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Ive been there and its completely normal your emotions are all over the place. In my opinion you have to become stronger at the end of NC and be ready to start communicating. I dont want to be harsh, but in my opinion things wont get better after finishing NC. Creating a false friendship when you are still in love is even harder than being in NC.
Currently im in the false friendship phase and want to scream how I feel, but im too scared it will backfire on you. In NC the risk is even bigger and if you start communicating too early you take the risk you will never get close to your ex. Be patient, cry if you like but stick to the plan. Tomorrow you will feel better.
Wow, what a mean cousin! And the fact that your husband did that to you, not nice but i guess we all make mistakes and have regrets! Sometimes it’s best to forgive and forget.
I think he does miss me, but small voices in my head keep coming back and saying “no no, he doesnt miss you.. he’s sooo good without you. Now he can do as he pleases”.. I really hope that I wont feel like this for next 6 months or however long I need to work to get him back 🙁
@Funkylicious: Thanks so much for your input! Is the best tactic always to start a false friendship? I was actually contemplating trying to follow my heart and not try the falsefriendship but rather try and casually date him (without him knowing we’re dating).. And if that doesnt work, give him more NC and then try the falsefriendship out.
How is your falsefriendship going besides the fact that you feel horrible? Is your ex taking the hint that it’s all for show or no?I agree with you 100%. I feel the same way. Yeah, the messed up part was that she “was trying” to help”, and I asked her to stop talking to him and she said she would, then I found out that they were talking behind my back and none told me. Also we grew up together since we were little and for her to do that really hurt, but i’m not concern about her. unfortunately I had a nightmare with her and my husband, that she was trying to use my jealousy against me. lol, thank God it was just a nightmare. funny thing is she had just left her husband of 12 years around the same time as well. but at the end getting my husband back is all that matter to me. not communication with her.
funkylicious how did you start communication with your ex? did you write the letter or text? what did you write in the letter or text and did he respond? did you go out on a date? can you tell us about your whole situation? thanks
also of course he misses you. 🙂 but remember it’s only for 1 month or so, lol, so take it one day at a time. you’ll be ok, 🙂
Cassie/aams I send a letter and waited for her reaction. I wrote about it in the following topic: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/after-nc-period/
Currently it feels like im at a dead end in the false friendship getting different signals everyday. Im sure she loves me and she even said its beatiful we have been doing so great for the last two weeks. However, she still pressure me to move forward and sell the house. If you like to read more about the problems I have faced, you can click on my name and see all the topics I have created. Perhaps you will find some answers in it.
I think creating a false friendship is the way to go and allows you to come closer to your ex. After sending a text or letter be patient. If he contacts you try to plan a meeting to close the distance of the false friendship. In this phase you need to pay attention to thr signals you are getting but dont fool yourself.
what do you mean by: In this phase you need to pay attention to thr signals you are getting but dont fool yourself. what type of signals? this sounds preety hard. also you mean plan a face to face meeting? what if he doesn’t react or contact me after the letter/text? thanks I’m going to keep browsing through your topics. thanks again.
You need to pay attention whether you get signals like they still have feelings for you or not. In my situation, I have the feeling she maintains contact to get things done (asking for my car, saying we need to sell the house, etc.) Because you still have feelings its probably hard to stay objective. Thats why I said dont fool yourself. Try to be realistic and take it how it goes.
Im sure he will react to your letter. If he doesnt dont panic, your ex doesnt own you anything. Just wait 5 days and send a text message.
I see, thanks for explaining. now I have a question, how do you know when the right time to contact your ex is? I read Kevin’s email about timing and it really scared me. I miss him so much and need him back in my life already. this sucks it’s so hard. did you ever go on a date before contacting your ex and how long did you wait before contacting her? also don’t let her walk all over you, like the article says in part one. 🙂 keep your head up.
Hi aamls,
In my opinion it’s the right time when you feel strong enough to talk to your ex without showing neediness. You should be in charge and take the lead when you talk to your ex (have fun, talk about what’s going on, etc., but don’t mention anything about the break-up for the time being). Show him the new version of you and he should notice your improvements. I contacted my ex after one month of NC, but I should have waited a bit longer.
Actually, I went on more than one date before contacting my ex. It gave confident and also created some distance between me and my ex. That’s exactly what you need when you face your ex. However, it was helpful for the first two meetings but after that it became harder because my feelings were all over the place and it’s hard to keep the false-friendship and stay patient. I’m now planning to tell her all my feelings and see how it goes.
Cassie,
It honestly seems like his a bit confused about what is going on. Seems like he just needs some time for himself to figure things out! Show him that you care etc, BUT don’t be there for him. Go for NC and change your style a bit! Like, get a new haircut, buy new clothes and show him you’re having a great time and that YOU’RE HAPPY. If you have been depressed or negative around him he has gotten tired.. He needs to see the spark in you where you can be positive and show him that his missing out of something really great here. Don’t date anyone else though.. Don’t start talking to boys to get his attention, don’t make him jealous.. Because I’m pretty sure it will backfire. It did with me.
“I ended up telling him “lets just break up” not expecting to him to actually do it but he did. I begged him to take me back!”
The same thing happened with me, I called her, was so mad because she refused to believe me about something stupid, was a stupid thing nothing serious called her and said : “I think we should just break up, I don’t want this anymore..” And she said: “okay, you’re right”..
She started saying she had lost feelings for me etc on the phone, it hurt me, but it was my fault. And I started being pathetic and needy which drove her even more away from me.Just do NC 1 month, if he doesn’t contact you after 1 month, then contact him. Ask him if he wants to do something with you, do something that he likes though! You probably know what he loves doing, so do that with him. And if he says “I can’t do this.. Sorry” tell him that it isn’t a date, just something so you two could catch up as friends. DON’T INDICATE that it’s a date even if it is.. Show him the new you! And show him why he felt in love with you in the first place! YOU got this! Honestly, your situation is good! Nothing to worry about!
@funkylicious, thanks for the input. Good luck with letting her know how you feel, you seem brave enough to do it, something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing in fear of rejection. let us know how it goes. 🙂
@clear can you read my story and give me your input? Cassie suggested to date first as well, I’m kinda confused, thanks.
Thanks for the support, clear! I really appreciate it 🙂
I’m already planning what to do when NC is over. Back when we met I promised him tickets to a football game but tickets were sold out but now i finally managed to get some. I’m thinking of leaving the 2 tickets in his mailbox with a note saying “You may not remember, but when we first met I promised you these tickets. Back then they were sold out but now managed to get some. I hope you’ll bring me.”
Is it too much? Back then I was always so so nice to him and thats why he fell for me. I’d get up at 4 in the morning to make him bacon and eggs eventhough i didnt have to get up untill 9. I want to show him that thats still me.
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