse me. But by the end of May we ended up kissing like I mentioned and we did it every time we saw each other since. After we broke up, she would be very depressed and would cry everyday bc she hated her life, and I would console her, meet up with her and make her feel better, which she acknowledged and appreciated so much.
After she broke up with me, I jokingly said she can finally be with James now, but she laughed at that so much and said “never” and I asked her about it recently and she said she meant that, she only saw him as a friend and nothing else. When we were together she would tell me how it was the worst dating him and it was so boring and she knows they didn’t/don’t work out so she would never go back to him etc…. but now she is saying that it WAS boring dating him, but she feels like “we got to know each other better” and thats why she likes him now…
During this time, they kept up contact but didnt ever see each other or meet up, she was too busy with seeing me all the time and working etc. We were “seeing each other”/dating but she would go through phases of feeling very happy with me, calling me baby, sweetheart, flirting etc. and then there would be days where she would be very cold with me and say she doesn’t have feelings for me. But as summer went along, the periods of liking me went on for longer and she would start saying stuff like “i’m actually obsessed with you like I am obsessed with you” etc. This was August I believe but she always talked like this with me over summer too. Actually in June, she started saying she loves me for a short period of time. She went on a family holiday and kept saying she cant wait to come back and see me. I dropped her off/picked her up at the airport too and she was so so happy to see me both times. We would hold hands/kiss etc the whole journey to the airport.
At the start of September is when her birthday was and I got her a very sweet romantic gift (jewellery) and she loved it a lot. Over that month, we stayed very stable and saw each other a lot.
At the end of September, we spent a night at a hotel together as we never got to have a sleepover before even when we were bf/gf bc of our strict parents. But that night, she told me she loved me and “doesn’t know why she doesn’t say it but she does feel it”, and that I’m the love of her life etc. She also said “we never really actually broke up” and we laughed about it. She always did clearly have feelings for me after we broke up. Next morning, she was saying the same things and said it was like waking up in heaven that morning. That next day, we went on a date after the night together and it was a very sweet day. When we both went home, she kept telling me every 2 minutes about how much she misses me and wishes she was with me etc. It felt so so nice. The next day, we went out with a friend of ours who always third wheeled and spent time chilling with college friends. I think the day after that, she met up for coffee with that James guy. Then that next day, she came to see me in college and say goodbye to her college friends too. I drove her to her bus stop to go to the airport and we both recall nearly crying when I walked away after I dropped her off
When she left and moved away, we talked every day and flirted all the time and said we loved each other every single day. It felt like the distance didn’t even matter and it grew over time.
Mid December, I had exams and was being distant because I was busy but still made sure to talk to her and reassure her I loved her etc. She got upset one night as she thought I was losing feelings for her and I reassured her it wasn’t the case. Last 2 weeks of December, she would say she can’t wait to spend a life with me, we would be sending each other houses we’d like to live in, she even told me she hates men and never wants babies but “I’ll have yours maybe bc i love u and id die for u” and following that she said ” i cant believe the love of my life is you”… these would all be texts she would send when I’d be asleep and I would wake up to them and be so happy. A week before december ended, she sent me a morning text saying:
“You’re literally the most beautiful and most precious thing in my life I can’t believe I know you and I can’t believe I get to LOVE YOU EVEN!!! My sweetie you make me so happy and I hope I make you happy too. Its such a blessing knowing I can count on you and no one gets me like u and no one knows me like you
I cant wait to see you I love you so so so much
My sweetheart”
We weren’t in a committed relationship, however as she still didn’t want to be in one and I was happy just living in the present being in love and she agreed.
Then, at the end of december, she told me that she was going through a cycle in her mind about me, where she would love me, but it would always be “short-lived” as she would remember how I made her feel when I broke her heart and hurt her back in 2017 and she would feel very small. Then, she would forget this quickly and go back to loving me and it was so “back and forth” in her head it started making her very unstable and she saw “me and you” as a “toxic cycle”
Come to find out, That James guy and her kept contact as friends through this whole time, they talked often (obviously not much as her and I) but she told me her feelings for him “kept coming back”. He told her he liked her at the end of December (he had confessed a few times before) and she realised what me and her had had got too unstable for her and was becoming destructive for her so she told me she wanted to end it. When she ended it, she realised she had “lingering feelings” for him too this whole time, which she had ignored since they first popped up over that summer 2019 that just passed last year. And she said while they have acknowledged they like each other, they haven’t really said more than that (she told this to me at the start of February).
