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Hi guys!
I have a question about what to do after successfully initiating a false-friend relationship. After the break-up I was a mess for 2 months but I did a lot of things with friends. I did NC for 30 days and last weekend I have send my ex-girlfriend a letter saying I am OK with the breakup, apologized for my behavior and told something positive happened in my life.
She responded the same day saying thank you for the letter. She also said she was confused and asked if I want to move forward splitting up the assets and make plans to sell or takeover the house. I responded that I want to wait before making such decision and she basically agreed on that but wants to talk about it next week. We don’t live together since the break-up.
After initiating the false-friendship she told me that it’s nice that we can communicate again and I agreed on that. She also told me she’s going on a short vacation. This interrupt my plan to close the distance of the false-friendship by meeting her. However, right before she went on vacation she was knocking on the door saying she needed to pick-up some stuff.
It was the first time I have seen her in almost 1,5 month. It felt good and I am sure she noticed that I have become more positive men and enjoy life more than before (one of the reason we broke is because we ended doing nice things together after being together for 5 years). She didnt really felt comfortable I believe; it was hard for her to look into my eyes. It was like I was in control which is the opposite after the break-up.
Now here is the point, should I give her some space adjusting to the idea that we can communicate again or is it ok that I can send some short messages to her? I don’t want to ruin the close distance of the false-friendship but I want the communication channel to stay open. Perhaps it’s better to wait for her to send a message and make small steps without getting too excited about successfully initiating the first move on communicating with her again… Im excited that she responded so well to the false friendship. Please share some thoughts
Hey,
First of all congratulations!!!!You finished the one of the most important parts of the plan.I suggest you to wait for her to contact you.Give it 2 weeks and then contact her again with one of the text versions mentioned in the article.
Best of LuckThanks for your answer. Are you sure about the two weeks? I thought the text message is used a few days after sending a letter?
My opinion I’d definitely wait.
Time frame in this situation I really have no answer except waiting at least a couple days. For sure.
Fact:
She’s thinking about you right now 100%. Analyzing. Seeing if your going to contact. Anticipating your going to contact this day or that day. And when you don’t, it’ll bother her and get her attention in the right way.
If you contact her right away, you lose power in my opinion.
I don’t know maybe the 2 weeks thing is about weekends? And people ponder what the other is up to on weekends? First weekend nothing (maybe he was busy) second weekend (why hasn’t he contacted me) ?
Then in that case yeah it makes since to wait 2 weeks
Thanks! She contacted me within one week and we had a face to face meeting. It was like old times and we talked about various topics going on in our lifes. We didnt go over the relationship but she did ask of I accepted the breakup. I accepted which was hard but I assume thats the way to go.
It think we now have created a solid friendship and we can meet more often. Its a good thing, but also hard to do since my love is very strong for her.
I quess I need to find ways to build atraction. In this phase, should I still wait for her to reach out? Or is it ok that I take Some initiative?
You can contact her but you should act like friends.Play it cool and take it slow.Be patient and do not be the one who initiates contact all the times.Let her chase you sometimes.
Thanks! This board is really wonderful and I love it. Sometimes being patient drives me crazy. I found this false friendship phase even harder than the NC. It makes it harder because most friends and family dont understand you are still trying or being nice tot the one who broke your heart. Sounds familiar to anyone?
Guys, there are some topics on my mind. Coupe you please share your thoughts on the following:
– We bought a house together but we are not living together since the break-up. Its been 3 months she stayed with family but she cant stay there any longer. She asked if she can stay in the house for 1 month on her own. I can stay at my family and are willing to give her the house for a short period of time. Like she did after the break-up we Will share the costs of the house. Other people tell me I would be crazy if I do this, but I know in the past she was always on the move (she left home when she was 12 and never got a home for a long period).
– After 3 months she finally made an appointment to see a psychologist. She has a lot of issues from the past to deal with. Guess I can only say im willing to support her.
– Its her birthday in a few days. Should I make a small call?There are also other demands she has but I guess I shouldnt agree to all of them.
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