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Hi, I have never used a forum before so please excuse my babbling.
I have been with my boyfriend 9 years 4 months. Worked with him for the past 15 years. He apparently liked me from the day he saw me. We have always had a good relationship despite being different people. We have had 98% peace and 2% arguements in all the time we have been together. We have no children. We were saving to move in later this year and he was meant to be proposing on my birthday (next week). In brief we had an argument a month ago via text and both said F off we’re over, can’t be bothered speaking to you . I thought it was just an argument. We didn’t speak for a week (longest time ever not speaking). I rang him and he said he doesn’t want to be with me and doesn’t love me. No explanation nothing. I rang/tect him non stop saying I don’t understand. 2 days later he was acting normal, said Love you and was texting all day. Then the night he said he didn’t know what he wanted. In the last month I have had a promotion where I will become Night manager where we work. On the week of this argument between us he has contracted himself to nights also. This was part of the plan for us to get moved in together faster. Since this day of him saying he doesn’t love me (3 weeks ago), the workplace has gone mad with rumours about him and the new girl at work. He has promised me nothing is going on with her but yet he doesn’t want to speak to me. He has been snap/texting her and getting lifts to and from work off her. Again he told me nothing was going on. I have done nc for 10 days and today saw him. He said his mum was waiting outside for him. I went outside and there was his girl waiting to take him home. I drive past his house on the way home and she was parked up there. I asked him what was going on and he said we are just talking, she makes me laugh and it’s none of your business I am single I can do what I want. You go and move on. What I don’t understand is how you can throw away 9 years for someone you have only known for 3 weeks. We have had no previous issues before. We had always had future plans with holidays/ trips away and as I said we were saving to move out this year and apparently proposing next month on my birthday. Now is she a rebound or have I been completely replaced and already forgotten about?. Any advice would be good, but I am quite fragile so please don’t be too harsh. I am 32, he is 34 and this girl In the picture is 25. Sorry for the long post. Thanks.@slk3088 Guys hate arguments, especially when foul language or yelling is involved. Just saying..
What do you mean by saying you’re “different people”?It’s difficult to say whether or not the other girl is a rebound or not. The best way to find out is to do strict no contact for at least a month or more. If or when you see him at work, just be courteous when interaction is necessary, otherwise don’t speak to him.
9 years is a long time to be in a relationship without a marriage proposal even if there were money issues. I’m sorry you two are having problems. What was the argument about last month? It would have been better to calmly discuss the issue instead of F off. And it would have been better to discuss the issue either in person or on a phone call.
Seems he lied to you about who was waiting outside work to take him home. I know lying can be a serious issue. Anyway, try to be patient and wishing you good luck:)
Thanks for your reply.
The silly thing is I can’t remember what the argument was originally about as it was something petty, I’m sure it was about the lockdown situation.
We have never not spoken for as long as we left it then. Part of me thought if he is acting stubborn and not getting in contact then so will I.How I wish I hadn’t done that now as I know we would’ve sorted things out if we would’ve been in touch that week.
We had far too much to simply throw it away over a silly argument.
I had managed 10 days no contact and felt like I was getting somewhere. That was until yesterday’s situation. I will do no contact again although deep down I feel this is the end of us ☹️ Although I for one really do not want that 💔
@slk3088 I understand why you would be heartbroken! The best you can do for now is to keep no contact.
Maybe he will start remembering the good times and miss you. Then he might initiate contact.
You seem like a very nice person and I truly hope you two can work things out:)
Thank you.
I genuinely feel like it is over for us, as he seems to be quite happy without me, which I cannot grasp as only the week before we split we were planning our holidays we have booked and moving in together later this year ☹️
@slk3088 He might be pretending to be happy because he’s so upset/angry or hurt by words that were exchanged. Don’t give up hope that things will work out between you two! It might take several weeks or even months, but I have a good feeling about this as in the past you were able to work through other issues together:) Keep no contact and be patient, okay?
Hi slk, this story is absolutely tragic and I really feel for you. Especially after 9 years with someone that haa got to really really hurt.
I agree with patricia, I think he is just really angry at the moment for some reason, us guys do absolutely hate arguments and when a girl comes along who isn’t arguing and getting angry over stupid things then it’s appealing.
She might make him feel good at the moment…but I guarantee he will miss you at some point and contact you, especially after nine years. When he does don’t react angrily if possible. Also don’t be deluded that something isn’y happening between these two. There is way too big of an age gap between them, it won’t last, she won’t like it.
carry on no contact…when you see him at work don’t show any emotions like being upset or whatever, look happy and make sure you chat with your other team members
Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
We have had the off argument before but like I said our relationship was 98% peace and 2% arguments. In the 3 weeks he has known this girl she has caused a very large amount of drama, and not just for us for other people also. It is like she is the polar opposite of me and genuinely not his type at all. Although knowing my luck they will end up being the real deal and will be engaged within a month! ☹️
We honestly had so much going for us and getting the different jobs sorted was definitely going to work in our favour to get us moved in together faster.