I feel our sitaution got too toxic for her due to her overthiking (she agrees w this) and that as soon as it started being destructive, she realised she had feelings for James that she never wanted to come face to face with but now that we ended things, she felt it was now okay to address her feelings for him. This was at the end of December 2019 and they have been “talking” ever since.
2nd Para:
I don’t think she will be open to researching this, I brought it up to her back in April when we broke up but she didn’t think much of it bc the last thing she wanted in her life at the time was a relationship. Her life was so messed up, she didn’t know what she was going to do when she graduates, she was being forced to move away by her parents to a boring place she hates, etc. It was a lot and she got depressed, like I said. She actually told me once that she doesn’t know if I would even ever take her back but she needs time to “not be this mess, stablise, figure out wtf I want”… One day a couple of weeks after we broke up in April, she said she regrets it sometimes and questions if she made a huge mistake because I’m an amazing guy who she gets on with amazingly and who loves and treats her amazingly, but she knows she doesn’t want a relationship rn so she’s sticking with her decision. Even her friends were confused why she broke up and they tried to support her by saying she made the right decision, but even they would tell her there’s literally nothing wrong with me and would miss having me around too.
3rd Para:
The thing is, for the first 6 months out of 7 of relationship, that love was completely stable for her and she never had ANY doubts about me. But that time came as I mentioned in the 2nd paragraph that her life got very unstable and she started having all these doubts and “completely lost feelings”. I think it was because she would feel like she has no self-respect or dignity by allowing herself to be in love with me, because of how I treated her in 2017 and that’s why she got so back and forth and on/off with me since then.
Her life being very unstable was directly related to her overthinking and having anxiety about our relationship and the fact she loved me, but felt like it was wrong since I hurt her in 2017 and every time we would be cute, it would remind her of how I hurt her in 2017 and she would get upset and fall into that cycle, as I talked about before
4th Para:
Why do you think I have a stronger chance of rekindling her love? I feel like she sees him as this man who has always been so sweet to her and never hurt her or was mean to her, and every other guy she’s dated has been, including me. She said she hopes to meet someone who has treated her perfectly since the very beginning. And she said those things in December, when she would be saying she loves me etc. She said she only showed me the happy, loving moments and never the down, upset moment of that toxic cycle she was in, but when she did that was one of them
5th Para:
Yes, we talked about her misconceptions of me last night and I feel I cleared up some things for her, so hopefully it helped her iron out the misunderstandings we would have.
For some reason my post didnt post, so I will copy and paste it:
I just told her I want to be friends, for now and the future. I think it puts her on edge if she knows I have feelings for her still, makes her push me away. So this way, if she only sees me as a friend and I only see her as a friend, it will be easier for her to talk to me.
Yes, she would be pretty closeby. Not walking distance but maybe a 15-20 min drive, but like a 40min to 1 hr bus journey bc we live in a city. She would most likely be working in the city centre, where I go sometimes to shop so I would be able to see her then too.
He lives around the same distance away from her, but a more complicated route.
See I feel she is confused as well, but she seems very set on her choice right now to be with him. She said to me “We ended in April. From then until end of December it was confusion. There were some genuine moment but mainly confusion” – paraphrasing here but she is talking about her feelings for me. She was confused if she loved me or not
She met up with him once over summer, a couple of days before she left. She told me earlier this month when she broke the news about the new guy, that she felt something for him when they went to get coffee and she felt very guilty afterwards, because on one hand, you’re telling your “man” you love him, and on the other hand, you think you might have feelings for this guy. You get what I mean?
And I understand that last paragraph, but in what context are you saying it? Are you saying that her feelings will remain for him over the next 6.5 months? She knows for sure she doesn’t “love” him, it’s only a crush they have for each other that is growing right now.. She told me last week on V day: “I think you think me and him are more than we actually are x” when I implied he’s her valentine, etc. I know love doesn’t fade for a long time, but casual feelings/crush for a person might be different no?
And again the last paragraph, she would always be saying she loved me end of last year, but she switched up and said she didn’t one day? Does that mean her love for me IS in there somewhere? I also understand that as at the start of our relationship, we were very passionate and intense, for a good 5-6 months, then there was a little drop off, where it was a more mature form of love. I feel at that time, she thought she fell out of love with me but it was just us transitioning from that “honeymoon” period to the more mature feelings, and I felt it happen within myself too at that exact time.
