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Hi, I think you need to stop texting her until she comes to you. You have read all the stuff online about not being pushy and you seem to have a good grasp of it. My ex is also depressed and I am trying to get her so I can relate. She doesn’t respond well to “I love you, I miss you, I don’t want to lose you” comments BECAUSE she is someone who suffers with depression, extreme emotions like this tip them over the edge and they don’t know where they are at.
Stop being forceful, wait for her to message you for 30 days, and when she does and I’m confident she will, remain as casual as possible with her. Show some emotion, but not too much at all, it’s important you keep your feelings towards her neutral at this stage at least.
I don’t understand why he has taken so long to do it, that’s so bad… I really don’t know what to suggest at this stage other than ignoring him and seeing if he reaches out…that will give you the chance to move on and still open the possibility of him realising he made a mistake. 9 years is a long time so maybe he feels like a teenager again being let free. He sounds like a right asshole.
One possibility could be speaking to him at work and saying you’re cool with everything (even though you’re not) Three shouldn’t be so many chinese whispers going around your workplace though
That is very strange behaviour. Did you ever put him under any pressure in the relationship? Cos right now she is looking like a shiney new toy for him…you’re gonna have to let him get on with this and see what happens. I know that must be impossible after 9 years but it is the only way. No amount of pleading is going to change it. The best thing you should be doing is NOT mentioning this girl to him.
What do you think he might be going through that he is hiding? You were together 9 years and no children involved?
You work in the same place as him so it doesn’t really matter if he blocka you. This girl sounds like an idiot saying that he is over you, he is not over you after being together 9 years that is absolutely ridiculous. She needs a slap.
Very muddled up. What weird friend would post about hoping a girl treats his friend right, but strange to me. If I posted that about my mate people would think I’m weird.
Maybe he is reaching out to you because this girl has disappeared on him? That’s something you’re gonna have to find out.
The fact he has contacted you 100 shows he still cares about you in some way shape or form.
I would just carry on talking to him in a light hearted, fun way and see how he reacts. Don’t bring up the past or anything relationship based
there are lots of people going through this. I’m still in a whatsapp group with her and her sisters and they just posted a video that she is in…I don’t know why I haven’t been asked to leave the group or why they haven’t created another group. She’s just sitting in the video reading her book and laughing.
The vision of her and him together are just your brain creating the worst case scenario you know this.
It’a 24 days since this started when was the last time you spoke to him?
I assure you he will discuss things with you again, he won’t just leave it like this I’m sure of it.
Tell me about it. I was a solid 92kg of good stuff now im about 88kg. It’s affected my training big time. This lockdown is driving us both insane.
Don’t worry about being self obsessed we all are to an extent, we know how we’re both feeling. Replying to you gives me comfort in a sense, just as I’m hoping my replies to you help do the same.
What vivid dreams have you had? I can’t imagine what it’s like after 9 years, that is so much compared to my 2. If I could I would literally do a magic spell that could fix all of this and believe me I’ve tried already out of sheer desperation, I don’t believe in any of that but in times like this want to believe in a God or a higher power that can help make everything okay again.
I’m okay…except the sleepless nights and dry mouth x
I get the feeling of not being able to eat or sleep because I can’t either. I imagine you’re crying every night and can barely eat anything. It really hurts in the stomach as well and you’re tearing your hair out thinking why hasn’t he messaged you.
This is a really tough period and all we can do is come together. 9 years is a very long time, I can’t see him not reconsidering a future with you if you act in the correct ways I’ve suggested. Only you know this guy though, remember that.
As I said, you’re going to be working with him so you have plenty of opportunity to come across the right way. Don’t look upset, just be light hearted, happy and casual at work. That will confuse him big time trust me. Don’t give him the chance to associate you as a “problem” and her as a cure.
Thanks Lee, that seemed make sense…the green dot can be anything…I don’t want to guess one way or the other, it doesn’t warrant thinking about. Although early I was on Whatsapp, clicked on her convo, saw her come online, and I was sitting there for a good minute and a half maybe staring at it, and I was wondering was she staring back at it thinking is he gonna message me or is he talking to someone else. I remember when we briefly broke up before she said she stared at it. I doubt she is doing the same thing this time, good on her to be honest.
Yeah DR I agree, as time goes on we are probably all starting to get used to the fact it’s over…whereas a few weeks ago we were completely crushed down, but we are getting stronger, I know them moments of sadness are still there and very frequent but for me they are getting easier to deal with… that’s only if I keep occupied though, sometimes the pain can strike hard in the stomach and make you feel sick. But we have know idea what they are thinking and we shouldnt even try to imagine
Yeah it’s disrespectful as hell, she still carried on. And he unfortunately loved it all, obviously he is 36 and she is 25…I’m sorry but that age gap is way too big, obviously he loves that she is young but the fact he is willing to throw everything away out the blue for no reason is strange.
is he a shy guy? quiet? loud? confident? It won’t go the distance with them. As I said you’re in an advantage. I know it’s really hard but when you see him just be playful and light hearted if you possibly can, don’t show you’re hurt and if you’re not talking just walk past each other and acknowledge each other at least. Look stront in front of him don’t look like he has beaten you down.
We all play these scenarios out in our heads and that affects our mood on the day, it causes anger, sadness and pure devastation but it’s only the pain we’ve created.
He will definitely be thinking about you I can assure you of that, this 25 year old child (even though I’m 25 also 😂) won’t last long.
I’m not gonna sit here and tell you to remain positive cos I know how much it hurts but maybe I don’t because 9 years is a hell of a while.
Talk to people through this period, just general talking can really help.
It is tragic, what he is doing…going off the fact there is hardly any arguments…maybe that was a bad thing? people need to have mini arguments to level themselves out.
Any contact with the girl and her driving him home is something going on 110% I can’t believe he is trying to claim otherwise but don’t even bring that up. He is just enjoying thia sense of “newness” with her, of course they won’t be getting engaged in a month don’t start thinking that.
If you want him back you just need to make yourself appealing. You still work with him and she doesn’t which is a big plus for you trist me. At least he hasn’t disappeared completely.
From personal experience (what I’m going through now) our exes could be thinking ANYTHING, we have absolutely no idea what is going through their minda right now, we just insert whatever we want.
Hi slk, this story is absolutely tragic and I really feel for you. Especially after 9 years with someone that haa got to really really hurt.
I agree with patricia, I think he is just really angry at the moment for some reason, us guys do absolutely hate arguments and when a girl comes along who isn’t arguing and getting angry over stupid things then it’s appealing.
She might make him feel good at the moment…but I guarantee he will miss you at some point and contact you, especially after nine years. When he does don’t react angrily if possible. Also don’t be deluded that something isn’y happening between these two. There is way too big of an age gap between them, it won’t last, she won’t like it.
carry on no contact…when you see him at work don’t show any emotions like being upset or whatever, look happy and make sure you chat with your other team members
two weeks isn’t even that long, from listening to yours and others no contact periods. It’s just I thought I knew her which made me think she would have contacted me but hey ho. The night time’s are a lot harder than the day time as you all probably find as well. You sit there wondering they’re missing you or even at the very least whether you cross their minds. You start to think they are definitely talking to someone else and have moved on. If that is the case there isn’t much that can be done.
feel your time with exercise if you can Lee
Agreed. I’m sure we’re all capable of finding happiness elsewhere. I don’t think any of us should contact our ex for any reason at this point, we will look unappealing. I should be counting the days but tomorrow it will be two weeks since contact for me so I have completely given up but in a good way.