I honestly feel as tho my heart has been shattered into pieces as I cannot see how 9 years of a relationship and history can be replaced by someone you’ve known 3 weeks.
Again thank you for your reply.
I am also struggling at work which is making it much harder for me as everything in there reminds me of him and it is obviously the topic of conversation.
This girl has already left after just 3 weeks of being there but them 3 weeks have caused so much damage and he has said that nothing was going on whilst they were in work but now as she isn’t there they’re talking more. It feels like they’re getting closer and closer and I am being forgotten about rather quickly.I am due to go onto nights in roughly a months time, I will then become his manager at this point 🤦🏼♀️
It is tragic, what he is doing…going off the fact there is hardly any arguments…maybe that was a bad thing? people need to have mini arguments to level themselves out.
Any contact with the girl and her driving him home is something going on 110% I can’t believe he is trying to claim otherwise but don’t even bring that up. He is just enjoying thia sense of “newness” with her, of course they won’t be getting engaged in a month don’t start thinking that.
If you want him back you just need to make yourself appealing. You still work with him and she doesn’t which is a big plus for you trist me. At least he hasn’t disappeared completely.
From personal experience (what I’m going through now) our exes could be thinking ANYTHING, we have absolutely no idea what is going through their minda right now, we just insert whatever we want.
That is true as I have been thinking of every single option in my head for the past 3 weeks.
It’s just strange as nothing like this has ever happened before. And as I said the girl is the polar opposite to me in both looks and personality (and for the drama caused by her she doesn’t seem particularly nice), if she was a nice person then it may feel slightly easier for me (although probably not). Although I am not blaming this on her. For all she knew he was single when she started talking to him and he would’ve loved the attention/distraction from thinking of our break up. Even tho I know everybody had said to the pair of them how disrespectful it was towards us and our long term situation.
Yeah it’s disrespectful as hell, she still carried on. And he unfortunately loved it all, obviously he is 36 and she is 25…I’m sorry but that age gap is way too big, obviously he loves that she is young but the fact he is willing to throw everything away out the blue for no reason is strange.
is he a shy guy? quiet? loud? confident? It won’t go the distance with them. As I said you’re in an advantage. I know it’s really hard but when you see him just be playful and light hearted if you possibly can, don’t show you’re hurt and if you’re not talking just walk past each other and acknowledge each other at least. Look stront in front of him don’t look like he has beaten you down.
We all play these scenarios out in our heads and that affects our mood on the day, it causes anger, sadness and pure devastation but it’s only the pain we’ve created.
He will definitely be thinking about you I can assure you of that, this 25 year old child (even though I’m 25 also 😂) won’t last long.
I’m not gonna sit here and tell you to remain positive cos I know how much it hurts but maybe I don’t because 9 years is a hell of a while.
Talk to people through this period, just general talking can really help.
He is loud, confident, stubborn as hell and everything he does he thinks he is right. I am pretty much the opposite of this, although I just admit with him I cane out of my shell a lot more. And she seems to be the same as him from what I can gather.
It seems strange that he won’t give me a reason at all for it ending but he has told people at work (knowing it will get back to me obviously), just how happy he is now he is single. I mean why on earth would you go round saying such a thing 🤦🏼♀️ Especially when I am pretty much breaking down when someone asks how I am. It just seems so unlike him to do this. He may be a loudmouth at times but he has always been a one-girl-man and it was always me and No1 else.
It honestly feels like I have been replaced and thrown away.
They have just started to follow each other on Instagram. It will be something to see if he deletes any photos of me on there. Especially seen as the first photos on there are a selection of us both with the caption 9 years and still going strong, these were posted last month.
I sound bitter as hell but I really do want it to come crashing down as quickly as it started. It seems so unfair to think that next week we should’ve been in Paris for my bday and I was meant to be getting proposed too. This was discussed as little as 5 weeks ago. And now I can’t eat or sleep and am really going through what feels like a bereavement whilst he is seemingly loving his new relationship and not thinking of me or us at all ☹️I get the feeling of not being able to eat or sleep because I can’t either. I imagine you’re crying every night and can barely eat anything. It really hurts in the stomach as well and you’re tearing your hair out thinking why hasn’t he messaged you.
This is a really tough period and all we can do is come together. 9 years is a very long time, I can’t see him not reconsidering a future with you if you act in the correct ways I’ve suggested. Only you know this guy though, remember that.
As I said, you’re going to be working with him so you have plenty of opportunity to come across the right way. Don’t look upset, just be light hearted, happy and casual at work. That will confuse him big time trust me. Don’t give him the chance to associate you as a “problem” and her as a cure.
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