My NC: Struggles and Insights

Would really appreciate any and all advice 🙂

Thanks for the feedback manishx, it’s greatly appreciated.

I thought about sending her an email after 30 days of NC, but I know I shouldn’t, I know she needs to be the one to contact me; she asked me to give her space cuz I was overwhelming, and I have to respect that, because if I don’t, then I really don’t deserve to be with her.

I’ve come to the conclusion that while I’m not giving up on us, I am letting her go, and maybe one day she’ll come back, or not, only time will tell.

It’s my 20th day of NC and I do feel much better, but there’s this lurking fear that’s gnawing inside me- once, I was scared that we’ll never get back, and while that still can be the case, I’ve made my peace with her. This new fear is that she’ll become a memory and nothing more; I know I want her in my life, and I know I can’t handle being friends with her, but if after all this time all I have left of her is just a memory, well, wouldn’t that just be incredibly sad?

Yeah, I’ve really come to realize things are gonna be alright, and the last 10 days (out of 21 of NC) have actually even seriously great. Of course she’s still on my mind, but not like before, which is good.

My problem is as before, I just wanna write her a bit, see how she’s doing. I’m nowhere near writing a magic letter (though I do have an idea what to write), but it’s just been a long time and I hope she misses me.

Of course, I know she should be the one to initiate things, but I don’t know, I’m afraid if time passes by, we might lose the momentum and a chance to get back. But then again, she asked for time…so overall, I’m doing well, but kinda uncertain if I should stay away from her.

atea! It’s so good to hear from you!

I’m doing quite well; in a different thread I wrote how a school-friend of my ex hit on me at a party (pretty sure she didn’t know who I was), but seeing how doing something with it would’ve hurt my ex, I didn’t do anything. But it was a nice ego boost right there, and another example how there are other girls out there.

I’ve decided that while I’m not giving up on us, I am letting her go, and maybe we’ll get together once more, but right now we need some time off.

I hope you’re feeling better! I wanted to write more in your thread but didn’t wanna barge in without asking (looks like you got yourself a great, supportive group there).

So it’s a great time to ask two things- first, how have you actually been? Are things feeling a little better? And second, will it be ok if I “joined” your group thread?

The “emotional roller coaster” is exactly what made me realize how much I don’t wanna feel like that. A week ago I talked to a friend of mine whom I know for like 14 years, and he told me that during all our years of knowing one another, he always admires my rationality and pragmatism, and he doesn’t understand where that person has gone.

And just like that, I realized I don’t wanna be that guy anymore.

I’m still at work at the moment so I’ll read it once I’m done here.

But, while the whole 5 months dating/3 months broken up isn’t ideal, the fact he was the one to initiate a meet up is, in my opinion, a great thing!

I think you that when you meet up, be cool like you are. Don’t get your hopes super high, cuz if it’s not what you expected, it’ll bring you down, and who wants that? (Speaking from personal, shitty experience here).

Just go, have a good time, and figure out later if this is going to the place you want it to go. But be the one to decided that, not him.

Hey mr anderson, thanks for your input!

A little update:

So, I saw her yesterday coming out the gym we both work out in just as I was coming in. I said something like “Wow, how’s it going?” and we had a short conversation. A few hours after that she messaged me- “I forgot to ask- why did you say “wow” when we met up?”; I explained to her that I wasn’t expecting meeting her there, and since it’s been like a month since we last met/talked, it was a pleasant surprise.

She told me she didn’t understand if that was a good wow or bad wow, since she came out all sweaty and red-faced from her work out. I explained that obviously, a “wow” regarding her can’t be bad, after which I asked if we could talk a bit on the phone, took a bit of convincing but eventually we talked.

It was nice, and at some point I told her about something that kinda bothered me- 2 weeks ago there was a school party for our faculty (we study at the same faculty- me, accounting, her, business management), and I went there expecting to see her; she wasn’t there. Instead, a school friend of her, who I’m pretty sure didn’t know who I was hit on me, I didn’t do anything because first, it felt like the wrong thing to do, that it might her hurt my ex, and second, because right now I’m really not in a phase where I want a fling, nor am I ready to let someone new into my life.
I told her all of that, she said too bad, that she’d be glad to know I moved on etc…

A few minutes later she messaged me the following- “I can’t believe even after 6 months you keep lying to me. If you didn’t want her, why did you add her on facebook after the party?” and so forth. To which I responded that I added her earlier at the party, since she was nice and was chatting with my friends, and later on, when it was clear she got the wrong message, I kept my distance.

I think it helped cool her down or whatever, and I told her that, as she asked, I’ll keep my distance, not contact her, and respect her request, but I also said that if a day comes when she wants to fall in love again, I truly hope that door will remain open. We talked a bit more, then hung up.

That’s pretty much it. I would LOVE to hear your opinion of all of this mess. And if I may start by asking a question- when she first messaged me, I mean, why? Did she really need to know what that “wow” meant? was she seeking attention? Kinda confused right now, but, as I said, keeping my distance.

Thanks for reading all of this, it’s a lot and I truly appreciate it!