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I think you should continue no contact for now. When I did no contact the first time I waited the full 30 days and then texted my ex. Prior to this he would not respond at all to texts/phone calls. After the 30 days, I texted him just to see how he was doing and he responded – it was very neutral and a short conversation. We talked several times after that and had much longer and friendlier conversations. Then last weekend he texted me and we were chatting and he said something about not waiting for him forever and how he knows I want a serious, committed relationship and I should have that. This was very discouraging and I have implemented no contact again.
Definitely continue on with no contact. See if she contacts you first. If you don’t hear from her, do the full 30 days and then maybe send a text – keep it casual. I wouldn’t bring up the relationship. I am doing no contact for a 2nd time because after the first time I made some progress but then I think I expected too much too soon and appeared too needy. So continue with the NC and give her some time to miss you. If you text/call her now, you may appear too needy and that is not attractive. I hope this helps somewhat.
Can you read my post “Has anyone tried no contact more than once?” and let me know what you think? Thanks.
I definitely think you should do 30 days of no contact. Stay busy, work on yourself, and make some positive changes. 7 years is a long time to invest in a relationship and I understand why you don’t want to give up. If he is saying he does not want to break up, I definitely think there is hope. I had the same experience with my ex – keeps in contact whenever he feels like it. In that case, you need to show him you won’t always be around and everything isn’t at his convenience. When you contact him after the 30 days, keep it casual and not about the relationship! I hope this helps somewhat.
Can you read my thread “Has anyone tried no contact more than once?” and let me know what you think? Thanks!
I would keep going with no contact. She if she reaches out again. If she really wants to make contact she will. If you don’t hear from her after the 30 days are complete I would maybe send a simple text. Immediately after my break up my ex would not take me text or phone calls. I did the 30 days of no contact and when I finally did text he did respond. I’ve made some progress since, but unfortunately nothing significant (see my posts). I know it’s hard, but I would try to do the full 30 days of no contact. Leave her wondering where you went and give her time to miss you.
Hi,
Yes actually I did ask and he said he is not seeing anyone. Kept stressing how busy he is with work. I’m very confused. I’m thinking maybe I should resume no contact again? Any advice is appreciated!!
Hi Kate. I read through the entire thread and I definitely think you should do no contact again for a while. His e-mail wasn’t negative and nothing sounded final to me. But it did sound like he needed space. Give him some time to miss you and let him know that you won’t always be available to him. Even if he is with someone else (which we don’t know for sure) it’s probably a rebound type relationship and won’t last. In the mean time, take some time to work on yourself and maybe even go on a few dates. Don’t let this hold you back from being open to meeting other men.
If you have a chance can you read my thread “Thought I was making progress but now wondering if I should give up?” and let me know what you think. Thanks.
My situation is kind of similar to yours. We got into a fight right around New Year’s and he never actually said we were done but he stopped taking my phone calls and would not even respond to texts. Initially I kept calling/texting and probably came off desperate and needy. After a couple of weeks I decided to do the 30 day no contact rule. After the 30 days I texted him (just asked how he was doing) and he actually responded – all very neutral responses and a short conversation. Since then we have talked several more times and the conversations have been longer and friendlier. I suggested meeting for lunch a week ago and of course he was busy, so that was disappointing.
I would suggest continuing with your 30 days of no contact and then text him once it is over. Let him realize that you won’t always be around whenever we decides to contact you. Don’t let everything just be on his terms. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him. For what it’s worth, I think the 30 days of no contact has at least led to some progress in my situation. I understand you wanting to contact him to tell him about the accident, but you are only on day 5 of no contact and you need more time before this can have a real impact.
Can you maybe take a look at my most recent post “How Long After No Contact Before Suggesting to Meet” and give me your opinion? Thanks.
Thanks for the responses. Last Saturday I texted him and learned he was working out of town. I asked if he wanted to meet up for lunch on Monday. Initially he said he’d see what time he got in from working out of town on Sunday night. If it wasn’t too late, he’d meet up. When Monday came around he said he was exhausted, got in late and was working in the evening. I didn’t push to re-schedule, just said that was fine and we’d do it another time. So yes I suggested something rather casual. I think for now I am going to wait and hope maybe he brings it up. Just wondering how long I should wait before I bring it up again?? This is all very confusing.
I think in your case the 30 days of no contact will be particularly helpful because there wasn’t a huge problem in your relationship. If the only problem was that you were too needy and available, maybe the time apart will make her realize that you won’t always be around. It will give her time to miss you. It is good that you have a lot going on right now to take your mind off of the no contact. Plus it will give you a lot of stuff to fill her in on when you do make contact after the 30 days.
My ex would not take my calls or text messages after we broke up (after a fight over finances and other things). However, after I did the 30 day no contact I texted him and got a response and we have gradually been talking since. I feel I am making some progress.
Can you read my most recent thread (“How Long After No Contact Before Suggesting to Meet”) and give me your opinion? Thanks!
Even if he is a logical guy, that doesn’t mean he will forget you. My ex is also a very logical guy. After the break up he would not respond to my calls or texts. I eventually decided to go 30 days no contact and after it was over I decided to text to see how he was doing and he responded. I am slowly making progress. I think you should go no contact right away. Try to work on yourself during this time. If he contacts you repeatedly, just respond and say you need some time to yourself. I really think if done correctly and given the right circumstances, no contact can work.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help. Can you take a look at my post “How to Proceed after No Contact is Over” and let me know what you think? Thanks.
Thanks for the reply. I have been good about not bringing up the relationship and don’t plan to anytime soon. I feel like if I did it might scare him off. I am really hoping he is able to meet up tomorrow – trying not to get my hopes up in case he is not. In any case, I really do feel like I’ve made some progress. Hope it continues!!
So I contacted him tonight and we talked for a bit. He is working out of town this weekend. But I told him I am off on Monday and we should have lunch or coffee. He said as long as he gets back in town at a decent time on Sunday night he is totally up for it. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but just several weeks ago he would not respond to my calls or texts. I am very happy right now, but still cautiously optimistic. I really feel like I’m making progress and for what it’s worth, I really think the 30 day no contact helped a lot.
Thanks for the responses. I also think if he is responding there is still some interest on his part (at least I hope so). We broke up after a disagreement over finances. We’ve been together for just under 3 years. We’ve had issues in the past, as he can be difficult to get along with. He has severe depression and can be very withdrawn at times. Hence, when I got the short responses I wasn’t totally surprised because that isn’t really out of the ordinary for him. I was just glad he responded and it wasn’t negative.
So far I haven’t heard from him. I was thinking about making contact again either this weekend or early next week? I even thought about asking him if he wants to meet up for coffee or lunch? Is it too soon? What do you guys think? I really want to contact him now, but I know it is best to hold off. This is just so hard!