I may sound delusional, but I feel the next time we see each other, those feelings she had for me and said she doesn’t anymore, they may just rush back for her as they always have when we’re around each other. I remember we broke up last April, like a month later as we got more close and she got more comfortable, we kissed in the changing rooms of a store after about a month of being broken up. She told me later that night she doesn’t want to do it again as she doesn’t love me anymore so it feels weird to her. The next day or couple days after, we went out to a bar/restauarant place to chill and talk, and she had been drinking a little bit, but she told me to close my eyes and then kissed ME out of nowhere, I don’t want to get explicit but she would also keep telling me at that time that I turn her on so much etc… I feel the alcohol helped put that on, but after that moment, we kissed every time we saw each other, which was maybe once or twice a week, for the rest of that summer
Edit: would like to add that they’re no where near to being in a relationship right now, as she said she doesn’t want to jump directly into anything after me, and she is just “going with the flow” atm, taking it day by day with him and not worrying about what they are. She even says they’re not much of anything right now and won’t be for a while “if not ever”. As well as this, I know it will take a lot for her to fall in love with him, as it took her a lot to fall for me, we had this undeniable spark when we first met that she’s never felt with anyone before. When i ended our thing that year, she kept having feelings for me and at the end of August 2018, she told me she loves me and I’m the love of her life etc. and it took her a year and a half (since we met) to say it, and she was so sure of a futurw with me and so happy to be with me. With him, she is not sure about a “future” with him i know, she is just feeling it out atm and she says she’s “just chillin”. I know, and she knows as well, that he wants a relationship though further down the line but she says she doesn’t know right now if she will or not (said this at the start of Feb.)
Thank you! I think I am going to tell her I don’t have feelings for her anymore, and set some boundaries so that we can be friends. I want this to happen as I feel there aren’t any boundaries set right now, and it’s something that will get her to respect me more. I don’t think she has much genuine respect for me right now. And then I will cut contact for a few weeks
Also, to answer your question, I am from Europe, she is abroad working right now until August. When she comes back, she will be studying at my university again for 2 more years, and will live around 20 mins away. I will end up seeing her often after my hospital rotations in the afternoons but throughout the day, I won’t be able to meet up with her for lunch or anything anymore as we always used to do before when we were “just friends” and caught feelings for one another. I feel that is a huge obstacle in the way of “getting her back” as I think our in-person attraction is what fuels everything. What she says over text is not usually how she feels when she sees me in person. Even after we broke up, she would cold over text but lovey lovey in person, because she could physically see me and not be able to fight her feelings, which were obviously there but which she was denying over text. It will be difficult to meet up other than for a short coffee for 20mins in the afternoon every few days or once a week, if she isn’t also working part-time in the afternoons and still dating that other guy, that is. Why do you ask?
Also, she only saw this guy 3 times last year and developed feelings for him over texting. There still is 6.5 months left before she arrives back in my city. They seem to progressing slowly now and getting more involved than they were a month ago, as he sent her that cute gift, that I know would’ve made her heart flutter. Since 6.5 months is a long time, and I know she stated that she thinks nothing will happen since she is so far for so long, do you think the possibility of them ending up together is high? Or is it more possible they do end up together? I feel it is early stages of their thing still and that’s why they are both very happy, but that does tend to die down a bit in the later stages which is after a few months… I know I shouldn’t focus on them but It would ease my mind hearing your opinoin. Thank you
We are both middle-eastern.. We had a talk about things last night and I clarified some things. I think it helped but it is hard to shake those opinions of someone off.. I hope over time they do change but she did thank me for clarifying
And yes, I feel they are getting more serious now. A month ago, she would be telling me she’s still processing her feelings for him, they’ve only said they like each other and are just friends, but now they seem to be getting a little more involved… even though they still won’t see each other for another 6 months..
I sent her the guitar video 2 nights ago, she said she really liked it but that was all..
