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Wow, does she know this? I hope she is in a position to be honest with herself, I think women sometimes struggle with this. I find it difficult to base things on what they are thinking as they can be 100% it’s not going to happen and then two weeks later be on the phone crying! I guess you have to be careful in how you decide things here too, but I really do think the fact she is meeting you is good. Control or not, she could easily control the situation by not seeing you. Maybe you are thinking the worst, I know I am doing that at the moment. In my mind, she has moved on, doesn’t give a hoot about me, thinks I am a saddo, knows I am desperate to see her etc etc.
I may try to call once more in a day or two and if I don’t get an answer then, send a text. I really value her friendship and would hate to not be able to contact her once in a while.
Mate, she proposed the weekend? Heck, that’s good. I’m glad.
I’m pretty sure my-ex didn’t see the call but I am disappointed she didn’t call back. I feel mugged off. Yeah, I know what you mean. The thing is I go to draw lines in the sand and say, ‘right its time to move on’, but I feel like I am kidding myself. I feel like I would only keep that up for some time :s
Hey Jburg, it sounds like it could be a reach out to me, what’s your instinct tell you? For me ‘bits and bobs’ tend to be collateral damage, not things you would necessarily contact your ex about. If she didn’t care enough then she would wait for you to contact her IMO. The only negative could be that she is trying to cancel you out of her life, but I don’t sense this from her words. Why don’t you say to meet for a coffee/handover, at least you could get some face time then.
I tried to call my ex over the weekend. It feels like 6 weeks of NC is enough and now the lack of contact is doing more harm than good now. She didn’t answer, and didn’t call back. Feel like life really sucks now. I desperately want to tell her about my new job (in her city) and start to build a closeness again. I’m starting to wonder if she has moved on to someone else. I still miss her terribly, she is the one I still want to share all my news with.
Let me know how it goes
Do you know JBURG, I think that you make a valid point. People are too quick to throw things away these days rather than work on them. It’s like that consumerism mentality, where we just replace rather than fix. The trouble is it isn’t as easy as that with emotional connections so the persons just put themselves into limbo; they don’t want to be with anyone else but feel the only course of action with the incumbent is to walk away. The ‘I love you but I am not in love with you’ scenario used to be something that meant you worked on it, not it seems it’s the trigger to walk away. I am/was in this position, but am not sure if she will decide to work on it or continue to walk away.
However, words from LAbound also resonate with me, up until getting this job offer I was going through a tough time. My career had stalled, we had gone into a Long distance relationship, she had started a new (very testing) job and I just started getting down. She def would have felt me as baggage at a time when she was having a tough time too. Add in the distance and it was a perfect storm to break up.
Over the passed two months of min contact (5 weeks of NC) things have turned around. Only time will tell if she decides to come back to what was a fantastic relationship.
I pretty much did that to a T LABound, I felt like I needed time and that I only wanted us back properly, not in half measures. I am starting to feel ready now, I actually feel great physically and far better mentally. I have also been offered a great job so must be emitting positive vibes 🙂 🙂 🙂
Time will tell if I am successful or not!
JBURG that is exactly how I feel – there are no logical answers, but I have started understanding that perhaps there never are. Just be cool, I reckon you got this one in the long run.
I don’t think so mate, maybe these are tests to tell if you are really changing? You don’t appear to reacted in the way that your ‘old self’ would, so it can only be doing good. IMO a lot of these things (by weird behavior, you mean her behavior I assume?) are designed to illicit a response. You reacted before, you are not reacting now. Be warned, if this is the case the ‘tests’ could get worse. Just be cool, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, kill her with the calm, silence. A week is nothing! I went 5 weeks, and I still feel like I reached out too early.
Hey JB, it sounds like you certainly did some damage after the break up and the sort of drinking antics you describe are really bad for a woman I would think (I am sure you know this). Also, reacting to her possibly being with another man when you are not together does not put you in a good light. HOWEVER, she still contacted you and seemed to show direct/indirect interest in you following all these things.
I would go NC for a while and in this time really look to improve yourself. I would imagine that the temptation to drink over there is quite great but you seem to be someone that reacts badly to it? During the NC time I would not get drunk in any shape or form, get fit get healthy and if she gets another guy react positively. I can assure you that will have a greater effect. All these self improvements, you have identified yourself in other threads, can be leaked (subtly) over social media. I believe, in what you described, that she needs to see someone that isn’t a threat or going to react badly to certain situations or when drunk before she comes back.NB: this new you will need to continue even when you get back together so hit it hard my friend, and make a serious effort to change. If you really want her, then you will do this.
I should mention that I haven’t been drunk for over 2 months since I split with me ex for these very reasons! Hope this helps
Wow, @ItWorked4Me – she saw you with another girl! You’re like some sort of NC Jedi! That takes it to a whole new level of realization for the gf, but it acts as a good demonstration of the manner in which you have to condition them (ie. they have lost you). I may not be able to achieve her seeing me but I have gone on Tinder in an effort to get a platonic date for myself. I want to see how I feel after that. Until then I will maintain NC.
@Ras217 I believe it is the same, we are not so different. Look at my above update, I am on Tinder but have no interest in anyone else at present. The text to you is personal and cannot be misinterpreted. Keep doing what you are doing, and understand, you are driving him more crazy each and every day. I am trying to concentrate on myself and think about me – try to do the same. It’s a roller coaster but just think of it all as a process to get through.Thanks for sharing this, really happy for you. How did you reconcile after the 2 months? Who made contact and how?
I too am finding the NC very hard but I am also determined. I am on day 22 and trying to focus on me rather than her.
Amy, thank you for sharing this. Some of your situation and break up reasons resonate with me, my situation is similar and I am as determined as you to let the relationship do the talking. I am doing NC until she calls me. SO far since splitting up: after 2 weeks a text stating that this time was very hard for her; 2.5 weeks a text stating she was really missing me and after 4 weeks crying asking me not to sell the engagement ring as ‘she didnt feel ready to give it back’. That was 3 weeks ago. I am hoping that time brings us back together and am leaving it all to her. Good luck to you 🙂
Hi NewMe15, he is def hung up on you so stay strong. If he was cool with everything he would just walk. These sound like cheap efforts of contact which, if you respond, serve no purpose other that to assure him you are still there. Stick with NC and I am sure he will realize he needs to man up. He is acting all over the place but he needs to get past the emotion side of things. I believe he will then start to see how much he misses you.
Hey, all your feelings are completely normal. It’s all part of the process and you are doing great. If he still has stuff at the house I would wait until you are calm and collected and then politely ask him to remove it. Do not show any emotion but just explain that you don’t need that stuff around you anymore. I think a lot of your anger is due to the fact that you feel helpless and he is holding all the cards. Start getting in control and you will feel better and I am sure he will notice this too. Do you think at the moment he is confident that you are not moving on?
