-
Posts
-
She is playing mind games with you!
She wants drive you crazy, pull her with no contact, give her some
indifference, you have to be strong and protect your dignity.
Gain control and put your self in first place.@jared
I think you’ve gotta give it time. You run the risk of putting pressure on her. You are saying how can she not be ready after 3 weeks, some people aren’t. She needs time just like you do.
You really need to take a step back and just let it progress. I know it’s killing you, but you must work on yourself in this time. If she was to come to you now, you wouldn’t be in any state emotionally to handle it properly.1) Take rest
2) Don’t contact or pressure her for few more days even if it is 60 days
3) Don’t talk about relationship OR send any text
4) Prepare yourself for long haul
5) It is stressful phase but what else we can do.You will fuck up if you show your desperation and need and emotional part,i did and its been a year still not back with my ex and I started my NC on Jan 13th.
Take it easy and relax your mind and don’t panic if you want to save your relationship otherwise go ahead.
So everyone thinks that because she said she would contact me when she is ready, i should let her do that. So i should send no txt on sunday and just keep no contact? I just really worried that she thinks i have given up on her or that i dont care about her enough to fight for her.
@Jared, yes I think you should give her space and I think you should work on yourself. It does sound a lot like you want to put pressure on her, and that’s not going to achieve anything. Re-read the plan again, read the steps again and you will understand why you need to do NC and give you and her a bit of time to breathe.
We all have that fear that they will think we have given up etc…. but at the same time, hasn’t she already?
True. I understand where you are coming from @KD1988. I really hope you guys are right and just to give her the space shes wants right now. Couple of my friends said i should reach out to her for the closure i need to move on but that could just push her away more. Plus my best friend, her good friend, is contacting her tomorrow to just talk the talk but at the end he wants to give her some advice with everything cause she always went to him for advice when we were dating. I told him not to push or anything. Just to be himself and speak his advice. The last time she txted me(3 weeks ago), she did it right after leaving my house, talking to my parents when i wasnt there. Parents were just giving their advice to her and she agreed. Thats when she reached out saying she isnt ready to talk yet but she will when she is rdy. So maybe after she talks to my friend, something will happen and i wont even have to reach out myself.
One of the messages from Kevin that really helped me was (a) know that she’s thinking about you if it’s meant to be and (b) it’s just an act!
Yes to my knowledge we always had a bond together. I really still cant believe she is gone from my life. We had no problems, fought very little and just enjoyed each others company. Idk why she did this, but i hope to find some answers to questions i want to ask soon. I really think this is(hope) that this is temp. hiccup with us. I just doesnt make any sense that this happen. Not one person ive talked to thats knows our realtionship said “they saw this coming” They all thought we were always great with each other.
@Jared, it depends if you want the two of you to be back together or not. If you are just looking for closure and to move on, then that’s what it has to be. If you are looking to get back together, then I would say space and time is needed
Well i would of course like to get back together because i believe every realtionship deserves a chance. We never gave each other that. Never have we been close to breaking up before or time away from each other. I remember back in the end of june, she had a wedding to go to for a week and i went down the shore at the same time. The whole week all we kept saying was how much we missed each other. Calling, txting, the works. When we finally saw each other, it was like after that time it was an amazing feeling. Only a week! Were in a month now broken up without txting or calling or seeing each other. I just dont know how we go from that to this. Kills me inside. I would do anything to go back to that day :*(
@KD1988 Do you think i should send any kind of txt to her sunday? Like maybe just the end of the txt.
Just know that i completely understand if your not ready to talk yet but i wanted u to know that i haven’t abandoned you or givin up on you yet”
or something like that? OR just stick to NC till she reaches out?
@Jared, I think you should stick to NC. she has asked for time, you must respect that. And you must get yourself into an emotionally stable place within this time so that you can deal with what may or not may not come. Read the plan again, read WHY you do NC and what you should do in that time. There is no point doing NC if you are not going to make improvements to yourself, because you will still be the same person to her now as you were when you broke up. Time is a great healer, it sucks, but it does work. You must work on yourself in this time and stop focusing everything on your ex. You must respect her wishes and time for you is good too. Try not to look at it as a bad thing, it can be a positive thing if you do the right things within that time.
@KD1988 I understand that completely and i have been. The thing is tho, She made sure to tell me, my parents, and ME again that its nothing i did wrong and she doesnt want me to think that. She might not want me to change myself at all, u know what i mean? I have already changed a bit with some stuff i always knew bothered her about me. It was little things tho. Nothing big that she HATED. So really i agree with you saying she needs time and that she even said she would reach out. The only trouble im having on my end is confusion basically. No one on her end or mine has any idea why we broke up. I have nothing to hold on to. Something i know i need to fix. Ya know?
I also have a letter all rdy and stuff, but its a goodbye letter. I dont want her to think that im really done. I want it to scare her if anything. Its from my heart and i wrote it a thousand times to get it right. I dont know if i should send it tho. Saturday will be 30 NC with only one txt in between. So 3 Weeks NC actually.
@Jared, I didn’t mean go and change yourself. Just your MIND. You don’t need to change who you are as a person. But you’ve got to give yourself some time. Maybe 30 days isn’t long enough. After two weeks NC I was feeling better, I have bad days yeah, but on the whole I feel a lot better about things. I know what mistakes I made, I ACCEPT the break up and can now understand why he broke up with me. Whereas before, I wasn’t prepared to accept anything. This is just by giving myself some time and making a few changes in my life. I still would love to get back together with my ex, but I have also accepted that for me, the chance of that happening is slim. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up on him, or given up on myself, it’s just accepting what reality might be. And Until you get to that stage, I would be really careful what you say to her. Because she will know straight away just from what you say what state you are in. I have my letter all ready to send, I have been putting it off for a few days now as I want to be fully sure that if I was to get a text from him saying “I still think the same as I did before” or something, then I would be ok with that. And I can say now honestly I would be, it would hurt, of course, but I would be ok accepting it. This is why you must take time to focus on yourself.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.