I am feeling that this is over for good now. It is crazy to me as this time last year, if I had told her things would be how they are right now, she would not have believed it as she was so deep in love with me back then. She said last night we ended in April 2019, and after that until end of December was just “confusion” for her, “and yeah there were some genuine moments but mainly confusion”
I wish there was a switch I could flip to turn my feelings off for her as this is the most painful part of it all.. she really has moved on and is not looking back. She seems pretty stable with this new guy.. I see them going the distance, but I don’t know for sure since 6 months is a long time :/
I think I am going to try and cut contact from her, as I keep remembering our good times and getting really sad.. I do want to talk to her but I can’t help but feel sad every time we do, as i remember she is probably calling this new guy all the cute nicknames and terms of endearment she would call me
Those were the main differences… she thought I wouldn’t marry her if her dad didn’t approve… but it was just something I read online and it had been instilled in her brain as she misinterpreted it the wrong way
Also, people from my culture typically dont celebrate christmas, halloween etc and she assumed I would think the same way, I said I never did growing up but if she wanted to , we would.. but she saw it as we didnt see “eye to eye” on this
And just stuff like that.. it’s kinda dumb
One of my friends told me to just cut her off and never look back, as she “played me for a fool” by catching feelings for a guy she only saw 4-5 times MAX last year… just by texting him more
Do you think what she did is something unforgivable? She would tell me she loves me, then in the back of her mind she would have these ignored feelings for this guy which she didnt want to come face to face with… it seems very off to me
I decided today I wouldnt do NC, I would just keep speaking to her how we have been as its been very nice for the most part, she’s responsive and talks a lot to me. Is that a good idea? I feel her and the other guy may be getting closer tohugh as he sent her a box of a flavor of tea she had been craving to her workplace to surprise her…. I feel these things will get her to fall in love with him very soon ://
So we talked last night. For some reason, she has always seen me as this conservative Person who follows strict principles and rules ie not wanting to marry a girl unless her dad approves etc (it’s a cultural thing), which is so far from the truth
She grew up around these kinds of men in her culture and so I always feel like she would want to assume I was the same, no matter what I would say to divert her from it she would always assume that, and she still assumes that. And it’s why she feels we will never work due to our “differences” …. which we really do not have Many of at all
She opened up last night speaking to me about this and it got me thinking, do you think it’s a good idea to go over this with her? I feel it will help my case if she stops viewing me this way…
It was a doctors appointment! About something potentially serious so she wanted to check in
She actually reached out today, to ask about how my appointment went… and we talked the rest of the day here and there. She had a podcast up online from work and I listened to it and she said she appreciated it a lot.. something that wouldn’t have happened in NC! it is hard to go NC right now, but I am going to try my best. Hoping maximum from tomorrow until the weekend is over.. then I will continue contacting every day or every other day (sparingly) 🙂
Thank you for all your input, it really helped!
Hi Patricia thanks for the reply
Again, I don’t think it’s a trust thing, I was mean to her in 2017 and said some hurtful things, her jealous BFF at the time manipulated me into being this way to her, through lies and whatnot. Afterwards, that BFF put the girl through social torment. When she dated one of my friends at the time (she had known him for years before) it lasted less than a week and he also was very mean to her, due to the jealous BFF feeding him lies… She admitted later to me that she only got with him to get closer to me, and it was a stupid mistake
So when i say that she loves me, then is reminded of the past, she is reminded of these traumatic events and she gets upset as she starts feeling how she used to feel back then, in the present. A sort of trigger would go off in her mind to be reminded of these events, which she would associate with me then temporarily fall out of love w me, then forget it and fall back in love. It was a toxic cycle for her.
She even acknowledged for a long time that I’m changed and a completely different person to who I was back then and that I’ve treated her perfectly ever since we got together in 2018.. but because she had a connection with me and not with the BFF or others, is why she would associate those events and bad feelings from that time and how she felt back then, with me. So not a trust thing, more like PTSD for lack of a better term. Where a trigger would reminder her every time she felt love for me, that those events happened. She was frustrated by it and just wanted to move forward, so recently ended thinsg at the end of 2019. It seems like a very pessimitic way of thinking and pretty self-destructive as it ruined what we had… she does know she has a major overthinking problem
She said recently that she doesnt associate those bad feelings with me when we’re just friends, only when we’re in love. But she told me she will now try and dissociate me completely from the person back then which is nice
And, it has always been our kind of humour to “pull each other’s legs” and slightly irritate the other by making these kind of jokes, so wasn’t a big deal neither of us were doing it out of malice. We aren’t romantically involved right now at all and would never do that when we were involved. 🙂
Do you thinkI have a solid plan? I made a video of myself playing her favourtie song on guitar.. so might send her that soon she will love it as she’s never seen me play guitar
Yes, I meant she used to do that over summer of 2018, but then she saw I changed and she allowed herself to trust me, which she did for so long and still does.. basically what would happen would be that recently, she would express love for me, then her mind would directly go back to those events and she would feel hurt and upset like how she did back when that all happened, and she would get upset at herself (she hated who she was back then, she said she was weak and felt small all the time) and upset with me, then would snap herself out of it to forget it and go back to loving me again
It wasn’t about her not trusting me to not dump her again or hurt her again, but it was more so she was sick and tired of loving me, then remembering the events in 2017, even though I’ve treated her so sweetly ever since summer of 2018
She also said, she would remember those events and she would get mad at herself because she was allowing someone who hurt her to be with her, and felt like she was throwing away her self-respect and dignity by allowing that.. It was really all a product of her overthinking. She has always been an overthinker and it comes out much much more when she goes through any kind of emotional stress ie what she’s been going through for the past year and why she broke up w me last April, and then even more so after she moved away in October 2019 until August 2020, she had a lot of time to overthink and be alone with her thoughts and it became more pronounced.
And the thing about me joking about sending another girl flowers on V day 2 years ago, I said that on V day this year, that I sent them 2 years ago (when we weren’t involved) and we aren’t in a relationship right now either, we’re just casual friends as I said. I would never do that if we were together. And the reason is, this V day, she jokingly said to me that her new guy sent flowers to her workplace (she was joking and pulling my leg) and so in return I was teasing her and “pulling her leg” in return as a joke. She was nice about it and laughed a lot.
Also, I know the name calling can be a habit, but is it a habit when you claim you have no feelings for the other person? She has a history of hiding her feelings from me….
And yes I agree w the NC plan, I might even end it after 1 week or 3-7 days as I don’t want to give them too much time alone to talk all the time and call etc.
Also, going back to the 2017 thing, she’s recently acknowledged that it’s her fault that she kept overthinking it and going through that cycle I described, and that’s mainly why she ended things bc I for sure treated her amazingly and fulfilled in every aspect.. she acknowledged it was “her fault” we broke up and why she ended things recently and nothing to do with me, she just couldn’t keep going through that “toxic cycle of me and you” anymore, it was driving her crazy by overthinking. This never came up the first 6 months of our RS back in September 2018 to like Feb 2019. After Feb 2019 her life became v unstable and so did she and it has been ever since.
Right now, she seems relaxed, relieved and happy. But she does still hate being in the new place and hates her job, having no money, no license, no socialisation etc. So all of this gave her time to overthink a LOT starting last OCtober.
When she told me she loved me again in October, it was because I made her feel comfort, stability and security and she felt safe and warm around me. She said after she moved away, she would overthink and the love she had for me would be short-lived and would come and go every other day or so, and she was tired of feeling like that and feeling so up and down all the time, that she had to end it, and believes “me and her are done forever”…
But she said recently that, she doesn’t see us being together again as a posibiltiy right now but she is “a fool if I know what’s in the future” .. she also said, anything can happen, life is unpredictable, life is very funny etc…
She told me last April when she broke up that we would never happen again and she couldn’t bring herself to loving me again, but she did. A month later, in late May, she started kissing me and that never stopped ever since then. We were “casually dating” and just enjoying being in love with one another. But she would have her off days where she felt she was leading me on and would get upset at me or angry at me for flirting with her… a day or two later she would be fine and calling me baby etc
So, we dated in 2017, but weren’t serious but on track to be, I wanted to and so did she but I wanted to take it slow. I ended things with that summer and she was v hurt.
Summer 2018, I caught feelings and told her, she said she had none and was dating someone who she really liked. I embraced friendzone and ditched NC. Over 3 weeks, she saw I changed and was kind and caring, she fell in love and lost interest in the other guy (he made some mistakes). She said she would say she has no feelings for me to push me away and avoid getting hurt again by me. But she saw I changed and she fell in love w me and it was perfect
She broke up in April 2019 bc she was going through serious stuff in her life and freaked out a little and couldn’t be in a relationship anymore with anyone, wanted to be independent and she blames herself for the breakup and not so much my mistakes…
That guy stayed friends w her through all of our RS and after and she ended up catching feelings for him last Summer when she would always say what they had at the end of 2017 (few months after I ended things w her) was a “joke”, “nothing” and said she would never go back to him and laughed at the idea… but he stayed friends, they talked a lot (never met up in person over summer, only once before she left in October) and she caught feelings but ignored them bc she loved me. She assumed it was just nostalgia. We were still broken up at that point but still very much in love again and seeing each other.
She moved in October and kept contact with both of us, mostly me. She’d say she loved me every day. But she would be burying her feelings for this other guy, and apparently the feelings “kept coming back”.. It’s odd to me bc a few days before she ended things with me end of 2019, she would be talking about being serious with me, marrying me in the future, and sent cute morning texts saying how she loves me, I’m her everything, her whole world, how no one else makes her feel the way I do, etc. Even when she asked for “space” to consider me and him, she would still be calling me baby, sweetie, and getting jealous over this girl who flirted with me at work… a day later she said “lets just be friends” … she said it was out of habit and she had to force herself not to sometimes… idk how you act cute/flirt with someone out of habit and if you have to force yourself not to then what does that say/mean…
But yeah, don’t want to make this a huge reply but it isn’t about her not trusting I would dump her again, she knows I wouldn’t. We’re casual friends atm. Haven’t talked in 24 hours but we talked all weekend everyday and convo never got dry once. She even initiated and got jealous on V day when I joked about sending flowers 2 years ago to this girl she saw as competition when we were together.. she even said happy V day and said that new guy isn’t her valentine and that she thinks I think they’re more than they actually are..
Them on the other hand, she says they’ve only said they like each other (1.5 months ago) and got closer since but that’s all — she says they’re still “just friends” but they’re “talking”
And to answer your question, I haven’t done NC, but I have started it, it’s been a day. I am thinking of going 1-2 weeks max as we are long distance rn, but I will come back after things settle at the end of that and try and reattract her back. Text is all I have and she mainly calls her guy but I could get her on the phone at some point, maybe once every few weeks. Even when we were together we wouldn’t talk on the phone much, that was just our dynamic.
I am thinking of using text and staying her “friend” to get her back, as that’s what worked for me with her in 2018 and what worked for this new guy with her last year, by staying a close friend.
What do you think? I appreciate your replies.
Hi, thanks for the reply
To answer your question, she will be living quite closeby, around 20 mins away.. I will be on break until the end of August, where then I will be working at the hospital 8-6 and coming back to college to study/socialise… She will be at college
The new guy will be living about 20 mins away from her as well, but he works 9-5 (i think) and doesn’t go to college anymore.
I was thinking of utilising a shortened NC period? Like one week? Given that she is so far… She told me that me not being in her life hurts her a lot as she realises that I’m not going to be there anymore and she should’ve shown how much she appreciates/values me more… this is when we had a talk 2 weeks ago where I said I would be going NC. A few days later I accepted the friendship
The thing is, in 2018 I got her back from a guy she was dating (granted she had hidden feelings for me that she kept denying) by being her friend and i know If i went NC she would’ve just gotten over me… This guy as well, they dated in 2017 and they didnt talk much only here and there but over the past year he had gotten closer to her and they talked more often.. She said she only ever saw him as a friend then one day it switched for her and the feelings kept coming back as they talked more as friends
Even right now, they acknowledged they like each other and hes said he wants to be in a RS with her, but she doesn’t want that rn. She says she might want it down the line but she doesn’t know rn if she will or not. So they are just “taking it chill” and remaining friends who like each other and talking often, getting closer etc. She says the main reason nothing is happneing with them is bc she is still abroad for the next 6 months
Idk if this is a rebound, is it? I know it probably wont last the full 6 months as her feelings have changed every 6 months, but I also know this guy is persistent that even if she turns him down, he will just stick around..
The other thing is that this guy has a chronic illness which he spend 3-4 hrs a day managing, and his life expectancy is cut short to 30-40 yrs (hes 24 rn) due to the illness. So when we were together, she would always say she doesnt want to cut him off as if something happened to him, she would feel so bad for the rest of her life. I know that this also played some part in her developing feelings for him as it may have tugged at her heart strings a little seeing his struggle and worrying about him (I dont mean to sound rude, just being realistic)
